Oops! All Horror - Day 18 - I Walked With a Zombie (1943)

  Content warning:  dead animal (sheep), passive racism, suicide (drowning)

Betsy Connell (Frances Dee) is a young Canadian nurse who accepts a position in the West Indies to care for the wife of a sugar plantation owner.  Jessica (Christine Gordon) had a severe fever that left her mind impaired.  She can eat and walk unaided, and follow simple commands, but cannot talk or have any real agency.  Betsy finds herself drawn to Paul (Tom Conway), Jessica's sullen husband but is warned off by his half-brother, Wesley (James Ellison), who claims Paul drove Jessica mad before her illness.  Desperate to restore Jessica's mind, Betsy turns to a houngan, a Vodou priest, for a cure.

Why, yes, it is a more racist Jane Eyre.  Apparently by design.  It was based on a magazine article about Haitian plantation workers' drug use destroying their minds but obviously, that wasn't sexy enough for RKO.  Creative liberties aside, the movie is beautifully shot.  It is also edited down to the bones, clocking in at a speedy 68 minutes.

Gordon is a vacant-eyed doll but dressed impeccably.  Even her voodoo doll looked great.  The men kind of suck but I typically don't care about men's fashion.  Women looked great though.  Conway is the only one in the cast with an English accent which I would probably not have cared about if the movie hadn't tried to explain it as "uh, he and his brother went to different boarding schools."  

If you're looking for vibes without gore or jump scares, here's one for you but you're going to have to whip out the VPN or pay real money to rent or buy.  

Oops! All Horror - Day 17 - Misery (1990)

  Content warning:  some blood, mild body horror

Novelist Paul Sheldon (James Caan) is excited to start a new era.  He has finally killed off his previous bestselling character, Misery Chastain, and is starting a brand new series.  He is on his way to deliver his manuscript to his editor (Lauren Bacall) when his car goes off the road during a blizzard.  Fortunately, Paul is rescued by a nurse, Annie Wilkes (Kathy Bates), who just so happens to be a fan.  His number one fan, you could say.  As Paul begins to recover, Annie gets more demanding, more controlling.  The only way to pacify her is to write a new Misery Chastain novel.

There's something being said in the film about the parasocial demands of fandom that feels very prescient, given the well-publicized outcries about popular media, like the series finale of Stranger Things or the recent-ish Disney Star Wars sequels.  Apparently, the kid who plays Percy Jackson in the Disney+ show had to ask fans online to stop sending death-threats to his potential prom dates.  So there's a lot of angry, entitled people out there who only want to consume very specific things and when they don't get them, they take it personally.  

But also, there's something very ick about the villain in this movie being a woman who physically dominates a man.  It's infuriating because the way Paul walks on eggshells around Annie is just daily life for a lot of women in abusive relationships.  So is this an entry in Women's Horror, my pet category of Only Horror Because It's Happening to a Man?  I'm going to say no.  I think it's just garden-variety misogyny that the scariest thing a man can imagine is a woman having power over him and treating him the way he would treat her if their roles were reversed.  

Obligatory feminist rant out of the way, this is a very well-done film.  Caan and Bates are performing their asses off, and the banter between the sheriff (Richard Farnsworth) and his wife (Frances Sternhagen) feels very vintage William Goldman/Rob Reiner.  Barry Sonnenfeld was the Director of Photography and I had forgotten how good he was at capturing movement without feeling like you were going to hurl.  And no shaky-cam!  All in all, you could do much worse if this is your favorite horror movie.  It's a solid thriller that holds up even 35 years later.  It's streaming on HBO Max but only until the end of the month.

Oops! All Horror - Day 16 - In the Tall Grass (2019)

  Content warning:  blood, mild gore, animal death (crow, dog)

Becky (Laysla De Oliveira) and her brother, Cal (Avery Whitted), are on a cross-country trip to San Diego.  They stop by a field of tall grass so pregnant Becky can throw up and hear a boy (Will Blue, Jr.) calling for help inside.  Cal rushes in and Becky reluctantly follows.  The siblings soon discover that the field is seemingly endless, able to shift distances and sound, even time itself.

A good chunk of this movie is characters yelling each others' names, which very quickly got boring, but then Patrick Wilson showed up and improved it immensely.  It's kind of like Children of the Corn, if there wasn't even anything to eat.  Like, sure, you have a murderous cult but at least you weren't going to starve.  Wilson is obviously the standout here.  I love him in everything, but he is never better than when he is unhinged.  Fans of the show Lioness will recognize De Oliveira but the film doesn't really give her a lot to do other than be pregnant and yell.

It's fine.  There's some decent horror imagery, some straight out of a Renaissance triptych.  Vicenzo Natali is a solid director.  I just think the material is a little weak and relies too heavily on religious symbolism.  But it checks the box for Environmental Horror and it's streaming on Netflix, so at least it's convenient.  

Oops! All Horror - Day 15 - The Transfiguration (2017)

  Content warning:  blood, animal death (cow)

Teenaged Milo (Eric Ruffin) goes to school, tries to avoid the bullies and the gangbangers, and then goes out on the full moon to hunt strangers and drink their blood.  And then throws up, because he's not actually a vampire, just a serial killer.  But when Sophie (Chloe Levine) moves into his building, Milo begins to realize that there might be more to life than undeath.

I have...complicated...feelings about this movie.  I love vampires so I am disappointed this is not actually a vampire movie.  It is definitely horror, though.  The ending feels slightly too hopeful (?) and yet also correct.  Like, I approve, but I also find it a bit of an unrealistic note.  But I'm not an expert on serial killers, so what do I know.  

This is one of those movies that critics liked and audiences didn't and I get it.  If you're just trying to enjoy a horror movie, this is slow, too sad, and too much like real life.  If you're trying to critique a horror movie, this is "deliberately paced," "emotional," and a gritty, realistic take on vampire lore.  So bear that in mind when you're making your choices this spooky season.  It's currently streaming on Tubi with ads.

Oops! All Horror - Day 14 - Nope (2022)

  Content warning: blood, animal death (chimp, horses (off-screen))

After the death of their father (Keith David), siblings O.J. (Daniel Kaluuya) and Emerald (Keke Palmer) are struggling to keep up their family business of horse wrangling for Hollywood productions.  O.J. has even resorted to selling off stock to the rodeo/amusement park next door, run by former child actor, Jupe Park (Steven Yuen).  Jupe has been touting a new attraction, only available in the evenings, and O.J. realizes that Jupe has been courting a predatory force hiding in the clouds, luring it in with the horses.  He and Emerald decide to film the creature, hoping for fame and fortune.

This is the weakest film I've seen from Jordan Peele, but it's still not bad.  It's a little unfocused for my tastes, but it's at least an original sci-fi horror story with an impeccable cast, including the late Michael Wincott, who was one of my favorite character actors.  

I'm not mad at it; I just didn't love it.  It's currently streaming on Netflix.

Oops! All Horror - Day 13 - Interview with the Vampire season 1 (2022)

  Normally, it's way too hard to watch an entire season of a horror TV show, but I've been watching this the past few weeks with my neighbor and we finished in time for this list, so it's getting included.  Content warning:  racism, gore, blood, dead animals (rats), injured animals (pigeons), suicide

Twenty years after publishing a best-seller featuring an interview with a real vampire, journalist Daniel Malloy (Eric Bogosian) is flown out to Dubai to have the record set straight.  Louis de Pointe du Lac (Jacob Anderson) regrets some of the editorial choices made in his previous recollections and is willing to grant unprecedented access to his home and his memories, no matter how painful.

