Pieces of April (2003)

  This had to be a Movie Club pick because I would never have chosen this.  Content warning: cancer

April (Katie Holmes) has invited her estranged family over for Thanksgiving.  But when her oven goes out while her boyfriend (Derek Luke) is out on an errand, April knocks on every door in their apartment complex, desperately trying to find an alternate stove.  

I would never have picked this because the synopsis didn't sound interesting, I don't particularly like Katie Holmes, and I really don't like micro-budget indie dramas about Feelings.  And I would have missed out.  This was super-relatable on a lot of levels.  I, too, have been the Child Who Left and I also have a Complicated Relationship with my mother.  I have tried to plan a dinner and been overwhelmed at the thought of cooking a whole-ass turkey because Things Just Have to Go Right or Else.  

Families are hard.  They're hard when you like them and more when you don't.  And we are nose-diving straight into Family Season here for the next two months.  So give yourself a break.  Take a breath, go low- or no-contact if you need to.  Just cause they birthed you doesn't obligate you to tolerate shit you wouldn't from a stranger.  Love them when and how you can.  Love yourself too.

This is streaming on Tubi, Roku, the CW channel, and PlutoTV.  All with ads.  Sorry.

The Phantom of the Paradise (1974)

  This movie is bananapants bonkers and I don't know if I love it for itself as much as I love the idea of inflicting it on others.  But I love the latter reason a whole lot.  Content warning:  drug use, mild gore

Winslow Leach (William Finley) has spent his life writing a major cantata of the story of Faust only to see it stolen and bastardized by pop music impresario Swan (Paul Williams).  Discredited, disfigured, and disgusted, Leach sets out to sabotage Swan's music palace, The Paradise, only to succumb to the lure of fame and the talent of Phoenix (Jessica Harper), his muse and unrequited love.  But when Swan sets his greedy sights on Phoenix, Winslow knows he must destroy the monster once and for all.

There is A LOT to unpack in this movie.  It is Faust, Phantom of the Opera, The Picture of Dorian Grey, and a searing satire of Phil Specter and the history of rock-n-roll all tossed in a blender with a fuckload of cocaine and directed by giallo-noir pioneer Brian DePalma with a soundtrack of parody and an actual Faust musical written by the Muppets' "Rainbow Connection" guy who is also the villain of the movie.  Somehow it came out a year before Rocky Horror which feels like the fakest part but is true.  

In the words of the prophet Stefani, it is B-A-N-A-N-A-S.  

This was a major flop that has become kind of a cult classic but still isn't hugely known.  It's streaming on Amazon Prime and words truly do not do it justice.  If you liked Rocky Horror and its very lesser-known sequel, Shock Treatment, this will feel like a long-lost sister film.  If you didn't, stay far away.  

Venom 3: The Last Dance (2024)

  I saw this in October but my posting schedule was so packed I didn't want it to get lost in the shuffle.

Eddie Brock (Tom Hardy) and his symbiote Venom (also Tom Hardy) are on the run after things went pear-shaped in San Francisco.  Not only are they wanted by law enforcement in several states, they are also being hunted by an inter-dimensional monster called a Phage that wants them to unlock the astral prison of Nhull (Andy Serkis), the evil god of symbiotes.  

Normally, I think you can walk into a superhero movie with basic knowledge and you'll be fine.  This is not one of those times.  I don't know if I was just at my processing capacity for the week or if it had been too long between installments, but I needed a primer.  So make sure you refresh yourself on the previous two movies as well as the mid-credit sequence from No Way Home before you fire this up.  I think it will help a lot.

On its own merit, this is probably the weakest entry and I'm a little sad this is how it's going out, since it started so strong.  It felt wishy-washy and unsure of its direction which kind of also works as a metaphor for Sony-owned Marvel properties as a whole.  

When the movie works, it does so because of Tom Hardy's dual performance as Eddie interacting with Venom.  There's still magic there.  Everything else feels tacked on and generic.  It's still in theaters but it'll be coming out on streaming for the holiday season I would imagine.

The Unsinkable Molly Brown (1964)

  This wasn't nearly as good as I thought it would be.  

Molly (Debbie Reynolds) grew up poor and uneducated in the hinterlands of Colorado but determined that she was going to make something of herself... by becoming a rich man's wife.  John J. Brown (Harve Presnell) is technically rich but he doesn't care enough to show it.  He decides to woo Molly based on her personality but she very quickly informs him that he's going to have to put up or shut up.  So he becomes the richest man in the U.S.  Molly now has her dream of financial security, but it doesn't come with social inclusion.  The head of Denver society, Mrs. Gladys McGraw (Audrey Christie), has decided the Browns are too crass to associate with and given them the cut direct.  So Molly goes to Europe to gain a little sophistication, hobnobbing with aristocrats charmed by her directness and willingness to pick up the check.  But J.J. is tired of it.  He only ever participated to make Molly happy and as soon as he realized that was an ever-shifting goalpost, he was out.  Molly has to choose between her marriage and her posh friends, deciding once and for all what she really wants out of life.

