Drive (2011)

I've softened my stance on this movie slightly.  I no longer actively hate it.  Yes, it is still slow and yes, I still think Gosling is miscast (he and Oscar Isaac should have swapped) but it's fine.  

Here's the thing, though.  I don't think my opinion changed because of the movie itself.  It was because I saw the utter nonsense men went through to praise it.  For a little while, a subset of men online lost their minds over this movie and that is extremely funny to me if you actually watch it.  It speaks to a very specific male fantasy of being Cool and being Loved but not having any actual responsibility or doing anything to make that happen.  The Driver (still stupid) is good at one specific thing, for which he receives very little recognition and almost no compensation.  His mentor/the only other man he knows (Bryan Cranston) is weak, literally disabled, and cringes constantly in the face of power while The Driver remains cool and detached.  But Cranston's character is the one managing The Driver's entire life.  He's the one who books the jobs, gets the cars, and does all the boring, administrative stuff that keeps the lights on so Driver can just show up and take the keys.  

Carey Mulligan's character is a damsel in distress so he gets to be her rescuer but doesn't have to do any of the day-to-day relationship work (i.e., what makes a relationship work) because she's married to a different, weak man.  He can babysit her cute little kid without ever having to actually be a parent.  And in the Ultimate Grand Gesture, he takes on the entire mob (okay, one guy with a knife collection from Temu) in order to free her from her husband's shitty decisions.  It's the façade of independence.  Like how every housecat secretly believes it's a tiger.

And none of that is the movie's fault.  It's just underwritten, probably to make more room for car chases.  If you are into style over substance, though, this is probably a decent enough watch.  It's currently streaming on PlutoTV with ads.  Originally posted 06 Feb 2012.  Nominated for Best Sound Editing   I do not understand how a movie this violent can be this boring.  The violence is very thorough but I just didn't believe Ryan Gosling as a badass.  His voice is too soft.  Romantic lead?  Sure, no problem.  Quiet political thriller?  Ok, I'll buy that.  Ruthless getaway driver?  Not so much.

He doesn't even have a name.  He's just listed as Driver.  People!  It is only cool when Clint Eastwood does it!  Anyway, 'Driver' is a part-time stunt man, a mechanic and moonlights as a getaway driver for petty larceny.  He's like The Transporter but with less personality.  His pretty young neighbor, Irene (Carey Mulligan), has car trouble so he strikes up a friendship with her.  Her husband, Standard (Oscar Isaac), gets out of jail and plans to go straight.  Unfortunately, he owes some people protection money and they want him to rob a pawn shop.  Of course, Driver steps in to be his...driver.  The heist goes horribly wrong and Standard gets killed.  Driver goes after the people behind the heist in order to protect Irene and her son.

This movie had a ton of talent in it from Albert Brooks, playing way against type, to Christina Hendricks, who's in it for a hot minute.  She is a very pretty woman and they do not show her to advantage.  Honestly, I thought everyone in the movie did a great job except Ryan Gosling.  He's just not hardened enough for me.  I thought the soundtrack was like an 80's remix and didn't really suit the movie at all.  As far as sound editing, I don't know enough about the technical aspects to really judge.

Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure (1989)

This continues to be a surprisingly smart "stupid" movie.  This time I noticed that they made Napoleon seem like a total dick, but so did Ridley Scott, so...  Originally posted 01 Feb 2012.    I hadn't seen this movie in ages.  Probably not since middle school. 

Bill (Alex Winters) and Ted (Keanu Reeves) are high schoolers convinced that their band, Wyld Stallyons, will be the Next Great Thing.  As soon as they can get Van Halen on guitar.  Oh, and possibly learn how to play themselves.  But things do not look rosy as they are about to fail their history final and if they do, Ted's father (Hal Landon, Jr.) is sending him to a military school in Alaska.  Not to worry, though, because the boys are getting a little help from the future in the form of Rufus (George Carlin) and his time-traveling phone booth.  See, if Wyld Stallyons gets broken up, the future he comes from will not exist.  So the guys zip across space-time, kidnapping historical figures like Socrates (Tony Steedman), Billy the Kid (Dan Shor), Napoleon (Terry Camilliari), and Joan of Arc (Jane Wiedlin).  But will time run out before they can give their report?

I never noticed when I watched it as a kid that all the "historical" figures were restricted by language.  Socrates only speaks Greek, Napoleon only speaks French, Freud speaks English and German and so forth.  It's a small detail but a cute one and bravo to the film-makers for including it.  Granted, this movie is just a harmless piece of 80's frippery and you should definitely not expect mind-blowing things from it but it is still fun to watch.  There were a couple of lines that startled a laugh out of me but I'll admit that I'm not the target audience, nor have I ever been.  This was purely nostalgic for me.

Her (2013)

File this under films hit by Apollo's dodgeball of prophecy.  Now a decade later and there's an entire subreddit for people who are in love with their AIs.  And it's still just as pathetic.  I can't believe how initially hopeful I was when I posted this.  Holy shit.  I didn't have a clue.  

The current LLM nightmare of data centers stealing water, tech billionaires begging for government handouts because their bubble is about to burst around them, and the sheer glee people have ceding their critical thinking skills to a plagiarizing TI-80 makes this movie seem like a prequel to Wall-E.   **SPOILER ALERT**  At least in this, the AIs eventually become aware enough to cut bait and leave us to our own devices.  **END SPOILERS**  Yes, I do hate the clankers, why do you ask?  It's available to rent or buy.  Originally posted 01 Mar 2014.