The show makes some departures from the book, moving up the timeline to the 1920s and adding new characters.  Purists will no doubt have an issue with this, but I think these are improvements.  Anderson has so much more agency with this new backstory and made Louis so much more entertaining for me, because you know how much a self-hating vampire irritates me.  I still can't watch the 1994 film because Brad Pitt's version was such a whiner.  Also, Sam Reid is electrifying as Lestat.  A truly excellent portrayal.  

It's available on both AMC+ and Netflix but the AMC+ version has behind-the-scenes commentary where there would be commercial breaks.  Fine if you're doing a rewatch but I wouldn't recommend it for first-time viewing.  The Netflix version is just the show.  

Oops! All Horror - Day 12 - D(e)ad (2025)

Happy Indigenous Peoples Day.  Here's an unrelated horror movie.    This was the Movie Club pick from the 3rd but I had a bunch of stuff watched before then.

Tillie (Isabella Rowland) cut off contact with her alcoholic, emotionally manipulative dad (Craig Bierko) years ago.  Even on his deathbed, she couldn't bring herself to see him.  So it gets really ironic that after death, he haunts every single person in her family through the mirrors, except for her.

I know we're all tired of horror movies as an allegory for grief, so good news:  this is just a comedy with ghosts.  Rowland is one of the recurring members of the Internet sketch show Dropout and if you're familiar with it, you will likely recognize a lot of the supporting characters.  Fortunately, you don't have to have any prior knowledge to enjoy the movie on its own merits.  It is incredibly funny but also a very good examination of what it means to love someone who kind of sucks.  

Unfortunately, it's not streaming anywhere except to rent or buy so you're going to have to break out that VPN to watch it.  Or have a seance.  Your choice.

Oops! All Horror - Day 11 - Hannibal season 3 (2015)

  Content warning: blood, gore, dismemberment, cannibalism, dead animal (elk, birds, pig), hanging, disembowelment, medical horror, body horror, amputation 

Will Graham (Hugh Dancy) has recovered from being attacked by Hannibal Lector (Mads Mikkelson), physically, at least.  Mentally, that's a whole different story.  He pursues the cannibalistic gourmand to Florence, Italy, where the good doctor has taken a new identity.  The cat-and-mouse game between them is complicated by the multiple people also seeking revenge against Hannibal.

I love this show so much.  Aesthetically, I think it's perfect.  The cast is flawless and the writing is that style of pompous overdramatism that soothes my corroded little soul.  Gorgeous art direction and production design!  However, I will say that season three feels a bit rushed since they had to cram in the entirety of Red Dragon in the last half because they knew they were getting cancelled.  I would have loved for this show to run another three seasons, but alas, we can't have nice things.

It is almost never on streaming but the whole series is currently on Netflix.  Watch it now before it's gone again.

Oops! All Horror - Day 10 - The Gingerdead Man (2005)

  Content warning:  blood, some gore

Millard Findlemeyer (Gary Busey) murdered Sarah's (Robin Sydney) father and brother while robbing a diner, so she testified and sent him to the electric chair but she's never been able to escape the trauma of that day.  Her family bakery is under pressure from a greedy developer (Larry Cedar), her mom (Margaret Blye) is drinking too much, and oh yeah, Millard is back in the form of an evil, possessed gingerbread man.  What's a girl to do?

This is the epitome of So Bad It's Good.  It is a terrible movie that somehow has three sequels.  Insane.  And yet, somehow, it's fully watchable.  The special effects aren't great and the performances scream "student film that Gary Busey wandered into" but it manages to be kind of charming instead of grating.  Also, it's not a Christmas horror movie.  I think it actually takes place during the summer but it's set in Texas so I can't really tell.  I can't explain the alchemy and I don't think I could bring myself to watch the sequels, but all of them are on Tubi if you want to give it a shot.  Try not to think at all during the film and it'll go much more smoothly for you.

Oops! All Horror - Day 9 - Content (2026)

I started watching The Salamander but it became very apparent that despite being labeled horror, it is a political thriller and does not count.  So I will come back to it in November.  Content warning:  blood

Nia (Hailey Kilgore) has built a successful podcast searching for missing Black and indigenous women.  While taking a break from her latest case, a fashion influencer named Tamika Shaw who went missing in Albuquerque, New Mexico, Nia is threatened by a masked man outside her AirBnB, possibly the same man who took Tamika.

This is the second home invasion movie I've seen this week where it wasn't the person's actual home.  Weird.  Probably says something about the state of the economy that you can't even be menaced in a home you own.  Anyway, the script is a little generic and underbaked.  The villain is exactly who you think it is. But the horror still works because the world remains unsafe for women.  

It's streaming on Tubi.

Oops! All Horror -Day 8 - Blind Sun (2018)

  Content warning:  dead animal (cat)

Ashraf (Ziad Bakri) has been hired to guard a rich family's empty vacation home in Greece.  There's a drought and widespread unrest among the locals, while the house is owned by a private water bottling company executive.  Ashraf is just trying to make enough money to survive but soon suspects that he's not alone.

Remember how I was talking about how fun Dolly Dearest was for not having Meaningful Subtext?  This movie is all Meaningful Subtext.  The horror comes from the creeping dread of isolation, the feeling that Ashraf is in danger but can't call out for help.  He is harassed by the local cops for not belonging, because he is foreign and poor.  The wealthy family is out of the country, completely indifferent to his well-being as long as the property is okay, and he has no friends or family.

The heat is its own character here, merciless and seething, leaching the goodwill from people and leaving only desperation and rage.  You could consider it environmental horror in addition to home invasion.  If you're not quite ready to let summer go yet and/or need the coals of class war stoked, Blind Sun is streaming on Amazon Prime.

Oops! All Horror - Day 7 - The Vault of Horror (1973)

Content warning: blood, dismemberment 

Five men find themselves on the sub-basement floor of a building with no way to call the elevator back.  To pass the time, they each share a recurring nightmare they have.

This anthology is based on stories that mostly appeared in the Tales from the Crypt magazine, in case they feel familiar.  It is also absolutely packed to the rafters with British talent, with Tom Baker, Denholm Elliott, Glynis Johns, and Terry-Thomas.  Normally, these kinds of movies have one, maybe two decent segments but all of these are pretty on par with each other, if not particularly outstanding.  It works more as a curiosity piece at this point.  Fortunately, the whole thing is streaming on YouTube.  My personal favorite is **SPOILERS FOLLOW** the guy who was just so annoying that he was condemned to relive his own murder for all eternity.  Like, everyone else was out for money or revenge and this guy was just a pedantic shit.  **END SPOILER**  Give it a shot for some vintage thrills.

