Hadestown: The Musical (2026)

Happy Labor Day!  Here's a surprisingly related movie.  I like this trend of staged productions getting filmed.  It feels much more egalitarian.

Orpheus (Reeve Carney) is a starry-eyed cafe worker on the surface, working on a song to bring the world back into harmony.  He meets Eurydice (Eva Noblezada), who is homeless and hounded by the Fates (Bella Brown, Madeline Charlemagne, and Allie Daniel), and falls for her immediately.  Eurydice is skeptical and wonders why the climate has become so extreme.  Orpheus explains that Hades (Patrick Page) and Persephone (Amber Gray) have fallen out of love and Persephone resents having to spend six months in Hadestown, which is continually fortified by Hades' indentured workers.  During a snowstorm, Hades comes to Eurydice and promises her warmth and a cessation of suffering, so she signs one of his permanent contracts.  Distraught, Orpheus pleads with Hermes (André de Shields) for another way into Hadestown to retrieve her.

This is the exact same story you've always heard but it is nice to see new musicals.  The performances are top-notch, especially de Shields and Carney.  Apparently it was based on a concept album from a musician called Anaīs Mitchell, whom I've never heard of but good for her.  It's available to rent or buy from Amazon right now but I'm sure it'll be on a streaming service soon.

Hokum (2026)

  Content warning:  suicide (hanging), dead animal (goat)

Ohm Bauman (Adam Scott) travels to Ireland to lay his parents' ashes to rest at the hotel where they honeymooned.  He learns that the honeymoon suite has been in disuse for years and the rumor is that a witch is trapped there.  Ohm obviously doesn't believe in that kind of nonsense.  He hangs himself in his room, but is saved by Fiona (Florence Odesh), the bartender.  After his recovery, he returns to thank her only to discover that she has been missing since the Halloween party.  Jerry (David Wilmot), the local homeless man/drug enthusiast, thinks Fiona is in the Honeymoon Suite and after the hotel closes for the season, he and Ohm break in to check.

This is by Damian McCarthy, the writer and director of Oddity, which was one of my absolute favorite movies from a couple of years ago.  And I just learned that the same guy directed Caveat, which I watched last year and loved.  He is three for three features for me, now.

This was missing the amount of emotional heft that I had in Oddity, but I am very partial to revenge stories.  Hokum is more about guilt.  Performances were excellent.  Scott has been killing it with the "depressed sad sack" roles lately.  Not sure what happened to him after Parks and Rec, but he's making it work.  I'm going to also give a lot of credit to the sound design.  This doesn't rely on jump scares as much as McCarthy's other films, which I appreciate, and instead layers voices to create a soundscape of horror.  

It's not available for streaming yet, only rental or purchase.  I bought it as a birthday present for myself.

Muppet Treasure Island (1996)

  RIP Tim Curry.  Losing Dolly Parton was a national tragedy but Tim Curry was a personal loss.  He made up so much of my childhood between Annie, Legend, Clue and this movie.

Jim Hawkins (Kevin Bishop) loves hearing the old, salty tall tales of Billy Bones (Billy Connolly), the local sailor-turned-drunk, at his seaside inn.  Especially the ones about Captain Flint's buried treasure.  One night, the inn is attacked and Bones confesses that the treasure is real and he has the map.  He gives it to Jim, Gonzo (himself), and Rizzo the Rat (himself) for safe-keeping.  The three decide to hire a ship and go after the treasure themselves.  Squire Trelawney (Fozze Bear) finances the trip under Captain Smollett (Kermit the Frog).  Jim signs on as a cabin boy and is taken under the wing of the friendly ship's cook, Long John Silver (Tim Curry).  

If you've read Robert Louis Stevenson's novel, you know the plot.  If you haven't, it's a classic for a reason and a childhood favorite.  Obviously, this is also a Muppet movie.  I had forgotten it was also a musical.  In fact, it had been so long since I'd seen it, I might as well have watched it for the first time.  In a word, this movie is great.  Not just a great kid's film, or Muppet movie, but a legitimately good comic adaptation.  Jennifer Saunders and Connolly steal early scenes but Curry is the draw, here.  He carries the film and that's hard to do surrounded by Muppets.  It's streaming on Disney+ and is a great way to introduce your kids to the legacy of an incredible performer.

The 355 (2022)

  I really wanted this to be better than it was.

Mace Browne (Jessica Chastain) is dispatched to Paris with her partner, Nick (Sebastian Stan), to retrieve a digital skeleton key from a Colombian soldier (Edgar Ramirez) who stole it from a British dude (Jason Flyming).  The op goes south when a rival German intelligence operative, Marie Schmidt (Diane Kruger), tries to steal the key.  In the ensuing chase, Nick is killed and Mace is blamed for the boondoggle.  To clear her name, she recruits an old MI6 buddy and tech whiz, Khadijah (Lupita N'yongo), to track the drive, which the operative has handed off to his psychologist, Graciela (Penelope Cruz).  Gracie is not a field-trained operative, but she's the only one biometrically linked to the drive, so the other three drag her along to a CIA safe house.  There, they learn that the drive is going to be auctioned in Shanghai and they have a very small window to be able to recover it.

I don't know if the studio just didn't have any faith in this or what, but the script could have used a couple more passes and possibly a military or government consultant.  The actors are giving it their best but they are let down by a tired, cliche-heavy script, anemic cinematography, and laissez-faire direction.    Someone was clearly trying for a rah-rah Girl Power spy movie and it just falls flat.  It's currently streaming on Peacock.  Watch Ocean's 8 instead.  

Bill and Ted Face the Music (2020)

  Looks like it's a Keanu Reeves weekend as we finish out this trilogy.

Bill (Alex Winters) and Ted (Keanu Reeves) saved the world but have struggled in the wake of their success with Wyld Stallyns and they've gone from playing arenas to playing Elks Lodges.  A visitor from the future, Kelly (Kristen Schaal), warns them that if they don't find the song that unites the entire human race throughout all time, in accordance with the prophecy, the future will collapse.  Having not written a song in decades, Bill and Ted decide to go into their future to find a time when they will have written it and steal it from their future selves while avoiding a killer robot from the future (Anthony Carrigan).  Meanwhile, their daughters Billy (Jack Haven) and Thea (Samara Weaving) decide to help out by putting together a band made up of the most incredible musicians from all of time.

You already know if you're the target audience for this.  If you're not, there's nothing here for you.  If you are, it's pure nostalgia bait but it's cute.  They brought back some of the main cast, including William Sadler, Hal Landon, Jr., and Amy Stoch.  George Carlin's daughter, Kelly, has a cameo, which is a nice touch.  The plot remains paper-thin but the effects work has gotten much better since 1991.  It's currently streaming for free on Tubi and PlutoTV.  

My Own Private Idaho (1991)

  If I had a nickel for every Shakespeare adaptation Keanu Reeves starred in, I'd have two nickels.  

Mike (River Phoenix) is a narcoleptic, hustler, and prostitute in Oregon.  His best friend is Scott (Keanu Reeves), a fellow prostitute rebelling against his rich, overbearing father, who is the mayor of Portland.  Mike wants to find his estranged mother (Vana O'Brien), so he and Scott travel to Idaho to find Mike's brother, Richard (James Russo.)  Dick has a last-known address in Italy so the boys hit up a recurring customer, Hans (Udo Kier), for airfare money.  

