Universal Soldier (1992)

  This is another of those 90s action movies that I was probably too young for when it first came out and then didn't see for whatever reason.  I feel like it's maybe a classic (?) considering it has like three sequels, none of which I have ever heard of before.  I dunno.

During the Viet Nam war, American soldier Luc Devereaux (Jean-Claude Van Damme) confronts his sergeant, Andrew Scott (Dolph Lundgren), who has gone off the deep end and started murdering civilians, and the two end up killing each other.  Fast forward to the 90s and hotshot reporter Veronica Roberts (Ally Walker) is caught snooping around the very hush-hush Universal Soldier program.  Scott and Devereaux are just supposed to detain her but their programming isn't as complete as the doctors and higher-ups want to believe.  Scott tries to shoot her in the head and Devereaux snaps, breaking away and running off with Veronica.  The government is very interested in getting him back before the world realizes that the U.S. Army has been taking dead soldiers listed as MIA and regenerating them into unstoppable killing machines with no free will.

This isn't terrible.  It's very much a B-movie popcorn action flick that has gotten even cheesier with age but that doesn't necessarily work against it.  It's still kind of intentionally funny and very unintentionally funny.  Van Damme really missed his calling for some of the wacky hijinks movies of the later 90s.  I don't know that I'll make an effort to see any of the sequels but I won't intentionally avoid them.

The Incredibles 2 (2018)

  Y'all.  This was so disappointing.

I mean, there's no real way this could have lived up to the expectations people had for it.  And it is a fun, family-friendly film.  But it is not a worthy successor.

After The Incredibles are revealed to the world in their attempt to stop The Underminer (John Ratzenberger), it seems that they will be outlaws forever.  But a brother-sister pair of venture capitalists, Win (Bob Odenkirk) and Evelyn Deavor (Caroline Keener) step in with a plan to rehabilitate supers in the eyes of the public. They choose Elastigirl (Holly Hunter) as the face of their campaign, outfitting her with new gear and a tiny camera to capture all the heroic moments to be live-streamed to the public.  Meanwhile, Bob (Craig T. Nelson), swallows his wounded pride at not being chosen and devotes himself to being a dad so Helen can be the hero and face off against the Screen Slaver, who uses the phone and TV screen surrounding people to hypnotize them.

That all sounds pretty good.  But it is totally empty.  There are plot threads that could have been cool that are just not explored at all.  The villain identity reveal is so obvious I thought for sure it had to be a decoy.  Like, Pixar did not make me wait 14 years just to hand me the laziest regurgitation of a plot trope.  This just had nothing to say.  No deep insight to a character's psyche, no revelation of understanding or sudden empathy for the villain, nothing.  Is it good fan service?  Sure.  Is it beautifully animated with the same aesthetic as the original?  Absolutely.  Is it a shining example of Pixar's dedication to putting the story before the money?  No.  It's not even as good as Finding Dory.  And that's a damn shame.

It's not all bad news.  Even the worst Pixar movie is better than most other animated films.  Jack-Jack's exploration of his powers is a total delight, as well as the scene-stealing raccoon.  The movie works best when it focuses on Violet and Dash coping without parental supervision but there's unfortunately not enough of that to go around.

Paheli (2005)

  I have really come to enjoy Bollywood films.  Granted, I've only seen a handful and I've mostly stuck to the rom-com musicals but I've enjoyed every one I've seen.

A bodiless spirit falls in love with a young bride (Rani Mukerji) traveling to her husband's (Shah Rukh Khan) house for the first time.  The husband drops her off and tells her on their wedding night that he is leaving for the next five years on a trading mission for his father (Anupam Kher).  As he passes by the same rest area, the spirit realizes his opportunity and assumes his form.  Disguised as the husband, he returns to the house and begins to woo "his" bride properly.  Then he realizes it would be creepy and disgusting to sleep with her while she thinks it's still her husband, so he tells her the whole story.  She thinks he's sweet and romantic and he's wearing an illusion of Shah Rukh Khan so he's hot even with the horrible mustache.  It's all fun and games until the real husband hears about the shenanigans and decides to travel home early.

