Once Upon a Time in America (1984)

  It took me three days to get through this movie.  Seriously.  This is not for the faint of heart.

I have to say, this is probably the weakest Leone film in his entire canon.  First, there is the bloated 3+ hour running time to tell a non-linear story that basically boils down to a bromance gone bad.  This movie is epic in the way glaciers are, and moves at approximately the same speed.  Secondly, it hates women.  There is not one, but two fairly brutal rapes.  One I would let slide because it actually seems like part of the story, but the other is just completely gratuitous.  Thirdly, it's a total downer with a lame quasi-ending that feels completely half-assed.


David "Noodles" Aaronson (Robert DeNiro) and his three friends:  Max (James Woods), Cockeye (William Forsythe), and Patsy (Richard Bright) grew up in a Jewish neighborhood in Brooklyn as petty street kids.  They make a pact to each put half their money in a suitcase and never touch it unless all four of them are together.  Noodles goes to prison for stabbing a guy and when he gets out as an adult, his buddy Max is waiting.  Max, Patsy, and Cockeye have opened a speakeasy and have been running booze during Prohibition.  Times are high until the repeal.  Faced with unemployment, Max comes up with the idea of robbing the Federal Reserve Bank.  His girlfriend (Tuesday Weld) begs Noodles to come up with a plan to stop Max, since it's essentially suicide.  Noodles tips off the cops so that everyone will be arrested but something goes wrong and Max, Cockeye, and Patsy die in a car explosion.  Noodles, now on the run, tries to get the money they had all saved but finds the suitcase full of nothing but newspapers.  He manages to get to Buffalo, where he lives in obscurity for thirty years.  In 1968, Noodles receives an anonymous letter calling him back to Brooklyn, where he relives all of the painful memories of his early life.

When I was reading about it and saw that it wasn't nominated for a single Oscar, I thought that was ridiculous.  It's a Sergio Leone film with an Ennio Morricone score.  That's got to be good for something, right?  Cinematography, at least?  Now that I've seen it, I totally understand.  Unless you really really love gangster films, skip this one.

The Exorcist (1973)

  I have been trying to get Christy to watch this movie for years.  Fortunately, she has a new beau who loves horror movies and he suggested it.  It was like Christmas morning for me. 

Regan (Linda Blair) is just a normal twelve-year-old girl who starts to develop strange symptoms.  Her mother, Chris (Ellen Burstyn), takes her to doctor after doctor but no one can adequately explain the sudden and complete personality change, the bursts of violence and foul language, the flying objects and utter chill in Regan's room.  When Chris's director (Jack McGowran) dies after falling from the girl's window, Chris seeks out Father Damian Karras (Jason Miller), a priest-psychiatrist.  Karras begins proceedings to have the case cleared by the Church for an exorcism.  Father Merrin (Max von Sydow), the Church's premier exorcist, is called in to perform the ritual.

This is my favorite horror movie and it's still the gold standard.  There have been other, flashier, more recent films that are arguably more frightening but that doesn't lessen the impact of The Exorcist.  I can only imagine what it was like to see it in theaters in the 70's.  It's also one of the most well-written horror movies I've ever seen, forcing you to pay attention to every line.  It is horror on multiple levels:  the fear of seeing your child suffer as you watch helplessly, the fear that science has failed you, the fear of losing faith and everything you believed in, the fear of death, of sickness, of age and losing the ones you love.  These are weighty fears which eat away at your soul, fears that can destroy everything you are.

That is the true terror of The Exorcist.  And that is why I love it so.

All the King's Men (1949)

  Sorry this is going up so late in the day.  Normally, I have something drafted during the week so it's ready to go on Saturday but I fell behind this week.

For my birthday, Rob got me a the Best Picture Collection from Columbia Pictures.  This was the 1949 winner, which also took home Best Actor and Best Supporting Actress. 

Journalist Jack Burden (John Ireland) is told by his editor to cover the local political race in Kanoma City.  Running is a man named Willie Stark (Broderick Crawford), a bluff, honest, salt-of-the-earth guy with a passion against corruption.  Willie loses this first election but Jack sees greatness in him.  Later on, Willie is tapped to run for governor.  It's merely a tactic by the opposition to split the rural vote by bringing in a charismatic but flawed candidate, but Willie learns fast and with consultant Sadie (Mercedes McCambridge) by his side, he catapults into the limelight.  But absolute power corrupts absolutely, and it is not long before Jack realizes how far Willie is willing to go in the name of progress.