This is part of the queer indie movement from the 80s and early 90s.  It just has a much stronger pedigree.  Gus Van Sant wrote and directed it, and obviously Reeves' and Phoenix's careers were already taking off.  It's not fully an adaptation of Henry IV but there are a lot of elements that cross over.  The style is experimental, with time lapses, odd title cards, and fantastical elements.  It's not terrible but it's not very engaging, either.  These boys' lives are pretty bleak.  Still, it's considered a cult classic.  It's not streaming anywhere for free but, like its main characters, it is available for rent.

Cimarron (1931)

  Content warning:  dead animal (horse, off-screen), racism

Yancey Cravat (Richard Dix) is in love with the idea of the West.  He leaves his Wichita home to travel to the Oklahoma Territory for a land rush, only to be beaten out on the best parcel by a young woman (Estelle Taylor).  Undefeated, he moves his family to the boomtown of Osage and starts a newspaper, but the call of the West reaches out and he leaves his wife, Sabra (Irene Dunne) to manage things on her own, showing up from time to time like a stray cat.

This was a major epic back in the day.  It cost a fortune during the Great Depression and won three Oscars, including Best Picture.  Now, it's mostly just an artifact of a bygone era.  The characterizations are melodramatic, the pacing is laggy, and the tone is rhapsodic over a past that never existed.  It would, however, make a decent double feature with Killers of the Flower Moon if you want to see the other side of this story, which glosses over the atrocities with barely a blip.  Dix overacts like hell, swaggering around in the shiniest boots and looking like a parody of a silent film star.  Dunne is the real hero here, holding down a throughline of plot that meanders terribly.  At two hours and three minutes long, it's not a jaunt, and I don't think anyone but the most hardened of Oscar nerds are going to find it worth it.  But it is in the public domain as of January this year, so it is free if you do want to watch it.  There's a couple of versions on YouTube and the whole thing is actually embedded in the Wikipedia article for the movie.

Madron (1970)

  Content warning:  animal death (rattlesnake)

Sister Mary Joseph (Leslie Caron) is the only survivor of a wagon train massacred by Apache on the way to a mission in Santa Fe.  She wanders haplessly through the desert until she meets Madron (Richard Boone), a gunslinger on the run after a bad business deal.  Madron has managed to piss off an Apache named Sam Red (Chaim Banai) and now Sam and Madron's former business partners are all after him.  Still, he's not the kind of man who would let a nun travel by herself, even if he can't really understand what a nun is.

It's the Volcano vs Dante's Peak of Westerns-featuring-men-exasperated-by-hot-nuns, coming out the same year as Two Mules for Sister Sara.  It's not nearly as memorable, however.  It looks like a made-for-TV movie but was inexplicably nominated for an Oscar for Best Original Song, a thoroughly sappy piece of work called "Til Love Touches Your Life."  

It's always nice to see Caron, although she is acting circles around Boone.  Strictly for die-hard Spaghetti Western fans, I think, but it's streaming on Amazon Prime.

Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey (1991)

  Our journey continues through the middle of this franchise.

Bill (Alex Winters) and Ted (Keanu Reeves) are gearing up for the San Dimas Battle of the Bands, a turning point in their future that will usher in a new age of prosperity and peace.  In the far future, however, Chuck de Nomolos (Joss Ackland) has implemented a plan to go back and time, kill Bill and Ted, and replace them with evil robot versions.  The souls of Bill and Ted manage to escape Death (William Sadler) but are stymied as how to save their band or their girlfriends from beyond the grave.  They travel through Hell, Heaven, and Death's realm in search of guidance.

I remember this being borderline unwatchable but it's not that bad.  It's not great by any stretch but it's not terrible.  It's overlong and not nearly as funny as it thinks it is, but Sadler alone is worth it.  He is a highly underrated character actor.  The special effects now qualify as kitschy and I have no idea what they were going for with the weird troll-like aliens, but at least the soundtrack is good.  Also, bonus cameos by blues legend Taj Mahal and writer Ed Solomon, as well as performance work by Michael "Boogaloo Shrimp" Chambers and Tony Cox.

Totally understand if you skip this one.  It's currently streaming on Kanopy and for free on Tubi.

On the Rocks (2020)

 Well, it's better than Lost in Translation, but that's about all I can say in its favor.

Laura (Rashida Jones) begins to suspect that her husband (Marlon Wayans) is having an affair so she reaches out to her father (Bill Murray), a known cheater, to help her investigate.

It's a bit like asking a thief if someone is stealing.

There's nothing specifically wrong with the movie; it just seems like a bunch of rich people with no real problems inventing things so they don't get bored.  It's Sofia Coppola, so I suppose that tracks.  Nobody in the film is particularly sympathetic.  Laura is the architect of her own problems because she's afraid to talk to her husband so she's already decided that he's cheating and is looking to corroborate, not absolve.  Her father is incapable of admitting that he's pathologically lonely and is willing to enact scheme after scheme to keep Laura hanging out with him.  And her husband isn't innocent, either.  He is blithely ignoring every glaring issue because he doesn't want to see them.  So nobody is right and everybody has their feelings hurt and who wants to see that in a movie?  

If for some reason you do, it's streaming on AppleTV.  Jessica Henwick and Jenny Slade have minor parts, and TV legend Barbara Bain has a small cameo.  It's not enough of a reason to watch this, though, as all of those women have better roles elsewhere.

Drive (2011)

I've softened my stance on this movie slightly.  I no longer actively hate it.  Yes, it is still slow and yes, I still think Gosling is miscast (he and Oscar Isaac should have swapped) but it's fine.  

Here's the thing, though.  I don't think my opinion changed because of the movie itself.  It was because I saw the utter nonsense men went through to praise it.  For a little while, a subset of men online lost their minds over this movie and that is extremely funny to me if you actually watch it.  It speaks to a very specific male fantasy of being Cool and being Loved but not having any actual responsibility or doing anything to make that happen.  The Driver (still stupid) is good at one specific thing, for which he receives very little recognition and almost no compensation.  His mentor/the only other man he knows (Bryan Cranston) is weak, literally disabled, and cringes constantly in the face of power while The Driver remains cool and detached.  But Cranston's character is the one managing The Driver's entire life.  He's the one who books the jobs, gets the cars, and does all the boring, administrative stuff that keeps the lights on so Driver can just show up and take the keys.  

Carey Mulligan's character is a damsel in distress so he gets to be her rescuer but doesn't have to do any of the day-to-day relationship work (i.e., what makes a relationship work) because she's married to a different, weak man.  He can babysit her cute little kid without ever having to actually be a parent.  And in the Ultimate Grand Gesture, he takes on the entire mob (okay, one guy with a knife collection from Temu) in order to free her from her husband's shitty decisions.  It's the façade of independence.  Like how every housecat secretly believes it's a tiger.

And none of that is the movie's fault.  It's just underwritten, probably to make more room for car chases.  If you are into style over substance, though, this is probably a decent enough watch.  It's currently streaming on PlutoTV with ads.  Originally posted 06 Feb 2012.  Nominated for Best Sound Editing   I do not understand how a movie this violent can be this boring.  The violence is very thorough but I just didn't believe Ryan Gosling as a badass.  His voice is too soft.  Romantic lead?  Sure, no problem.  Quiet political thriller?  Ok, I'll buy that.  Ruthless getaway driver?  Not so much.