This is apparently based on an old folklore story and it feels very much like an updated version done right.  It's candy-colored and filled with swirling fabric, sparkly bangles, and musical numbers.  If I had to pick something to complain about (because I always do) it's that Lachchi, the bride, cries constantly throughout this film.  She cries when's she's sad, when she's happy, when she's having sex. She is a stunningly gorgeous sack of tears.  That is literally my only complaint.

It's streaming on Netflix and if you're tired of the tired formula of American rom-coms, but still want to see beautiful people get all tortured about each other, give this a shot.

The Magnificent Seven (2016)

  This is a weird situation.  It's supposed to be a remake of the 1960 Western classic (which is also a remake of an even more revered Akira Kurasawa film) but none of the characters are the same so can you really call it a remake?  It has the same basic plot, sure, but none of the nuances of either of its forbears.

Bartholomew Bogue (Peter Sarsgaard) has taken over a small town for their mining rights.  A local widow (Haley Bennett) hires a bounty hunter (Denzel Washington) to help her get justice for the townspeople.  The bounty hunter pulls together a crew of morally ambiguous rough men to accomplish this task.

This is a really well done film with some beautiful cinematography.  I'm still not convinced it absolutely needs to exist, however.  The cast is impressive and shows a lot more diversity than the 1960 film but is that worth sacrificing all the subplots and character development?  Can we not have all those things?

Ocean's 8 (2018)

  This one's not going to break any records but it is a fun, summer film.

Debbie Ocean (Sandra Bullock) has spent five years in jail planning the perfect heist.  As soon as she gets paroled, she meets up with her old partner, Lou (Cate Blanchett), to start working.  The pair rope in all the professional help they need:  a fencer (Sarah Paulson), a hacker (Rhianna), a jeweler (Mindy Kaling), and a pickpocket (Awkwafina), plus a washed up fashion designer (Helena Bonham Carter), and spoiled diva actress (Anne Hathaway) as part of their cover to infiltrate the Met Gala.

Don't come in looking for tortured drama or in-depth character studies.  This is an easy, breezy popcorn flick all the way through.  There are a couple of nods to the previous Ocean's trilogy, but it mostly stands on its own.  The leading ladies here are all top-notch, which is great, because the film squanders its two male roles.  James Corden and Richard Armitage are given very little to do even though the former is supposed to be like a Thomas Crown-style investigator and the latter is Debbie's ex who Did Her Wrong.  Otherwise, as long as you don't expect too much, this is a very enjoyable film.

Mudbound (2017)

  God this movie was a depressing slog.  I could only watch it in five minute increments so it took me damn near a month to finish it.

The story is about two Mississippi families working the same land.  One is a family of black tenant farmers, desperate to escape the endless cycle of poverty by eventually owning the land they've worked for a century.  The other is a formerly affluent white family who were suckered into becoming farmers, despite not knowing anything about agriculture.  Both sent a man to fight in WWII.  Jamie McAllen (Garrett Hedlund), the smooth-talking younger brother of the white family, and Ronsel Johnson (Jason Mitchell), the oldest son of the black family.  Both come back with serious mental scars and new perspectives.  They bond, first as a coping mechanism, then as friends.  But you can't be friends with people of color in segregated 1940s Mississippi and Jamie's father (Jonathan Banks) is a virulent racist and all-around mean son-of-a-bitch.

If you know anything about the history of African Americans in the south you know exactly what happens, although the film does try very hard to put a hopeful ending to it.  There are some phenomenal performances here from Mary J. Blige as Ronsel's mother, Hedlund, and a stellar follow-up from Straight Outta Compton star Mitchell.  If you've only ever seen Banks as the grumpy but lovable Mike Ehrmantraut on Breaking Bad/Better Call Saul (like I have), this performance is going to come as a shock.

Look, I'm not saying you shouldn't watch this movie.  I'm just saying that if you choose to do so, prepare for a real downer of a time.

Solo: A Star Wars Story (2018)

  This is the first major bomb in the Star Wars franchise and that's a shame because it has more to do with the expectations of the fans than the quality of the movie.  Tyler and I went to see it the weekend it came out and neither one of us walked away disappointed or mad. More on that in a minute.