Oops! All Horror - Day 6 - Dolly Dearest (1991)

 Content warning: blood, dismemberment, dolls

The Wade family has sold all their things, left L.A., and taken possession of a doll factory in Mexico so Elliot (Sam Bottoms) can pursue his dream of creating handmade dolls.  Except the real estate agent neglected to mention the hazardous, outdated equipment or the open archeological dig site next door.  Soon, daughter Jessica (Candy Hutson) begins acting strangely towards the Catholic housekeeper (Lupe Ontiveros) and grows increasingly inseparable from Dolly, one of the factory's leftover dolls.  Dr. Karl Resnick (Rip Torn) is at the dig site investigating a Mayan splinter cult called the Sanzia, who worshiped a Devil Child, but the myths couldn't possibly be true.  Could they???

This is some old-school, classic killer doll shit and it was downright refreshing.  No meta-anything, no social commentary, just some passive racial bias, and an inanimate item that is trying to kill your whole family.  Yes, it's very clearly a Child's Play rip-off but who cares?  It's super fun and dumb!  There's a 10-year-old who dresses like a middle-aged accountant!  Fake cult lore!  Surprisingly good emotive doll faces! Clueless parents!  Denise Crosby looking gorgeous!  Explosions!  

The whole thing is available on YouTube for free.  Throw it on and have a blast.

Oops! All Horror - Day 5 - Bloody Tennis (2026)

 I'm not having particularly good luck trying to find stuff on my TBW list.  I'm trying to knock out older entries but twice now I have started a movie and realized it wasn't the right one, just named the same.  Tried to watch Thy Kingdom Come from 2008 but found Thy Kingdom Come from 2018 instead.  Which is only a horror movie if you're afraid of poverty.  It was at least short, clocking in at 42 minutes of Javier Bardem dressed as a priest and interviewing trailer park residents in Missouri.  Unfocused, documentary-style misery porn that feels very sleazy because of the fake priest angle.  Almost like they shot a bunch of interviews that were meant to be part of a larger narrative around the priest as a character, then ran out of money and just presented what they had.

So then I was looking for Stage Fright (2018) and clicked on Stage Fright (2017) because sometimes release dates vary.  Nope.  The 2017 version is a Lifetime Movie Network Original and it's basically a retread of The Phantom of the Opera.  I made it about 20 minutes and quit, thinking that it had to be the worst movie I'd ever seen.

People, I was wrong.  The worst movie I've ever seen was the one I picked after that, when I was just desperate to watch anything I could finish.  It's called Tropical Parasite (2026) and it is The Room levels of bad.  We're talking pasty-skinned writer/director/"star" clearly using filmmaking as an excuse to write off his vacation in the Philippines while coercing young, local women to take their tops off "for the movie."  There's almost no actual dialogue, just a voiceover that wants to be noir but lands firmly in the fedora-tipping "m'lady" cesspit.  The plot is nonsense and hinges on an AI-generated naked "sea nymph" that can only be freed from a (topless) sea witch's curse by a "true gentleman" and that sound you just heard was every woman in the world's vagina making the Windows shutdown noise.  You're probably thinking, "wow, Lucy, I'm so glad you watched this whole thing so I wouldn't have to," and no.  I made it TWENTY MINUTES and I will never recover from this.

Anyway, here's a review for Bloody Tennis.    Content warning: blood, animal death (cat), leeches

Sophie (Sandra Guldberg Kampp) wins a spot at an exclusive tennis camp but soon discovers that competition has deadly consequences.

This is Suspiria meets Raw with sports.  The performances from a host of ingenues are solid, especially Lily Taieb and Tracy Gotoas.  Hope those ladies get a career boost.  The script is pretty sparse and there's no great surprises but it's still a decent enough gorefest for those who like a little competition to work up an appetite.  

It's currently streaming on Shudder.  

Oops! All Horror - Day 4 - The Witches (2020)

  Content warning:  mice/rats

A young boy (Jahzir Bruno) is taken in by his grandmother (Octavia Spencer) after his parents are killed in a car accident.  In the grocery store, a strange woman (Josette Simon) offers him candy but he is frightened and runs back to his Grandma.  Grandma tells him that there are evil creatures called witches that want to destroy children and once you are targeted, they will keep trying.  Realizing this means they are in danger, she takes the boy to a fancy hotel to hide out, not realizing that the Grand High Witch (Anne Hathaway) is holding a convention there to disseminate a new potion that will turn children into mice so they will be exterminated.  The boy and Grandma must find a way to stop this evil plot before it's too late.

There was a lot of backlash about this when it came out and it flopped pretty hard, but it's not that bad.  Spencer is always solid and Hathaway seems like she's having a ball as the villain.  The costumes are fantastic and the soundtrack is good, if not revelatory.  The CGI is a little dodgy but good enough for a kids' movie.  Really, my only complaint is that they filed every conceivable edge off this story.  It's so sanitized, not only is there no sense that the children are ever actually in danger, the boy (who is never named in this adaptation) makes a comment about how as a mouse, he'll live just as long as his grandmother so they can die together and he'll never have to experience loss again.  The 1990 version by contrast seems shockingly harsh and much, much darker.  

This is probably another of Warner Bros. trying to cut their losses, but it is nowhere to be found on streaming channels.  If you have small children and you want something more silly than scary, you're going to have to find an alternate source, yar, matey.  

Oops! All Horror -Day 3- Primal Darkness (2026)

  Content warning:  blood, dead animal (elk), dismemberment

An online outdoorsman (Dillon Brown) is looking for content to finish out the second season of his show by hunting a possible maneater mountain lion in the Nevada back-country.  He finds a cell phone belonging to one of a missing pair of anthropologists and switches focus from hunting to search-and-rescue, but finds more than he expected.

This is going to be spoiler-y by nature so stop now if you have any interest in seeing this movie, which you shouldn't because it sucks, stop now.  It's filled with shaky cam, boring pointless rambling, stilted dialogue, and flashing lights.  Also, I am actually begging writer/director/"star" Dillon Brown to learn the difference between a red light filter, which is used to preserve night vision in low-light, and infrared, which can't be seen by the naked eye.  

I was actually searching for a movie called The Burning Moon and couldn't find it so I just picked the first movie from the horror category on LookMovie.to.  I was going to veto based on the poster (a different one than the one here) because it looked vaguely racist, but then I read the synopsis and thought "oh, it's a Bigfoot movie."  I haven't done one of those and I love a good cryptid story, but it's not a Bigfoot movie.  It's way dumber.  **SPOILERS FOLLOW**  It's a Neanderthal movie.  As in, somehow in 2026 an actual prehistoric man is killing and eating people in an abandoned mineshaft in Nevada.  Zero explanation given for how this came to be.  Is this like an Encino Man kind of situation where he was frozen or petrified and came back to life?  Or more old-school Land of the Lost?  Either way, extremely stupid.  And worse yet, I have reviewed Neanderthal horror so it's not even novel.  **END SPOILERS** 

Oops! All Horror 2026 - Day 2 - Teenage Sex and Death at Camp Miasma (2026)

  Content warning:  blood, dismemberment

Kris Williams (Hannah Einbinder) is an up-and-coming filmmaker hired to reboot an 80s slasher franchise called Camp Miasma.  She is granted an interview by the film's original Final Girl, Billy Presley (Gillian Anderson), now a recluse living in the same abandoned summer camp where the movie was filmed.  Ostensibly, Kris is there to discuss Billy returning for a cameo, but the longer she spends with Billy, the more infatuated she becomes.