Honestly, I was shocked anyone liked this broad.  Reynolds was almost terminally charming in real life but she grated on my nerves in this role.  She is the main character but all the big songs are given to Presnell.  For an introductory role!  And the songs themselves are terrible!  Repetitive and boring.  Reynolds deserved better than this.  Ed Begley, Sr. and Hermione Baddeley try but can't lift this movie out of the mire.  It's streaming for free on Tubi and I'd still like my money back.

In other news, I watched season 2 of Cheers, which still holds up pretty well, and season 1 of What We Do in the Shadows.  I liked it more than the movie so I'll probably watch season 2 eventually.  

Pearl Harbor (2001)

  The veterans and victims of Pearl Harbor deserved better than this.  Content warning:  war violence, blood

Two best friends, Rafe (Ben Affleck) and Danny (Josh Hartnett), join the Navy to become pilots.  Rafe chafes at being stuck stateside while war ravages Europe and takes an assignment to join the RAF in England, leaving his girl, Evelyn (Kate Beckinsale), behind.  Danny gets stationed in Hawaii and lo and behold, so does Evelyn.  Rafe gets shot down, presumed dead, and in their grief, Danny and Evelyn turn to each other.  Rafe returns, is unreasonably angry that people moved on, and throws the whole relationship into disarray.  Then the Japanese launch a surprise attack against the U.S. Navy ships stationed in Pearl Harbor in retaliation for cutting Japan's access to heating oil and suddenly, this love triangle seems a lot less important.

There's a decent Pearl Harbor film buried somewhere beneath the tons of melodramatic crap in this movie, but it would take a team of skilled editors to find it.  It was apparently written by Randall Wallace, the writer of Braveheart, a film whose dialogue is also silly and overwrought but carried far better by its actors.  I get that he was probably trying for Douglas Sirk melodrama levels but come on.  That's like comparing a toddler crying in a tutu to the Bolshoi.  

You know how I feel about Michael Bay.  

This is a three-hour bloated mess of tragedy porn and it's currently streaming on Hulu.

Paterson (2016)

  This was one of the most boring movies I've ever watched.  I hated every minute of Paterson but I loved Perfect Days.  Go figure.

Paterson (Adam Driver) is a bus driver in Paterson, New Jersey.  He leads a quiet, simple life with his artistic girlfriend (Golshifteh Farahani) and her horrible bulldog, Marvin (Nellie).  He drives the bus, listens to the passengers, writes his poetry, and goes home to listen to his girlfriend's newest hare-brained idea to get money and fame.  

I think I figured it out.  Hirayama from Perfect Days genuinely enjoyed his life, while Paterson seems to be silently screaming the whole time.  Could be wrong.  Could have been my circumstances coloring my interpretation, but that's my take.  Paterson hates his life and won't or can't change.  The difference between what Jim Jarmusch and Wim Wenders find interesting, I guess.  Really boils down their entire careers to Despair and Hope, respectively.  

Your enjoyment of this movie will hinge on whether you find it relatable, I'm guessing.  And how much you enjoy free word poetry, quirky desperation, and zero plot.  For me, that was zero amounts.  But it's streaming on Amazon Prime so you can check it out and see your own tolerance levels.  (Perfect Days is on Hulu.  Just sayin'.)

Ladder 49 (2004)

  A Travolta double-feature.  Remember when we didn't know he was a sex pest?  Good times.  

A decorated Baltimore firefighter (Joaquin Phoenix) is trapped in a burning building reliving memories of his life and career while his fellow firefighters work to rescue him.

This movie is fine.  It's a legacy Christy movie that I added to my queue in 2014 that I'm only just now getting to because it's been pretty hard to find.  Probably because it's not a standout in any way.  It is a minor entry in both main actors' resumés.  

Phoenix and Travolta are fine in this.  It doesn't demand a lot from them.  Robert Patrick, Morris Chesnutt, and Billy Burke support, along with a host of other That Guy actors.  The tone borders hagiographic, especially as it reaches the finale.  May or may not be a turn-off for you, depending on how you feel about public services.  I guess I thought it was going to be more like Backdraft, but there's really nothing similar (other than the obvious firefighting angle).

It's a weepy drama featuring manly men doing manly things while the one (1) female character stays firmly in the background.  Don't pay money to see this.  Use your VPN.