Nominated for:  Best Picture, Best Original Score, Best Original Song, Best Production Design, and Best Original Screenplay    Every once in a while, the Academy picks a nominee for Best Picture that presents an idea so novel you just can't help talking about it.  It forces you to consider thoughts you held about a subject and challenges your perceptions.  That's probably why it will lose the statue but this is the first Best Picture nominee of the year that actually made me remember that motion pictures are an art form, and art is meant to provoke.

Theodore Twombly (Joaquin Phoenix) is going through a rough time.  He is trying to move on from his last relationship but isn't ready to sign his divorce papers.  He's lonely, withdrawn, and depressed.  Then he sees an ad for an AI personal assistant that promises a fully-formed artificial consciousness tailor-made to his specifications.  Her name is Samantha (Scarlett Johansson).  Initially just looking for novelty, Theodore soon finds that Samantha is integral to his life.  She is bright, bubbly, helpful, and sees the world through a fresh pair of eyes.  Soon enough, in fact, Theodore starts to fall in love but telling people you are dating an OS is the definition of "it's complicated".

This movie is so much more than some dude in love with a phone.  It highlights emotional reality, i.e. can emotions be genuine if they are not shared with another human.  Do you need a body to have a relationship?  Of course not.  Enough people date online to make that an easy pill to swallow.

For me, the main point of this movie was how willing we are to limit our love.  It is exceptionally difficult to know that your partner has completely outgrown you, has evolved without you into a totally different class of consciousness.  We prune our love down to an amount we're comfortable with, instead of encouraging it to grow and encompass the whole world.  Maybe then love wouldn't be something anxiously awaited and jealously guarded as if it only came around once in a lifetime.

So, after all that, let me ruin everything and say that I didn't actually like this movie.  I loved the ideas it brings up but the movie itself is slow with a color palette that needed anti-depressants, and irritating characters, especially Theodore Twombly.  What a sad sack.  The vision of the near-future is pretty neat, though.  Best Picture?  No.  Best Score or Song?  No.  Production Design is a maybe, but I would definitely pick it for Best Original Screenplay right now.

Total Recall (1990)

In honor of Movie Club, I'm reposting this.  Originally posted 08 Jul 2012.    I know, it's practically a crime for me to have never seen this film, especially since the remake is coming out in about a month.  I remember flipping channels when I was a kid and seeing the part where he cracks his facemask on Mars and his eyeballs bug out and it completely creeped me out so I changed the channel.  The image stayed with me, though, as my young brain filed away moments like this for a later date when I would be able to understand them.  Now I know that scene is literally right after the opening credits and is nothing more than a nightmare of the protagonist.

Doug Quaid (Arnold Schwarzenegger) is an average dude with a blue-collar job and a smoking hot wife (Sharon Stone).  He keeps having recurring dreams, however, about mountain climbing on Mars with a brunette.  His wife thinks it's a reaction to watching constant news of the Martian colonies struggling with rebellion and advises him to turn the TV off for a while.  But when Doug hears an ad for Rekall, a company specializing in implantable memories, he can't resist taking off for a little faux vacation.  He signs up for the deluxe "secret spy on Mars" package and next thing he knows is that he's been dumped in a cab with no memory of where he was.  Then a co-worker inexplicably tries to murder him, telling him that his life has just been a cover-up implanted over his real memories which had been erased.  Which are that he's a secret spy from Mars.

No wonder he sounds like he's gargling rocks.  The man's had so much brain work done it's amazing he can walk without drooling all over himself. 

Doug escapes by yelling and swinging wildly at the stunt people until they all fall over and runs home.  He tells his wife the whole story and she immediately also tries to murder him because, wouldn't you know it, she's an evil secret agent too and she's really married to some other guy (Michael Ironsides).  Doug manages to escape and pick up a briefcase containing a video message from ...himself, or the self he used to be named Hauser.  Hauser was a secret agent who turned on his boss, Cohaagen, the governor of Mars (Ronny Cox), and got caught.  But before his brain got wiped, he made this video tutorial for himself about how to stop Cohaagen's evil plans. 

Doug/Hauser goes to Mars and meets up with the rebellion in the form of Melina (Rachel Ticotin), a prostitute who looks remarkably similar to the woman he keeps dreaming about.  They get shot at a lot but such is the business of trying to stop an evil corporate overlord, right?  Except that there's no guarantee that this is anything other than the stay-cation Doug paid for. 

When I heard they were remaking this movie, I thought "oh, great, Conan wasn't enough?  We gotta have another Total Recall too?" but after seeing it, I think it's ripe for a reboot.  This version did the best it could with practical effects (by the legendary Rob Bottin) and some early blue screen but we can take it so much further now.  From what I've read, it looks like the new one is dropping the Mars angle completely, and also going back to the original source ("We Can Remember It for You Wholesale" by Philip K. Dick) for inspiration. 

I can see why this version has its fans because it's fun in a completely campy way but I'm now looking forward to seeing what the new one will be like.

Beautiful Creatures (2013)

Man, I did not remember more than a third of this movie, and nothing of the ending.  Ehrenreich continues to be the best thing about it.  He is effortlessly charming in a movie that rewards him not at all for it.  Englert is still stiff as a board but she did contribute a song to the soundtrack, I discovered.  Her character is written so blandly it's hard to hold her at fault.  Originally posted 27 May 2013.  This wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.  It's not great, but it didn't make me want to gouge out my eyes with a grapefruit spoon either.  