He doesn't even have a name.  He's just listed as Driver.  People!  It is only cool when Clint Eastwood does it!  Anyway, 'Driver' is a part-time stunt man, a mechanic and moonlights as a getaway driver for petty larceny.  He's like The Transporter but with less personality.  His pretty young neighbor, Irene (Carey Mulligan), has car trouble so he strikes up a friendship with her.  Her husband, Standard (Oscar Isaac), gets out of jail and plans to go straight.  Unfortunately, he owes some people protection money and they want him to rob a pawn shop.  Of course, Driver steps in to be his...driver.  The heist goes horribly wrong and Standard gets killed.  Driver goes after the people behind the heist in order to protect Irene and her son.

This movie had a ton of talent in it from Albert Brooks, playing way against type, to Christina Hendricks, who's in it for a hot minute.  She is a very pretty woman and they do not show her to advantage.  Honestly, I thought everyone in the movie did a great job except Ryan Gosling.  He's just not hardened enough for me.  I thought the soundtrack was like an 80's remix and didn't really suit the movie at all.  As far as sound editing, I don't know enough about the technical aspects to really judge.

Nirvanna the Band the Show the Movie (2026)

  I could tell in the first fifteen minutes that I was not going to be the target audience for this movie but that shouldn't stop you from enjoying it.

Jay (Jay McCarol) and Matt (Matt Johnson) have been trying for years to book a show at The Rivoli, a nightclub in Toronto, but after Matt's latest stunt --parachuting from the top of the CN Tower-- nearly gets them both killed, Jay has had enough.  He secretly books an open mike night as a solo artist in Ottawa, planning to sneak out while Matt is asleep.  Meanwhile, Matt is blithely continuing with his latest plan to turn their RV into a fake time machine and falls asleep inside, waking up when Jay is driving them to Ottawa.  In the confusion, they discover it is actually a real time machine and accidentally travel back to when they were first starting out in 2008.  

It's an odd mixture of guerrilla filmmaking and scripted plots.  You don't need to have seen either the previous web series or the TV show to follow it, although I'm sure it's a richer experience if you have.  Maybe they explain why some of the cursing is censored, and some isn't.  I found the characters irritating so it was never going to work for me.  Matt, in particular, reminded me of the guy from Creep.  It's not the style of humor I like and one of my biggest pet peeves is when a mediocre movie's plot hinges on showing a better film.  In this case, that's Back to the Future.  But if this is something that you like, it's currently streaming on Hulu.

The Girl Who Leapt Through Time (2008)

  This took ages to find.  I tried a couple of different times to watch it but the subtitles were messed up so I had to wait until it cycled back onto HBO Max.  Not 100% sure it was worth the trouble.

Makoto (Riisa Naka) was a normal high school girl until an accident gave her the power to jump through time.  At first, this seems like an easy way to fix all the minor inconveniences in her life.  Fail a test?  Do it again.  Accidentally set something on fire?  No, you didn't.  Best guy friend asks you out and you don't know how to respond?  Go back and avoid that whole conversation.  But when the changes begin to have consequences for the people around her, she begins to truly understand the cost of knowledge.

It's fine.  It's a very slight film that doesn't have anything profound to say, but it was entertaining enough for a Sunday.  Everything stays very localized around Makoto which makes it more digestible.  It's kind of funny that I managed to watch two films about high schoolers traveling through time this weekend.  I feel like Masoka would have gotten on with Bill and Ted like a house on fire.  They're all equally stupid.  It's currently streaming on HBO Max.

Big Night (1996)

  I swear, I remember seeing trailers for this movie from the 90s but it had Andy Garcia instead of Stanley Tucci.  Weird.

Two brothers run an Italian restaurant in 1950s New Jersey.  Secondo (Stanley Tucci) is desperate to get more people in to keep the restaurant from failing but his brother and chef, Primo (Tony Shaloub), refuses to compromise by making Americanized Italian food.  Across the street, Pascal (Ian Holm) has no such compunctions and his place is packed every night.  He offers to help boost the brothers by inviting jazz musician Louis Prima to eat at their restaurant, so they go all out to prepare an evening no one will forget.

One of my pet peeves is a movie not translating non-English dialogue.  You probably don't need it to get the gist of what's happening, but it would be nice.  If you do speak Italian, this might be a fun service you can provide to your friends.  

Tucci and Shaloub are great, as always.  It's good to see Isabella Rosselini, Allison Janney, and Minnie Driver in things, and if you like Latin music, it is very odd to see singer Marc Anthony playing a waiter.  It's a solid character drama that feels very 90s, but the real star here is the food.  Holy crap, you will be so hungry after watching this.  And/Or feel a real need to hop on Expedia and start looking for vacations in Tuscany.  It's currently streaming on Paramount+.

Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure (1989)

This continues to be a surprisingly smart "stupid" movie.  This time I noticed that they made Napoleon seem like a total dick, but so did Ridley Scott, so...  Originally posted 01 Feb 2012.    I hadn't seen this movie in ages.  Probably not since middle school. 

Bill (Alex Winters) and Ted (Keanu Reeves) are high schoolers convinced that their band, Wyld Stallyons, will be the Next Great Thing.  As soon as they can get Van Halen on guitar.  Oh, and possibly learn how to play themselves.  But things do not look rosy as they are about to fail their history final and if they do, Ted's father (Hal Landon, Jr.) is sending him to a military school in Alaska.  Not to worry, though, because the boys are getting a little help from the future in the form of Rufus (George Carlin) and his time-traveling phone booth.  See, if Wyld Stallyons gets broken up, the future he comes from will not exist.  So the guys zip across space-time, kidnapping historical figures like Socrates (Tony Steedman), Billy the Kid (Dan Shor), Napoleon (Terry Camilliari), and Joan of Arc (Jane Wiedlin).  But will time run out before they can give their report?

I never noticed when I watched it as a kid that all the "historical" figures were restricted by language.  Socrates only speaks Greek, Napoleon only speaks French, Freud speaks English and German and so forth.  It's a small detail but a cute one and bravo to the film-makers for including it.  Granted, this movie is just a harmless piece of 80's frippery and you should definitely not expect mind-blowing things from it but it is still fun to watch.  There were a couple of lines that startled a laugh out of me but I'll admit that I'm not the target audience, nor have I ever been.  This was purely nostalgic for me.

Obsession (2026)

  Content warning:  dead animal (cat), suicide, blood, self-harm, vomit

Bear (Michael Johnston) has a crush on his co-worker, Nikki (Inde Navarrette).  Rather than confess his feelings to her, he buys a novelty item from a spiritualist shop called a One-Wish Willow.  Breaking the wand grants the user one wish and Bear wishes that Nikki would love him.  So she does.  But as her behavior grows more and more unhinged, Bear begins to wish that he'd read the fine print on the box.

This movie was hilarious.  Five stars.  All credit to Inde Navarrette, who really can't be praised enough.  Her performance makes this movie.  I hope she gets so much work.  Also, shout out to Curry Barker who wrote and directed the film.  For a sophomore feature, this is incredibly polished.   

