Ladder 49 (2004)

  A Travolta double-feature.  Remember when we didn't know he was a sex pest?  Good times.  

A decorated Baltimore firefighter (Joaquin Phoenix) is trapped in a burning building reliving memories of his life and career while his fellow firefighters work to rescue him.

This movie is fine.  It's a legacy Christy movie that I added to my queue in 2014 that I'm only just now getting to because it's been pretty hard to find.  Probably because it's not a standout in any way.  It is a minor entry in both main actors' resumés.  

Phoenix and Travolta are fine in this.  It doesn't demand a lot from them.  Robert Patrick, Morris Chesnutt, and Billy Burke support, along with a host of other That Guy actors.  The tone borders hagiographic, especially as it reaches the finale.  May or may not be a turn-off for you, depending on how you feel about public services.  I guess I thought it was going to be more like Backdraft, but there's really nothing similar (other than the obvious firefighting angle).

It's a weepy drama featuring manly men doing manly things while the one (1) female character stays firmly in the background.  Don't pay money to see this.  Use your VPN.

Be Cool (2005)

  This is one of those sequels I actually like more than the original.  It is like a time capsule of 2005, though.  Content warning: homophobia, racial slurs

Chili Palmer (John Travolta) is looking to get out of the movie business so he's of a mind to say no when his old East Coast buddy, Tommy Athens (James Woods), approaches him with an idea to do a musical starring a young up-and-coming singer named Linda Moon (Christina Milian).  Then Tommy gets shot in a drive-by by Russian gangsters and suddenly, Chili becomes very interested in the music business.

There are parts that have not aged well at all but on balance, it's still a good comedy.  Travolta reunites with Uma Thurman and Woods gets killed off really quickly, but the supporting cast is what makes this movie.  Cedric the Entertainer, Andre Benjamin, Harvey Keitel, Vince Vaughn doing The Most Acting, Danny DeVito, and an appearance so early in Dwayne Johnson's career he was still getting credited as The Rock.  There are musical performances by Milian, Aerosmith, and The Black-Eyed Peas featuring Sergio Mendes.  (I told you, time capsule.)  It could probably have been trimmed a little but I still like it more than Get Shorty.

It's old so it's playing on Kanopy, Tubi, PlutoTV, Roku Channel, and Amazon's FreeVee.  I watched it on my server.

A Private War (2017)

  Content warning:  war violence, dead children, blood, some gore

Marie Colvin (Rosamund Pike) is a war correspondent for the Sunday Times of London.  She struggles with alcoholism and PTSD, especially after losing an eye in Sri Lanka, from the horrors she's seen balanced against her need to bring the bloody conflicts of the world to public notice.

Seeing horrors sucks and will permanently fuck you up.  This is not news.  But considering that most of the events depicted take place between 2009 and 2014, it is apparently a lesson we have to continue learning.

Really wish there was a better biopic of Martha Gellhorn to pair with this because they seem like peas in a pod.  Pike does a great job imitating Colvin's distinctive voice while Jamie Dornan redeems himself from his Fifty Shades casting.  Stanley Tucci shows up in the last third but doesn't really do a lot.  Tom Hollander has a much bigger role but not the same name recognition.

A war movie is a war movie.  It never makes the point it thinks it's going to and it's depressing as fuck.  It's free on the Roku Channel but you'd probably be better off reading the Vanity Fair article it's based on instead.

Common Wealth (2000)

  Content warning:  bugs, rotting corpse, sewage, hoarding, some blood, homophobic references

Julia (Carmen Maura) is going through a rough patch after her husband (Jesús Bonilla) loses his job so like any good middle-class housewife, she gets a real estate license.  One of the first places she shows is so nice, she decides to temporarily move in, only to discover that the upstairs tenant has died.  As the firemen cart off his body, Julia finds what appears to be a treasure map.  The old man had won the lottery and then hidden his money in his apartment.  Now Julia finds herself in opposition to the other residents in the building as they each feel entitled to the cash.

This was a little slow for me at first but when it does pick up, it goes off the rails really quickly.  Julia is not sympathetic but she is entertaining and the Spy vs Spy machinations between her and the other residents go from comical to bloodthirsty at the drop of a hat (or an elevator).  

Maura is the centerpiece of this film and I don't think it would have worked without her.  She is pitch-perfect and even when she is making every single bad decision possible, it feels organic and true to the character.  She could have made Julia a greedy, vicious shrew but instead lands on this delusional optimism of just trying to have a better life.  She's an opportunistic inveterate liar but she's not a bad person.  

Unfortunately, you're going to have to dust off a VPN or shell out some pesetas of your own to watch it.  It's only available to rent or buy.  If you liked The Burbs or wished Mouse Hunt wasn't so fucking stupid, give this one a shot.

No Men Beyond This Point (2016)

  I generally like mockumentaries but this was a swing and a miss.

In a world where parthenogenesis has rendered men an endangered group, Andrew (Patrick Gilmore), has unwanted notoriety from being the youngest man alive.   A documentary crew interviews him, the family he works for as a caretaker, and various talking heads about what the societal shift means for men.

