After receiving a prophecy, Pharaoh Sethi (Cedric Hardwicke) orders all male Hebrew infants killed. But Yochabel (Martha Scott) puts her baby in a basket and sends him down the Nile where he is found by Sethi's sister, Bithiah (Nina Foch). Widowed and childless, Bithiah is thrilled to find a baby and raises him as her own, alongside Sethi's son, Rameses (Yul Brynner). Sethi, too, loves Moses (Charleton Heston), favoring him above all others, and spurring the jealousy of Rameses by telling both men that whoever impresses him the most will become his successor to the throne of Egypt and win the hand of Nefertiri (Anne Baxter), who is already in love with Moses. We know this because she literally never shuts the fuck up about it. She talks about it so much, a spiteful servant (Judith Anderson) finally tells her that Moses isn't even Egyptian, actually, but was born to slaves. Moses finds out, confronts Bithiah, finds his birth mother, has a whole existential crisis, and decides to give up being the ruling class to work in the mud pits making bricks with the rest of his people. That lasts about five minutes before he gets pissed, murders the chief architect (Vincent Price), and is sentenced to banishment in the desert for the entire Intermission.
This movie is 3 hours and 39 minutes long. I am leaving out a lot.
He makes it to a well, scares off some miscreants, and wins the admiration of the seven daughters of Jethro (Eduard Franz), a Bedouin leader. Moses marries Sephora (Yvonne de Carlo), objectively the hottest daughter, and settles down to be a shepherd in the foothills of Mt. Sinai, considered to be God's holy mountain. Moses is still mad at God for the whole Hebrew-slaves thing, so he marches up to the mountain to tell Him to His face. And lo, God spaketh to him, saying "You think you can do better, asshole? Fine, it's your job now." So Moses goes back to Egypt and confronts Rameses, who has become Pharaoh and married Nefertiri, and demands that Rameses free the Hebrew slaves. Rameses replies with whatever hieroglyphics spell Fuck You, and then there are a bunch of really neat camera effects, and Passover gets invented. Reeling from the death of his only son, Rameses give the Hebrews their freedom and there is a mass Exodus (tm) down to the banks of the Red Sea. That's how long it takes before Nefertiri, mad that her one-time honey bunny didn't personally intervene to save her son from the wrath of God, manages to whip Rameses into righteous fury and pursue. More incredible special effects happen and the Hebrews are saved once again.
Moses leads them to the foot of Mt. Sinai, then goes up to give a progress report to God. It takes a little while, and Dathan (Edward G. Robinson), who has had a whole sub-plot through the movie that I just can't get into, convinces people that despite all the miracles they have seen, they really need to have a huge party with wine, dancing, music by Herb Alpert and his Tijuana Brass Band (no, really), and a giant golden idol they made from all the spoils they took from Egypt. Moses, who has been sitting in the Biblical equivalent of HR for the last 40 days, comes back with the new Employee Handbook, sees the kegger happening, and has a come-apart. And there's still like 20 minutes left in the movie.
I cannot overstate how much I love this movie. It was hugely influential on me as a child. I must have watched it at least a dozen times. I have owned this on VHS, DVD, and Blu-ray. It is an Epic. Legendary director Cecile B. DeMille filmed this on location in Egypt, using thousands of extras, with the support of the Egyptian national army for the chariot scenes. For a myriad of reasons, you could never make this movie again. It's a little harder to find on streaming, but it is on YouTube and pops up perennially on ABC.
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