This is not by any means a happy movie but it is still an extremely well done one.  Apparently the main character was based on Louisiana governor Huey Long, a man known for his rampant corruption and cronyism.  I don't know what occasion you'd have to watch this; it's definitely not one of those "I'll just throw in something while I'm folding the laundry" kinds of movies.  Maybe if you're taking a Civics class?  Maybe political cautionary tales are your thing and you don't need a reason.  Maybe you want to have a corruption double feature and watch this with The Ides of March.  Up to you.

The Conversation (1974)

  This is one of those classic paranoia thrillers of the 1970's.  It's also fairly timely, still, given the great uproar lately about NSA wiretapping.  As usual, you have more to fear from private industry than you ever will from your government.

Harry Caul (Gene Hackman) is a professional eavesdropper.  He is hired by companies to bug people and report back, whether it's corporate espionage or cheating spouses.  Because of this, Harry is a severe paranoiac, incapable of sustaining relationships.  We call this the burden of knowledge.  Not having someone to talk to becomes a serious issue when Harry begins to suspect that the couple he has been hired to listen to (Cindy Williams and Micheal Higgins) are going to get murdered. 

My problems with this movie begin and end with Harry Caul.  At no point during his crisis of conscience does he ever pick up the phone and call the police.  Incidentally, should you at some point overhear something that sounds like it will result in the death of another person, you should immediately CALL THE POLICE.  If not, you could be considered an accessory.  So I have zero sympathy for this character, since he dug his own grave.  Plus, he's just unlikeable. 

However, this movie does have an incredibly young (pre-Han Solo) Harrison Ford as the creepy Director's Assistant.  It's nice to see him looking so baby-faced and also playing against type.  Otherwise, I can't really recommend it.

The Secret of Kells (2009)

  Nominated for:  Best Animated Feature 

Oh my God, you guys, this was so pretty.  I mean really beautiful animation.

Brendan (Evan McGuire) is a young boy living in the Irish city of Kells.  His uncle, the Abbott (Brendan Gleeson), is busy fortifying the walls around the city against Viking attack, while the monks are hard at work on an illuminated manuscript.  On the of most famous illuminators, Brother Aiden (Mick Lally), takes a shine to the boy and enlists his aid to gather materials for ink.  This entails Brendan venturing into the surrounding forest, where he meets Aisling (Christen Mooney), an odd little girl with white hair.  The Abbott is not pleased with Brendan's wanderings and forbids him from helping the monks.  But with invasion likely, the book could be the only thing standing between civilization and the darkness.

The Book of Kells is considered Ireland's first national treasure and is widely regarded as one of the most beautifully illustrated Gospels in existence.  It's on permanent display in Dublin at Trinity College Library.  This movie takes some artistic license in the story of its creation, but I'm sure you won't find that objectionable.  I can't stress enough how visually appealing it is to watch.  Every detail is gorgeous and the way it blends Celtic myths with Christian iconography is mesmerizing.  You are missing out if you don't see this at least once.

Bolt (2008)

  The server is still down but Rob is working to get it fixed.  Something about all his pictures and schoolwork being on there or something.  Frankly, I stopped listening after "all the movies are gone".  But he got the cable fixed, so that's nice.  Now I won't miss any of my new shows.  

Bolt (John Travolta) is the superhero dog star of a hit TV series, except he doesn't know it's not real.  When the show films a cliffhanger episode featuring his human, Penny (Miley Cyrus), being kidnapped by evil Dr. Calico (Malcolm McDowell), Bolt makes a frantic attempt at a rescue but ends up getting accidentally shipped to New York City.  Still convinced he is part of a worldwide conspiracy, Bolt forces streetwise alley cat Mittens (Susie Essman) to help him find Penny.  Along their cross-country journey, they pick up superfan hamster Rhino (Mark Walton) to assist. 

