Behind the Candelabra (2013)

  Sometimes I forget that Matt Damon is a quality actor.  I had put this off because I thought it was a mini-series but it's a regular HBO movie.  Also, happy Pride month!  

Liberace (Michael Douglas) is a Vegas star, known for his virtuoso piano playing as well as his flamboyant costumes and staging.  Young animal trainer Scott Thorsen (Matt Damon) can't believe no one else notices that the star is also flamboyantly gay, but Liberace's manager (Dan Akroyd) is the hardest working man in showbiz.  Liberace, known as Lee to his friends, takes a shine to Scott and woos him with his extravagant lifestyle, but Scott soon discovers it's not easy being queen to the queen.  First there's the jealousy, Lee's raging narcissism, the demands for Scott to look a certain way, including plastic surgery to look more like Lee, the "California Diet" of pills to lose weight, the paranoia, the infidelity, and the insecurity of knowing that he has no legal protections afforded by marriage.  

It's big, it's splashy, it's extremely gay.  Douglas is phenomenal and there is a smorgasbord of stars in every bit part, including the late Debbie Reynolds.  Your mileage will vary based on how tabloid-y you like your stories.  This started to go off the rails for me in the last third, but I was not bored for a second during it.

It's currently streaming on HBO Max.

Eyes Without a Face (1960)

  It's classic French horror, by which, I mean it's extremely stylish but a little light on plot.

Dr. Génessier (Pierre Brasseur) is obsessed with finding a replacement face for his disfigured daughter, Christiane (Edith Scob), mostly so he can absolve himself of the guilt from causing the accident that disfigured her in the first place.  He has his assistant, Louise (Alida Valli), lure girls who looked like Christiane to his house, then attempts to transplant their faces onto hers.  

This was re-edited for the American market and shown as The Horror Chamber of Dr. Faustus, because if there's one thing Americans are known for, it's a love of subtlety.  I have no idea what that movie is like, but this one is very reminiscent of the pulpy, 50s creature features where science has run amok.  It's got some excellent effects for Christiane's face in various stages of decay and atmosphere for days.  It's not particularly scary, unless medical procedures make you squirm.  If so, there's a full face removal scene that you may want to hide your eyes for.  

The mask she wears has become an iconic image for good reason.  This isn't necessarily the best French horror but it's definitely worth the watch.  Currently streaming on The Criterion Channel.  Also, don't miss the trailer for the re-cut American version they have, billed as a double feature with The Manster, half-man, half-monster.  A truly lawless time.

Wilde (1997)

  The story of Oscar Wilde is a tragedy, no matter how pretty you make its stars.

Oscar Wilde (Stephen Fry) is a celebrated bon vivant and raconteur.  He marries Constance (Jennifer Ehle) and has two sons, seemingly the epitome of British gentility.  But he has a secret.  He is desperately in love with the young, fragile, but beautiful Lord Alfred Douglas (Jude Law) in a time where homosexuality is illegal.  Their relationship is an open secret but Douglas' father, the Marquis of Queensbury (Tom Wilkinson), is determined that it should not continue.  He continuously and publicly insults Wilde, until Douglas convinces the latter to sue the former for libel.  But it's only libel if it's untrue, leading to one of the most scandalous trials of the era.

This is the greatest performance Jude Law has ever given and I am SHOCKED more people don't talk about it.  Honestly, I've never really liked him as an actor.  I always thought he was overrated (probably because I don't think he's as attractive as people claim he is) but this was an incredible role for him. Fry obviously is great and was born to play this part but Law really surprised the hell out of me.  Micheal Sheen is as wonderful here as he is everywhere else (except the Underworld franchise, no one could save that), and there are very early glimpses of Orlando Bloom (who has not aged a day, my God) and Ioan Gruffudd, looking very young and very pretty.  

Wilde is currently streaming on Hulu.

Alien vs Predator (2004)

  It's been a rough week and it's only Tuesday.  I can't believe I've never reviewed AvP before.  I must have watched it at least four times but apparently not in the last ten years.  (Makes sense on reflection; I had a much smaller movie collection in 2005.)  Anyway, Tyler had never seen it so it was the perfect occasion to revisit this red-headed bastard child of two franchises.

Lex Woods (Sanaa Latham) is a preeminent ice guide and environmentalist hired for a mysterious consultation by Charles Weyland (Lance Henriksen), billionaire CEO of Weyland Industries.  Lex joins a team of archeologists, geologists, and mercenaries in the Antarctic as Weyland reveals that his satellites discovered a pyramid buried deep beneath the ice that has just become active.  Lex reluctantly agrees to shepherd the crew and make sure they get in and out safely, but that becomes increasingly difficult as they discover the pyramid is a staging ground for a rite of passage between Predators and Xenomorphs.  A trio of Predators have descended to undergo a ritual hunt that tests their mettle against some of the most dangerous creatures in the universe.