I have no idea what the larger point of this was.  It is billed as a comedy and parts of it are funny but it just doesn't seem to know who its audience is.  It makes sweeping generalizations about women including worldwide period synchronization, which is just fucking stupid, doesn't explain anything about the process of parthenogenesis --is it a choice?  Is it random?  What other options are there for women who don't want to be pregnant by any means?-- claims that the surviving men would be put in camps with their every whim catered to because they can't take care of themselves (implying that it's women's job to do), and even makes the incredibly bizarre claim that women would try to outlaw any sexuality because it's somehow a "gateway drug" to liking men?

Zero surprise that when I got to the end credits that it was written and directed by a dude.  A dude who has apparently never met a lesbian or picked up even one book of erotica.  Like I said, I have no idea what this was going for, but it comes off as a "Won't someone think of the Straights?!" propaganda.  It's currently streaming on Kanopy with a library card, Tubi and the Roku Channel with ads.  Not worth it.

Evil Dead 2 (1987)

  It's been ages since I'd seen this.  It's still not my favorite but it's miles away better than The Evil Dead.  Content warning:  gore, amputation, rats

Ash (Bruce Campbell) takes his girlfriend (Denise Bixler) to a secluded cabin in the woods owned by a professor (John Peakes).  Unbeknownst to Ash, Professor Knowby was working on a translation of an evil book of necromantic lore and accidentally unleashed it in the cabin.  His daughter, Annie (Sarah Berry), has the missing pages that will return it to whatever hell it came from, but will she get there before Ash is completely lost.

This film is really infamous for being almost an exact replica of its predecessor, except that it leans into the humor the first film only found accidentally.  A lot of that is due to the correct usage of Campbell's gift for physical comedy and rubber face.  Ash should have been in a full-body cast with the number of times he's thrown through walls, down stairs, and dragged through the woods.  Not to mention hit with firehoses of fake blood.  

If you're into B-horror or horror-comedy, this is probably already in your Hall of Fame.  It is a beloved cult classic turned actual classic that launched the careers of Sam and Ted Raimi, and turned Campbell into a horror icon.  It's currently streaming on Shudder with a subscription and Kanopy with a library card.  

Near Dark (1987)

  This is one of the worst vampire movies ever made.  Content warning: blood, dodgy consent issues

Caleb (Adrian Pasdar) is a small-town hick on his way to full yokel status when he spots Mae (Jenny Wright).  After a night of star-gazing (her) and showing off (him), Mae expresses some urgent desire to be home before dawn.  Caleb, presuming that she is trying to avoid being beaten by her parental figure, tries to extort sex in exchange for driving her home and gets bitten instead.  Turns out the ethereal drifter who waxed poetic about seeing the heat death of the universe is a vampire.  Go figure.  Mae's found family of amoral killers reluctantly take in Caleb as he turns, criss-crossing the southwest to avoid law enforcement, feeding on whoever they can scam, and trying to teach Caleb the ropes of immortality.  But Caleb already has a family and his father (Tim Thomerson) has been searching for him.

This is the watered-down, low budget knock-off of The Lost Boys that's only famous because it was directed by Kathryn Bigelow and stars all the people taking a break from filming Aliens.  Bill Paxton and Lance Henriksen are great, as always, but Pasdar can't escape being the Great Value Jason Patric.  Part of that is the script's fault.  Caleb is written to be as uncool and square as possible to contrast with the hedonistic cowboy-grunge of the vampires and also suffers from a strong shift in social mores about what's acceptable in first-date behavior.

The worst crime here is that there's no internal logic with regard to vampire lore.  It feels very half-assed whatever gets to the next scene, and that's really disrespectful to actual vampire fans.  Also, the movie feels homophobic without ever saying explicitly that.  The vibes are rancid is what I'm saying.

It's not currently available except for rental but it's totally okay to let this film slide further into obscurity.

Kwaidan (1965)

  Some bonus post-Halloween ghost content for your All-Souls Day.  

This is an anthology of four traditional Japanese ghost stories.

The Black Hair - a samurai (Rentarô Mikuni) regrets the choices he made in service of ambition.

The Woman in the Snow - a woodcutter (Tatsuya Nakadai) has a terrifying run-in with a snow demon (Keiko Kishi).

Hoichi the Earless - a blind monk (Katsuo Nakamura) is summoned to perform a historical epic for its victims.

In a Cup of Tea - a samurai (Kan'emon Nakamura) is tormented by a ghostly presence reflected in his teacup.

I don't throw the word "masterpiece" around very often so trust me when I say it.  Kwaidan is a masterpiece of Japanese cinema.  The scare factor of this is very low while the art factor is extremely high.  Every scene is basically a painting that moves.  It is a stunning film.  The performances feel a little wooden, a little stage-y, but it just adds to the vibe.  It does run a little over three hours but I did not feel it.  

It's streaming on the Criterion Channel and also (sigh) Max.  Treat your eyeballs.