Ethan Wate (Alden Ehrenreich) has lived in the tiny South Carolina town of Gatlin his entire life.  A life that has been exceptionally boring until the arrival of Lena Duchannes (Alice Englert).  Lena is no ordinary girl, you see, as she comes from a family of magic users.  Every female of the family is chosen by either the Light or the Dark on their sixteenth birthday, without much in the way of say in the matter.  Lena's cousin Ridley (Emmy Rossum), for example, was chosen by the Dark and is now a man-eating, couture-wearing, Grade-A bitch on wheels.  Her family doesn't want Lena to go down the same path and they don't want her distracted by a cute boy just before the choice is made.

A lot of this movie made absolutely no sense and raised more questions than it answered.  I could probably look up answers, (I'm sure they're based on the book) but I don't care.  It's not worth that much interest.  The only thing that elevates this from Twilight is the charisma of its stars and much better dialogue.  Ehrenreich in particular manages to hold his own on screen with powerhouses like Emma Thompson, Viola Davis, and Jeremy Irons.  That's no mean feat.  Englert is a bit more generic as a leading lady but she's pretty and I'm sure she'll get work.

Anna Karenina (2012)

(This was supposed to go up on Saturday while I'm out of town but apparently you can't schedule a post for the future if you've already posted it, so do me a favor and don't read it until then, k?)

I know I said I wasn't going to watch it again, but there it was on my server.  I had forgotten how incredible the production design was.  I was less invested this time and was able to appreciate it much more as an art piece than an adaptation of a novel.  I still think the blond hair on ATJ is awful but the costumes and jewelry are a nice distraction from it.  

If you are a fan of Pining and Forbidden Love, this is probably right up there for you.  If you are a fan of shiny things and gilded trappings, congratulations on also being a magpie.  Originally posted 18 Feb 2013.

Nominated for:  Best Cinematography, Best Costumes, Best Original Score, and Best Production Design    This was an incredibly beautiful-looking film.  From opening credits to close, there was not a single frame that was not gorgeous.  It probably deserves every Oscar it's nominated for.  

I read the book a long time ago, back when I was going through my Russian novelist phase, and did not care for it.  This is actually what broke the phase if you want honesty.  Mild spoilers ahead.

Anna (Keira Knightley) is a Russian noblewoman who lives a life of luxury.  She gets called from St. Petersburg to Moscow by her brother (Matthew MacFadyen) after his affair with a governess.  He wants Anna to get his wife (Kelly Macdonald) to forgive him.  She is also happy to see her childhood friend Kitty (Alicia Vikander) who is about to be engaged to a young cavalry officer named Count Vronsky (Aaron Taylor-Johnson).  Unfortunately, the moment Vronsky sees Anna, all thoughts of Kitty are gone.  They have a torrid affair, bringing shame to Anna's straitlaced husband Karenin (Jude Law) and causing the lovers to be ostracized by polite society.

Drama, drama, drama.  This was like the trashiest soap opera of the 19th century.  It doesn't read as well today with the change in social mores on divorce, and Anna comes across more bi-polar than torn apart by love.  I felt like it was weird to see Aaron Taylor-Johnson as a love interest after Kick Ass and that blond hair was awful on him.  This was probably Jude Law's most unattractive movie as well, with the glasses and receding hairline, but he carried it better than his younger rival.  Christy said she found the movie hard to process as "Russian" since the entire cast was British, but that didn't bother me so much.  How many Russian actors can you name after all? 

Almost the entire production is set as though it was on a stage, which was a bold choice but an elegant one.  It really carries the feel of a Moulin Rouge! type of spectacle, minus the singing.  I don't think I could watch it again because it's depressing as hell, but Christy said she'd most likely end up buying it because it's so beautifully shot.

An American Werewolf in London (1981)

Finally got Bethany to see this!  Only took three years!  Reposted 01 Jul 2017.  Why does it seem like I am always showing this to people who have never seen it before?  This have changed since 2012 but some things remain the same, like the number of sheltered people who have been deprived of seeing this film until they met me.  With that said, I'm going to introduce two new characters to this blog:  Tyler, my new boyfriend, and Bethany, my work wife.  Neither one of them has ever seen this movie because they are millennials and just don't know what they're missing.  Well, I managed to fix one of them.  Bethany, you are next!  I'm keeping a list in order to further your education.  Anyway, below is my original review.  It still stands.  Especially the shunning.  Originally posted 15 Jul 12.   

Now we're back in business!  While Rob is busy going where no man has gone before (and boldly, at that), I am taking a moonlit stroll right into werewolf country.  I had bought the Legacy editions of Dracula and The Wolf Man a long while ago and am very excited to finally break into the latter.  Of course, Rob has never seen the original Lon Chaney, Jr. classic and I'll show it to him, never you fear.  But I wanted him to see this one first, since it's basically the gold standard of transformation scenes.

Two American tourists, David (David Naughton) and Jack (Griffin Dunne), are backpacking through the English countryside when they are attacked on the moors by a vicious beast.  David is the only one who survives and is taken to London to recuperate.  While there, he starts seeing smoking hot nurse Alex (Jenny Agutter) and also having severe nightmares about monsters.  Also, his dead friend Jack keeps showinig up and telling him to kill himself.  David ignores him because, hey, there's no reason for both their vacations to be ruined, amirite?  Then David turns into a bloodthirsty mindless beast and terrorizes the city.

This was clearly a labor of love for John Landis, who wrote and directed it.  Rick Baker did amazing work making the werewolf look menacing instead of like a plush toy but, to me, his real genius came with the makeup work for Jack as he goes through various stages of decomposition.  It looks fucking disgusting and awesome which is exactly how it should look.