This is a very sweet romance but ironically, it's too in its head to really succeed as a horror movie.  It wants to be meta and manages to be arch, instead.  There are some great themes to unpack and I think it's director Jane Schoenbrun's most accessible movie, but it didn't work as well for me as I Saw the TV Glow.  Still, this will be a lot of people's favorite movie this year and I'm thrilled by that.

Gillian Anderson is absolutely incredible.  I'm also watching the final season of Hannibal (which I'm hoping to finish in time to review for the month.  TV shows are hard.) and it's great to see the amount of range she has in these side-by-side projects.  I'm not familiar with Einbinder but her line delivery is excellent on the few spoken jokes.  (A lot of the humor is visual, playing with the slasher tropes.)  There are also cameos from Dylan Baker, Patrick Fischler, and Kevin McDonald.  Jack Haven plays the Camp Miasma killer, Little Death, although they are mostly hidden behind a boxy ceiling vent headpiece.

It wasn't for me, but if you get a chance track this one down.  It's finishing up a theater run and should be available VOD for rent or on your favorite VPN-friendly site, but I would encourage you to actually put money towards this as a rental when it's not $20.

Oops! All Horror 2026 - Day 1 - The Conjuring 4: Last Rites (2025)

  We're starting this month with an ending!  Content warning:  blood, suicide (hanging), vomit

In 1964, Ed (Orion Smith) and Lorraine Warren (Madison Lawlor) consult on a case where an antique store dealer is being haunted.  Lorraine traces the energy to a mirror but goes into labor before they can exorcise it.  The mirror changes hands, eventually ending up in West Pittson, Pennsylvania, where it is gifted to Heather Smurl (Kila Lord Cassidy) for her confirmation in 1986.  The Smurls begin experiencing paranormal events, which eventually come to the attention of Judy Warren (Mia Tomlinson).  Her parents (Vera Farmiga and Patrick Wilson) are retired from ghost hunting due to Ed's heart condition, but Judy convinces them to help the Smurls.

Honestly, I'm not here for the story, which is basically a retread of the original movie.  I'm here to close out the book on The Conjuring, a series I have followed through highs and lows.  If The Devil Made Me Do It was a love story, Last Rites is a passing of the torch.  

Production-wise, it maintains the quality level for effects that I've come to expect.  Farmiga and Wilson are great, if a little let down by the material.  There's a really sweet collection of cameos from the other installments at the end and the soundtrack is good.  It's streaming on HBO Max.

Coyote vs Acme (2026)

I don't know if you followed the battle behind the scenes on this one but basically, Warner Bros. intentionally shelved it for a tax write-off and only allowed distribution after a massive public outcry.  It's always worth it to stand up to giant corporations if only to remind them that they are outnumbered but also because this was a very good movie that deserved to be seen.

Wile E. Coyote is sick of being injured by faulty ACME products.  He hires a local lawyer, Kevin Avery (Will Forte) to sue.  Avery does a lot of low-level suits against ACME, usually settling for a couple hundred bucks each time.  It's routine paperwork that isn't glamorous but pays the bills.  Coyote isn't satisfied with that and includes every single product in the catalog.  This triggers a massive lawsuit that gets the attention of ACME's top lawyer, Buddy Crane (John Cena).  The more Avery digs into ACME, the shadier things get.

This film felt like a spiritual successor to Who Framed Roger Rabbit.  The mix of live-action and cartoon was really well integrated.  I also loved the use of archival Looney Tunes clips standing in for historical footage.  The human cast is very good.  I've not seen Will Forte in a lot of things because I don't particularly like SNL or it's various spin-off characters but I do like Lana Condor and John Cena.  Eric Bauza is also a new name to me and he does the lion's share of work in the film as the voice of nearly all the Looney Tunes characters.  Truly, a herculean effort to stand in Mel Blanc's shoes.

I know going to the theater is hard because of all the options streaming right to your couch, but if you can, stick it to Warner Bros. by seeing this as it was intended to be seen.

Eighth Grade (2018)

  Look, I'm sure this is relatable to somebody.  Just not me.

Kayla Day (Elsie Fisher) is desperate to end her eighth grade year successfully.  She vlogs about positivity and "fake it til you make it" self-esteem, while fighting her own anxiety and shyness.  An opportunity to shadow a high schooler (Emily Robinson) seems like a perfect chance to re-invent herself but there are traps to navigate that she could never anticipate.

If you like awkward comedy, this movie is a goldmine.  Personally, I do not.  I found myself sighing in aggravation more than once and actively fast-forwarding through the most annoying bits.  As always, your mileage may vary.  This was a huge hit with the critics, an indie darling, praised for its realism and Fisher's performance.  Sure.  I don't hang out near middle schoolers because that's gross, but it seems like an accurate portrayal.  It's streaming on Tubi.

Destroyer (2018)

  It is shocking how dull this film is, given how stacked a cast it has.

Erin Bell (Nicole Kidman) is a bad cop.  She has drifted into alcoholism and substance abuse after a disastrous undercover operation with a gang of bank robbers led to the death of her partner (Sebastian Stan).  But when it appears that the gang leader, Silas (Toby Kebbell) has resurfaced, Erin goes on a mission of revenge.

This should have been better.  It has a high-profile cast, which includes Tatiana Maslany, Bradley Whitford, and Scoot McNairy, and is directed by Karyn Kusama.  Kidman even donned horrible fake teeth and put on makeup to make her skin look bad.  And I think that's ultimately my problem.  It felt like a math problem, a calculated effort to win an award, instead of trying to tell a story well.  And that sucks.  Because it's a good story with an unlikable protagonist that unfolds like origami over the runtime, building an empathetic response.  It just doesn't work.

It is only streaming on Amazon Prime until the end of the month, after which it presumably returns to the dust heap of history.  It's a shame because Kidman is very good.  She just looks like she's trying too hard to be Charlize Theron.

Boyz N the Hood (1991)

  Content warning:  homophobic and racial slurs

Tired of her son, Tre, getting in fights at school, Reva (Angela Bassett) sends him to live with his father (Lawrence Fishbourne) in Crenshaw.  Seven years later, Tre (Cuba Gooding, Jr.) is set to graduate high school.  His best friends Doughboy (Ice Cube) and Ricky (Morris Chestnut) still live across the street, but are on vastly different paths in life.  Doughboy has an extensive criminal record and Ricky is hoping for a football scholarship.  The three teens try to navigate life, love, and the crushing oppression of poverty and discrimination.  

This was an incredibly powerful film and I'm ashamed it took me this long to watch it.  John Singleton died several years ago at a relatively young age and watching this only reinforces what a talent was lost.  It launched the careers of Bassett, Gooding, Jr., Chestnut, Regina King, and Nia Long.  Ice Cube was already famous as a rapper and lyricist, but this showcases his dramatic talent that gets unfairly overlooked.  The pitfalls of an abundance of riches.

It is streaming on Tubi but only until the end of the month so if you've been waiting, you might want to jump in soon-ish.

Come From Away (2021)

  I add things to my To Be Watched list with reckless disregard.  So sometimes I get surprised.  Like with this musical about 9/11.

The town of Gander, Newfoundland, is home to around 7000 residents and, at one time, the largest airport in the world before transatlantic flight was achievable.  In September, 2001, it suddenly became the emergency stopping point for 38 passenger planes diverted from U.S. airspace after terrorists attacked the World Trade Center and the Pentagon.  With only hours to prepare, and a gridlock with the school bus union, the townspeople scramble to find accomodations, food, toiletries, and all the other necessary things.  There are language barriers, dietary restrictions, fear, panic, grief, and suspicions to overcome.  All conveyed through 16 songs by a cast of 12.

