Machete Kills (2013)

  I know what you're thinking.  You're thinking that the Grindhouse phenomenon is over, a flash-in-the-pan from 2007 that should never have been continued now, five whole years later.

You're wrong.

This movie was awesomely, gloriously, stupidly violent and packed wall-to-wall with celebrity cameos.  Every frame had some sort of self-referential humor, courtesy of Robert Rodriguez. 

Machete (Danny Trejo) is recruited by President Rathcock (Carlos Estevez aka Charlie Sheen) to stop a Mexican revolutionary with a missile aimed at D.C.  Machete infiltrates cartel territory in Mexico with the help of his handler, Miss San Antonio (Amber Heard) to find Mendez the Madman (Demian Bichir) and all his other personalities.  Mendez has wired the missile's launch to his heartbeat and only the manufacturer, Luther Voz (Mel Gibson) can disarm it.  To make matters interesting, Mendez has also placed a $10 million bounty on his own head, calling out every assassin on the continent, including the elusive El Cameleon (Lady Gaga).  Machete must rely on friends old (Michelle Rodriguez) and new (Vanessa Hudgens) if he wants to save the free world.

I thought this was going to be a lame attempt at a sequel, filled with boobs and blood splatter.  I was wrong about the boobs.  My favorite part of the movie was probably the Grindhouse trailer for the threequel at the beginning, which I seriously hope gets made.  I didn't buy Machete but I will own Machete Kills.

Fun fact:  Rob and I re-watched Machete in preparation for the sequel (well, I re-watched it.  He had never seen it).  In high-def, you can totally tell that it's not Lindsey Lohan in the waterfall scene.  She's missing the freckles on her arms.  However, when she wakes up from her drunken stupor in the church, you can see a nipple slip a couple of times.  You're welcome.