It's not a Disney classic, but it's still a solid film.  The story is very cute, the characters are well-realized, and it's filled with the little touches that make it re-watchable.  It was meant to capitalize on the popularity of  Miley Cyrus, but she is probably the weakest link in the whole movie.  I'm not sure that's entirely her fault since her character is barely in the film at all but her voice doesn't convey any emotion.  I was never young enough for the Hannah Montana phenomenon so I don't really get her appeal. 

Boat Trip (2002)

  This movie wishes so hard that it could be The Birdcage but it just falls kind of flat.

After being dumped by his girlfriend (Vivica A. Fox), nice guy Jerry (Cuba Gooding, Jr.) gets talked into going on a singles cruise by his idiotic man-child friend Nick (Horatio Sanz).  Unfortunately, Nick manages to piss off their travel agent (Will Ferrell) and gets them booked on a Gay Singles Cruise.  Things quickly look up for Jerry, however, as he starts seeing the cruise dance instructor, Gabriella (Rosalyn Sanchez).  Meanwhile, Nick manages to accidentally shoot down a helicopter full of Swedish tanning models and spends the majority of his time trying to get past their overenthusiastic coach (Lin Shaye) so he can hump their legs like a slobbering mutt.

The movie is filled with the same worn-out, trite gay stereotypes as every other movie like this from the 90's and early 00's.  It almost pulls its head out of its ass via a change-of-heart from homophobic Nick but there's nothing that could save this from being tired old drag.  Not even Cuba Gooding, Jr. dancing in a gold fishnet top and briefs wearing sparkly platform boots. 

  There.  Now I've spared you from having to see the actual movie.

Mr. Blandings Builds His Dream House (1948)

  This is one of my mother's absolute favorite movies.  I wish I could say it's one of mine, but I found myself put off by how much of a blowhard Cary Grant's character was.

Jim Blandings (Cary Grant) is an advertising executive in Manhattan.  He, his wife Muriel (Myrna Loy) and their two daughters live in a tiny apartment.  Muriel wants to redecorate the space but Jim feels it will cost too much.  Then he decides that, for a few extra thousand dollars, he could buy a farmhouse in Connecticut.  So they do.  And it is a dilapidated mess held up only by the termites.  Jim's best friend and lawyer Bill (Melvyn Douglas) warns against making the purchase.  In fact, he warns against everything but that doesn't stop Mr. Blandings from throwing money by the handful at his new house. 

Apparently, this movie was so popular, it spawned the term "Mr. Blandings Syndrome" for people who stubbornly ignore the solid advice of their friends and persist in throwing good money after bad.  Well, this movie is on TCM pretty regularly so you don't have to do that.  Watch it for free if you want but don't spend a dime on it.

The Bad Seed (1956)

  Mother thinks this should be required watching for anyone about to have a child.  I'll go a step further and say also anyone who has ever been around a child. 

Young Rhoda Penmark (Patty McCormack) is the perfect child:  she is polite, cleans her room, gets good grades, and never gets mussed or dirty.  But when her father (William Hopper) gets called away to D.C. for a month, her mother (Nancy Kelly) begins to suspect that something is terribly wrong with Rhoda.  Especially when a series of "accidents" start befalling people who have crossed the little girl.

This was back in the days of debate over nature vs. nurture in what made a criminal.  It seems quaint and old-fashioned now that no one had ever heard of a sociopathic killer but those were simpler times, apparently.  The mother is absolutely the weakest character in the bunch, her incessant whining of her daughter's name will get on your last nerve, but I'm pretty sure that's on purpose.  There were a couple of extra soliloquies in there than I felt was necessary but it was adapted from a stage play.  Minus those irritants, the movie still stands up fairly well.  Rhoda is a nasty, creepy, pig-tailed piece of work, played to perfection by McCormack.  The borderline-rapey handyman (Henry Jones) plays off the little monster like two sharks circling each other in a tank.  If you like your horror close to home, this is the movie for you.

Epic (2013)

  This is another visually beautiful but sadly derivative movie.  Maybe I put too much emphasis on copycats, but you could at least try to make your movie less exactly like Fern Gully.