I know what you're thinking: shameless cash grab by shoehorning two different properties together.  Wrong.  This is the chocolate and peanut butter of franchises.  Separately good, but surprisingly amazing together.  Latham is a star, effortlessly carrying this film and I'm kind of pissed she didn't get as big a following as Ripley.  Henriksen is obviously a pro and there are some great call-backs to his previous role in the franchise.  Everybody else is mostly cannon fodder but they're good at it!  Overall, it's a good addition to the lore on both sides.  It provides depth to the Predators and well, the xenomorphs are the chocolate in this situation.  They're good in everything.

I Am Not Your Negro (2016)

  Yesterday was Juneteenth, our newest official federal holiday.  Juneteenth commemorates the day when slaves in the South learned they had been freed (three years earlier) by the Emancipation Proclamation.  It is a Big Deal but like many things to do with our less than stellar track record on racism, it is more symbolic than representative of actual change.  Which brings us to our movie today.  

James Baldwin was a celebrated author who had been asked to write a book about the deaths of three major Civil Rights figures: Medgar Evars, Malcolm X, and Martin Luther King, Jr.  The book was never completed but Baldwin's notes were incorporated into this visual essay about his experiences.  Historical footage is juxtaposed with modern corollaries with Baldwin's voice superimposed to provide context and personal musings to the foreground.  It is a very powerful piece and can be hard to watch but it is important that we face our history squarely.

CW:  lynching, dead bodies, racist imagery, white supremacist imagery

It's currently streaming on Amazon Prime, Netflix, Tubi, and Vudu so there's really no excuse not to watch it.

Luca (2021)

  I went through three other movies before deciding on Luca.  I made it thirty minutes into The Disaster Artist before it annoyed me too much, an hour into Better Days before the relentless depression got to me, and about 20 minutes into That Obscure Object of Desire.  I just wasn't in the mood for something so heavy.  Fortunately, Luca is exactly the kind of sun-drenched lightness I was looking for.

Luca (Jacob Tremblay) dreams of adventure among the land monsters instead of herding fish for his family, but is scared of disobeying his overprotective mother (Maya Rudolph) so he never dares go to the surface.  He meets Alberto (Jack Dylan Grazer), fancy-free and fearless, who teaches Luca that he can look human when dry.  They run away to the coastal town of Portorosso in search of the mythical vehicle that can give them the freedom to travel the world: a Vespa.  But Vespas cost money, so the two sea monsters agree to join perennial underdog Guilia's (Emma Berman) triathlon team to finally beat local bully Ercole (Saverio Raimondo) and win the prize money.  The longer they are in the human world, the more Luca longs to belong.  He must risk everything he knows to find a place for himself.

This has been compared to Call Me By Your Name and I can kind of see it, even if Disney does repeatedly drop the ball on queer representation.  It could absolutely be a metaphor for coming out, if that's how you want to interpret it.  If not, it still works as a coming-of-age story about overcoming fear and learning to navigate the world with confidence.  

The other thing I heard most often about this film was that Disney "dumped" it on Disney+ instead of giving it a theatrical run because they weren't confident in it.  I think they are trying very hard to keep people from cancelling their subscriptions and saying it's the only way to see new Pixar films.  It might be both.  What do I know?  If it wasn't for Loki, I'd have probably cancelled mine by now, so maybe I'm projecting.

At any rate, Luca is a very cute Pixar film and an excellent kick-off to summer.

A TV Post

 It's been a minute since I updated which TV shows are worth watching.   

Obviously, I'm watching Loki.  There's only been one episode so far but after WandaVision and The Falcon and the Winter Soldier, I am committed.  Fortunately, this looks to be more of the same Marvel magic that has sustained through the last decade.  The odds are increasingly against them but I for one will keep rooting for them to succeed.  Currently on Disney+.

  Watched the first two episodes of Shadow & Bone, the splashy Netflix adaptation of a YA book series by Leigh Bardugo.  It's a world divided by a giant rift of darkness called the Fold and only the coming of a near mythical Sun Summoner can destroy it.  Wouldn't you know, there's a plucky mapmaker named Alina who's just come into her power.  The story could go either way, depending on how hard they lean in on the YA elements for me, but I am all in on the aesthetic.  The costumes, the sets, the magic.  *chef's kiss*  This might hold me over until The Witcher comes back.