Own this movie.  Or I will shun you.

The Adjustment Bureau (2011)

I watched this again, now that I'm going back through my server.  I wasn't sure if it would hold up to a second viewing, but I actually liked it more this time around.  It's like an anti-rom-com.  The whole point of the Adjusters is trying to keep these two characters from seeing each other and I think that's hilarious.  Originally published 23 Oct 2011.    I wasn't completely sold on this movie from the trailers but it's pretty good.  It's funnier than I thought it would be.  The chemistry between the two leads is solid without being soap opera-y, which is a big thing when you're dealing with themes of destiny and The One.  Tip the scales the wrong way and you've turned it into a farce.

David Norris (Matt Damon) is a New York congressman who just lost a campaign for Senate.  On the cusp of giving his concession speech, he meets a ballet dancer named Elise (Emily Blunt).  She inspires him to give a great speech and then disappears.  A couple of weeks later, he sees her on a bus and they strike up a conversation.  Seems innocent enough, right?  Except David was never supposed to see her again.  Now his entire future is in jeopardy because of a shadowy, haberdashed group called The Adjusters.  They groom humanity along its rightful course according to the Plan.  Any deviations from the Plan are dealt with, unobtrusively if possible, definitively if not.  David needs a little help from a sympathetic Adjuster (Anthony Mackie) and a whole lot of luck if he wants the future he's dreaming of instead of the one that's been decided for him.

It's based on a story by Philip K. Dick, which makes a lot of sense, since it is a beautiful concept.  I'm sure writer/director/producer, George Nolfi, did a lot to polish it and develop the characters but all of my praise ultimately goes to Mr. Dick for so many of the great science fiction ideas of the last half century.

13 Assassins (2010)

Well, I finally made it all the way through the server and looped around back to the beginning.  I did buy this movie, FYI, and it's still just as glorious as it was when I first watched it.  Twitch is now a completely different website.  A lot of shit has changed over the decade.  I'm gearing up to doing a full Best of the Decade list instead of my usual best of the year.  It's just taking a long time.  

Everything I originally said about this movie still stands.  Originally posted 17 Oct 2011.      

I have been waiting for quite some time to see this one.  I read about it on Twitch ages ago.  If you're not familiar, Twitch is a great source of reviews and previews of Asian and festival films.  I don't think I've mentioned it before on the blog, but I've been waiting for a new job to start for almost a month and a half now.  On the one hand it's great because I get to watch a lot more movies than I had been, but on the other, it sucks because I have zero discretionary funds.  That means no going to the theater and no buying new films.  I either have to wait for it on Netflix, or beg Rob to get it.  This is one of the latter.

It is the tail end of the Edo era.  The age of samurai is waning and there has been peace under the Shogun.  However, the Shogun's younger half-brother, Lord Naritsugu (Goro Inagaki), threatens that peace by being a complete psycho.  Due to restrictions of honor, the Shogun can't have his brother 'taken care of', so one of his senior advisors takes the responsibility and contacts Shinzaemon Shimada (Koji Yakusho), a well-respected samurai to take out the evil Lord.  Shinzaemon puts together a team of 11 other samurai (they come across the last guy about halfway through the movie) to help him outwit his old schoolmate, Hanbei (Masachika Ichimura), Naritsugu's top general.

There is a ton of violence in this movie.  Almost the entire last hour of the film is one extended battle scene, which is awesome.  With 13 good guys it's a little difficult to remember all the character's names, but only about 5 of them have speaking parts so that helps.  There are a lot of similarities between this and Kurasawa's Seven Samurai which I hope are intentional homages and not just an ultra-bloody ripoff.

I plan on buying this one at some point when I start getting paid again.

The Dark Knight Rises (2012)

Tyler and I finally finished up the Nolan Batman trilogy.  He liked it but also felt like it was rough going.

Okay, so those two sentences were all I managed last weekend.  The good news is that I just got laid off so now I should have more free time in between crying jags and frantically searching for new jobs on CareerBuilder.com.  Look on the bright side, right?

Originally posted 24 Jul 2102.  7/2/13 So I rewatched this one now that Rob bought it on blu-ray.  I still think it was good, it just can't compare to its predecessor.    Again, I was in Alabama all weekend showing off Rob to my family, praying they wouldn't kill and eat him, and that's why there were no posts til now.  I'd like to say that I was doing it out of respect for the victims of the Colorado midnight premiere massacre (and I certainly will not be making light out of their tragedy) but it's because I was busy running around with family members.

Ironically enough, Christy, Rob and I did not go to the midnight showing in my small town because the last time Christy had gone to one a bomb threat was called in and she and her brother had to evacuate the theater.  So we had to wait until the next day.  And, yes, we went anyway because I will be damned if I let some asshole with Ronald McDonald hair keep me from seeing the finale to one of the best, if not the best, superhero series of all time. 

And don't get me started on that hair.  I am by no means a legal expert but I will guarangoddamntee you that fucker dyed his hair and told police he was "the Joker" as a pre-emptive plea for insanity in case he didn't get shot.  As if a real obsessed fan wouldn't know that the Joker's hair is GREEN, not red.  This is my argument for when those talking heads on TV bring up the inevitable "Are Violent Movies to Blame for the Ruining of Our Nation?!" claptrap.  There will always be nutcakes who use the excuse of outside stiumli being to blame for their fucked up actions.  It's not true.  It never has been.  I personally have known people who simply wanted to know what it felt like to kill another human being and acted on the impulse instead of ranting in a chatroom like a normal person.  They're in jail now.  (The victim made a full recovery, FYI.)  Are they still despicable?  Yes, but at least they didn't try and blame music or movies or video games for why they were the way they were.