Mary Katherine (Amanda Seyfried), or MK as she prefers to be known, has come to live with her dad after her mother's death.  He is obsessed with finding a race of advanced tiny men who live in the forest.  MK thinks he's an idiot until she accidentally sees one while looking for her dog.  Queen Tara (Beyoncé Knowles) is dying and her powers have been put into a seed bud that must bloom in the light of a full moon on a solstice or the forest will die.  She shrinks MK and entrusts the pod to her.  The Leafmen, led by Ronan (Colin Farrell), must protect her from the evil Mandrake (Christoph Waltz) who wants to use the pod to destroy the forest. 

It's less overtly environmentalist than Fern Gully since the message here is more about realizing that you're never completely out on your own as long as you have family.  It's a cute movie and, once again, Chris O'Dowd lets his comedic talents out full tilt.  It's a much better fit as a cartoon snail than as a manager of a girl group in the middle of the Vietnam War. 

Now You See Me (2013)

  I was initially excited to see this movie because I like stage magic.  Unfortunately, it's just a little too obvious to be a good trick.

Four different magicians (Jesse Eisenberg, Isla Fisher, Woody Harrelson, and Dave Franco) are pulled together from various cities by mysterious Tarot cards.  One year later, the Four Horsemen are headlining Las Vegas, where they pull off a huge bank robbery.  FBI agent Dylan Rhodes (Mark Ruffalo) and Interpol agent Alma Dray (Melanie Laurent) are assigned the case, but soon find themselves being led around by the nose.  Assisting, or possibly obstructing, them is professional magic debunker Thaddeus Bradley (Morgan Freeman).  As the law closes in, the Horsemen's tricks only grow more elaborate.

Or they would have, if it wasn't such a callback to The Prestige or even Ocean's 11.  It's still pretty entertaining as a movie, and I do like a good comedy but, like all magic tricks, if you can see how the thing is done, it's not magic anymore.

The Sapphires (2012)

  This is a sweet little movie, very much in the vein of Dreamgirls but without a lot of the drama.  It's up to you to see if that removes some of the emotion as well.

Sisters Gail (Deborah Mailman) and Cynthia (Miranda Tapsell) are trying to get recognized for their singing.  Younger sister Julie (Jessica Mauboy) is also desperate to be a star, as long as it means getting out of the remote Australian mission where they live.  However, no one wants to hear Aborigines singing old country and western songs.  When the three meet washed-up pianist Dave Lovelace (Chris O'Dowd) at a local tavern, Julie produces a clipping from the paper requesting acts to perform for the troops in Vietnam.  They badger Dave into getting them an audition in Melbourne but their mother forbids Julie to go, telling Gail and Cynthia to find their cousin Kay (Shari Sebbens), who was taken and raised by white people as part of the Stolen Generation.  Naturally, Julie sneaks out and joins them for their audition.  The four girls must face an on-going war, relationships, each other and themselves before finding out what it truly means to be stars.

I've not been a big fan of Chris O'Dowd previously but he is hilarious here.  So funny, in fact, that I found it impossible to take his character seriously at all.  Even during emotional scenes, he was too ready with a quip or funny face for me to believe he was invested.  There's no fault to be found with the soundtrack, the sets, or the real people this is based on.  I enjoyed watching it but I'll probably never own it.

Eragon (2006)

  This was another book series that did well in print but couldn't make the mark in theaters.  The screenplay was clearly written with the intent to follow through with the next two books but the movie tanked so those ideas were scrapped.  It leaves the movie, not terribly strong to begin with, looking even weaker without the support of its next chapters.

Eragon (Ed Speleers), a young farmboy, finds a mysterious blue stone in the forest while hunting.  It turns out to be an egg which hatches baby dragon Sephira (voiced by Rachel Weisz).  Long ago, there were many dragons and their riders but the current king, Galbatorix (John Malkovich), pitted them against each other until they all died out and any surviving resistance was forced into the mountains.  He is not pleased to hear that a new dragon and rider have emerged and sends his sorcerer (Robert Carlyle) to kill the boy.  Eragon, however, finds a protector and guide in Brom (Jeremy Irons), a secretive man desperate to get boy and dragon to the mountains to be a rallying point for the Vartan resistance fighters and their allies. 

It is always amazing to me that a movie with a cast so good could wind up looking and feeling so generic.  Essentially, there's nothing wrong with the movie, but there's nothing particularly right about it either.  It just feels rehashed from every other tween adventure movie you've ever seen.  I'm sure everyone involved felt good about it, nothing seemed phoned in from that regard.  It had to all have fallen apart with the editing.  Maybe the books were supposed to fill in the gaps, because otherwise it seems very half-assed.

