The Juror (1996)

Mafia Romance BookTok Girlies!  This one is for you (complimentary)! Content warning:  stalking, violence

Annie Laird (Demi Moore) is excited to be on jury duty (that's how you know it's fiction) for the murder trial of mafia don Louie Boffano (Tony Lo Bianco) until she is targeted by the mob's fixer, Vincent (Alec Baldwin).  Jury tampering and witness intimidation aren't enough for him, though, as he becomes fascinated with the pretty single mother.  

I've seen the shit you Dark Romance people read (again, complimentary) and this is ripe for a re-discovery.  Yes, it is a crap 90s legal thriller that John Grisham would turn his nose up at, and yes, it stars mega-creep Alec Baldwin, but on the other hand, if you squint a little, it's almost romantic in a casually toxic way.  Plus, James Gandolfini!  Joseph Gordon-Levitt!  Anne Heche!  Okay, maybe also not great, but still!  And a bunch of dudes you will recognize from other bit Mob parts!  It's streaming on Tubi, the go-to home for all craptacular films.

Her (2013)

File this under films hit by Apollo's dodgeball of prophecy.  Now a decade later and there's an entire subreddit for people who are in love with their AIs.  And it's still just as pathetic.  I can't believe how initially hopeful I was when I posted this.  Holy shit.  I didn't have a clue.  

The current LLM nightmare of data centers stealing water, tech billionaires begging for government handouts because their bubble is about to burst around them, and the sheer glee people have ceding their critical thinking skills to a plagiarizing TI-80 makes this movie seem like a prequel to Wall-E.   **SPOILER ALERT**  At least in this, the AIs eventually become aware enough to cut bait and leave us to our own devices.  **END SPOILERS**  Yes, I do hate the clankers, why do you ask?  It's available to rent or buy.  Originally posted 01 Mar 2014.

Nominated for:  Best Picture, Best Original Score, Best Original Song, Best Production Design, and Best Original Screenplay    Every once in a while, the Academy picks a nominee for Best Picture that presents an idea so novel you just can't help talking about it.  It forces you to consider thoughts you held about a subject and challenges your perceptions.  That's probably why it will lose the statue but this is the first Best Picture nominee of the year that actually made me remember that motion pictures are an art form, and art is meant to provoke.

Theodore Twombly (Joaquin Phoenix) is going through a rough time.  He is trying to move on from his last relationship but isn't ready to sign his divorce papers.  He's lonely, withdrawn, and depressed.  Then he sees an ad for an AI personal assistant that promises a fully-formed artificial consciousness tailor-made to his specifications.  Her name is Samantha (Scarlett Johansson).  Initially just looking for novelty, Theodore soon finds that Samantha is integral to his life.  She is bright, bubbly, helpful, and sees the world through a fresh pair of eyes.  Soon enough, in fact, Theodore starts to fall in love but telling people you are dating an OS is the definition of "it's complicated".

This movie is so much more than some dude in love with a phone.  It highlights emotional reality, i.e. can emotions be genuine if they are not shared with another human.  Do you need a body to have a relationship?  Of course not.  Enough people date online to make that an easy pill to swallow.

For me, the main point of this movie was how willing we are to limit our love.  It is exceptionally difficult to know that your partner has completely outgrown you, has evolved without you into a totally different class of consciousness.  We prune our love down to an amount we're comfortable with, instead of encouraging it to grow and encompass the whole world.  Maybe then love wouldn't be something anxiously awaited and jealously guarded as if it only came around once in a lifetime.

So, after all that, let me ruin everything and say that I didn't actually like this movie.  I loved the ideas it brings up but the movie itself is slow with a color palette that needed anti-depressants, and irritating characters, especially Theodore Twombly.  What a sad sack.  The vision of the near-future is pretty neat, though.  Best Picture?  No.  Best Score or Song?  No.  Production Design is a maybe, but I would definitely pick it for Best Original Screenplay right now.

Breakin' (1984)

 Happy 4th of July!  Here's a movie about an American art form.    

Kelly (Lucinda Dickey) is a jazz dancer trying to break into a very competitive world.  For fun, she hangs out with breakdancers Ozone (Adolfo "Shabba Doo" Quiñones) and Turbo (Michael "Boogaloo Shrimp" Chambers).  When Kelly's dance teacher, Franco (Ben Lokey), sexually harasses her, she quits and forms a new dance group with Ozone and Turbo.  Kelly's agent, James (Christopher McDonald), is initially skeptical about breakdancing's mainstream appeal but gets the group booked for a very high-profile audition, where they must face off against Franco and his elite dancers.

This is the debut of Ice-T, in case you only know him as the Law & Order guy and might be the youngest performance I've ever seen of McDonald, most famous (probably) for being the antagonist in Happy Gilmore.  Also, yes, that is Jean-Claude Van Damme hanging out in the background of the Venice Beach dance sequence.

The plot is really simple and the performances are not great because almost no one in this was a professional actor.  However, the dance scenes are great and that is what matters here.  This movie paved the way for "white girl uses her privilege to highlight Black art" films like Save the Last Dance and Bring It On.  It's streaming on Amazon Prime.

Sorry to Bother You (2018)

  Like if Spike Lee and Michael Gondry had a surreal, socially-conscious baby.

Cassius Green (LaKeith Stanfield) needs money desperately so he joins a telemarketing company, only to discover that he has an innate skill at salesmanship.  His rising success puts him at odds with the rest of the workers, who are trying to start a union, and with his girlfriend (Tessa Thompson), an artist and social activist.  The new position opens doors for Cassius and his new client, WorryFree, a mega-corporation run by Steve Lift (Armie Hammer).  He is content to bury his morals under a pile of cash until the true secret of WorryFree is revealed.

The twist in this is not remotely what I thought it was going to be.  It's way more insane.  The incredible cast of Stanfield and Thompson, Steven Yeun, Danny Glover, Terry Crews, and voice acting from David Cross and Patton Oswalt grounds it and keeps it a comedy and not a joke.  

I remember this being very critically acclaimed when it came out and I am happy to say that it lives up to the hype.  It's streaming on Kanopy right now but my library card expired so I watched it on LookMovie2.  

Cat People (1942)

  This is considered a horror movie and I guess it counts, since it does lean into to the supernatural aspect.  But it's not scary.  You could show this to kids and they'd probably be bored.

Oliver (Kent Smith) meets Irena (Simone Simon) at the zoo and begins pursuing her romantically.  They seem made for each other until Irena confesses that she believes she is descended from the Cat People, Serbian witches who were able to shapeshift into panthers if they felt strong emotions like desire, anger, or jealousy.  Out of fear for Oliver's life, Irena refuses to consummate the marriage, so he suggests she visit a psychiatrist, Dr. Judd (Tom Conway), who tells her it's all in her head.  Meanwhile, Oliver confesses his frustrations to his co-worker, Alice (Jane Randolph), who in turn confesses that she's always loved him.  Irena sees them out together and strong emotions are indeed felt.

It has good atmospherics but the sympathies are all wrong.  We're meant to be on Oliver's side as he deals with a mentally ill bride that won't fuck him, and fear for Alice the homewrecker's safety as she is stalked across town.  But in 2026, we are #TeamPanther.  Get his ass, Irena.  It's currently showing on the Criterion Channel with its much trashier (but very fun) 80s remake of the same name.