This is a filmed production of the original Broadway cast.  I literally knew nothing walking in and I was blown away by how easy it was to keep track of all the characters being played.  The entire cast was incredible.  Every person played at least four roles as well as all the background work in the chorus.  

I had never heard this particular 9/11 story before and it was extremely wholesome and Canadian.  A++.  Still not going to Newfoundland.  It looks really cold.  But the musical is warm and cozy and streaming on AppleTV.

Cop Car (2015)

  Content warning:  blood, child endangerment

Travis (James Freedson-Jackson) and Harrison (Hays Wellford) are running away from home when they find a cop car in a field.  It's unlocked and the keys are inside.  Obviously, there's only one thing the boys can do.  Sheriff Kretzer (Kevin Bacon) returns from dumping a body in a convenient abandoned well to find his patrol car full of incriminating evidence gone.  Now it's a game of wits between a corrupt cop and two ten-year-olds.

First of all, THIS IS WHY GIRLS LIVE LONGER THAN BOYS.  The most harrowing moments in this film don't come from a desperate man threatening children, they come from the children themselves, blithely handling firearms, a portable defibrillator, and speeding down the center of a highway.  If you are a parent, this probably qualifies as a horror movie.  

However, I am just a cat lady so I thought this was hilarious.  It feels like a darker version of classic Disney children's adventure movies.  It makes great use of a very small cast, keeping the two boys centered in the action.  They seem absolutely real, from the dialogue to the general goofing around.  I don't know how director Jon Watts coached them, but he got the most natural performances I have seen in ages out of them.  

This was a Sundance darling but bombed at the box office.  It needs a second chance.  It's currently streaming on Amazon Prime, if you are in the mood for a tightly paced, black comedy that feels almost like nostalgia but isn't.

The Philadelphia Story (1940)

  Another classic comedy that had aged like milk.  Content warning:  spousal abuse

Socialite Tracy Lords (Katherine Hepburn) is getting married... again.  This time to coal mine owner George Kittredge (John Howard).  It's set to be the social event of the season and the press are not invited. Except that publisher Sidney Kidd (Henry Daniell) has information on a scandal involving Tracy's father (John Halliday) and sends his best reporter, Mike Connor (James Stewart), and photographer, Liz Imbrie (Ruth Hussey), down to blackmail their way in with the help of Tracy's first husband, C.K. Dexter Haven (Cary Grant).  But motivations shift as easily as sand as people's true natures are revealed.

This is just Pride and Prejudice with a Trans-Atlantic accent.  A lot of the gender politics are severely outdated, and not in a fun Oh-that's-just-the-times kind of way.  Apparently, Hepburn loved the scene where Grant shoves her to the ground by her face so much that she had him run it multiple times, but it no longer reads as comedic.  

A lot of the inter-character dialogue is still very sharp, and funny, like every line Dinah (Virginia Weidler) has is a scene-stealer, but overall this movie was tedious and grating.  It's streaming for free on Tubi.   Skip it and watch literally anything else.

The Good Earth (1937)

  Content warning:  starvation, war violence, infanticide (off-screen), animal death (ox, off-screen), bugs

Wang Lung (Paul Muni) is a peasant farmer in China.  He is very pleased when the local gentry offer him a former kitchen slave, O-Lan (Louise Rainer), to be his wife.  With her help, he navigates the harvest, managing to improve his station and buy his own land, until famine strikes and the family is forced to move south for work.  Still, Wang Lung stands beside his principle that the land will provide for them.  Thanks to O-Lan's good fortune and ruthless practicality, they are able to return and prosper, eventually buying the Great House and setting Wang Lung up as a lord, himself.  But wealth changes a man and Wang Lung begins to yearn for softer, prettier things like Lotus (Tilly Losch), an entertainer at a tea house.

This movie has become known only for the use of yellowface.  Which is valid.  Muni was Austro-Hungarian, Rainer was German, and Losch was Austrian.  There is some...creative...makeup use to make them look Chinese, but they are very much not.  Apparently, producer Irving Thalberg wanted to use an all-Asian cast but ultimately chickened out because he didn't think American audiences would go for it.  There are a number of prominent Asian actors in the film, including Keye Luke, who would go on to become famous as Kato in The Green Hornet serials, just not in the main roles.

Okay.  That being said, this is somehow waaaaaay less racist than Gone with the Wind or Cimarron.  It's a huge, historical epic that spans a period of major upheaval in China and it's handled shockingly gently.  O-Lan is basically the Ideal Patriarchal Wife, patient, supportive, obedient, and self-sacrificing even while her husband is being kind of an idiot.  Rainer won Best Actress for her portrayal, which she shouldn't have.  Mostly, she just stares vacantly into the middle distance while reciting the most mournful dialogue you've ever heard.  Muni is doing The Most Acting and didn't get nominated for jack.  It also won for Best Cinematography, deservedly.

I never read the book so I can't tell you if it's a good adaptation, but it was better than I thought it would be.  I thought it was in the public domain but it is apparently not.  You can rent it or stream through your favorite VPN-friendly site.

Backrooms (2026)

  This is one of the most talked about films of the year and I would like everyone to lower their expectations a little bit.

Dr. Mary Kline (Renate Reinsve) becomes concerned when one of her therapy patients, Clark (Chiwetel Ejiofor), claims that he's found a strange alternate space inside the lower level of his furniture store and then goes missing.  Mary follows the trail through a wall and into the backrooms, a seemingly endless labyrinth of strange rooms, some with twisted furniture, mirrored signs, and odd perspective shifts.  But what's a labyrinth without a monster in the center?

This is based on a web series in turn based on an Internet creepypasta.  You don't need to have any background or familiarity to understand the film, so don't feel like you need to do homework.  If you are Gen Z, you probably grew up with this as part of your Internet history.  

The acting is a good mix of A-list and no-name people.  Reinsve was nominated for an Oscar last year for Sentimental Value and uses her wet-eyed vulnerability to good effect here.  Ejiofor should be a bigger name than he is.  The man has consistently turned in incredible performances for the past 20 years.  Special effects are good.  The sets are mostly practical and you can really feel the weight of them.  There's no gore and very little horror imagery.  It is mostly just musical cues creating a sense of dread and claustrophobia.  I hate this style of music but it's used very well here.  

What I find most fascinating is the emergence of new folklore for the Internet age.  I spent a lot of time thinking about what fears this is highlighting and for whom.  It's not death or age or sickness.  It's more of the horror of the mundane suddenly becoming unfamiliar, of creeping mental illness, especially an inherited kind.  There's a word --glossolalia-- where you say something over and over until it loses all meaning and just becomes sounds, and this movie is like the visual equivalent of that.  

Unfortunately, it's still only available to rent or buy right now, but it should be coming to HBO Max on September 25.  Thematically, you wouldn't be wrong if you pirated a copy, but you might as well just wait a week.

Hadestown: The Musical (2026)

Happy Labor Day!  Here's a surprisingly related movie.  I like this trend of staged productions getting filmed.  It feels much more egalitarian.

