Meet the Robinsons (2007)

  Happy day-after-Memorial-Day!  This was supposed to go up yesterday but a candle gave me a migraine and that was that.  This was the Movie Club pick for the week, paired with Dumbo, and also one of Tyler's favorite Disney movies.  I had never seen it before.

Lewis (Daniel Hanson) is an orphan in search of a family.  He hopes one of his many inventions will either reunite him with the mother that gave him up for adoption or find him a new family but he can't seem to get any of them to work as intended.  His latest, a machine that images memories, is his entry at the science fair but sabotaged by a mysterious man in a bowler hat (Stephen J. Anderson).  Wilbur (Wesley Singerman), a well-coiffed stranger Lewis' age, tells Lewis that Bowler Hat Guy is from the future and it's vitally important that Lewis complete his Memory Scanner.  Lewis only hears the words "time machine," however, and badgers Wilbur into taking him to the future where he meets the Robinsons, Wilbur's family, and finally feels he might have a home.

I'm not going to hate on this too hard.  If you saw this as a kid (or an adult) and wished you too had a time machine so you could find a family that loved you, I'm not going to tell you you're wrong.  There is space for all kinds of movies and kids from broken homes need representation too.  

I will say that you can absolutely tell this was written and re-written and re-written by seven different screenwriters.  The message is increasingly muddled and threads are just left hanging, making it much harder to connect with the characters.  It desperately wants to be a cool, Atomic Age found family film but just manages to be a knock-off Back to the Future.  Not my favorite.

Unlike some recent releases, this is available to stream on Disney+.  Watch it while you can. 

Shadowboxer (2005)

  This is the directorial debut of Lee Daniels and it is not an indicator of his future success.  Yow.

Rose (Helen Mirren) is an assassin dying of cancer that she feels is a divine punishment for her profession.  When she is called to kill the pregnant wife (Vanessa Ferlito) of a dangerous crime lord (Stephen Dorff) at his request, she hesitates, choosing instead to run away with the girl and her baby to the suburbs.  She knows she won't live long enough to protect them, so she charges her partner/step-son/lover, Mikey (Cuba Gooding, Jr.) with their care.

To put it in a word, this film is Messy.  It is much more The Paperboy than The Butler.  I love assassin movies and maybe if it had more John Wick gloss, it could have coasted on style but it does not, Vivienne Westwood costuming notwithstanding.  It feels as emotionally stunted as its protagonist which made it very hard to care about.  Just a misfire on every level.

Fortunately (?), it is not available anywhere for streaming except to rent or own.  It's not worth a rental unless you really want to see where Daniels got his start.  I got it on disc from Netflix.

Gold (2016)

  This movie got no marketing and barely a blip on the awards scene with one nomination for Best Original Song at the Golden Globes despite an A-list cast and an Oscar bait story with an uglied-up lead.  It's not great, but it's not terrible.

Kenny Wells (Matthew McConaughey) is a gold prospector, like his father (Craig T. Nelson), and his grandfather before him.  This is a lot harder in the recession of the 1980s, but Kenny has a dream, a literal dream, telling him to go to Indonesia and look up hotshot geologist Mike Acosta (Edgar Ramirez).  Acosta knows that there's gold out there but his "ring of fire" theory has been laughed down in his field and he's on the outs.  Kenny knows a thing or two about being counted out and the two bond, devoting themselves through hostile governments, hostile environments, money shortages, and almost deadly malaria exposure to discover the largest gold strike in the last hundred years.  Rocketing to the stratosphere of the world's wealthiest people comes with its own dangers and Kenny, at his heart a small town guy from Reno, Nevada, is not prepared for the cutthroat, savage environment of backroom deals, predatory banking, and collusion by world leaders.  And that's before the FBI steps in.

This is based on a true story and I don't want to spoil it.  Ramirez is very good here, better than the film deserves.  McConaughey is the lead but the bad combover and snaggletooth actually detract from the character instead of becoming part of it.  I was keenly aware that I was watching Matthew McConaughey in a bald cap the entire time.  Bryce Dallas Howard is criminally underserved by the script, being given nothing better to do than gaze lovingly and/or sadly at McConaughey as the situation demands.  Bruce Greenwood was a scene-stealer as the steely-eyed gold magnate and Corey Stoll played to type as the smug Wall Street guy.

As a crime thriller, it is not top-tier but it does manage to deliver a surprisingly sweet story about friendship and believing in your dreams even if, maybe especially if, people call you crazy.  It's streaming for free with ads on the Roku Channel.