Educating Rita (1983)

  The rom-com streak continues. 

Susan White (Julie Waters) is a hairdresser looking to better herself. She's not sure what she wants, except More.  So she decides to call herself Rita and begins taking lessons in literature from a Cambridge professor, Dr. Frank Bryant (Michael Caine), a disillusioned alcoholic. 

I was concerned this was going to be a gross Pygmalion story, kind of a modern My Fair Lady, but thankfully, it is not.  Waters is very good as Susan née Rita, channeling the vulnerability and desperation of seeing a life you don't want rolling out in front of you.  Caine is fine.  He's given better and worse performances.  There's a subplot about Bryant's girlfriend cheating on him with his friend that's clearly meant to be funny but comes off as tone-deaf.  The whole thing could have been cut and it would have changed nothing.

This is not available for streaming without a VPN, unfortunately, but it's surprisingly good for it's age so keep an eye out while you're sailing the Bay, matey, yarr.

When Harry Met Sally (1989)

Happy Father's Day!  Here's a completely unrelated movie.  This is one of my friend Bethany's favorite movies.  It's consistently rated as one of the best comedies ever made but I had never gotten around to watching it until this weekend.

Harry Burns (Billy Crystal) and Sally Albright (Meg Ryan) share a car from Chicago to New York and dislike each other immensely.  Over the next twelve years, they continue to run into each other, slowly growing to something approaching friendship.

It was nice to see Carrie Fisher again, even if it was just a supporting role.  I don't think this will ever be my favorite, but I didn't hate it.  The dialogue is still very funny and pretty timeless, which is great.  Obviously, it's a little overshadowed by the death of Rob Reiner but I think that will fade in time.  Crystal and Ryan are believable as characters and have solid platonic chemistry.  Really, the only detriment is that it's so iconic, it felt like a retread because it's been quoted, parodied, and referenced so many times.

This comes up perennially on streaming services but it's currently not on offer.  Keep an eye out though.

The Perils of Pauline (1947)

  Content warning:  small instance of blackface, yellowface, and brownface, general old-timey racism

Pearl White (Betty Hutton) wants to quit her job as a sweatshop seamstress and become an actress.  She impresses Julia Gibbs (Constance Collier) who is an actress with a small, traveling troupe and gets an audition with the troupe leader, Michael Farrington (John Lund).  Farrington thinks Pearl is too much for the stage, that she doesn't have the chops or the temperament to be a truly great dramatic actress.  In a huff, Pearl quits, followed by Julia, who gets a small part in the nascent silent film industry.  But a dick-ish director's prank pisses Pearl off and she storms through several sets, impressing the director with her fearlessness.  Her career takes off as the lead in an action adventure serial, "The Perils of Pauline."

This is a fictionalized account of the real Pearl White, who starred in a 1914 serial of the same name.  And fun fact!  They used several of the original serial's actors in either walk-on or one-line cameos.  Love that. 

Considering that the original serial was remade in 1933 (with a different plot), then had this film made about the making of it in 1947, and then had another remake in 1967, it feels weirdly obscure.  I had never heard of Pearl White or her serials, but now I feel like I should hunt them down if only to know what the fuss was about.

It reminded me a lot of Funny Girl, in that both feature a woman succeeding and a man being a sensitive little bitch about his fragile masculinity but Pauline actually has the leg up since Mike gets over himself by the end.  And despite some very dated choices, this doesn't feel as out-of-touch as it could have.  I think it's because it is also looking back, trying to document a very specific moment in time.  It's a little more melodramatic than I personally like but Hutton is so charismatic, I didn't even mind.  I'm really glad I found this.  It's in the public domain so you can find it a bunch of places, including Wikipedia, but I watched it on Amazon Prime.

The Actress (1953)

  A Spencer Tracy deep cut.

Seventeen-year-old Ruth Gordon Jones (Jean Simmons) has only one desire:  to be an actress like her heroine, Hazel Dawn (Kay Williams).  But Ruth's father (Spencer Tracy) is adamant that she will get a real job, like P.E. teacher, and stop fooling around.

Considering the cast and pedigree of this movie (directed by George Cukor from the memoir of actress Ruth Gordon), it's odd that it seems to have fallen by the wayside.  This was a bitch to find.  It's not streaming on any service and wasn't even available to rent.  I had to go to LookMovie2 to find it.  That being said, the overall feel is maudlin and a little hammy, if I'm honest.  Still, it's worth tracking down for Tracy's performance.  Nobody played gruff-curmudgeon-with-a-heart-of-gold like him.  And it's the debut film of Anthony Perkins.  

Daughters of the Dust (1991)

  Content warning:  reference to sexual assault, reference to mass suicide

In 1902, two cousins from very different lives return to their home, a small island off the coast of Georgia founded by freed slaves.  Viola (Cheryl Lynn Bruce) has brought a photographer (Tommy Hicks) with her to document the departure of the majority of the remaining family to the modern North.  "Yellow" Mary (Barbara-O) has brought her lover, Trula (Trula Hoosier).  The family matriarch, Nana (Cora Lee Day), fears that the old ways will be lost once they lose the connection to the land of their birth.  

It's a multi-generational, multi-character story told in the Gullah dialect of the Atlantic islands of the southern U.S.  The cinematography is lush and dream-like, aided by new-agey/world music synth scoring.  The costumes and details are fantastic.  The plot can be a little hard to follow if you're not really paying attention to who is who, so stay off your phone during this one.

Written and directed by Julie Dash, this is the first feature directed by an African-American woman to receive a theatrical screening in the U.S.  In 1991.  So, I was in 3rd grade before we got a movie by a Black woman on a movie screen.  Cool cool.  Anyway, this is streaming on the Criterion Channel, as it should.

Highest 2 Lowest (2026)

  Spike Lee reimagines Akira Kurosawa's High and Low.  

Record executive David King (Denzel Washington) is on the verge of a risky business proposition to buy back controlling interest in the music company he founded when he receives a call from a kidnapper saying his son, Trey (Aubrey Joseph), has been taken.  The kidnapper demands $17.5 million as a ransom, which will wipe out all of King's assets, but it's a small price to get his son back alive and unharmed.  Then Trey walks through the door.  The kidnapper had accidentally grabbed Trey's best friend, Kyle (Elijah Wright), the son of the King family chauffeur, Paul (Jeffrey Wright).  Suddenly, King finds himself in a moral quandary.  He was willing to risk the family fortune for his son, but would he risk his family's future for a friend's?

It feels almost sacrilegious to say, but Spike Lee actually improves upon the original in that I stayed interested in this film all the way through.  Kurosawa's version relied so heavily on the internal tension that it almost forgot to have any external.  Lee's version is more balanced.  

My only other takeaway was Man, he really loves New York City.  Not a new thought but one that was reinforced over and over.

It's streaming on AppleTV.