Orpheus (Reeve Carney) is a starry-eyed cafe worker on the surface, working on a song to bring the world back into harmony.  He meets Eurydice (Eva Noblezada), who is homeless and hounded by the Fates (Bella Brown, Madeline Charlemagne, and Allie Daniel), and falls for her immediately.  Eurydice is skeptical and wonders why the climate has become so extreme.  Orpheus explains that Hades (Patrick Page) and Persephone (Amber Gray) have fallen out of love and Persephone resents having to spend six months in Hadestown, which is continually fortified by Hades' indentured workers.  During a snowstorm, Hades comes to Eurydice and promises her warmth and a cessation of suffering, so she signs one of his permanent contracts.  Distraught, Orpheus pleads with Hermes (André de Shields) for another way into Hadestown to retrieve her.

This is the exact same story you've always heard but it is nice to see new musicals.  The performances are top-notch, especially de Shields and Carney.  Apparently it was based on a concept album from a musician called Anaīs Mitchell, whom I've never heard of but good for her.  It's available to rent or buy from Amazon right now but I'm sure it'll be on a streaming service soon.

Hokum (2026)

  Content warning:  suicide (hanging), dead animal (goat)

Ohm Bauman (Adam Scott) travels to Ireland to lay his parents' ashes to rest at the hotel where they honeymooned.  He learns that the honeymoon suite has been in disuse for years and the rumor is that a witch is trapped there.  Ohm obviously doesn't believe in that kind of nonsense.  He hangs himself in his room, but is saved by Fiona (Florence Odesh), the bartender.  After his recovery, he returns to thank her only to discover that she has been missing since the Halloween party.  Jerry (David Wilmot), the local homeless man/drug enthusiast, thinks Fiona is in the Honeymoon Suite and after the hotel closes for the season, he and Ohm break in to check.

This is by Damian McCarthy, the writer and director of Oddity, which was one of my absolute favorite movies from a couple of years ago.  And I just learned that the same guy directed Caveat, which I watched last year and loved.  He is three for three features for me, now.

This was missing the amount of emotional heft that I had in Oddity, but I am very partial to revenge stories.  Hokum is more about guilt.  Performances were excellent.  Scott has been killing it with the "depressed sad sack" roles lately.  Not sure what happened to him after Parks and Rec, but he's making it work.  I'm going to also give a lot of credit to the sound design.  This doesn't rely on jump scares as much as McCarthy's other films, which I appreciate, and instead layers voices to create a soundscape of horror.  

It's not available for streaming yet, only rental or purchase.  I bought it as a birthday present for myself.

Muppet Treasure Island (1996)

  RIP Tim Curry.  Losing Dolly Parton was a national tragedy but Tim Curry was a personal loss.  He made up so much of my childhood between Annie, Legend, Clue and this movie.

Jim Hawkins (Kevin Bishop) loves hearing the old, salty tall tales of Billy Bones (Billy Connolly), the local sailor-turned-drunk, at his seaside inn.  Especially the ones about Captain Flint's buried treasure.  One night, the inn is attacked and Bones confesses that the treasure is real and he has the map.  He gives it to Jim, Gonzo (himself), and Rizzo the Rat (himself) for safe-keeping.  The three decide to hire a ship and go after the treasure themselves.  Squire Trelawney (Fozze Bear) finances the trip under Captain Smollett (Kermit the Frog).  Jim signs on as a cabin boy and is taken under the wing of the friendly ship's cook, Long John Silver (Tim Curry).  

If you've read Robert Louis Stevenson's novel, you know the plot.  If you haven't, it's a classic for a reason and a childhood favorite.  Obviously, this is also a Muppet movie.  I had forgotten it was also a musical.  In fact, it had been so long since I'd seen it, I might as well have watched it for the first time.  In a word, this movie is great.  Not just a great kid's film, or Muppet movie, but a legitimately good comic adaptation.  Jennifer Saunders and Connolly steal early scenes but Curry is the draw, here.  He carries the film and that's hard to do surrounded by Muppets.  It's streaming on Disney+ and is a great way to introduce your kids to the legacy of an incredible performer.

The 355 (2022)

  I really wanted this to be better than it was.

Mace Browne (Jessica Chastain) is dispatched to Paris with her partner, Nick (Sebastian Stan), to retrieve a digital skeleton key from a Colombian soldier (Edgar Ramirez) who stole it from a British dude (Jason Flyming).  The op goes south when a rival German intelligence operative, Marie Schmidt (Diane Kruger), tries to steal the key.  In the ensuing chase, Nick is killed and Mace is blamed for the boondoggle.  To clear her name, she recruits an old MI6 buddy and tech whiz, Khadijah (Lupita N'yongo), to track the drive, which the operative has handed off to his psychologist, Graciela (Penelope Cruz).  Gracie is not a field-trained operative, but she's the only one biometrically linked to the drive, so the other three drag her along to a CIA safe house.  There, they learn that the drive is going to be auctioned in Shanghai and they have a very small window to be able to recover it.

I don't know if the studio just didn't have any faith in this or what, but the script could have used a couple more passes and possibly a military or government consultant.  The actors are giving it their best but they are let down by a tired, cliche-heavy script, anemic cinematography, and laissez-faire direction.    Someone was clearly trying for a rah-rah Girl Power spy movie and it just falls flat.  It's currently streaming on Peacock.  Watch Ocean's 8 instead.  

Bill and Ted Face the Music (2020)

  Looks like it's a Keanu Reeves weekend as we finish out this trilogy.

Bill (Alex Winters) and Ted (Keanu Reeves) saved the world but have struggled in the wake of their success with Wyld Stallyns and they've gone from playing arenas to playing Elks Lodges.  A visitor from the future, Kelly (Kristen Schaal), warns them that if they don't find the song that unites the entire human race throughout all time, in accordance with the prophecy, the future will collapse.  Having not written a song in decades, Bill and Ted decide to go into their future to find a time when they will have written it and steal it from their future selves while avoiding a killer robot from the future (Anthony Carrigan).  Meanwhile, their daughters Billy (Jack Haven) and Thea (Samara Weaving) decide to help out by putting together a band made up of the most incredible musicians from all of time.

You already know if you're the target audience for this.  If you're not, there's nothing here for you.  If you are, it's pure nostalgia bait but it's cute.  They brought back some of the main cast, including William Sadler, Hal Landon, Jr., and Amy Stoch.  George Carlin's daughter, Kelly, has a cameo, which is a nice touch.  The plot remains paper-thin but the effects work has gotten much better since 1991.  It's currently streaming for free on Tubi and PlutoTV.  

My Own Private Idaho (1991)

  If I had a nickel for every Shakespeare adaptation Keanu Reeves starred in, I'd have two nickels.  

Mike (River Phoenix) is a narcoleptic, hustler, and prostitute in Oregon.  His best friend is Scott (Keanu Reeves), a fellow prostitute rebelling against his rich, overbearing father, who is the mayor of Portland.  Mike wants to find his estranged mother (Vana O'Brien), so he and Scott travel to Idaho to find Mike's brother, Richard (James Russo.)  Dick has a last-known address in Italy so the boys hit up a recurring customer, Hans (Udo Kier), for airfare money.  