Arsenic and Old Lace (1944)

  I'm surprised I haven't reviewed this before.  I've owned it for ages and seen it a good half dozen times.  No time like the present, I guess.

Mortimer Brewster (Cary Grant) pops in to tell his maiden aunts (Josephine Hull and Jean Adair) that he's married the girl next door (Priscilla Lane) only to discover that they've been poisoning people and burying them in the cellar.  They are sweet old biddies in every other respect so he doesn't want them to go to jail, but he's hard pressed to think of a scenario that exonerates them except to pin all the murders on his younger brother who thinks he's Teddy Roosevelt (John Alexander) and have him committed.  It's a plan and it might have worked, if his psychotic middle brother, Jonathan (Raymond Massey), and his henchman (Peter Lorre) hadn't shown up with a corpse of their own.  Honestly, what's a nice neighborhood like Brooklyn coming to?

This is one of the greatest screwball comedies ever made.  Grant earns that leading man title by being made of elastic and it is very much his show as he cavorts around the set.  Lane gets short shrift but there's no room for her Token Sane Person in a cast full of characters anyway.  Massey does his best to lean into Karloff and Lorre -- well, Peter Lorre has understood every assignment ever given to him.  This is a stone cold classic and no self-respecting film buff should be without it.

Unfortunately, it's not currently streaming except for rent but it's definitely worth the money.  Unless you hate fun.  

Heaven's Gate (1980)

  Not about the cult.  This is a Western about the Johnson County War, a real thing that happened, although the movie itself is highly revisionist.  Content warning:  gang rape, war violence, animal abuse (chickens and horses)

Jim Averill (Kris Kristofferson) could have been content as the scion of East Coast Brahmins but he became a lawman in Wyoming because he believed in justice.  A belief turned cynical over time as the relentless poverty and hardship seem insurmountable.  The cattlemen are feuding with homesteaders over grazing and water rights, and the Wyoming Stock Growers Association, led by Averill's former classmate, Frank Canton (Sam Waterson), have hired 50 mercenaries to harass, threaten, and ultimately murder immigrant families to protect their commercial interests.  Averill does everything in his power to stem the rising tide of violence, going head-to-head with Canton as well as his hired gun, Nate Champion (Christopher Walken), with whom he is also a rival for the affections of local madam Ella (Isabelle Huppert, the only woman in the film with a name).

Okay.  This movie is legendary as a total flop that ruined Kristofferson's career, Michael Cimino's career, and almost bankrupted United Artists.  It is a very good movie dragged down by an insane director, a bloated run time, and a depressing ending.  Cimino went waaaaaay over budget, was constantly fighting with actors, crew, and the studio, and killed so many animals on set SAG-AFTRA required that the American Humane Society have a presence on every film made after.  All of that could have been forgiven if it had been a hit.  But it wasn't.

There are the bones of a great story here.  A story of classism, of responsibility, community, compromises, justice, and greed.  Ageless concepts.  Unfortunately, they are buried in a 3 hour 39 minute runtime.  (Apparently the theatrical release included an intermission, thank God, or there might have been riots.)  The performances of Kristofferson, Walken, Huppert, and Jeff Bridges are incredible.  It is tragic that this didn't get a better cut.  Fortunately, time has smoothed some of the edges enough to show that it deserves consideration as a great Western, but I don't think it will ever escape the shadow of its potential.  

It's currently streaming on the Criterion Channel and Amazon Prime.

Passenger 57 (1992)

  Is Passenger 57 a cinematic masterpiece to rival Citizen Kane?  Okay, no, but(!) it is a magnificent slice of 90s action cheese that should have spawned four sequels like Die Hard culminating in a crossover movie where John Cutter and John McLane have to buddy up to save each other's kids by storming across England to fight their final villain, Charles Dance.

Airline security expert John Cutter (Wesley Snipes) is on his way to Los Angeles to get a promotion he doesn't really want.  At the last minute, the FBI commandeers seats on the same airplane to transport notorious hijacker Charles Rane (Bruce Payne).  Of course, being an evil genius, Rane anticipated the flight and has a handful of cronies on board to help him take over.  It's up to Cutter and Plucky Flight Attendant/Love Interest Marti (Alex Datcher) to foil the hijackers and land the plane safely.