  I did watch six episodes of Bridgerton, sort of the marzipan to S&B's devil's food.  I had read the first book in the series and wasn't impressed, and the show did nothing to improve that opinion.  Too much talking by too many characters that I couldn't care about if you paid me.  But excellent costumes and music choices.  Currently on Netflix.

I'm re-watching season one of Ash vs. Evil Dead and burning it to my hard drive.  

  I got a cancelled-too-soon British series from Netflix called Jekyll.  It stars James Nesbitt as a descendent of the infamous Jekyll, complete with his own Hyde.  Halfway through that and it's fantastic.

Also watching season 2 of Grimm, my cop show but make it monsters.  It was off to a slow start but I'm on episode six now and it's starting to pick back up.  Currently on Amazon Prime.

And, because I found the pandemic to be very stressful, I am watching the fourth cycle of America's Next Top Model as my Smooth Brain, No Thoughts show.  I had already burned through two seasons of Blown Away, two seasons of Glow Up, and what I had left on Repair Shop.  ANTM is streaming all 22 seasons (!) on Hulu.

So that's the state of my TV watching.  Back to regular scheduling on Saturday.

Prometheus (2012)

I know I've seen this more recently than 2012.  There's no way it could have felt so old hat if I hadn't seen it in damn near ten years.  I put it on because I needed two hours to clean my living room and wanted something that I didn't really have to pay attention to.  It's still very good but softer now.  I don't feel any of the same rawness.  That could be because the Alien franchise is a little too careworn for me.  I've seen all of them God knows how many times.  They're comfort movies for me.  I guess I should swap them out for the Conjuring-verse for a while.  Originally posted 10 Jun 12.    Nominated for:  Best Visual Effects    I have got to find some way to talk about this without going the spoiler route.  It's really hard!  I want to tell you guys about all the cool stuff in it but I don't want to ruin it for you.

Suffice to say, this is definitely a keeper.  Visually, it's stunning, the pacing is tight, the actors are on point, and the monsters are...well, I don't want to spoil it.  Ridley Scott has previously revealed that he had always intended Alien to be an allegory for rape, in a form that would make it as abhorrent to men as it is to women.  He succeeds on such a grand scale but, given that I'm a possessor of a fucked up sense of humor, knowing that it's an allegory makes it slightly hilarious to see every dude in the audience squirm.  I couldn't stop laughing during a highly inappropriate scene.  Rob said it was like The Deathly Hallows part 2 all over again.

Dr. Elizabeth Shaw (Noomi Rapace) and her colleague/lover Dr. Charlie Holloway (Logan Marshall-Green) discover a series of pictographs from various ancient cultures that show the same star grouping. They theorize that the map comes from the creators of humanity, whom they have dubbed Engineers.  They secure funding from the aged Peter Weyland (Guy Pearce) and board the Prometheus, along with her crew of various geologists, biologists, and medical personnel.  Helmed by Captain Janek (Idris Elba) and commanded by Weyland employee Meredith Vickers (Charlize Theron), the crew travel to the planet depicted.  There they find caverns full of strange canisters weeping a sinister black fluid, giant monoliths, and the piled corpses of Engineers clustered around doors...as if they were fleeing something.

I seriously wish, after having seen this movie, that Charlize Theron would have switched character portrayals here with Snow White and the Huntsman's Queen.  Meredith Vickers is an ice-cold bitch and it greatly added to the tense atmosphere of this film.  Snow White could have used a heaping helping of that.  I did love the android, David, played by Michael Fassbender.  There is absolutely no argument that he is anything but malicious and hateful, despite not technically being capable of emotion.  I wasn't so much into the philosophical argument underpinning the film but I felt like it was a great addition to the previous movies.

The Conjuring 3: The Devil Made Me Do It (2021)

  I'm still not quite ready to head back to theaters, plus I really want to take advantage of this whole "watch new releases from home" thing before it gets snatched away like telework and accessibility for the disabled.

Ed (Patrick Wilson) and Lorraine Warren (Vera Farmiga) are back at it again, performing what seems to be a successful exorcism on eight-year-old David Glatzel (Julian Hilliard) to the tremendous relief of his family.  During the process, Ed suffers a major heart attack and is the only one to hear Arne Johnson (Ruairi O'Connor), boyfriend to David's sister, Debbie (Sarah Catherine Hook), offer himself to the demon in exchange for the boy.  As soon as he is conscious again, Ed tells Lorraine, but it's too late.  Arne has been arrested for murder and the state is seeking the death penalty.  The Warrens must uncover a deadly occult conspiracy before Arne is sentenced to execution.