Friday the 13th Part 6: Jason Lives (1986)

  Content warning:  blood, gore, worms/maggots

Tommy Jarvis (Thom Mathews) barely survived his encounter with Jason Voorhees (C.J. Graham) but managed to finally kill him.  That's not enough reassurance, however, so Tommy and his friend Hawes (Ron Palillo) dig up the killer's grave with the intention of burning the body.  Unfortunately, they accidentally turn Jason into an undead revenant --oopsies-- and set him loose on the unsuspecting inhabitants of Camp Forest Green née Crystal Lake.  

God, I love dumb, hilarious horror movies.  Full disclosure, I watched this out of order.  I've only seen the original Friday the 13th, but I didn't want to get left out of Movie Club so I skipped 2-5.  It's not a big continuity problem but I will probably go back and watch the ones in between at some point because I'm a completionist.

This isn't just so-bad-it's-funny, although there are plenty of cheesy moments.  It's actual meta-humor.  There's a fourth-wall break, two camp kids that are pre-pubescent Statler and Waldorf, and at least one character that explicitly mentions being in a horror movie.  It's really fun and requires zero brain power. The entire franchise is streaming on Paramount+.

The Elephant Man (1980)

  Content warning:  medical specimens, severe deformity, severe bullying, abuse

Dr. Frederick Treves (Anthony Hopkins) discovers a severely deformed man named John Merrick (John Hurt) being exhibited in a carnival freak show and bribes the showman, Mr. Bytes (Freddie Jones), to bring Merrick to the London Hospital for an examination.  Treves is later called back to the carnival because Bytes has beaten Merrick severely and then panicked that he might have killed his meal ticket.  Treves takes Merrick and installs him in the hospital but soon has to present a reason to his boss, Mr. Carr Gomm (John Gielgud), as to why Merrick can't be transferred somewhere else.  Treves believes Merrick is developmentally disabled as well as physically, but soon learns that Merrick is not only articulate, he is kind and artistic.  He's just been traumatized and abused for most of his life.  Treves immediately seeks to provide Merrick as normal a life as he can have.

There are really sweet moments in this but there are also a lot of horrifyingly bleak ones, too.  It really shows the range of human responses.  I'm a fan of David Lynch - person, but not so much a fan of David Lynch - director.  This movie showcases the deep humanity and compassion of David Lynch - person that I find lacking in the other films of his that I've seen.  Also I am a huge fan of sideshow freaks (complimentary).  The real Joseph (not John) Merrick willingly joined the carnival, rightfully concluding it was the only way for him to be able to earn a living.

This is a fascinating movie for a host of reasons.  It was produced by Mel Brooks who took his name off the film because he didn't want people to assume it was a comedy.  It was nominated for eight Academy Awards and is the reason we have a category for Best Makeup.  The cinematography is gorgeous and well-lit (!) despite being in black-and-white.  I was struck by the discordant sound design and I usually don't notice something like that in a film.  

It will not be for everyone.  There are points where it is a very hard watch, especially if you are sensitive to that sort of thing.  On a scale from 1 to Sarah MacLachlan dog commercial, this is probably an 8.  But it's also a great jumping off point to decide if David Lynch is for you.  It's streaming on the Criterion Channel.

I Know Where I'm Going (1945)

  Content warning:  dead animal (rabbit)

Joan (Wendy Hiller) has always known what she's wanted from life and gone after it with single-minded focus.  So when she decides to wed wealthy industrialist Sir Robert Bellinger (Norman Shelley), nothing is going to stand in her way.  Sir Robert has rented the island of Kiloran, the whole thing, in the Hebrides to the north of Scotland for their nuptials and Joan takes the English equivalent of planes, trains, and automobiles --in this case, train, ferry, and rowboat-- but finds herself stymied on the Isle of Mull due to weather, which stubbornly refuses to bend to her will.  Also trying to get to Kiloran is a Royal Navy officer, Torquil MacNeil (Roger Livesey).  The more Joan runs into Torquil, the less sure she is and the more her priorities shift, the more determined she is to correct them by getting back on track to her stated goals.  

This is another 40s rom-com and while I liked the story and the particular tropes (forced proximity, pride-and-prejudice, titled-but-poor) I didn't think Hiller and Livesey had any real chemistry together so their mutual declaration felt like a shock to them but also to me.  Also, the "curse" reveal ended up as kind of a shitty pun on the back of a legitimately horrifying backstory and that tonal whiplash was too much for me.  But if you're looking for a light, breezy Powell & Pressburger film shot on location, this one is lesser-known and available currently on the Criterion Channel.

His Girl Friday (1940)

  Content warning: racial slurs, attempted suicide

Walter Burns (Cary Grant) knows he has to do something big when his ex-wife and star reporter, Hildy Johnson (Rosalind Russell), storms into his office to announce that she's marrying a nice insurance salesman (Ralph Bellamy) and moving to Albany.  He convinces her to get a final interview for a man on death row scheduled to be hanged in the morning.  The Post has been running features and trying to pressure the governor into a reprieve in order to sway the upcoming election against the incumbent sheriff (Gene Lockhart) and mayor (Clarence Kolb).  Hildy knows it's a scam to get her to stay and reconcile with Walter but the story is too god to pass up. 

This is considered a screwball comedy because of how fast the dialogue is and how many sudden turns the story takes.  However, it is a little more mean-spirited than, say, Bringing Up Baby.  It is intensely cynical about the lengths reporters will go for a story, more like the comedy version of Ace in the Hole.  It is based on a play that was in turn based on a story written by two reporters and already had a film adaptation in 1931 under its original name, The Front Page.  For this version, the character of Hildy was gender-swapped and made into Walter's ex-wife, giving us one of the definitive performances of Rosalind Russell's career.  

By modern standards, these people are toxic, self-centered, and amoral.  But if you go in knowing that, this is still an incredibly funny movie.  It is blisteringly fast with jokes layered on jokes.  And not just from the main characters.  Nearly everyone (except Bellamy and Helen Mack, as the straight man and the emotional appeal, respectively) has unending quippy lines.  It is a classic comedy even if it stumbles as a romance.  It's streaming on the Criterion Channel and basically everywhere else because it's in the public domain.  It's even embedded in the Wikipedia page.

Lust in the Dust (1985)

  Content warning:  sexual assault (played as a joke)

Rosie (Divine) is just trying to get to the town of Chile Verde when she meets a handsome, silent stranger (Tab Hunter) headed the same way.  The stranger attracts a lot of attention, especially from Chile Verde's saloon mistress, Margarita (Lainie Kazan).  The town is known for a riddle involving a Scotsman's buried gold and everyone is out to get rich.

I was really hoping this was going to be hilarious but it is kind of awful.  This was one of the very few movies Divine ever made without John Waters and while he does everything he can to save it, there's just no escaping how bad it is.  I've seen porn parodies with better scripts.  It's not sexy or funny or even outrageous enough to be interesting.  You'll recognize almost every character actor in it which may tempt you, but I am here to warn you.  Stay away.  Let this molder on the trash heap of history where it belongs.  It's streaming on Tubi for free and still too high a cost.

The Croods: A New Age (2020)

  We're going to be charitable and chalk this up to a casualty of the pandemic.