This would be such a good double-feature with Weapons.  I know Companion seems obvious, but you're wrong.  Tech versus magic.  Completely different vibes.  Watch it with Weapons.  It has been a while since I have been this excited after seeing a horror movie and I am thrilled.  It's streaming on Peacock but I am probably going to buy a copy so I can make people watch it.

Burning (2018)

  This is just The Vanishing for people on their phones.

Jong-su (Yoo Ah-in) runs into his childhood neighbor, Hae-mi (Jeon Jong-seo), while running odd jobs.  She asks him to feed her cat while she is gone for several weeks in Africa.  When she comes back, she's with Ben (Steven Yuen), who is hotter, richer, and cooler than Jong-su.  But Jong-su soon becomes suspicious that Ben is hiding a dark secret, especially when Hae-mi disappears.

This movie is almost two and a half hours long, and it could have cut a solid 40 minutes off and lost nothing.  Some critics called it "slow-burn," I call it boring.  I think I would have been more okay with it not being an actual mystery --because it's not-- if the main character had any charisma whatsoever.  He just stumbles around with his mouth hanging open.  Yuen runs circles around him without even trying.  

As a sleep aid, it's fine.  It's a soft palette of blues and grays, the music isn't overbearing, and there are no sudden loud noises.  It's streaming on the Roku Channel so there are ad breaks but they weren't super disruptive because there wasn't any action or tension to disrupt.  

Dog Day Afternoon (1975)

  Content warning:  gun violence, descriptions of domestic abuse

A bank robbery turns into a stand-off with the police on a sweltering summer day in Brooklyn, New York.

I have complicated feelings about this movie and some time on my hands.    

Let's begin with the basics.  This is a great Al Pacino performance.  Sonny is clearly and distinctly the main character, both sympathetic and repulsive, a man obviously suffering from untreated mental health issues and Pacino plays him with great dexterity.  The supporting cast is also great.  Charles Durning is probably not the guy you think of when you imagine someone going toe-to-toe with Pacino at the height of his powers, but he deserves the flowers here.  Penelope Allen, Sully Boyar, and Susan Peretz all turn in great character bits here.  You might recognize Carol Kane, Chris Sarandon, and Lance Henrikson popping in as well.  Also, if you've seen Spike Lee's Inside Man, you'll recognize Marcia Jean Kurtz, by the hair if nothing else.  (It took me nearly half the running time to place her and then I was filled with admiration for Mr. Lee for his homage.)

So, good performances.  Direction is also good.  Tension gets maintained throughout; even when it dips into tedium, it feels intentional, in order to ramp up the drama and fray the nerves.  Sidney Lumet was known for taut psychological films that didn't quite cross the line into thrillers.  He's a little dry for me, personally, but I can't deny the skill.

The nice thing about Lumet is that he definitely believes that subtext is for cowards.  The film is explicitly queer but not in a Very Special Episode kind of way.  It's a story about gay people that's not a Gay Story (tm), yeah?  Sonny is a conflicted man trying to reconcile his feelings with, again, untreated mental illness.  (I have a minor quibble over the way we're told about his violent outbursts but never shown any, but that feeds into my larger issue with the film.  More to follow.)  There's no pearl-clutching or Gay Panic.  Leon's gender dysphoria is actually handled pretty well, considering the time it was made.  I'm just saying.  It could have been way worse but Lumet chooses to treat Sonny as just another New Yorker.

The problem is Sal, the other bank robber played by John Cazale.  He's not really a character; he's a placeholder to fill plot holes.  Hear me out.  We know Sonny's motivation, as ill-conceived as it is.  We see his stressors.  He's the one that interacts with the hostages, the cops, the public.  We get nothing about Sal. He has no backstory, no character development, no reveal.  He doesn't seem to be motivated by the money (he seems a little too into the apparent suicide pact Sonny agreed to before the heist), he doesn't state any relationship to Sonny like brother (*cough*Fredo*cough) or cousin so there's no familial obligation.  He's not gay, so he's not there to help Leon.  Sonny mentions that they're both veterans but not if they served together.  But if you take his character out, Sonny is caught in about two minutes.  It's a two-man job, but the story only cares about one of them.  I don't love that.

Notwithstanding my critique, this is an excellent 70s nihilistic drama.  And it's streaming for free on YouTube.

War Dogs (2016)

  Content warning:  drug use, ableist slurs

David (Miles Teller), a massage therapist in Miami, quits to work for his childhood friend, Efraim (Jonah Hill) on a tiny defense contracting company.  Thanks to a new regulation, government contracts must be offered to small businesses, and AEY certainly qualifies as small.  But the boys are resourceful (and lucky), managing to parlay several small successes into larger wins until they finally hit the big time:  a contract so big it's known only as the Afghan Deal.  

If you surgically removed the wit and charm from Lord of War and just replaced them with tanning spray and the word "bro," you'd have War Dogs.  It says nothing new about gunrunning, morality, or even the serious laxity in the U.S. military procurement process.  (And I get to say that because I am one of those filthy defense contractors.)  Hill is at least trying to act while Teller bumbles gormlessly through his scenes.  The supporting cast of Ana de Armas, Kevin Pollack, and Bradley Cooper are wasted talents.  It's not clever, it's not funny, and it's not worth your time.  It is, however, streaming on Amazon Prime.

The Big Street (1942)

  A rare dramatic turn for Lucille Ball.

"Little" Pinks (Henry Fonda) is a busboy who falls in love with Gloria Lyons (Lucile Ball), a singer at the nightclub where he works.  Gloria is a gold-digger always looking for her next big score.  Her relationship with gangster Case Able (Barton MacLane) is fizzling out, so Gloria starts flirting with another millionaire, Decatur Reed (William T. Orr).  Ables doesn't take too kindly to being replaced and pushes her down the stairs, paralyzing her and ruining her career.  Will her reduced conditions force the proud chanteuse into some humility?

The main story isn't great.  Pinks is too soft and Gloria is too hard.  The supporting cast is what makes this movie worth watching.  Agnes Moorehead, Eugene Pallette, Sam Levene, Ray Collins, and Louise Beavers provide the comic relief as well as necessary heart.  Otherwise, this would be too slight of a melodrama.  But thanks to them, it tips over into a tragicomedy.  Ball plays way against type and it mostly works.  Fonda puts those big doe eyes to good use, mooning over her like a fool.

I own this as part of my Lucille Ball box set and it's unfortunately not available to stream for free anywhere.  It's definitely not one for casual fans but if you're interested in seeing Lucy be less than lovable, it's worth tracking down.

Mischief (1985)

 Another day, another boring coming-of-age story.

Seventeen-year-old Jonathan (Doug McKeon) is desperately infatuated with classmate Marilyn (Kelly Preston) but is too afraid of rejection to approach her.  His new neighbor, Gene (Chris Nash) is a little older and a lot more knowledgeable when it comes to girls.  He takes Jonathan under his wing, mentoring him while also pursuing a love of his own in Bunny (Catherine Mary Stewart), the local rich girl.

If you like the 50s aesthetic as filtered through the 80s, you might enjoy this movie at least visually.  The story itself is paint-by-numbers.  The main character is bland and uninteresting.  The female characters are basically objects with no interior lives.  It even has the trope of the girl who takes down her hair and is suddenly hot.  Production design is good but you've seen better.  Forgettable nostalgia-bait but it is streaming for free on YouTube.