I'm done now.  I didn't even really know I was going to spew all that out but it just makes me so mad.  This is why we can't have nice things!

The movie itself was about a hair's-breadth from Completely Depressing but was saved by one of the most kickass endings in cinema.  Despite being put through the ringer for nearly two and a half hours, we walked out of that theater starry-eyed and filled with hope.  I will endeavor to not have any spoilers.

It has been eight years since the events in The Dark Knight and Bruce Wayne (Christian Bale) has become a virtual shut-in.  During a memorial service celebrating the succes of the Dent Act, a saucy cat burgler (Anne Hathaway) breaks into his manor and lifts his fingerprints from a safe.  Meanwhile, a young policeman named John Blake (Joseph Gordon-Levitt) finds evidence of a terrorist army gathering under Gotham's streets in the sewer system, led by masked mercenary Bane (Tom Hardy).  In the absence of Batman's involvement, Bane manages to capture the entire city and hold it hostage.

Once again, this is not the uplifting part.  It gets really depressing.  Alfred (Michael Caine) in particular is a real Debbie Downer the whole movie.  But stick with it because, I promise you, the ending will make you a Nolan believer all over again.

The Curse of the Jade Scorpion (2001)

  What a horrible movie.  I'm not a big Woody Allen fan anyway but this was just gross.

C.W. Briggs (Woody Allen, aged 66 at filming) is a hotshot investigator at North Coast Insurance Company, known for recovering the unrecoverable and being an inveterate skirt-chaser.  His office nemesis is Betty-Anne Fitzgerald (Helen Hunt, 38), an efficiency expert brought in to bring North Coast up the the modern standards of 1940.  At a retirement party for a co-worker (Wallace Shawn), a hypnotist (David Ogden Stiers) puts Briggs and Fitzgerald into a trance and convinces them they are in love with each other.  Unbeknownst to the audience, the hypnotist is planning to use Briggs' and Fitzgerald's positions at the insurance company in order to rob wealthy families of their jewels.  Briggs is eventually suspected after the daughter of one of the elite (Charlize Theron, 26) angrily turns him in to the police after he refused to sleep with her because he was hypnotically tranced into going out on a second robbery.  On the lam, Briggs goes to Fitzgerald's and unknowingly witnesses her also under hypnosis.  Confused by her sudden affectionate turn, Briggs confides in his retired co-worker, who recalls the hypnotist's gag.

I'm not here to bemoan the constant age gap between male and female leads that is ubiquitous in Hollywood, even though I think it's ridiculous that audiences are supposed to believe a geriatric man is the love interest of a collegiate girl unless that is a specific plot point.  I am going to discuss how blatant and disgusting it is that a 66-year-old man specifically wrote and directed a movie casting himself as the love interest of not one, but three drastically younger women.  I left out Elizabeth Berkley (then either 27 or 29, depending on which birth year is real) as the wide-eyed object of office lust because she doesn't actually figure into the plot at all.  She's literally only in the movie to fawn over a man twice her age.

Honestly, it just makes the movie unnecessarily weird.  He could have cast literally anyone else as Briggs and it would have made for a better film.  I get that Woody Allen has never shied away from making himself the butt of a joke, and casting himself as a resoundingly macho chick magnet is supposed to be funny.  It is not.  Especially not when you Google anything about him as a person.

Alien (1979)

Every few years, I like to revisit some old favorites.  I actually watched this one twice in the span of a week because I ran into one of those sheltered bunker babies that had never seen it.  You know I had to remedy that.  It's the type of film you can do that with, too, because it is damn near perfect.  I think the extended director's cut is the way to go as a connoisseur, but as long as you're watching it I'm happy.  Originally posted 10 Dec 2011.    This is the original, the one that started it all.  Not as flashy as its sequels, but a damn solid movie.  It's been years since I've seen it and I had forgotten a lot of the suspense.  The way I remembered was that the first half was pretty slow, then chestburster, then Ripley moving through a bunch of steam vents with a flamethrower.  The End.  Rob had never seen it at all, even though he has seen all the other spin-offs.  He bought the new blue-ray anthology recently, though, and we cracked that bad boy open today.  It's way more intense than I remember.

The crew of the Nostromo is deep in hypersleep when their course back to Earth is rerouted by the computer.  It detected a signal coming from a nearby planet and the crew is obligated to check out any signs of alien life.  The team lands, damaging their ship slightly, and three of the crewmen head out to the signal's source.  It's a downed alien ship with a clearly long-dead alien at the helm.  In the hold are a ton of what appear to be eggs.  Kane (John Hurt) leans down to investigate...  Violating quarantine protocols, his body --with its weird facehugging creature attached-- is brought onboard.  The science officer, Ash (Ian Holm), wants to study it but Lt. Ripley (Sigourney Weaver) is in favor of jettisoning the entire body into space.  This proves to be an excellent course of action in hindsight, after the alien lifeform explodes from Kane's chest and escapes into the ship.  It grows into a killing machine and the remaining crew members find themselves at a severe disadvantage.

Seriously, I can't believe there are still people who have never seen this movie.  It's a classic in both sci-fi and horror.  Hell, when I was a kid, I couldn't even go through this portion of the Great Movie Ride at Disney World with my eyes open.  People can argue that the second one is really the better film, and I do love that one, but it's not a better movie.  It has more quotable lines and it is more like a straight-up action film but it cannot hold a candle to the sheer spine-crawling terror of the first movie.