This is part of the queer indie movement from the 80s and early 90s.  It just has a much stronger pedigree.  Gus Van Sant wrote and directed it, and obviously Reeves' and Phoenix's careers were already taking off.  It's not fully an adaptation of Henry IV but there are a lot of elements that cross over.  The style is experimental, with time lapses, odd title cards, and fantastical elements.  It's not terrible but it's not very engaging, either.  These boys' lives are pretty bleak.  Still, it's considered a cult classic.  It's not streaming anywhere for free but, like its main characters, it is available for rent.

Cimarron (1931)

  Content warning:  dead animal (horse, off-screen), racism

Yancey Cravat (Richard Dix) is in love with the idea of the West.  He leaves his Wichita home to travel to the Oklahoma Territory for a land rush, only to be beaten out on the best parcel by a young woman (Estelle Taylor).  Undefeated, he moves his family to the boomtown of Osage and starts a newspaper, but the call of the West reaches out and he leaves his wife, Sabra (Irene Dunne) to manage things on her own, showing up from time to time like a stray cat.

This was a major epic back in the day.  It cost a fortune during the Great Depression and won three Oscars, including Best Picture.  Now, it's mostly just an artifact of a bygone era.  The characterizations are melodramatic, the pacing is laggy, and the tone is rhapsodic over a past that never existed.  It would, however, make a decent double feature with Killers of the Flower Moon if you want to see the other side of this story, which glosses over the atrocities with barely a blip.  Dix overacts like hell, swaggering around in the shiniest boots and looking like a parody of a silent film star.  Dunne is the real hero here, holding down a throughline of plot that meanders terribly.  At two hours and three minutes long, it's not a jaunt, and I don't think anyone but the most hardened of Oscar nerds are going to find it worth it.  But it is in the public domain as of January this year, so it is free if you do want to watch it.  There's a couple of versions on YouTube and the whole thing is actually embedded in the Wikipedia article for the movie.

Madron (1970)

  Content warning:  animal death (rattlesnake)

Sister Mary Joseph (Leslie Caron) is the only survivor of a wagon train massacred by Apache on the way to a mission in Santa Fe.  She wanders haplessly through the desert until she meets Madron (Richard Boone), a gunslinger on the run after a bad business deal.  Madron has managed to piss off an Apache named Sam Red (Chaim Banai) and now Sam and Madron's former business partners are all after him.  Still, he's not the kind of man who would let a nun travel by herself, even if he can't really understand what a nun is.

It's the Volcano vs Dante's Peak of Westerns-featuring-men-exasperated-by-hot-nuns, coming out the same year as Two Mules for Sister Sara.  It's not nearly as memorable, however.  It looks like a made-for-TV movie but was inexplicably nominated for an Oscar for Best Original Song, a thoroughly sappy piece of work called "Til Love Touches Your Life."  

It's always nice to see Caron, although she is acting circles around Boone.  Strictly for die-hard Spaghetti Western fans, I think, but it's streaming on Amazon Prime.

Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey (1991)

  Our journey continues through the middle of this franchise.

Bill (Alex Winters) and Ted (Keanu Reeves) are gearing up for the San Dimas Battle of the Bands, a turning point in their future that will usher in a new age of prosperity and peace.  In the far future, however, Chuck de Nomolos (Joss Ackland) has implemented a plan to go back and time, kill Bill and Ted, and replace them with evil robot versions.  The souls of Bill and Ted manage to escape Death (William Sadler) but are stymied as how to save their band or their girlfriends from beyond the grave.  They travel through Hell, Heaven, and Death's realm in search of guidance.

I remember this being borderline unwatchable but it's not that bad.  It's not great by any stretch but it's not terrible.  It's overlong and not nearly as funny as it thinks it is, but Sadler alone is worth it.  He is a highly underrated character actor.  The special effects now qualify as kitschy and I have no idea what they were going for with the weird troll-like aliens, but at least the soundtrack is good.  Also, bonus cameos by blues legend Taj Mahal and writer Ed Solomon, as well as performance work by Michael "Boogaloo Shrimp" Chambers and Tony Cox.

Totally understand if you skip this one.  It's currently streaming on Kanopy and for free on Tubi.

On the Rocks (2020)

 Well, it's better than Lost in Translation, but that's about all I can say in its favor.

Laura (Rashida Jones) begins to suspect that her husband (Marlon Wayans) is having an affair so she reaches out to her father (Bill Murray), a known cheater, to help her investigate.

It's a bit like asking a thief if someone is stealing.

There's nothing specifically wrong with the movie; it just seems like a bunch of rich people with no real problems inventing things so they don't get bored.  It's Sofia Coppola, so I suppose that tracks.  Nobody in the film is particularly sympathetic.  Laura is the architect of her own problems because she's afraid to talk to her husband so she's already decided that he's cheating and is looking to corroborate, not absolve.  Her father is incapable of admitting that he's pathologically lonely and is willing to enact scheme after scheme to keep Laura hanging out with him.  And her husband isn't innocent, either.  He is blithely ignoring every glaring issue because he doesn't want to see them.  So nobody is right and everybody has their feelings hurt and who wants to see that in a movie?  

If for some reason you do, it's streaming on AppleTV.  Jessica Henwick and Jenny Slade have minor parts, and TV legend Barbara Bain has a small cameo.  It's not enough of a reason to watch this, though, as all of those women have better roles elsewhere.

Drive (2011)

I've softened my stance on this movie slightly.  I no longer actively hate it.  Yes, it is still slow and yes, I still think Gosling is miscast (he and Oscar Isaac should have swapped) but it's fine.  

Here's the thing, though.  I don't think my opinion changed because of the movie itself.  It was because I saw the utter nonsense men went through to praise it.  For a little while, a subset of men online lost their minds over this movie and that is extremely funny to me if you actually watch it.  It speaks to a very specific male fantasy of being Cool and being Loved but not having any actual responsibility or doing anything to make that happen.  The Driver (still stupid) is good at one specific thing, for which he receives very little recognition and almost no compensation.  His mentor/the only other man he knows (Bryan Cranston) is weak, literally disabled, and cringes constantly in the face of power while The Driver remains cool and detached.  But Cranston's character is the one managing The Driver's entire life.  He's the one who books the jobs, gets the cars, and does all the boring, administrative stuff that keeps the lights on so Driver can just show up and take the keys.  

Carey Mulligan's character is a damsel in distress so he gets to be her rescuer but doesn't have to do any of the day-to-day relationship work (i.e., what makes a relationship work) because she's married to a different, weak man.  He can babysit her cute little kid without ever having to actually be a parent.  And in the Ultimate Grand Gesture, he takes on the entire mob (okay, one guy with a knife collection from Temu) in order to free her from her husband's shitty decisions.  It's the façade of independence.  Like how every housecat secretly believes it's a tiger.

And none of that is the movie's fault.  It's just underwritten, probably to make more room for car chases.  If you are into style over substance, though, this is probably a decent enough watch.  It's currently streaming on PlutoTV with ads.  Originally posted 06 Feb 2012.  Nominated for Best Sound Editing   I do not understand how a movie this violent can be this boring.  The violence is very thorough but I just didn't believe Ryan Gosling as a badass.  His voice is too soft.  Romantic lead?  Sure, no problem.  Quiet political thriller?  Ok, I'll buy that.  Ruthless getaway driver?  Not so much.