Han (Alden Ehrenrich) is desperate to get out from under the clutches of Lady Proxima (Linda Hunt), a gangster on Corellia running children as her own private thieves.  He and his childhood sweetheart, Qi'ra (Emilia Clarke), have a plan to run away but only Han makes it.  He enlists in the Imperial Army as part of a plan to earn enough money to return and rescue Qi'ra but soon discovers being a foot soldier is not all it's cracked up to be.  Sensing an opportunity, Han talks his way onto a crew of outlaws led by Tobias Beckett (Woody Harrelson), who owe a great debt to gangster lord Dryden Voss (Paul Bettany).  Beckett agrees to pull off a giant score of unrefined fuel from Kessel to square the debt but the substance is incredibly unstable and they need a very fast ship and very smart pilot to pull it off successfully.  Enter fan favorite and best part of this movie, L3-37 (Phoebe Waller-Bridge).

Okay, fine, Lando (Donald Glover).  Happy now?

Did this movie absolutely need to get made?  No.  I don't know a single person who was dying to know Han Solo's backstory.  But that doesn't make it a bad movie.  It's a great summer film.  It's light and breezy and there's stuff in it for casual fans (like myself) and serious Fans (like Tyler).  He's read all the books, he knows the extended universe backwards and forwards, and he fucking loved Solo.  What more recommendation do you need?

Deadpool 2 (2018)

  Again, I have been waiting to post this because I didn't want any association with spoilers but now everyone I know who was going to see it has seen it so it's okay.  The synopsis is going to be a little light because there is a MAJOR spoiler before the opening credits.

Wade Wilson (Ryan Reynolds) is struggling with his continued existence.  In an effort to bring him out of his depression, Colossus (Stefan Kapicic) makes him an X-Men trainee.  On his first official outing, Wade attempts to calm down a young boy named Russell (Julian Dennison) manifesting pyrokinesis outside of a home for "rehabilitating" mutant children.  Russell has been abused by the system in place and Wade understands, but his own violence leads to his and Russell's being detained and put in the Freezer, a jail for mutants.  There, a warrior from the future named Cable (Josh Brolin) arrives to kill Russell and prevent him from becoming a monster in Cable's timeline.  Wade believes that Russell just needs another chance and puts together a team of mutants called the X-Force to help him stop Cable and save Russell before it's too late.

The original Deadpool was so good and expectations were so high for this sequel that I was actually really nervous about seeing it.  But I also couldn't NOT see it, you know?  Especially after the bonkers marketing campaign.  And I have to tell you, this is one of the rarest of rare creatures:  a sequel that avoids the sophomore slump.  Deadpool 2 is just as funny and just as fucked up as the original, but it also adds more character development and emotional involvement.  It's got a real heart beating under the blood and bullet holes.  If you have not seen it, run.  Do not walk.  Go now.

In my review for the original, I said it made up for every misstep of Reynolds' career except X-Men: Origins, but the mid-credit sequence of the sequel is so good, I am even willing to let that go.  Reynolds can once again do no wrong.  I'll even see him in the goddamn Pikachu movie with Jaden Smith.

Free Fire (2016)

I've almost caught up on my backlog of movies.  I'm thinking of doing a marathon of all the Marvel movies in order up to Infinity War as a feature.  What do you guys think?  But first...   I was vaguely interested in this when it hit theaters but didn't see it and immediately forgot about it afterwards, probably because of school.  Then I saw it in Best Buy and couldn't remember if I had bought it on a whim already or not.  I hadn't, but it was free on Amazon Prime streaming so I just played it there.

A drug deal goes horribly awry, leaving both parties at am impasse over a lot of guns and money.  Last one out alive gets to keep everything but getting to that point is going to be harder than initially thought.

The cast is really what sells this film.  Brie Larson, Cillian Murphy, Armie Hammer, and Sharlto Copley are the big names but Sam Riley and Jack Reynor are the breakout performances, the former as Stevo, a royal fuckup, and the latter as Harry, the justifiably pissed off instigator of the deal's disintegration.  This is much more the type of morally ambiguous role that I think Hammer should be playing, as well, though I wish he had lost the bramble bush of facial hair.  Larson doesn't have a lot to do here as the only female character but she exists and that's fine.

This isn't going to end up on my top ten list for the year I don't think, but it's a fun watch if you're in the mood for something violent but not depressing.