Premium Rush (2012)

I wasn't really in the mood to watch something weighty or dramatic after I binge-watched the first season of Arrow on Netflix.  I needed a palate cleanser, something lighter and more upbeat.  Premium Rush was just what I was looking for.  The only problem I have is that (because it is a burned copy) there are no subtitles during what appears to be a fairly critical conversation between Jamie Chung's and Henry O's characters.  I'll probably end up trying to find a cheap copy on Amazon at some point in the future.  Originally posted 06 Jan 13.    When you hear the synopsis, this movie doesn't sound like much.

Bike messenger Wiley (Joseph Gordon-Levitt) runs afoul of crooked cop Detective Monday (Michael Shannon) and has to race around New York City to deliver a letter.

But that leaves out the Chinese gangsters, a human trafficking plot, and tons of death.  Seriously, they must have killed 100 extras. 

Nima (Jamie Chung) wants to bring her son over from China and has paid a human smuggler $50,000 to do so.  The receipt has to be in the snakehead's hand by 7 p.m. so she gives it to Wiley to courier across town.  Detective Monday needs that money to pay off his gambling debts so he chases Wiley all across the city. 

A slight effort after his turns in The Dark Knight Rises and Inception, but I'll watch JGL in just about anything.  This is a fun, fast-paced movie with a likeable cast.

Happy Feet Two (2011)

Back just before Rob and I broke up, I was concerned that he would take his server (with all the free movies and TV shows I had come to rely on) with him.  I started buying movies that I had seen on the server that I liked, in case I wanted to watch them again.  He ended up cloning me a copy of everything he had, which was very nice, so I didn't have to buy this but whatever.  Eventually, I'll figure out how to transfer all my movies to digital so I can use the shelves for books but that day is not today.

I don't really have anything extra to add about this movie.  It's still just as cute as when I originally saw it.  The message of global warming affecting the habitats of animals is much more subtle, compared to the first movie.  I know to notice this because my friend won't let her kids watch Happy Feet due to its "liberal agenda".  That is a true story.    Originally posted 5/12/14    I almost forgot to get this posted!  This is what happens when I get sucked into watching seasons of TV shows.  I've now gone through seasons one of Grimm and Hannibal, and seasons two and three of Chuck.  Hannibal was absolutely amazeballs and I can't wait to see the second season.

It took me this long to watch the sequel to Happy Feet because I was convinced it couldn't live up to its predecessor.  It does feel a little derivative, but the addition of some excellent supporting cast makes it worth buying.

Now happily married, Mumble (Elijah Wood) and Gloria (Alecia Moore aka P!nk) have their own chick, Erik (Ava Acres), who is struggling to find his place in the Emperor Penguin world.  He has not shown a talent for dance or singing and fears the ridicule of adults.  When Mumble's constantly-striking-out friend Ramon (Robin Williams) decides to go back to his own tribe, Erik and his two friends follow.  The Adelie Penguin tribe has discovered a new hero in the meantime, Sven (Hank Azaria), a mysterious Northern refugee who can fly.  Erik immediately becomes his biggest fan, much to Mumble's chagrin.  He shepherds the children home again, but discovers that a calved glacier has crashed into Emperor Land and trapped the rest of the penguins.  Without aid, they will all starve to death.

Ok, the best characters in the entire film are voiced by Brad Pitt and Matt Damon as a pair of krill, Will and Bill, who leave the safety of the swarm in search of adventure.  They don't get musical numbers but every scene with them is hilarious. 

Fright Night (2011)

I really like this film.  I bought it a while ago and wondered if it was just a one-time thing, you know, how you see something and you like it but then you see it again and you think "Ugh, what was I thinking?"  But no.  Still good.  Originally posted 22 Dec 13.    I was not expecting to like this movie.  I didn't like the original and I'm not a fan of Colin Farrell.  I was pleasantly surprised, however.  Not only did I enjoy the movie, I added it to my "must buy" list (but not until after Christmas.  Everyone knows you stop buying for yourself this time of year.)

Charlie (Anton Yelchin) is trying to survive high school.  It seems to be working out so far.  He's dating a hottie named Amy (Imogen Poots), he's ditched his loser best friend Ed (Christopher Mintz-Plasse), and is on his way to being cool.  Then a new neighbor moves in next door.  Jerry (Colin Farrell) works construction on the Las Vegas strip, necessitating blacked-out windows and a nocturnal schedule.  Ed, however, seems to think that Jerry is responsible for the disappearances of several families in the area.  He tries to convince Charlie that Jerry is a vampire, but since everyone agrees that Jerry is a terrible vampire name, no one believes him.  And then Ed goes missing.  Reluctantly, Charlie comes to accept that all is not right with his neighbor.  He seeks out vampire expert and Vegas showman Peter Vincent (David Tennant) to help him destroy the evil before it takes everything he loves.

I was enjoying this movie in a vague way until David Tennant showed up.  That's when I decided I had to own it.  If you've only ever seen him as the 10th Doctor, you are missing out.  Marti Noxon did the screenplay and, while that is probably not a household name for many of you, her writing is whip-smart.  She cut her teeth on TV shows like Angel and Buffy the Vampire Hunter then moved on to Mad Men and Glee.  These seems like disparate shows but they're all characterized by great dialogue.  Nothing feels forced or stilted and that goes a long way with a remake. 

The CGI gets a little dodgy in parts and the vampire faces are a little cartoonish, but overall, an excellent effort.