I cannot stress to you how entertaining this movie is.  It is perfect.  Which is probably why it is not available for streaming anywhere.  You can rent it and you definitely should.  I immediately bought a copy because this is going into rotation along with Under Siege, Broken Arrow, and True Lies.

The Grifters (1990)

  This whole movie is a con because it makes you think John Cusack is a main character when he doesn't do shit the entire time except say no.  I kept waiting for something to happen, for there to be a third-act twist but it's pretty straightforward.

Roy Dillon (John Cusack) is a hustler, strictly small-time, penny ante grifts.  Low reward but low risk.  His mother, Lilly (Anjelica Huston), is in the big leagues.  She travels around horse tracks, playing down long odds to pad the bookies' takes.  Roy and Lilly haven't spoken since Roy was 17 but when he ends up in the hospital, she drops everything to take care of him.  This pisses off his girlfriend, Myra (Annette Bening), who rightfully views Lilly as a threat.  Myra is also a hustler, desperate to get back in the top levels of con artistry after her last partner (J. T. Walsh) cracked up.  Roy doesn't want anything to do with that, either.

It's so weird watching a movie that actively hates women even as it tries to portray them as well-realized.  Lilly and Myra move poor, innocent Roy around their diabolical chessboard, subjecting him to their feminine wiles that he is helpless to resist even as he virtuously refuses to be part of their machinations.  It's very Freudian.  Also, Annette Bening gets naked a lot.  That may or may not influence your decision to see this.  You probably shouldn't.  Like I said, it's not great.  It is available on Paramount+, though.

Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves (2023)

  This was the Movie Club pick for this week and I got to watch it over Discord with my actual D&D group.  A new and fun experience!

Edgin (Chris Pine), a former spy turned thief, and Holga (Michelle Rodriguez), a barbarian who likes potatoes, were caught in a job gone wrong and tossed in jail.  Upon their release/escape, they go to the city of Neverwinter to retrieve Edgin's daughter, Kira (Chloe Coleman), only to discover that their former partner, Forge (Hugh Grant), has taken over the city and assumed guardianship of Kira with the help of creepy wizard Sofina (Daisy Head).  Their only choice is to rob Forge, obviously, to show Kira that they are more than just thieves.  But to do that, they'll need a team.

If you've ever played D&D, this will seem incredibly familiar.  You can almost see the dice rolls happening before anyone takes an action.  If you are a total nerd, like me, you can name every spell and every creature from Aarakocra to Tabaxi.  It's not a one-to-one (the guy who plays our druid was absolutely indignant at how many times the movie druid was able to Wild Shape) but it's pretty close.

If you've never played D&D, good news!  It's still a fun fantasy heist movie that you don't have to have any prior knowledge to enjoy.  Movie Club said it's basically The Italian Job but with magic.  And I am mad I didn't also make that connection, but it's true.

It's available in theaters and on Vudu and Amazon right now for rent, but it's going to be hitting Paramount+ in a couple of weeks, so unless you're putting together a watch group, you might as well just wait.

Repo Man (1984)

  Cinema Club pick for the week.  The vibes are strong here, just not sure they're for me.

Otto (Emilio Estevez) is a punk kid trying to make it in a strict corporate world.  He gets suckered in to the legally right but morally wrong world of repossessing cars under the mentorship of Bud (Harry Dean Stanton), Lite (Sy Richardson), and Miller (Tracey Walter) who try and teach him the Zen-like code of the Repo Man.  Things are going well and Otto is learning the ropes when a car alert comes in for a '68 Chevy with a reward of $20,000.  Every repo outfit in the city, plus several government agencies are after this car, or more accurately, what's in the trunk.

You can easily see the influence this had on movies that followed but I'm still not sure that's a positive.  There are a lot of That Guy actors, proving once again why they consistently got work.  The most competent and badass character is Marlene (Vonetta McGee), the receptionist.  I personally love the trope of one Machiavellian background character maneuvering things behind the bumblefuck main guy but your mileage may vary on that.

Also, the soundtrack is excellent.

This is very much a cult classic elevated to actual classic status by the Criterion Collection.  I didn't think it was great, but I am also very much not the target audience.  It's not currently streaming anywhere except as a rental through YouTube, Amazon, or whatever other play service you like.

She's the Man (2006)

  Another Christy movie.  This one is vastly better than The House Bunny which brings it up to Okay.