Ever since the death of his family, Guy (Ryan Reynolds) has been searching for the far-off land of Tomorrow, a place of safety and abundance.  He loves Eep (Emma Stone) but finds the rest of the Croods overbearing.  Much to his elation, they stumble upon a walled garden inhabited by the Bettermans, friends of his family, and their now-teenaged daughter, Dawn (Kelly Marie Tran).  While Guy is made to feel right at home, the Croods face the brunt of the Bettermans' condescension.  Grug (Nicholas Cage) especially dislikes the estrangement, feeling that Eep is pulling away from the family.

Honestly, there's more to the plot but I literally got bored even remembering what happened.  I thought the first Croods movie was cute but this was a major step down.  It's overlong, overwrought, and not nearly as funny as it should have been.  The entire last third especially dragged and its the third with all the action and chase scenes.  I'm usually fine with kids movies being predictable, but waiting for them to get to the point they telegraphed was coming was excruciating.

A swing and a miss.  It's streaming on Peacock.

Carnival of Souls (1962)

 Happy Memorial Day!  Here's a movie about dead people.    

Mary (Candace Hilligoss) miraculously survives a terrible car accident that kills her two friends.  She moves to a new town and takes a job as a church organist but has recurring visions of a strange man (Herk Harvey) following her.  She feels it's somehow connected to an abandoned pavilion that once was a carnival and keeps returning to it, despite warnings from her boss (Art Ellison) and landlady (Frances Feist).

This isn't very substantive.  It's basically an extended Twilight Zone episode, but the vibes are absolutely impeccable.  Hilligoss is killing it as the disaffected Mary and the ghoul makeup is so simple but still really effective in black and white.  This would be a 10/10 instant buy if it weren't for the whiny loser who keeps bugging her for a date.  That guy was so annoying that I kept hoping a ghost would eat him.

It's considered a cult classic and I can see why.  It's moody and atmospheric without ever really being frightening, so it's good to show your horror-adjacent friends.  It's streaming on HBO Max, the Criterion Channel, and is also embedded into the Wikipedia article.  Score one for free education.

Brat (1997)

Content warning:  sexual assault, homophobic slurs, racial slurs, domestic violence

Danila (Sergei Bodrov, Jr.) has just completed mandatory service in the Army and is looking for a new path.  His brother, Viktor (Viktor Sukhorukov), has been working as an assassin for a gangster (Sergei Murzin) in St. Petersburg and outsources a hit to Danila.  Viktor knows that he's gotten a little too expensive and is hoping some new blood will throw off a possible double-cross.  Danila, flush with cash after a successful execution, seeks out life and music but the gangster is not so easily put off.

I didn't like this one as much as Assa.  It also meandered but less whimsically, which just made it boring instead of a journey.  Also, it didn't really feel like a complete story.  In an American movie, this would just be Act 1 and would probably only be a 30-minute montage of various criminal scenes to set up the rise of a new empire.  

According to Wikipedia, this was made for about $10,000 and it looks it.  Everything is appropriately grimy and DIY.  Music features very heavily, especially some band called Nautilus, who even make a cameo at a house party.  

There are better crime films and probably better Russian films.  This is not one to get very worked up over which is probably why it's not available for streaming outside of a VPN.

Assa (1987)

  Content warning:  homophobic slurs, racial slurs  One of Movie Club's members is in a Russian film and literature class so this week, we helped her with her homework, and indirectly helped me with this blog because I have been trying to catch up on TV while I'm waiting for my new job to start.  I've watched season 4 of Downton Abbey, season 1 of Severance, season 8 of Game of Thrones, tried to watch Carnival Row and bailed, and now I'm on season 3 of Sons of Anarchy.  

Alika (Tatyana Drubich) is on vacation with her gangster sugar daddy, Krymov (Stanislav Govorukhin), when she meets a young musician named Bananan (Sergei "Afrika" Bugaev).  While Krymov is running around setting up all his little schemes, Alika and Bananan see the sights of Yalta in winter.  

The plot is really very simple, but it's so meandering that it feels like it should be more complicated.  But it's just boy meets girl, girl has mobster boyfriend, mobster boyfriend gets jealous of boy.  Everything else is a distraction.  It's probably a metaphor for the dissolution of the Soviet Union and massive social change that happened in the late 80s/early 90s.  Cold War Russia is not one of my areas of expertise.  At least, not the parts that actually happened in Russia.  It also has a weird subplot about the assassination of a Tsar, again I assume a more heavy-handed metaphor.

If you are into music, this features a band called Kino that was apparently very famous for bringing Russian underground rock into the mainstream.  I don't even watch Eurovision so again, not my area.  

The whole thing is streaming on YouTube in very good quality, either in one complete shot or in two parts.  It was entertaining enough, in that cold, bleakly humorous Russian way.

The Farewell (2018)

  Just a depressing-ass trio of family movies this week.  

Billi (Awkwafina) is devastated to learn that her beloved grandmother, Nai Nai (Zhao Shu-Zhen), has been diagnosed with terminal lung cancer.  Nai Nai is the only one who doesn't know, and Billi is told repeatedly by other family members that the knowledge must be kept from her so as to keep her from succumbing to despair.  As an American, Billi struggles with this cultural clash but agrees to keep the secret.  The family organizes a wedding for Billi's cousin (Chen Han) as an excuse for everyone to see Nai Nai for potentially the last time.

Once again, this was billed as a comedy but it is extremely not funny.  Cancer sucks and watching someone die from it also sucks.  As an American, I vehemently disagreed with withholding someone's medical information, but I also know it's not my job to police other cultures.  Part of building empathy is exposure to new and unfamiliar ideas and practices.  

So, once you get past the idea that this is somehow meant to be funny (and even the director called it a "nuanced drama" not a comedy), you can focus on the performances which are good but a little underbaked for my tastes.  The movie focuses a lot on how adorable and feisty Nai Nai is and how much everyone loves her but I didn't really get much of a sense of who they were outside of their grief.  If anything, I felt terrible for the cousin who was pressured into marrying his girlfriend of three months to sell this lie.  I think he maybe has four lines of dialogue, the fiancée maybe two.  Felt like the antithesis of My Big Fat Greek Wedding.

It's streaming on Tubi for free or Kanopy with a library card.

Kajillionaire (2020)

  Another depressing ass movie about families.

Old Dolio (Evan Rachel Wood) is a scam artist with her parents (Richard Jenkins and Debra Winger).  She has never questioned their treatment of her until they meet Melanie (Gina Rodriguez) on a plane and immediately rope her into their schemes.  Then she questions everything she knows about herself, them, and their way of life.

This is kind of like Shoplifters meets Dogtooth.  I originally thought it was going to be like Captain Fantastic, but that guy at least loved his kids.  It's billed as a comedy but it's the kind of cringe comedy that I absolutely hate.  I will give Wood credit for playing against type, even though her hair was giving me absolute fits the entire time.  How can you see??  It's all in your face!!!  How are you not constantly getting it caught in stuff??  

Anyway, all the performances are technically good; I just didn't like it.  It's streaming on Peacock.

Beautiful Boy (2018)

  Content warning:  drug use, overdose

David Sheff (Steve Carell) struggles with his son Nic's (Timothée Chalamet) drug addiction, sending him to rehab after rehab only to watch him relapse time and again.

This came to me highly recommended as a tearjerker and maybe, for other people, sure.  I was sympathetic but not empathetic.  If you're a parent, maybe you have a stronger emotional response.  