Game Night (2018)

  Content warning:  blood

Max (Jason Bateman) and Annie (Rachel McAdams) host a weekly game night for their friends while trying to duck their creepy next-door neighbor, Gary (Jesse Plemmons).  Max is extremely competitive but constantly feels like he's in the shadow of his rich brother, Brooks (Kyle Chandler).  Brooks hosts a game night, promising a wild time with an incredible prize:  whoever can solve a mystery kidnapping will win Max's dream car.  Then masked men break in and take Brooks.  Max and Annie are determined to win and track Brooks' phone, hoping to get ahead of their friends, only to find that the kidnapping is real and Brooks has been leading a very different life than they thought.

I could tell this was a comedy because I recognized what the characters said were jokes, but at no point did I find this funny.  All the characters were pretty grating, except Rachel McAdams and Sharon Horgan, one because she can do no wrong and the other because she was the only normal one.  I also found the pacing off.  Again, I could tell that the structure of the film was meant to layer the jokes so it was like twist on twist, ramping up while building off the jokes that came previously;  I just didn't think it was funny, so everything got more and more irritating and tiresome.

A misfire for me but maybe not for you, as a lot of people apparently really liked it.  It's currently streaming on HBO Max.

Auntie Mame (1958)

  The OG Vodka Aunt.

Patrick Dennis (Jan Handzlik) is orphaned and sent to live with his eccentric Aunt Mame (Rosalind Russell), who welcomes him with open arms.  She wants Patrick to see and experience all the things the world has to offer but is hampered by the very stringent Mr. Babcock (Fred Clark), executor of Patrick's trust.  Mr. Babcock has strict instructions from the will that Patrick be sent to only approved schools and have only approved associations.  Mame's friends --actors, nudists, writers, musicians-- don't meet this criteria.  Over the vagaries of fortunes, Mame fights to retains custody of her nephew and keep him from being curtailed by a restricted future.

I never realized how much The Birdcage owed to Auntie Mame.  Basically, the entire last act is the same.  Which is not to suggest that both are not great.  They are distinct and each has incredible performances.  It was just when I noticed it, I couldn't stop seeing it.  

Russell is magnetic as the flamboyant Mame, even though I personally prefer the musical.  The costumes and set design are fantastic and practical, as they show the passage of time through the interior design and fashion choices Mame makes.  Message-wise, it's timeless.  Love triumphs over small-mindedness.  Also money.  Money is pretty triumphant in this.  Unfortunately, it's not streaming anywhere so you'll have to either rent or buy but it's absolutely worth the money.

The 400 Blows (1959)

  Content warning:  child abuse

Antoine (Jean-Pierre Léaud) is finding childhood difficult.  His mother (Claire Maurier) neglects and berates him until he catches her having an affair, while his stepfather (Albert Rémy) accuses him of theft but can be boisterously affectionate.  He rebels at school, earning disciplinary action and runs away, living in a friend's (Patrick Auffey) house, and committing petty theft to pay for cigars and magazines.  After being caught trying to return a stolen typewriter (because it wouldn't sell), his parents sign him over to a juvenile detention facility.

This movie is a great argument for birth control.  I wish I had seen it before I watched Capernaum, which was clearly influenced by this film.  According to Wikipedia, this was a semi-autobiographical work for writer and director François Truffaut, which just goes to show that men will create an entirely new movement in cinema rather than go to therapy.  

It is a classic of the French New Wave and has been hailed as one of the greatest films of the century.  I don't know that I'd go that far, but it is an excellent portrayal of childhood without the sentimentality of nostalgia.  Léaud is very young to carry a film this well but successfully manages to play a child pretending to be an adult, if that makes sense.  Like, he seems like a real kid wanting to be older and sophisticated instead of a Child Actor told to act like a Kid.  Watch the movie.  You'll see what I mean.  It's currently streaming on HBO Max, the Criterion Channel, and Kanopy.

Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's Sherlock Holmes (2010)

  Not to be confused with the Guy Ritchie Sherlock Holmes from the same year, although of course that's what the fine people at The Asylum want.  

Monsters are popping up over Victorian England and it's up to Sherlock Holmes (Ben Syder) and his trusty sidekick, Dr. Watson (Gareth David-Lloyd), to solve the case.

In a first for Movie Club, we were not told about the movie in advance.  Instead, we all showed up (metaphorically) and watched this together.  Probably because a lot of us would have refused otherwise.  It's me.  I'm "a lot of us."  It was a very entertaining experience watching it with others, much more than it likely would have been, but I cannot in good conscience recommend this movie.  

If you are familiar with The Asylum then you will know that they exist to make "Mockbusters," capitalizing off using the same or very similar titles for extremely cheap films.  There are a lot of people who love this genre as "so bad it's good" but I am generally not one of them.  If you are, you probably have seen this already.

It reminded me a lot of The Private Life of Sherlock Holmes but with worse acting, dialogue, and plot.  The production design was actually not bad, but in no way redeems the film.  It's not the worst movie I've ever seen but it is trying hard to be.  The whole thing is on YouTube.  Watch with friends.

The Green Knight (2021)

  Content warning:  dead animals, some gore

Gawain (Dev Patel) is nephew to the greatest king (Sean Harris) England ever had and is willing to do a lot to impress him.  So when a giant (Ralph Ineson) shows up on Christmas Day and asks who is willing to challenge him in a test of arms, Gawain seizes the chance.  With one blow, he strikes off the giant's head.  The giant laughs, picks his head up, and tells Gawain he has one year to come to the Green Chapel and receive the same treatment.  Trapped by his own moral code, Gawain has to come to terms with his approaching mortality.  A week before Christmas, he sets out on a much stranger adventure than he had planned.

This was visually stunning, which almost makes up for the fact that it is a garbage film.  It doesn't even tell the most famous --okay, second most famous-- Gawain story, the one where he gets his wife.  Instead, they lump in references to Barry Lyndon, of all godforsaken things, and the director's mommy issues.  

It moves like a glacier and has the same ponderousness of purpose.  The cast is great but the director doesn't seem to be able to get out of his own way.  Very disappointing.  It's currently streaming on Tubi, where it frankly belongs.

The Big Lebowski (1998)

  Rewatched this to see if I liked it any better now that some time has passed.  I don't.

Jeffrey "The Dude" Lebowski (Jeff Bridges) is thrust into a high-stakes kidnapping because he shares the same name with a millionaire (David Huddleston) whose wife (Tara Reid) has gone missing.  The Dude recruits his idiot friend, Walter (John Goodman), as backup but that only makes things worse.  

I've never understood the hype around this movie.  I don't find it funny, clever, or engaging.  It just does not work for me on any level.  But a lot of people really love it.  I've even seen an entire Lebowski-themed bar in Ireland.  And that's great.  I'm glad there are things out there for people, even if I don't care for them.  

It's currently streaming on Netflix.  I watched it on my server but I'm likely going to delete it.

The Juror (1996)

Mafia Romance BookTok Girlies!  This one is for you (complimentary)! Content warning:  stalking, violence

Annie Laird (Demi Moore) is excited to be on jury duty (that's how you know it's fiction) for the murder trial of mafia don Louie Boffano (Tony Lo Bianco) until she is targeted by the mob's fixer, Vincent (Alec Baldwin).  Jury tampering and witness intimidation aren't enough for him, though, as he becomes fascinated with the pretty single mother.  