He doesn't even have a name.  He's just listed as Driver.  People!  It is only cool when Clint Eastwood does it!  Anyway, 'Driver' is a part-time stunt man, a mechanic and moonlights as a getaway driver for petty larceny.  He's like The Transporter but with less personality.  His pretty young neighbor, Irene (Carey Mulligan), has car trouble so he strikes up a friendship with her.  Her husband, Standard (Oscar Isaac), gets out of jail and plans to go straight.  Unfortunately, he owes some people protection money and they want him to rob a pawn shop.  Of course, Driver steps in to be his...driver.  The heist goes horribly wrong and Standard gets killed.  Driver goes after the people behind the heist in order to protect Irene and her son.

This movie had a ton of talent in it from Albert Brooks, playing way against type, to Christina Hendricks, who's in it for a hot minute.  She is a very pretty woman and they do not show her to advantage.  Honestly, I thought everyone in the movie did a great job except Ryan Gosling.  He's just not hardened enough for me.  I thought the soundtrack was like an 80's remix and didn't really suit the movie at all.  As far as sound editing, I don't know enough about the technical aspects to really judge.

Nirvanna the Band the Show the Movie (2026)

  I could tell in the first fifteen minutes that I was not going to be the target audience for this movie but that shouldn't stop you from enjoying it.

Jay (Jay McCarol) and Matt (Matt Johnson) have been trying for years to book a show at The Rivoli, a nightclub in Toronto, but after Matt's latest stunt --parachuting from the top of the CN Tower-- nearly gets them both killed, Jay has had enough.  He secretly books an open mike night as a solo artist in Ottawa, planning to sneak out while Matt is asleep.  Meanwhile, Matt is blithely continuing with his latest plan to turn their RV into a fake time machine and falls asleep inside, waking up when Jay is driving them to Ottawa.  In the confusion, they discover it is actually a real time machine and accidentally travel back to when they were first starting out in 2008.  

It's an odd mixture of guerrilla filmmaking and scripted plots.  You don't need to have seen either the previous web series or the TV show to follow it, although I'm sure it's a richer experience if you have.  Maybe they explain why some of the cursing is censored, and some isn't.  I found the characters irritating so it was never going to work for me.  Matt, in particular, reminded me of the guy from Creep.  It's not the style of humor I like and one of my biggest pet peeves is when a mediocre movie's plot hinges on showing a better film.  In this case, that's Back to the Future.  But if this is something that you like, it's currently streaming on Hulu.

The Girl Who Leapt Through Time (2008)

  This took ages to find.  I tried a couple of different times to watch it but the subtitles were messed up so I had to wait until it cycled back onto HBO Max.  Not 100% sure it was worth the trouble.

Makoto (Riisa Naka) was a normal high school girl until an accident gave her the power to jump through time.  At first, this seems like an easy way to fix all the minor inconveniences in her life.  Fail a test?  Do it again.  Accidentally set something on fire?  No, you didn't.  Best guy friend asks you out and you don't know how to respond?  Go back and avoid that whole conversation.  But when the changes begin to have consequences for the people around her, she begins to truly understand the cost of knowledge.

It's fine.  It's a very slight film that doesn't have anything profound to say, but it was entertaining enough for a Sunday.  Everything stays very localized around Makoto which makes it more digestible.  It's kind of funny that I managed to watch two films about high schoolers traveling through time this weekend.  I feel like Masoka would have gotten on with Bill and Ted like a house on fire.  They're all equally stupid.  It's currently streaming on HBO Max.

Big Night (1996)

  I swear, I remember seeing trailers for this movie from the 90s but it had Andy Garcia instead of Stanley Tucci.  Weird.

Two brothers run an Italian restaurant in 1950s New Jersey.  Secondo (Stanley Tucci) is desperate to get more people in to keep the restaurant from failing but his brother and chef, Primo (Tony Shaloub), refuses to compromise by making Americanized Italian food.  Across the street, Pascal (Ian Holm) has no such compunctions and his place is packed every night.  He offers to help boost the brothers by inviting jazz musician Louis Prima to eat at their restaurant, so they go all out to prepare an evening no one will forget.

One of my pet peeves is a movie not translating non-English dialogue.  You probably don't need it to get the gist of what's happening, but it would be nice.  If you do speak Italian, this might be a fun service you can provide to your friends.  

Tucci and Shaloub are great, as always.  It's good to see Isabella Rosselini, Allison Janney, and Minnie Driver in things, and if you like Latin music, it is very odd to see singer Marc Anthony playing a waiter.  It's a solid character drama that feels very 90s, but the real star here is the food.  Holy crap, you will be so hungry after watching this.  And/Or feel a real need to hop on Expedia and start looking for vacations in Tuscany.  It's currently streaming on Paramount+.

Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure (1989)

This continues to be a surprisingly smart "stupid" movie.  This time I noticed that they made Napoleon seem like a total dick, but so did Ridley Scott, so...  Originally posted 01 Feb 2012.    I hadn't seen this movie in ages.  Probably not since middle school. 

Bill (Alex Winters) and Ted (Keanu Reeves) are high schoolers convinced that their band, Wyld Stallyons, will be the Next Great Thing.  As soon as they can get Van Halen on guitar.  Oh, and possibly learn how to play themselves.  But things do not look rosy as they are about to fail their history final and if they do, Ted's father (Hal Landon, Jr.) is sending him to a military school in Alaska.  Not to worry, though, because the boys are getting a little help from the future in the form of Rufus (George Carlin) and his time-traveling phone booth.  See, if Wyld Stallyons gets broken up, the future he comes from will not exist.  So the guys zip across space-time, kidnapping historical figures like Socrates (Tony Steedman), Billy the Kid (Dan Shor), Napoleon (Terry Camilliari), and Joan of Arc (Jane Wiedlin).  But will time run out before they can give their report?

I never noticed when I watched it as a kid that all the "historical" figures were restricted by language.  Socrates only speaks Greek, Napoleon only speaks French, Freud speaks English and German and so forth.  It's a small detail but a cute one and bravo to the film-makers for including it.  Granted, this movie is just a harmless piece of 80's frippery and you should definitely not expect mind-blowing things from it but it is still fun to watch.  There were a couple of lines that startled a laugh out of me but I'll admit that I'm not the target audience, nor have I ever been.  This was purely nostalgic for me.

Obsession (2026)

  Content warning:  dead animal (cat), suicide, blood, self-harm, vomit

Bear (Michael Johnston) has a crush on his co-worker, Nikki (Inde Navarrette).  Rather than confess his feelings to her, he buys a novelty item from a spiritualist shop called a One-Wish Willow.  Breaking the wand grants the user one wish and Bear wishes that Nikki would love him.  So she does.  But as her behavior grows more and more unhinged, Bear begins to wish that he'd read the fine print on the box.

This movie was hilarious.  Five stars.  All credit to Inde Navarrette, who really can't be praised enough.  Her performance makes this movie.  I hope she gets so much work.  Also, shout out to Curry Barker who wrote and directed the film.  For a sophomore feature, this is incredibly polished.   

This would be such a good double-feature with Weapons.  I know Companion seems obvious, but you're wrong.  Tech versus magic.  Completely different vibes.  Watch it with Weapons.  It has been a while since I have been this excited after seeing a horror movie and I am thrilled.  It's streaming on Peacock but I am probably going to buy a copy so I can make people watch it.