After a disastrous day learning that her soccer team had been cut, being laughed at by a misogynistic coach (Robert Torti) when she asked to try out for the boys' team, and having to dump her equally misogynistic boyfriend (James Snyder), it's not surprising that Viola (Amanda Bynes) has the worst idea of her life:  impersonate her twin brother, Sebastian (James Kirk), at his elite prep school, get on their soccer team, and prove everyone wrong.  But hiding a secret that big is harder than she expected, especially when she develops a crush on the team captain (Channing Tatum) who is interested in another girl (Laura Ramsey), who is interested in "Sebastian."  

This is an adaptation of Twelfth Night by William Shakespeare and in the grand tradition of classic adaptations set in high school, it works shockingly well.  The drama level is commiserate with the setting.  I found the "I'm a dude, look at me, being a dude!" humor to fall completely flat but I'm pretty sure it was supposed to.  Unfortunately, I also hate comedy based on cringe so it still didn't work for me.  

Bynes isn't given enough material to make this work as well as it could have.  She's a talented comedienne but this does not play to her strengths.  As ever, I hate Channing Tatum, but watching this I can see how far he's come as an actor.  Nobody else really stuck out at all.  I doubt I'll remember watching this by tomorrow.

A lot of people enjoy this film.  Maybe you will be one of them!  It's currently streaming on Kanopy if you have a library card.

The House Bunny (2008)

  This was an aggressively stupid movie that featured a decent soundtrack and great eye candy.  It's one of the leftover Christy Collection movies that I added way way back when we had combined our respective DVDs.  The message isn't terrible but I seriously doubt I could ever watch it again.

Orphan Shelley (Anna Faris) dreamed of having a home, and being super hot, found one at the Playboy Mansion.  Then she turned 27 and got kicked out.  Homeless and destitute since everything she owned was actually owned by Hugh Hefner, she wanders onto a college campus and learns about being a housemother.  The only sorority in need of one is about to have its charter revoked for not meeting their pledge requirements, and lead girl Natalie (Emma Stone) thinks Shelley might be the answer.  If she can show the Zeta girls how to be hot and popular enough to draw attention and prosperity, they can keep their charter.  In return, they give Shelley a home and a slightly larger vocabulary.

I cannot overemphasize how trite and predictable this movie is.  It is every "college comedy" stereotype complete with a makeover sequence to turn uggos like Stone, Kat Dennings, Katherine McPhee, Kiely Williams, and Rumer Willis into... how they normally look.  The message of sisterhood and being true to oneself is constantly undercut by the film asserting that male approval is still the only metric that matters.  It was hamstrung from the beginning with a faulty premise that all the pink Girl Power! Juicy sweatpants in the world couldn't fix.

Ladies, you deserve better.  But it is streaming on HBO Max if you so choose.

Paris, Texas (1984)

  Never has my sympathy for a main character evaporated as quickly as it did during the last 15 minutes of this movie.  My God.  This is why I don't review things unless I've finished them!  Sometimes they'll turn on you!  Content warning:  verbal descriptions of intimate partner violence (IPV).

Walt (Dean Stockwell) discovers his brother, Travis (Harry Dean Stanton), has been found after disappearing four years earlier.  Travis has been wandering the American Southwest on an obscure personal quest that he won't reveal, even to Walt.  After some coaxing, Travis agrees to go to his brother's house to see the son (Hunter Carson) he abandoned.  The boy barely remembers his biological father, having been raised to think of his uncle and Aunt Ann (Aurore Clément) as his parents.  Ann is terrified Travis will want to take Hunter away, but does tell him where he can begin looking for his estranged wife, Jane (Nastassja Kinski), who is technically the one who dropped Hunter off at their doorstep four years ago.  Jane hasn't been back but she has been depositing money every month into an account for Hunter, which Travis uses to trace her to a peep show where she works.  (For the younger crowd, this was the precursor to Cam Girls.)  With the safety of one-way glass, Travis finally shares the inciting incident of this film.

This is not going to be a film for everyone.  It was barely a film for me.  Wim Wenders directs with such a sympathetic eye, the resulting betrayal is that much deeper.  Stanton and Stockwell are consummate professionals, as always, but I was pleasantly surprised by how good Kinski's Southern accent was.  I wasn't expecting it.  Only two years prior, she was in Cat People with zero accent.  An underrated actress.  

It is a movie that deals in trauma and psychological scars, but also in finding a way back and making amends.  If that sounds like something you're interested in, it is currently streaming on HBO Max and the Criterion Channel.