Mission: Impossible 3 (2006)

Even though I've already reviewed this, I thought it was important to see it again in the context of the rest of the franchise.  It's definitely better than the second film and might even be better than the first, at least as far as film-making.  The action sequences take a backseat here to make way for more interaction with the principal villain, a welcome change of pace instead of trying to double down on mayhem.  As far as character development, all I got was that Ethan Hunt really is a sucker for brunettes.    Originally posted on 23 Jul 2011.  

This was the only poster I could find that didn't just have Tom Cruise on it.

I never saw this installment of the series.  MI2 performed a fun-ectomy on me but this one reversed that procedure.  Mostly due to Phillip Seymour Hoffman.  He is an excellent villain.  He remains perfectly cool, calm, and collected the entire film, despite the fact that he is let down by his people at every turn. 

Ethan Hunt (Tom Cruise) is semi-retired from doing impossible things and is dating Michelle Monaghan when he finds out that one of his protegees (Keri Russell) has been taken by an evil arms dealer (PSH).  He pulls together a team (Ving Rhames, Maggie Q, and Jonathan Rhys-Meyers) to rescue her and they blow up some stuff in Berlin.  However, PSH put a bomb up Keri's nose and she switches off like a Replicant.

Lawrence Fishburne is an angry, overly enunciated boss who reams them for botching the job.  In response, they decide to go to the Vatican and snatch PSH from a party.  That goes well, until the convoy carrying him gets attacked.

Side note:  I live in Northern Virginia and New Boyfriend works inside the Beltway.  This particular scene occurs on a narrow-ass bridge over a huge expanse of water.  I thought it was the same highway that was in True Lies (and it still might be) which is down in the Florida Keys, but they cut to make you think that it's part of the 14th St Bridge in downtown DC.  Don't be fooled, people.  There is no ocean within sight of the Capitol Building. 

Anyway, PSH escapes and Ethan realizes that his girlfriend is in serious danger so he tears ass until he gets to the hospital where she works.  She's already been kidnapped and he gets tazed by his coworkers for being a dangerous rogue.  Now he has to go off the reservation and Save the Girl by performing a stupid amount of dangerous stunts, including swinging off a building onto the slanted roof of another one to steal what the Bad Guy wants so he can trade. 

Simon Pegg is in this as well, mostly as comic relief, but it was enough to get him bumped up to actual team member according to the trailer for Ghost Protocol. 

This was another one from New Boyfriend's collection.  He's going to end up with his own tag on here if he keeps this up.

Megamind (2010)

I enjoyed this more the second time than the first.  It just goes to show how your preconceptions really do color your experiences.  I didn't expect to like this so it had to really work hard to win me over originally.  But, because I did end up liking it, I was much more kindly disposed toward it a second time.  That seems to be happening to me more and more lately.  I would like to think that it's because I'm growing more open and more willing to take chances on things but I can't say that for sure.  It could also mean that I'm getting lazier and more willing to just be entertained than analyze a movie for structure and content.

I already posted a synopsis of the film's plot below, so I don't have anything to add on that point, but I did find myself paying more attention to the details this time around.  Minion (David Cross) specifically stood out to me as the comic centerpiece.  A lot of the truly funny interactions are between him and Megamind.  Also, the backgrounds of Megamind's evil lair and Metro Man's secret hideout probably hold a ton of Easter eggs that bear closer scrutiny.  All these little things add up to a film that can be re-watched without causing the watcher to want to claw their eyes out.  Originally posted:  16 Jul 2012    Rob's birthday was on Saturday so he got to pick the movie (it was his turn anyway but I'm not going to remind him of that).  He picked Megamind. 

Megamind (Will Ferrell) is an alien who was sent to Earth after his planet was destroyed.  Unfortunately, another baby alien who was much cuter and much more popular also ended up on the planet, taking the name Metro Man (Brad Pitt).  The two become bitter rivals, especially over the affections of intrepid reporter Roxanne (Tina Fey) by kidnapping and rescuing, respectively.  One day, however, Megamind actually manages to succeed in killing his arch-rival and then takes over Metro City.  Sadly, a life of quiet dictatorship turns out to be boring so Megamind schemes to replace his nemesis by turning Roxanne's camera guy Hal (Jonah Hill) into the superhero Titan.  Much like many of his plans, however, things don't exactly work out.

I'm always a fan of when the bad guys win and I think this is a cute little movie.  Not as good as Despicable Me but still a fun, innocuous film suitable for all ages.  I am not a fan of Will Ferrell or of Jonah Hill but they didn't annoy me as much as I thought they would.  I guess I really just hate their stupid faces and not everything about them, like I previously assumed.  Also, Tina Fey has a really sultry voice.  I don't really know anything about her since I've never watched any of her TV shows and the only movie I've seen with her in it was Baby Mama, which was retarded.  All the other actors were very distinctive but if Rob hadn't told me that it was Tina Fey I wouldn't have known til the credits rolled.

Mad Max (1979)

It's been just over three years since I watched the original.  That's about when I can watch a movie again without being bored.  I also found a spiffy new poster.

I stand by all of my original comments.  I think the sound issues might just be because it's a copy from the server.  I'm planning to get a box set of all of them when Fury Road is released, (because you know they'll have one) and I'll see if the sound transfer is any better.  I will say that I finally recognized a very deliberate casting decision for the most recent sequel.  Immortan Joe is played by the same guy who played Toecutter in this, the 1979 original.  You can't tell because he had a crapload of stuff on his face in Fury Road, but I saw his name in the credits and had one of those lightbulb moments.  Originally posted:  02 Jul 12.    This is the movie Rob and I were watching when the power went out.  It was apropos, apparently, considering the number of people who conveniently forgot that a non-functional traffic light = a four-way stop sign the next day.  It made me wish I had a flamethrower mounted to my hood.