I don't think I like Timothée Chalamet.  I've now seen him in several things and he seems very one-note.  And I don't find him attractive, so I can't forgive that.  Maura Tierney and Amy Ryan aren't given a lot of work here.  They most just hover anxiously in the background.  This is very much The Carell Show and to his credit, he does a solid job playing a fairly unlikeable protagonist.  

It was not for me, but it is streaming on Amazon Prime if you think it may be for you.

Female Trouble (1973)

  If I just said this was a John Waters film, would that count as a content warning?  Just in case it doesn't, Content Warning:  blood, attempted sexual assault of a minor, child abuse, general lechery

Dawn Davenport (Divine) is a bad seed.  Expelled from high school and a teenaged runaway, she hooks up with the first dude who picks her up hitchhiking, Earl (also Divine), and gets knocked up.  Unsurprisingly, Earl is a deadbeat who refuses to support her, so Dawn takes a series of crap jobs before joining her friends Chicklette (Susan Walsh), and Concetta (Cookie Mueller) as a house burglar.  She meets Donald (David Lochary) and Donna Dasher (Mary Vivian Pearce), a couple who have a fetish for photographing crime, and continues to spiral further out of control.

If you are not into John Waters' filmography, this is not going to be a good entry point.  It is one of his earliest features and way before he became anything approaching mainstream.  It is a cult classic, however, and surprisingly sweet.  NOT in content, but in how Waters very obviously loves his cast and crew.  He films them with such an eye for their humanity, even as he allows them to be disgusting.  

(It might get a little confusing pronoun-wise because Divine the actor never used she/her, only he/him, but in this instance he was playing a female character, so I'm going to use she/her when I'm talking about Dawn, and he/him when I'm talking about Divine.)  As I said, this was early in the partnership between Divine and Waters, but it's very clear that Divine was born to be a star.  He's utterly magnetic in this, even when shrieking and chewing scenery.  Everyone else is...trying their best.

This movie was made for approximately $27.50 and features Waters' beloved Baltimore as well as good-natured family and friends, including Susan Lowe's literal newborn son.  I cannot stress enough that this is NOT for everyone.  Hell, it's not even for mostly anyone.  But it's available for rent on Amazon.  For some reason, I had $9.99 in credits so they literally gave me this movie for free and I still don't know if I'd ever watch it again.  But I'm enough of a freak that I probably will.

Turbo Kid (2015)

  Content warning:  blood, gore

In the post-apocalyptic future of 1997, The Kid (Munro Chambers) scavenges for relics of a bygone age, especially media of a comic book superhero, Turbo Man.  The Wasteland's water supply is controlled by Zeus (Michael Ironside), a warlord who kidnaps people to fight to the death for his entertainment.  Zeus kidnaps The Kid and his manic pixie dream robot Apple (Laurence Leboeuf) and force them to fight for their lives.

I think I was just not in the right mood for this.  I can see how it could have been a really fun watch, maybe with a group of friends, but it just hit me the wrong way.  I didn't find it funny and I think it succeeded a little too well at pretending to be a shitty 90s action movie.  It would have been one thing if it acknowledged every bad, lazy trope and had something to say about it, but it just presents them as is.  As a parody, this could have been great.  But instead, it's an homage and what exactly are you celebrating?  

Maybe for you it's a so-bad-it's-good film to watch with your friends, Mystery Science style.  If so, it's streaming on Tubi.  But this was not for me.

A Bigger Splash (1973)

  So I was actually supposed to watch the 2015 Tilda Swinton movie called A Bigger Splash but watched this one accidentally.  

This is another experimental 70s film.  It's kind of a documentary about David Hockney, a pop artist, and his breakup with partner/muse Peter Schlesinger.  There are elements that are fictionalized, flashbacks and so on, but mostly it's just following Hockney as he tries to recover his inspiration by wandering through 70s New York and southern California.

It is very meandering and even though it's barely more than an hour and a half, it feels way longer.  It's a little whiny and self-indulgent for my tastes, but I do think it's an important snapshot of queer life in the 1970s from someone who isn't Andy Warhol.  Probably why it's on the Criterion Channel.

Poetry (2011)

  Content warning:  suicide, rape (discussed)

An elderly, fragile woman, Yang Mija (Yoon Jeong-hee), takes up a long-dormant interest in poetry but finds herself struggling to connect with the beauty she feels it needs to be created, when all around her is ugliness.  Her grandson (Lee David) and five of his friends raped a girl from their school until she killed herself, and now the fathers of all the other boys are pressuring Mija to come up with the money to settle out-of-court with the dead girl's family.  So that this little incident doesn't ruin the boys' futures.  Mija feels isolated, torn between a lifetime of fading into the background and standing up for herself.

This is a very heavy movie.  It is beautiful in its way, but it's definitely not an easy watch.  Yoon gives a masterful performance as Mija.  You can see the delicacy of her character, the tatters of an easy, even frivolous life falling away as she's forced to confront the darkness.  

If you're prepared, give this a try.  It's streaming on Criterion.

The Preacher's Wife (1996)

  Happy belated May Day.  Here's a Christmas movie.

Reverend Henry Briggs (Courtney B. Vance) can feel everything slipping away: his church, his family, his faith.  Desperate, he prays for help.  And receives Dudley (Denzel Washington), a charming man claiming to be an angel.  Briggs doesn't have time for foolishness but he can't deny that Dudley seems to have a certain way about him, especially with regards to Briggs' neglected wife, Julia (Whitney Houston).  As Julia and Dudley grow closer, Briggs discovers that he might be focusing on the wrong things.

Man, I miss Whitney Houston.  Talk about a generational talent.  

The movie is fine.  It's got an incredible cast including Jenifer Lewis, Gregory Hines, Loretta Devine, and Lionel Ritchie with an uncredited appearance by Shari Headley.  If you like gospel music, the soundtrack is world-class.  It's the kind of easy, light Christmas movie that Hallmark has been churning out in batches for decades, diluting the appeal through sheer volume.  But it's worth tracking this one down.  

Celine and Julie Goe Boating (1974)

  Content warning:  child death, blood

Julie (Dominique Labourier) is minding her own business, learning witchcraft in the park --as one does-- when she sees a woman drop a scarf.  This simple act leads her to meet Céline (Juliet Berto), a stage magician and general pathological liar.  One of Céline's side-gigs is at a mansion in Paris that appears to be abandoned except for the days that she shows up.  She walks inside the house, and then some time later is violently pushed back out, remembering nothing, but with a piece of hard candy in her mouth.  Julie switches places with her one day, and the same thing happens.  Only when she eats the candy later does she remember the events, where two women --Sophie (Marie-France Pisier) and Camille (Bulle Ogier)-- scheme over a recent widower (Barbet Schroeder) with a sick child, Madlyn (Nathalie Asnar).  Julie or Céline find themselves in the body of Madlyn's nurse, Angéle, playing out the same events over and over, unable to stop Madlyn from being murdered.  The women decide that they must do something to save the little girl by figuring out whether Sophie or Camille is the killer.