The words "Based on a True Story" always get a workout, but they are working extra hard here to convince you that the Satanic Panic was real, dragging cults, Satanists, black altars, and blood sacrifice into this otherwise quite tame legal precedent of claiming not guilty by reason of demonic possession.

Comparisons to The Exorcist are unfortunately unavoidable but I would be generous towards this and call it an homage.  There's a beautiful shot early on of the priest getting out of the cab that mirrors Max von Sydow's arrival in The Exorcist, lamppost, hat, and all.  After the exorcism, this becomes much more of a Conjuring film.  There are cute nods to the first installment as well as the spin-offs, but the tie-in to the next movie (previously as much a staple as Lorraine's crucifix) was deliberately cut, which feels fresher.  Honestly, there are eight of them now in this shared universe.  It's okay to leave a little mystery.  

As a horror movie, it is fine.  There are jump scares, gross-outs, and some decent demonic imagery, about what you have come to expect from the franchise.  What surprised me, however, was how wholesome it ended up being.  Ed and Lorraine Warren are fucking adorable as a couple.  You saw some of that in Conjuring 2, but it's really at the forefront here.  Arne and Debbie are pretty devoted, but they got nothing on the Warrens.

It's currently streaming on HBO Max until July 4th.

Stoker (2013)

  Did you like Thirst?  Did you wish it was in English?  You are in luck!  Here is a Park Chan-Wook horror starring the palest people you've ever seen.  

India Stoker (Mia Wasikowska) loses her father (Dermot Mulroney) in a car accident on her 18th birthday, only for the uncle she never knew she had to immediately move in.  Uncle Charlie (Matthew Goode) is suave, debonair, and definitely hiding something, but the longer India watches, the more drawn in she is.  

This was a sexy little thriller anchored by gorgeous editing and cinematography.  The story is pretty straightforward, you've definitely seen at least one film like this, but it is totally lifted by the director and DP.  It's currently streaming on HBO Max.

Love & Mercy (2014)

  You know The Beach Boys, right?  Boy band from the 50s, wrote a bunch of super upbeat songs about surfing and girls and cars?  Imagine somebody wrote the most depressing movie possible about The Beach Boys.  Now double it.  That's Love & Mercy.

Split into two storylines, one shows Brian Wilson (Paul Dano) in the 60s.  The band is losing its relevance to upstarts like The Beatles and Brian is searching for a new sound, but also having a psychotic break.  The other storyline is in the 80s, where Cadillac saleswoman Melinda Ledbetter (Elizabeth Banks) starts dating Brian Wilson (John Cusack), now diagnosed as a paranoid schizophrenic, before realizing that he is being essentially held captive by his abusive psychologist, Dr. Eugene Landry (Paul Giamatti).  

It's a nice to have the juxtaposition, the descent into madness and the clawing back out of it, but holy shit, is it a hard watch.  Giamatti is never better than when he is screaming incoherently and wearing a terrible wig and he Nailed It here on both counts.  This is the best role I've seen Cusack in for years but Banks really doesn't have a lot to do but look concerned and be hot in 80s fashion.  Also, special shout out to Diana Maria Riva, turning in yet another memorable character role.  I see you, girl.  It's currently streaming on Peacock if you wanted to see someone destroyed by their art today.

House on Haunted Hill (1999)

  I remember when this movie came out in theaters.  It was one of the first dates I ever went on, and y'all, I did not handle it well.  I was a total fucking brat and I would like to extend an apology to the boy who tried his best that day. 

Six strangers are issued invitations by Steven Price (Geoffrey Rush), a thrill ride entrepreneur, to celebrate his wife Evelyn's (Famke Janssen) birthday in the notoriously haunted Vannacutt House, a former asylum gutted by a fire that killed almost all patients and staff in 1931.  The prize for staying until dawn is a check for a million dollars, but surviving until then is no easy feat.

This is a remake of the classic Vincent Price House on Haunted Hill but I use the term remake loosely.  It keeps the central premise - a married couple trying to kill each other in ever so elaborate ways - but adds the extra backstory of an asylum run by sadists and actual evil spirits.  With such a small cast, every death needs to count, and it does a good job of ratcheting up the tension, only for a denouement that's so breathlessly dumb it robs the previous hour and a half of all bite.  Also, I kept waiting for specific scenes that I only later realized I was getting confused with 13 Ghosts, which came out in either 1999 or 2000.  So now I gotta watch that movie.

House on Haunted Hill is currently streaming on Tubi.