We were watching this (or attempting to) because Rob had never seen it.  I know, What a Shock.  He's only ever seen Beyond Thunderdome.  I hadn't seen the original in about fifteen years but it's ingrained in me as a classic film.  This is the one that launched Mel Gibson into 20 years of A-list status. 

You know what's funny about that?  This movie is terrible.  You want to talk about a shoestring budget.  Holy Jeebus.  Now don't get me wrong:  A+ for concept.  Just a big fat C- for execution.

It's the Australia of the future.  A future that looks a lot like the Australia of 1979 but with a ton less people and more junked up cars.  The roads have become arenas for Wild West-type showdowns between lawless criminals with names like Night Rider and Toecutter and the few bronze-badged police of the MFP.  Max (Mel Gibson) is one of the best the MFP has to offer but quickly becomes completely burned out by the incessant violence.  But after a hit is put out on him, he realizes that sometimes the only defense against the insane is to out-crazy them.

Seriously, the sound design guy had to have been paid in Cheetos because you can barely hear the dialogue over the score or all of the background incidental noises (like people clomping up and down stairs).  Do not watch this movie (if you've never seen it before) expecting to hear any important plot points.  Think of it more like a pantomime.  A bitchin' pantomime with car chases.  So many car chases.

A Good Day to Die Hard (2013)

I have now watched this movie twice and I still like it.  I bought it, obviously, because it's a Die Hard movie and I have all the other ones.  The blu-ray came with an option for theatrical or extended cut, so I watched the extended.  Having only seen it upon its debut, I wasn't really sure if I would recognize the extended parts.  I'm pretty sure it was just more violence and maybe some more interaction between father and son.  I do know that they cut the phone call with daughter Lucy from the beginning.  It doesn't really change the movie in any way, so if you already formed an opinion you're probably going to keep it.  I stand by my decision that this is a fun popcorn flick and I support the R rating.  It's just not John McClane if he can't say "yipee-ki-yay, motherfucker".  Original review:  9/16/13     Everyone talked about how awful this movie was, but I liked it. Even now, it has a 14% on Rotten Tomatoes.  I liked it more than Live Free or Die Hard and that one was far more of an accurate assessment of what could happen in a SCADA attack.  Which may explain why it didn't do so well.

John McClane (Bruce Willis) goes to Russia after his son, Jack (Jai Courtney) is arrested.  What he doesn't know, since the two have been estranged, is that Jack is undercover on a CIA op to get Yuri Komorov (Sebastian Koch), a political prisoner, freed from custody.  Yuri has access to a file of information about the current Russian Minister of Defense, Chagarin (Sergei Kolesnikov).  Unfortunately, John McClane's mere presence is enough to throw off the most carefully laid plans.  After his op is blown, Jack and John must find a way to stop the bad guys and repair their damaged relationship.

This one made absolutely no sense whatsoever.  There were some serious narrative shortcuts going on here.  I recognize that, and yet, I still thought it was a fun movie.  If you go into it with low expectations, you'll probably have a pretty good time too.  I thought it was nice that they managed to get Mary Elizabeth Winstead back for some continuity and it's always good to see Bruce Willis blow stuff up.  I'm still on the fence about Jai Courtney.  They keep trying to make him happen but I don't know if he has what it takes.

Colombiana (2011)

In honor of the opening weekend for Luc Besson's new movie, Lucy, which I haven't gotten to see yet, I decided to go back and re-watch Colombiana.  I enjoyed it a lot more the second time around, especially the final fight between Zoe Saldana and Jordi Molla.  I don't know why I didn't pay attention to it the first time, but it is a really well constructed fight scene.  No shaky cam, no irritating jump cuts, just fast choreography and good use of props.  Also, this time I noticed the parkour chase at the beginning of the film for what it was, and discovered that it was choreographed by none other than David Belle from the Besson-produced District B-13.  I love it when people stay in touch.

I also watched one of the special features called "Assassins" which didn't really have much of a point, but did have a decent interview with Zoe Saldana about the preparations she made to do this film.  She has never shied away from physicality in any of her roles and you can see the commitment she brings to each character.  She talks about what it takes to carry a film and that is exactly what she is doing here.  All the other characters exist just to give her something at which to aim.     12/11/2011

Luc Besson loves him some warrior women.  This one is more of what I was hoping La Femme Nikita would be, although I could have stood even less of the emotional vulnerability.  Is it really too much to ask to have a badass female assassin who doesn't cry every half hour?  I'm just sayin'.

Cataleya (Zoe Saldana) is a young girl when her parents are murdered by the leader of a drug cartel.  She moves to Chicago to live with her uncle (Cliff Curtis) and becomes an assassin for hire.  She has a no-strings (on her part) relationship with an artist (Michael Vartan) and spends her free time killing off members of the cartel in various ways.  She signs each kill with the drawing of an orchid on their chest.  Naturally, the FBI takes a very dim view of these killings and puts two agents on the trail of the "man" that did it.  Almost despite themselves, they come very close to discovering her real identity, forcing her to outwit them and the cartel.

It's very violent, fairly bloody, and solidly entertaining overall.  Rob didn't like it as much as I thought he would, considering that he's usually easier to please.  He was very willing to speak up about perceived inaccuracies, which is usually my job.  Maybe I just have a blind spot for revenge films, but I liked it.  I'm even throwing it onto my Christmas blu-ray wish list.