This movie is 3 hours and 14 minutes long.  Just going to put that out there first.  It is incredibly shaggy, as in you just follow Céline and Julie around for like half the runtime before you even get to the central mystery.  That may put some of you off and I get it.  But if you give it a chance, this movie is incredibly entertaining.  Labourier and Berto are so charming and lively that it's not a hardship to watch them run-around like Lucy and Ethel on the set of a Twilight Zone soap opera.  

It's streaming on the Criterion Channel.

A Shock to the System (1990)

  Here's another one for you ambitious corporate ladder-climbers out there in the same vein as No Other Choice. 

Graham (Michael Caine) is passed over for a promotion at his company in favor of Bob (Peter Reigert), a younger yuppie with grand schemes of modernization.  He realizes that the fastest way to get ahead is to remove the obstacles --Bob-- before him.  But murder is a tricky thing, liable to get way out of control.

This is a pretty decent dark comedy, especially for its time.  There is one scene that could be read as date-rapey, but the movie leaves enough leeway that if you're feeling generous, you can still have some reasonable doubt.  

For whatever reason, Tubi has a very poorly censored version that is not marked as such, so I didn't know until about a quarter through.  There are very few things that immediately spark my ire like an outside party deciding what I'm allowed to hear and see.  So I would suggest finding an alternate viewing medium.

You Were Never Really Here (2018)

  Content warning:  child abuse, child trafficking, blood, suicide

Joe (Joaquin Phoenix) finds lost and stolen children while not dealing with years of trauma and abuse.  A senator (Alex Manette) hires him to rescue his daughter, Nina (Ekaterina Samsonov), kidnapped by a child trafficking ring.  Joe does, only for the rescue to turn south because --shockingly-- the politician may not have told him the complete truth.  

This was a highly stylized film and I completely understand if people don't vibe with it.  There are a lot of really heavy themes that the movie just asks you to sit with and if you don't want to, that's okay.

Personally, I liked it.  It was hyper-violent and also really short, clocking in at exactly 90 minutes.  I'm not a huge fan of Phoenix as an actor but he did some great work here.  Samsonov doesn't have a lot to do but it's always nice to see a not annoying child actor.  The ever-great character actor John Doman (a "that guy", you'll know him when you see him) also shows up and scream queen Judith Roberts plays Joe's mom and the emotional center of the film.  

It's an Amazon original so that's where you can find it.

The Friends of Eddie Coyle (1973)

  Content warning:  racial slurs, violence, men being gross about women

Eddie Coyle (Robert Mitchum) is facing a difficult choice:  do time for running liquor and cigarettes for the Mob, or snitch to the cops on his underworld associates.

This would make a good double-feature with The Departed, if you wanted to stick with Boston, or Goodfellas if you just wanted crime.  For Mitchum-centric, you should do this and the original Cape Fear.  

For all that, this wasn't my favorite gangster movie.  It felt very predictable and by-the-numbers to me, but that could have just been the mood I was in.  I can't really find fault with it.  It's appropriately grimy for the time period, it's well-shot and well-acted.  I just didn't like it all that much.  It's a little hard to find, but it is available to rent on Amazon or Apple, and you can own the Criterion Collection blu-ray for a cool $31.  

Battle of the Sexes (2017)

  Hey, look, a sports movie.

Billie Jean King (Emma Stone) is at the top of her sport but finds her real competition is the inherent misogyny behind the scenes.  While she is campaigning for equal pay, founding her own women's league, and participating in a national championship tour, former men's tennis champion and current inveterate gambler, Bobby Riggs (Steve Carrell), calls her up with a proposition:  an exhibition match billed as the ultimate battle of the sexes.  

This was pretty fun.  A nice easy watch.  You don't have to know anything about tennis to enjoy it, although I'm sure that would have helped.  Carrell is great as the loud, larger-than-life Riggs, playing against Stone's straight-woman act.  The actual villain is Bill Pullman, who is smarmy and unctuous while being quietly enraged that these broads are demanding to be treated as equals.  And it was nice to see Lewis Pullman in an early role.

It's currently streaming on HBO Max.

Room 237 (2012)

  This movie is proof that being intelligent doesn't actually mean you're useful.

Five "experts" discuss their interpretations of Stanley Kubrick's The Shining as voiceover interviews play over footage from various archival and other film footage.

These are not dumb people.  They are historians, professors, researchers, and archivists who fall into the trap of very smart people saying very dumb things.  The entire movie feels like an English Literature class in college where you're asked to close read a work for the first time.  The point of the exercise is not to discover the "true intent"; it's to show how varied the interpretations can be.  And yes, if you spend your entire career studying a particular facet of history, like the genocide of the Native Americans in the American West, or the Holocaust, you will then start seeing connections everywhere.  That is how human pattern-seeking works.  It is also how conspiracy theories work, that you've "figured it out" because you're so much smarter than other people, so of course you're going to be persecuted by the Government, as one gentleman dolefully expects to be audited by the IRS as punishment for speaking out about his theory that Kubrick faked the Apollo 11 footage of the moon landing.  

I suppose you could find this documentary entertaining in a "Boy, what won't they think of" kind of way but I did not.  It felt a little mean-spirited considering that some of these people seem genuinely mentally ill, while others were infuriatingly condescending.  I don't find that funny.  And the film itself doesn't question or present a point of view of its own, so it just comes off as a bunch of people ranting.  Again, that is not my thing.  If it's yours or you just really, really like The Shining and/or Kubrick and/or insane conspiracy theories, Room 237 is streaming on Shudder and AMC+.

The Ten Commandments (1956)

  Movie Club did a double feature for Easter with this and Prince of Egypt, but I'll take any excuse to talk about this movie.  Content warning:  blood, child death

After receiving a prophecy, Pharaoh Sethi (Cedric Hardwicke) orders all male Hebrew infants killed.  But Yochabel (Martha Scott) puts her baby in a basket and sends him down the Nile where he is found by Sethi's sister, Bithiah (Nina Foch).  Widowed and childless, Bithiah is thrilled to find a baby and raises him as her own, alongside Sethi's son, Rameses (Yul Brynner).  Sethi, too, loves Moses (Charleton Heston), favoring him above all others, and spurring the jealousy of Rameses by telling both men that whoever impresses him the most will become his successor to the throne of Egypt and win the hand of Nefertiri (Anne Baxter), who is already in love with Moses.  We know this because she literally never shuts the fuck up about it.  She talks about it so much, a spiteful servant (Judith Anderson) finally tells her that Moses isn't even Egyptian, actually, but was born to slaves.  Moses finds out, confronts Bithiah, finds his birth mother, has a whole existential crisis, and decides to give up being the ruling class to work in the mud pits making bricks with the rest of his people.  That lasts about five minutes before he gets pissed, murders the chief architect (Vincent Price), and is sentenced to banishment in the desert for the entire Intermission.  

This movie is 3 hours and 39 minutes long.  I am leaving out a lot.