I've seen the shit you Dark Romance people read (again, complimentary) and this is ripe for a re-discovery.  Yes, it is a crap 90s legal thriller that John Grisham would turn his nose up at, and yes, it stars mega-creep Alec Baldwin, but on the other hand, if you squint a little, it's almost romantic in a casually toxic way.  Plus, James Gandolfini!  Joseph Gordon-Levitt!  Anne Heche!  Okay, maybe also not great, but still!  And a bunch of dudes you will recognize from other bit Mob parts!  It's streaming on Tubi, the go-to home for all craptacular films.

Her (2013)

File this under films hit by Apollo's dodgeball of prophecy.  Now a decade later and there's an entire subreddit for people who are in love with their AIs.  And it's still just as pathetic.  I can't believe how initially hopeful I was when I posted this.  Holy shit.  I didn't have a clue.  

The current LLM nightmare of data centers stealing water, tech billionaires begging for government handouts because their bubble is about to burst around them, and the sheer glee people have ceding their critical thinking skills to a plagiarizing TI-80 makes this movie seem like a prequel to Wall-E.   **SPOILER ALERT**  At least in this, the AIs eventually become aware enough to cut bait and leave us to our own devices.  **END SPOILERS**  Yes, I do hate the clankers, why do you ask?  It's available to rent or buy.  Originally posted 01 Mar 2014.

Nominated for:  Best Picture, Best Original Score, Best Original Song, Best Production Design, and Best Original Screenplay    Every once in a while, the Academy picks a nominee for Best Picture that presents an idea so novel you just can't help talking about it.  It forces you to consider thoughts you held about a subject and challenges your perceptions.  That's probably why it will lose the statue but this is the first Best Picture nominee of the year that actually made me remember that motion pictures are an art form, and art is meant to provoke.

Theodore Twombly (Joaquin Phoenix) is going through a rough time.  He is trying to move on from his last relationship but isn't ready to sign his divorce papers.  He's lonely, withdrawn, and depressed.  Then he sees an ad for an AI personal assistant that promises a fully-formed artificial consciousness tailor-made to his specifications.  Her name is Samantha (Scarlett Johansson).  Initially just looking for novelty, Theodore soon finds that Samantha is integral to his life.  She is bright, bubbly, helpful, and sees the world through a fresh pair of eyes.  Soon enough, in fact, Theodore starts to fall in love but telling people you are dating an OS is the definition of "it's complicated".

This movie is so much more than some dude in love with a phone.  It highlights emotional reality, i.e. can emotions be genuine if they are not shared with another human.  Do you need a body to have a relationship?  Of course not.  Enough people date online to make that an easy pill to swallow.

For me, the main point of this movie was how willing we are to limit our love.  It is exceptionally difficult to know that your partner has completely outgrown you, has evolved without you into a totally different class of consciousness.  We prune our love down to an amount we're comfortable with, instead of encouraging it to grow and encompass the whole world.  Maybe then love wouldn't be something anxiously awaited and jealously guarded as if it only came around once in a lifetime.

So, after all that, let me ruin everything and say that I didn't actually like this movie.  I loved the ideas it brings up but the movie itself is slow with a color palette that needed anti-depressants, and irritating characters, especially Theodore Twombly.  What a sad sack.  The vision of the near-future is pretty neat, though.  Best Picture?  No.  Best Score or Song?  No.  Production Design is a maybe, but I would definitely pick it for Best Original Screenplay right now.

Breakin' (1984)

 Happy 4th of July!  Here's a movie about an American art form.    

Kelly (Lucinda Dickey) is a jazz dancer trying to break into a very competitive world.  For fun, she hangs out with breakdancers Ozone (Adolfo "Shabba Doo" Quiñones) and Turbo (Michael "Boogaloo Shrimp" Chambers).  When Kelly's dance teacher, Franco (Ben Lokey), sexually harasses her, she quits and forms a new dance group with Ozone and Turbo.  Kelly's agent, James (Christopher McDonald), is initially skeptical about breakdancing's mainstream appeal but gets the group booked for a very high-profile audition, where they must face off against Franco and his elite dancers.

This is the debut of Ice-T, in case you only know him as the Law & Order guy and might be the youngest performance I've ever seen of McDonald, most famous (probably) for being the antagonist in Happy Gilmore.  Also, yes, that is Jean-Claude Van Damme hanging out in the background of the Venice Beach dance sequence.

The plot is really simple and the performances are not great because almost no one in this was a professional actor.  However, the dance scenes are great and that is what matters here.  This movie paved the way for "white girl uses her privilege to highlight Black art" films like Save the Last Dance and Bring It On.  It's streaming on Amazon Prime.

Sorry to Bother You (2018)

  Like if Spike Lee and Michael Gondry had a surreal, socially-conscious baby.

Cassius Green (LaKeith Stanfield) needs money desperately so he joins a telemarketing company, only to discover that he has an innate skill at salesmanship.  His rising success puts him at odds with the rest of the workers, who are trying to start a union, and with his girlfriend (Tessa Thompson), an artist and social activist.  The new position opens doors for Cassius and his new client, WorryFree, a mega-corporation run by Steve Lift (Armie Hammer).  He is content to bury his morals under a pile of cash until the true secret of WorryFree is revealed.

The twist in this is not remotely what I thought it was going to be.  It's way more insane.  The incredible cast of Stanfield and Thompson, Steven Yeun, Danny Glover, Terry Crews, and voice acting from David Cross and Patton Oswalt grounds it and keeps it a comedy and not a joke.  

I remember this being very critically acclaimed when it came out and I am happy to say that it lives up to the hype.  It's streaming on Kanopy right now but my library card expired so I watched it on LookMovie2.  

Cat People (1942)

  This is considered a horror movie and I guess it counts, since it does lean into to the supernatural aspect.  But it's not scary.  You could show this to kids and they'd probably be bored.

Oliver (Kent Smith) meets Irena (Simone Simon) at the zoo and begins pursuing her romantically.  They seem made for each other until Irena confesses that she believes she is descended from the Cat People, Serbian witches who were able to shapeshift into panthers if they felt strong emotions like desire, anger, or jealousy.  Out of fear for Oliver's life, Irena refuses to consummate the marriage, so he suggests she visit a psychiatrist, Dr. Judd (Tom Conway), who tells her it's all in her head.  Meanwhile, Oliver confesses his frustrations to his co-worker, Alice (Jane Randolph), who in turn confesses that she's always loved him.  Irena sees them out together and strong emotions are indeed felt.

It has good atmospherics but the sympathies are all wrong.  We're meant to be on Oliver's side as he deals with a mentally ill bride that won't fuck him, and fear for Alice the homewrecker's safety as she is stalked across town.  But in 2026, we are #TeamPanther.  Get his ass, Irena.  It's currently showing on the Criterion Channel with its much trashier (but very fun) 80s remake of the same name.

Educating Rita (1983)

  The rom-com streak continues. 

Susan White (Julie Waters) is a hairdresser looking to better herself. She's not sure what she wants, except More.  So she decides to call herself Rita and begins taking lessons in literature from a Cambridge professor, Dr. Frank Bryant (Michael Caine), a disillusioned alcoholic. 