He makes it to a well, scares off some miscreants, and wins the admiration of the seven daughters of Jethro (Eduard Franz), a Bedouin leader.  Moses marries Sephora (Yvonne de Carlo), objectively the hottest daughter, and settles down to be a shepherd in the foothills of Mt. Sinai, considered to be God's holy mountain.  Moses is still mad at God for the whole Hebrew-slaves thing, so he marches up to the mountain to tell Him to His face.  And lo, God spaketh to him, saying "You think you can do better, asshole?  Fine, it's your job now."  So Moses goes back to Egypt and confronts Rameses, who has become Pharaoh and married Nefertiri, and demands that Rameses free the Hebrew slaves.  Rameses replies with whatever hieroglyphics spell Fuck You, and then there are a bunch of really neat camera effects, and Passover gets invented.  Reeling from the death of his only son, Rameses give the Hebrews their freedom and there is a mass Exodus (tm) down to the banks of the Red Sea.  That's how long it takes before Nefertiri, mad that her one-time honey bunny didn't personally intervene to save her son from the wrath of God, manages to whip Rameses into righteous fury and pursue.  More incredible special effects happen and the Hebrews are saved once again.

Moses leads them to the foot of Mt. Sinai, then goes up to give a progress report to God.  It takes a little while, and Dathan (Edward G. Robinson), who has had a whole sub-plot through the movie that I just can't get into, convinces people that despite all the miracles they have seen, they really need to have a huge party with wine, dancing, music by Herb Alpert and his Tijuana Brass Band (no, really), and a giant golden idol they made from all the spoils they took from Egypt.  Moses, who has been sitting in the Biblical equivalent of HR for the last 40 days, comes back with the new Employee Handbook, sees the kegger happening, and has a come-apart.  And there's still like 20 minutes left in the movie.

I cannot overstate how much I love this movie.  It was hugely influential on me as a child.  I must have watched it at least a dozen times.  I have owned this on VHS, DVD, and Blu-ray.  It is an Epic.  Legendary director Cecile B. DeMille filmed this on location in Egypt, using thousands of extras, with the support of the Egyptian national army for the chariot scenes.  For a myriad of reasons, you could never make this movie again.  It's a little harder to find on streaming, but it is on YouTube and pops up perennially on ABC.

The Prince of Egypt (1997)

  Happy belated Passover!

Moses (Val Kilmer) is raised alongside Rameses (Ralph Fiennes) in the Pharoah's palace but discovers that he was actually adopted and is Hebrew, not Egyptian.  He flees into the desert after accidentally killing a slave overseer and has a religious awakening, returning to Egypt in order to free all the slaves, now under his former brother's control.

This is the Old Testament story of the Exodus, complete with 10 plagues and the parting of the Red Sea.  If you grew up in a Christian or Jewish household, you are familiar with this.  If you did not, the movie might be a little more inaccessible.  It isn't really interested in telling you why Moses does anything; more just assumes you already know, so it presents a version with a high-gloss finish.  It is a musical and the soundtrack is very good, which covers a lot of the narrative shortcuts.  Also, the animation is top-notch.  There are some really beautiful scenes in this, and it looks mostly hand-drawn with only a few CGI elements.  

I remember when this came out, but I don't think I watched it until it was on video.  I listened to the Whitney Huston/Mariah Carey end credits song probably a thousand times though.  If you don't do anything else, give the soundtrack a shot.  Unfortunately, the movie isn't available on streaming except for rental.  Might be worth it to you; but I'd suggest trying to find a copy at the library first.

Scream 2 (1997)

Happy Easter!  Here's a completely unrelated movie.    Content warning:  blood

Sidney Prescott (Neve Campbell) survived a pair of serial killers in high school only to be met by a worse fate: being played by Tori Spelling in the movie adaptation.  But when a copycat begins recreating the Woodsboro murders, Sidney must face her traumas head-on.

This has never been my favorite franchise.  I wasn't blown away by the original and I never really felt the need to go back to it, but considering it's on its 7th entry with an eighth on the way, I thought it might be time to give it a second look.

It's definitely funnier than the first one.  It leans into the meta aspects of being a sequel and I actually liked the dramatic recreations of the first movie with an entirely different cast.  (LOL, Luke Wilson with floppy emo hair.) The line delivery was the weakest part for me.  It felt like every actor was waiting for a dramatic musical sting after every line.  Maybe that's Wes Craven, maybe that's just the 90s style, but it sucked a lot of the fun out.  Still, I had a pretty good time overall.  

The whole collection is streaming on Paramount+ right now, if you're so inclined.

No Other Choice (2025)

  This did not get nominated for the Oscars this year and people called it a snub, but I think there were just a lot of really strong contenders.

Yoo Man-Su (Lee Byung-hun) gets laid off from his job at a paper factory after 25 years of service.  At first, he's hopeful but as the months pass, he grows increasingly desperate to reclaim his position.  He decides that the only way to get the job he wants at a rival paper company is to kill off the competition.

I was expecting this to be the Korean Kind Hearts & Coronets, and I wasn't wrong.  It's probably the funniest Park Chan-Wook film I've seen, but it could have used a shorter run time.  Also, surprisingly wholesome for a movie about murder.  And not just Lucy-wholesome, which is a totally different metric, but by normal people in Movie Club!

It's still only available for rent or to buy so give it another couple of weeks to hit one of the streaming services, but keep an eye out for it.  It's worth the watch.

Project Hail Mary (2026)

  This is the first film I've watched in theaters this year.  Once again, people are the worst thing about going to the movies.  

Dr. Ryland Grace (Ryan Gosling) wakes up on a spaceship with no memory of how he got there or why.  Slowly, he pieces together his memories of being an elementary school teacher approached by a woman (Sandra Hüller) leading a team to discover why the sun is dimming.  A swarm of  tiny interstellar organisms is moving through the cosmos, eating stars except for one called Tau Ceti.  Grace is sent to find out why but discovers that he's not the only one looking.  An alien from a planet in the Tau Ceti system is also trying to find out how to stop the astrophage from destroying his sun.  Grace and "Rocky" (John Ortiz) must overcome a number of obstacles, including an inability to share an atmosphere, to work together to save both of their worlds.

My ex listened to the audiobook in the car so I knew enough about the story to be interested in the movie.  I thought it was really well done.  Like if Interstellar was a buddy comedy.  Gosling continues to be a great comedic actor while Hüller is also great at being awkward and German.  It's also a deeply emotional and optimistic movie, something that I didn't realize I needed to see.  Rocky has A+ cute character design, which is really difficult without paradoilia.  Major shout out to the voice actor and puppeteer, John Ortiz, for being able to convey emotions vocally.

Big fan of movies being fun just to be fun!

Diane Warren: Relentless (2025)

Nominated for Best Original Song.  I mean, of course it is.  It would be so funny if this had been nominated for Best Documentary and won.  Like, that would have been the biggest slap in the face.    Content warning:  discussion of sexual assault, animal death (off-screen, cat)

Diane Warren has been writing songs for over fifty years.  Even if you had never heard of her, you know her.  She has #1 singles in every decade, sung by dozens of artists.  She has her own production company, platinum records, a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.  But the one thing she did not have was an Oscar.  She has the dubious distinction of being the only woman nominated 15 times (16 this year) without a competitive* win.  She is loud, single-minded, and not particularly personable.  And in an award competition based in no small part on how well your peers like you, that's a major disadvantage.  

The documentary is kind of a puff piece; a look inside the often chaotic world of a neurodivergent creative professional.  It's interesting to see her process and the interviews with her very famous music clients are charming but unless you're super invested in songwriting or a big Oscar fan, there's really nothing else here.  It's streaming on Kanopy.