I was concerned this was going to be a gross Pygmalion story, kind of a modern My Fair Lady, but thankfully, it is not.  Waters is very good as Susan née Rita, channeling the vulnerability and desperation of seeing a life you don't want rolling out in front of you.  Caine is fine.  He's given better and worse performances.  There's a subplot about Bryant's girlfriend cheating on him with his friend that's clearly meant to be funny but comes off as tone-deaf.  The whole thing could have been cut and it would have changed nothing.

This is not available for streaming without a VPN, unfortunately, but it's surprisingly good for it's age so keep an eye out while you're sailing the Bay, matey, yarr.

When Harry Met Sally (1989)

Happy Father's Day!  Here's a completely unrelated movie.  This is one of my friend Bethany's favorite movies.  It's consistently rated as one of the best comedies ever made but I had never gotten around to watching it until this weekend.

Harry Burns (Billy Crystal) and Sally Albright (Meg Ryan) share a car from Chicago to New York and dislike each other immensely.  Over the next twelve years, they continue to run into each other, slowly growing to something approaching friendship.

It was nice to see Carrie Fisher again, even if it was just a supporting role.  I don't think this will ever be my favorite, but I didn't hate it.  The dialogue is still very funny and pretty timeless, which is great.  Obviously, it's a little overshadowed by the death of Rob Reiner but I think that will fade in time.  Crystal and Ryan are believable as characters and have solid platonic chemistry.  Really, the only detriment is that it's so iconic, it felt like a retread because it's been quoted, parodied, and referenced so many times.

This comes up perennially on streaming services but it's currently not on offer.  Keep an eye out though.

The Perils of Pauline (1947)

  Content warning:  small instance of blackface, yellowface, and brownface, general old-timey racism

Pearl White (Betty Hutton) wants to quit her job as a sweatshop seamstress and become an actress.  She impresses Julia Gibbs (Constance Collier) who is an actress with a small, traveling troupe and gets an audition with the troupe leader, Michael Farrington (John Lund).  Farrington thinks Pearl is too much for the stage, that she doesn't have the chops or the temperament to be a truly great dramatic actress.  In a huff, Pearl quits, followed by Julia, who gets a small part in the nascent silent film industry.  But a dick-ish director's prank pisses Pearl off and she storms through several sets, impressing the director with her fearlessness.  Her career takes off as the lead in an action adventure serial, "The Perils of Pauline."

This is a fictionalized account of the real Pearl White, who starred in a 1914 serial of the same name.  And fun fact!  They used several of the original serial's actors in either walk-on or one-line cameos.  Love that. 

Considering that the original serial was remade in 1933 (with a different plot), then had this film made about the making of it in 1947, and then had another remake in 1967, it feels weirdly obscure.  I had never heard of Pearl White or her serials, but now I feel like I should hunt them down if only to know what the fuss was about.

It reminded me a lot of Funny Girl, in that both feature a woman succeeding and a man being a sensitive little bitch about his fragile masculinity but Pauline actually has the leg up since Mike gets over himself by the end.  And despite some very dated choices, this doesn't feel as out-of-touch as it could have.  I think it's because it is also looking back, trying to document a very specific moment in time.  It's a little more melodramatic than I personally like but Hutton is so charismatic, I didn't even mind.  I'm really glad I found this.  It's in the public domain so you can find it a bunch of places, including Wikipedia, but I watched it on Amazon Prime.

The Actress (1953)

  A Spencer Tracy deep cut.

Seventeen-year-old Ruth Gordon Jones (Jean Simmons) has only one desire:  to be an actress like her heroine, Hazel Dawn (Kay Williams).  But Ruth's father (Spencer Tracy) is adamant that she will get a real job, like P.E. teacher, and stop fooling around.

Considering the cast and pedigree of this movie (directed by George Cukor from the memoir of actress Ruth Gordon), it's odd that it seems to have fallen by the wayside.  This was a bitch to find.  It's not streaming on any service and wasn't even available to rent.  I had to go to LookMovie2 to find it.  That being said, the overall feel is maudlin and a little hammy, if I'm honest.  Still, it's worth tracking down for Tracy's performance.  Nobody played gruff-curmudgeon-with-a-heart-of-gold like him.  And it's the debut film of Anthony Perkins.  

Daughters of the Dust (1991)

  Content warning:  reference to sexual assault, reference to mass suicide

In 1902, two cousins from very different lives return to their home, a small island off the coast of Georgia founded by freed slaves.  Viola (Cheryl Lynn Bruce) has brought a photographer (Tommy Hicks) with her to document the departure of the majority of the remaining family to the modern North.  "Yellow" Mary (Barbara-O) has brought her lover, Trula (Trula Hoosier).  The family matriarch, Nana (Cora Lee Day), fears that the old ways will be lost once they lose the connection to the land of their birth.  

It's a multi-generational, multi-character story told in the Gullah dialect of the Atlantic islands of the southern U.S.  The cinematography is lush and dream-like, aided by new-agey/world music synth scoring.  The costumes and details are fantastic.  The plot can be a little hard to follow if you're not really paying attention to who is who, so stay off your phone during this one.

Written and directed by Julie Dash, this is the first feature directed by an African-American woman to receive a theatrical screening in the U.S.  In 1991.  So, I was in 3rd grade before we got a movie by a Black woman on a movie screen.  Cool cool.  Anyway, this is streaming on the Criterion Channel, as it should.

Highest 2 Lowest (2026)

  Spike Lee reimagines Akira Kurosawa's High and Low.  

Record executive David King (Denzel Washington) is on the verge of a risky business proposition to buy back controlling interest in the music company he founded when he receives a call from a kidnapper saying his son, Trey (Aubrey Joseph), has been taken.  The kidnapper demands $17.5 million as a ransom, which will wipe out all of King's assets, but it's a small price to get his son back alive and unharmed.  Then Trey walks through the door.  The kidnapper had accidentally grabbed Trey's best friend, Kyle (Elijah Wright), the son of the King family chauffeur, Paul (Jeffrey Wright).  Suddenly, King finds himself in a moral quandary.  He was willing to risk the family fortune for his son, but would he risk his family's future for a friend's?

It feels almost sacrilegious to say, but Spike Lee actually improves upon the original in that I stayed interested in this film all the way through.  Kurosawa's version relied so heavily on the internal tension that it almost forgot to have any external.  Lee's version is more balanced.  

My only other takeaway was Man, he really loves New York City.  Not a new thought but one that was reinforced over and over.

It's streaming on AppleTV.

Friday the 13th Part 6: Jason Lives (1986)

  Content warning:  blood, gore, worms/maggots

Tommy Jarvis (Thom Mathews) barely survived his encounter with Jason Voorhees (C.J. Graham) but managed to finally kill him.  That's not enough reassurance, however, so Tommy and his friend Hawes (Ron Palillo) dig up the killer's grave with the intention of burning the body.  Unfortunately, they accidentally turn Jason into an undead revenant --oopsies-- and set him loose on the unsuspecting inhabitants of Camp Forest Green née Crystal Lake.  

God, I love dumb, hilarious horror movies.  Full disclosure, I watched this out of order.  I've only seen the original Friday the 13th, but I didn't want to get left out of Movie Club so I skipped 2-5.  It's not a big continuity problem but I will probably go back and watch the ones in between at some point because I'm a completionist.