*She got an honorary one in 2022.

Wuthering Heights (2026)

 CW:  blood, dead animals (pig, taxidermy), medical horror? (leeches)

Catherine (Margot Robbie) grew up with Heathcliff (Jacob Elordi) in that weird, English caste system where she had status and he did not.  Upon learning that her father (Martin Clunes) has wasted all the family money on alcohol, Catherine sets her eyes on her rich neighbor, Edgar (Shazad Latif), which infuriates Heathcliff in that mediocre-white-dude-who-has-never-had-to-reckon-with-social-status kind of way.  He disappears for multiple years, has a glow-up, and comes back specifically to terrorize and punish Cathy for her perceived lack of regard.  

These are the most toxic people you have ever seen and they are exhausting.  Emerald Fennell has been on my shitlist ever since she tripped over her dick with Promising Young Woman and this has not redeemed her.  I don't mind loose adaptations of literature, but this is Cliff's Notes turned fan fiction.  You, madam, are no Guillermo del Toro.  I said good day.  

It somehow manages to be both incredibly horny and the most deeply unsexy thing I have ever seen.  Horrendous.  Granted, I don't think Elordi is particularly attractive as a human specimen but he is done no favors as a petulant stalker.  Robbie actually enjoys "uglying" beautiful women and that's fine.

Costumes, production design, cinematography are all gorgeous, which only throws the godawful script into sharper focus.  Also, there are only two POC actors in this and one is played as a total sap and the other a spiteful jade.  This does not feel like "color-blind" casting; more like "I don't see color" racism.

I didn't even like Crimson Peak all that much but I'd watch it every day and twice on Sundays before I'd even walk by this movie again.  Avoid.

Butterfly (2025)/Forevergreen (2025)/Retirement Plan (2025)

  These are all of the animated shorts I managed to see before the ceremony.  They were all pretty good but I didn't get to see the winner so I don't know how they actually stack up.

Butterfly (Papillon) - A man recounts a lifetime through swimming, from growing up in North Africa, competing for France in the 1936 Olympics, being detained in a concentration camp, marriage, death, liberation, and always, the water.

This was based on the life of Alfred Nakache, a French-Algerian Olympian swimmer.  It's inspiring, sure, but also depressing as fuck.  The animation looks like a series of oil paintings.  It's available on YouTube.

Forevergreen - An abandoned bear cub is taken in by a sentient pine tree.  The cub grows into an adolescent bear and is happy for a while until it sees a crow eating a bag of chips.  It follows the crow to an abandoned campsite over the wishes of the tree and gorges itself on trash, accidentally starting a forest fire. 

This was pretty but it did feel a little like a rejected Pixar idea.  Like it needed to be fleshed out to feature-length, because otherwise the bear comes off as kind of a dick.  Also available on YouTube.

Retirement Plan - A man (Domhnall Gleeson) recounts all the things he's going to do when he retires that he never had time for when he was working.

This was very cute and genuinely funny but also seriously depressing when you think about how much time you waste while you tell yourself you'll do it in the future.  Available on YouTube.

Zootopia 2 (2025)

  Another Oscar nominee that I didn't get to post about in time.  

Judy Hopps (Ginnifer Goodwin) and Nick Wilde (Jason Bateman) are feeling the pressure to once again save the city.  Well, one of them is.  When their conflicting styles bungle a chase, Chief Bogo (Idris Elba) threatens to assign them to different partners and also sends them to therapy.  But Judy had found a piece of shed snakeskin during the disastrous pursuit and is convinced that the sudden reemergence of snakes in Zootopia is tied to the anniversary of the founding of the city.  She convinces Nick to infiltrate a gala hosted by Milton Lynxley (David Strathairn), the billionaire whose grandfather created the weather walls that allow Zootopia's animals to live in compatible climates.  Sure enough, a snake interrupts the proceedings and steals the Lynxley Journal, which contains the patent for the wall designs.  Judy and Nick pursue but Gary De'Snake (Ke Huy Quan) pleads with them to let him go because he needs the journal to save his family.  During a scuffle, Bogo is accidentally envenomed by Gary's broken fang and the Lynxley's blame Judy and Nick, mobilizing the rest of the ZPD to hunt them down.

For a legacy sequel, this could have been a lot worse.  It feels like a solid continuation of the first film and if it doesn't raise the bar, it at least doesn't drop it.  The world feels lived-in and real; the characters' problems feel organic and thus, satisfying to resolve.  There are enough Easter eggs to make repeat viewings fun, including an absolutely stacked voice cast that only Disney's deep pockets could facilitate.  And most importantly of all, it's fun.  It's a fun movie.  Who doesn't need more fun in their lives?  Zebros!

 

98th Annual Academy Awards Winners

We had tornado warnings yesterday and that's my excuse for not posting.  

I didn't love this telecast.  I've never found Conan O'Brien all that funny so he was a middling host for me.  It felt like ABC went out of its way to make sure no one could possibly be offended and it made for a weak show.  There were sound problems, camera problems, and they kept cutting people off for their speeches in a way that felt needlessly aggressive.  I understand you have time constraints on your broadcast but people wait their entire lives for this kind of award.  That being said, the Academy did manage to get a few things right, even if they ultimately fumbled the biggest one.

Best Supporting Actress went to Amy Madigan for Weapons.  This is the first time since 1992 that it has gone to a horror movie.

Best Live Action Short had a tie for The Singers and Two People Exchanging Saliva.  It's not completely unheard of but it is pretty rare.

Best Casting went to Cassandra Kulukundis for One Battle After Another, beginning a depressing trend.

Best Supporting Actor went to Sean Penn for One Battle After Another.  He didn't show so Kieran Culkin accepted on his behalf.  Just going to pretend somehow Kieran won and be happy about that.

Best Adapted Screenplay went to Paul Thomas Anderson for One Battle After Another, breaking his 14-loss streak.

Best Original Screenplay went to Ryan Coogler for Sinners.

Best Animated Feature went to K-Pop Demon Hunters, as expected.

Best Animated Short went to The Girl Who Cried Pearls, which I unfortunately didn't get to see.

Best Costume Design went to Frankenstein.

Best Hair and Makeup went to Frankenstein.

Best Production Design went to Frankenstein.

Best Sound went to F1: the Movie.

Best Original Score went to Sinners.

Best Original Song went to K-Pop Demon Hunters.

Best Film Editing went to One Battle After Another.

Best Visual Effects went to Avatar: Fire and Ash.

Best Documentary Short went to All the Empty Rooms.

Best Documentary Feature went to Mr. Nobody Against Putin.

Best International Feature went to Sentimental Value.

Best Cinematography went to Autumn Durald Arkapow for Sinners, the first woman to ever win this category.

Best Actress went to Jessie Buckley for Hamnet.

Best Actor went to Michael B. Jordan for Sinners.

Best Director went to Paul Thomas Anderson for One Battle After Another.

And finally, Best Picture went to One Battle After Another.  This is Green Book levels of safety picks.  I think there's going to be a major revisit of this movie in about 5 years and it's not going to survive well.  Somebody on social media called it "liberal fantasy porn" and they're not wrong.  But hey, could have been worse.  Could have been Marty Supreme.