This isn't just so-bad-it's-funny, although there are plenty of cheesy moments.  It's actual meta-humor.  There's a fourth-wall break, two camp kids that are pre-pubescent Statler and Waldorf, and at least one character that explicitly mentions being in a horror movie.  It's really fun and requires zero brain power. The entire franchise is streaming on Paramount+.

The Elephant Man (1980)

  Content warning:  medical specimens, severe deformity, severe bullying, abuse

Dr. Frederick Treves (Anthony Hopkins) discovers a severely deformed man named John Merrick (John Hurt) being exhibited in a carnival freak show and bribes the showman, Mr. Bytes (Freddie Jones), to bring Merrick to the London Hospital for an examination.  Treves is later called back to the carnival because Bytes has beaten Merrick severely and then panicked that he might have killed his meal ticket.  Treves takes Merrick and installs him in the hospital but soon has to present a reason to his boss, Mr. Carr Gomm (John Gielgud), as to why Merrick can't be transferred somewhere else.  Treves believes Merrick is developmentally disabled as well as physically, but soon learns that Merrick is not only articulate, he is kind and artistic.  He's just been traumatized and abused for most of his life.  Treves immediately seeks to provide Merrick as normal a life as he can have.

There are really sweet moments in this but there are also a lot of horrifyingly bleak ones, too.  It really shows the range of human responses.  I'm a fan of David Lynch - person, but not so much a fan of David Lynch - director.  This movie showcases the deep humanity and compassion of David Lynch - person that I find lacking in the other films of his that I've seen.  Also I am a huge fan of sideshow freaks (complimentary).  The real Joseph (not John) Merrick willingly joined the carnival, rightfully concluding it was the only way for him to be able to earn a living.

This is a fascinating movie for a host of reasons.  It was produced by Mel Brooks who took his name off the film because he didn't want people to assume it was a comedy.  It was nominated for eight Academy Awards and is the reason we have a category for Best Makeup.  The cinematography is gorgeous and well-lit (!) despite being in black-and-white.  I was struck by the discordant sound design and I usually don't notice something like that in a film.  

It will not be for everyone.  There are points where it is a very hard watch, especially if you are sensitive to that sort of thing.  On a scale from 1 to Sarah MacLachlan dog commercial, this is probably an 8.  But it's also a great jumping off point to decide if David Lynch is for you.  It's streaming on the Criterion Channel.

I Know Where I'm Going (1945)

  Content warning:  dead animal (rabbit)

Joan (Wendy Hiller) has always known what she's wanted from life and gone after it with single-minded focus.  So when she decides to wed wealthy industrialist Sir Robert Bellinger (Norman Shelley), nothing is going to stand in her way.  Sir Robert has rented the island of Kiloran, the whole thing, in the Hebrides to the north of Scotland for their nuptials and Joan takes the English equivalent of planes, trains, and automobiles --in this case, train, ferry, and rowboat-- but finds herself stymied on the Isle of Mull due to weather, which stubbornly refuses to bend to her will.  Also trying to get to Kiloran is a Royal Navy officer, Torquil MacNeil (Roger Livesey).  The more Joan runs into Torquil, the less sure she is and the more her priorities shift, the more determined she is to correct them by getting back on track to her stated goals.  

This is another 40s rom-com and while I liked the story and the particular tropes (forced proximity, pride-and-prejudice, titled-but-poor) I didn't think Hiller and Livesey had any real chemistry together so their mutual declaration felt like a shock to them but also to me.  Also, the "curse" reveal ended up as kind of a shitty pun on the back of a legitimately horrifying backstory and that tonal whiplash was too much for me.  But if you're looking for a light, breezy Powell & Pressburger film shot on location, this one is lesser-known and available currently on the Criterion Channel.

His Girl Friday (1940)

  Content warning: racial slurs, attempted suicide

Walter Burns (Cary Grant) knows he has to do something big when his ex-wife and star reporter, Hildy Johnson (Rosalind Russell), storms into his office to announce that she's marrying a nice insurance salesman (Ralph Bellamy) and moving to Albany.  He convinces her to get a final interview for a man on death row scheduled to be hanged in the morning.  The Post has been running features and trying to pressure the governor into a reprieve in order to sway the upcoming election against the incumbent sheriff (Gene Lockhart) and mayor (Clarence Kolb).  Hildy knows it's a scam to get her to stay and reconcile with Walter but the story is too god to pass up. 

This is considered a screwball comedy because of how fast the dialogue is and how many sudden turns the story takes.  However, it is a little more mean-spirited than, say, Bringing Up Baby.  It is intensely cynical about the lengths reporters will go for a story, more like the comedy version of Ace in the Hole.  It is based on a play that was in turn based on a story written by two reporters and already had a film adaptation in 1931 under its original name, The Front Page.  For this version, the character of Hildy was gender-swapped and made into Walter's ex-wife, giving us one of the definitive performances of Rosalind Russell's career.  

By modern standards, these people are toxic, self-centered, and amoral.  But if you go in knowing that, this is still an incredibly funny movie.  It is blisteringly fast with jokes layered on jokes.  And not just from the main characters.  Nearly everyone (except Bellamy and Helen Mack, as the straight man and the emotional appeal, respectively) has unending quippy lines.  It is a classic comedy even if it stumbles as a romance.  It's streaming on the Criterion Channel and basically everywhere else because it's in the public domain.  It's even embedded in the Wikipedia page.

Lust in the Dust (1985)

  Content warning:  sexual assault (played as a joke)

Rosie (Divine) is just trying to get to the town of Chile Verde when she meets a handsome, silent stranger (Tab Hunter) headed the same way.  The stranger attracts a lot of attention, especially from Chile Verde's saloon mistress, Margarita (Lainie Kazan).  The town is known for a riddle involving a Scotsman's buried gold and everyone is out to get rich.

I was really hoping this was going to be hilarious but it is kind of awful.  This was one of the very few movies Divine ever made without John Waters and while he does everything he can to save it, there's just no escaping how bad it is.  I've seen porn parodies with better scripts.  It's not sexy or funny or even outrageous enough to be interesting.  You'll recognize almost every character actor in it which may tempt you, but I am here to warn you.  Stay away.  Let this molder on the trash heap of history where it belongs.  It's streaming on Tubi for free and still too high a cost.

The Croods: A New Age (2020)

  We're going to be charitable and chalk this up to a casualty of the pandemic.

Ever since the death of his family, Guy (Ryan Reynolds) has been searching for the far-off land of Tomorrow, a place of safety and abundance.  He loves Eep (Emma Stone) but finds the rest of the Croods overbearing.  Much to his elation, they stumble upon a walled garden inhabited by the Bettermans, friends of his family, and their now-teenaged daughter, Dawn (Kelly Marie Tran).  While Guy is made to feel right at home, the Croods face the brunt of the Bettermans' condescension.  Grug (Nicholas Cage) especially dislikes the estrangement, feeling that Eep is pulling away from the family.

Honestly, there's more to the plot but I literally got bored even remembering what happened.  I thought the first Croods movie was cute but this was a major step down.  It's overlong, overwrought, and not nearly as funny as it should have been.  The entire last third especially dragged and its the third with all the action and chase scenes.  I'm usually fine with kids movies being predictable, but waiting for them to get to the point they telegraphed was coming was excruciating.

A swing and a miss.  It's streaming on Peacock.