The story doesn't have a natural progression at all and, at least personally, I had a hard time remembering that I should care about what happens to the main boy.  Joss Stone is shoved in there for no apparent reason which you would think would be because she made a deal to do part of the soundtrack but no, Avril Lavigne does the closing credits song.  I think there's supposed to be a love story brewing between Eragon and Sienna Guillory's character but all I could think was that it was a shame she was too old for him.  None of the pieces seemed to fit right.  I really wish they had spend more time on the King and the Sorcerer since they were by far the most interesting people but John Malkovich had barely three lines the entire film.

For young children, say twelve and below, maybe this could be the new Willow but let's all do our part for the next generation and just show your kids the real Willow.

City of Ember (2008)

  So I'm at home visiting my family in Alabama.  It shouldn't surprise you to learn that we're all big movie watchers here.  Well, except for my dad who tends to fall asleep.  My brother likes big-budget action films while my mother prefers visually stunning family friendly fare.  So you can guess whose movie this is.

Lena Mayfleet (Saoirse Ronan) and Doon Harrow (Harry Treadaway) are teenagers living in the City of Ember.  Long ago, during the course of a war, the city was designed and locked away underground by Builders.  But now the giant generator that powers the city is starting to go dark.  Lena and Doon come together to discover the secrets of the Builders in order to find a way to save their city.

It's a very pretty film with a good supporting cast, including Bill Murray, Tim Robbins, and Toby Jones.  Saoirse Ronan is a fast-rising starlet and she puts in an excellent performance as the irrepressible Lena.  Harry Treadaway was kind of a non-entity, I felt, but with a bit more time he'll probably turn out okay.  There are no real surprises here story-wise, but it's decent enough for a rental.

Blood and Chocolate (2007)

I wish this had taken off instead of Twilight.  I also wish they had dropped all the teen melodrama and made it more adult.

Vivian (Agnes Bruckner) comes from a long line of loup-garous and now lives with a pack in Bucharest, Romania after hunters killed her family when she was young.  She is not thrilled the pack leader, Gabriel (Olivier Martinez), has earmarked her to be his newest mate but traditions run very strong in this part of the world.  She meets traveling graphic novelist Aiden (Hugh Dancy) while he is studying local legends for his latest book.  Of course, human-werewolf relationships are strictly frowned upon and Gabriel sends his son Rafe (Bryan Dick) to scare Aiden off.  This does not go as planned.

Despite having the old "star-crossed lovers" schtick as a plot, this isn't a bad film.  Dancy's American accent needed some work but you hardly notice it as the movie goes on.  I think what I really like is the fact that Vivian is always her own person.  Her world doesn't suddenly revolve around Aiden like she was waiting her entire life to meet him, and she never feels apologetic for going against the grain, even when her entire pack pressures her to accept Gabriel.  You get the sense that even if she had never met Aiden, she would have figured out a way to get around becoming Gabriel's mate.  It's a much stronger role model than "Please do all my thinking for me" Bella Swan.

Ajami (2009)

Nominated for:  Best Foreign Language Film

It's rare for me to not finish a movie once I've started it.  Even if it takes me a couple of days, I will usually see a movie through.  Not this time.

Ajami is a neighborhood inside the city of Jaffa in the West Bank.  That pretty much tells you everything you need to know about the film.

Half in Arabic, half in Hebrew and all depressing, this is five stories that end up being connected.  Kind of like Babel for the West Bank. I only made it to the start of the third one before I gave up completely.

Part one is about a Palestinian family whose uncle shot a member of a different tribe.  They seek redress in the form of blood money, forcing the oldest son, Omar (Shahir Kabaha), to start boosting parts from cars and consider drug running in order to pay it off.  In part two, you meet Malek (Ibrahim Frege) who is also looking for a financial boost in order to get his mom a very expensive but necessary surgery.  The two hear from their friends that their buddy Binj (Scandar Copti) has been murdered.  Malek knew Binj to be in possession of a large quantity of "crystal" so he and Omar decide to sell it to some Israelis.  Part three follows one of the Israelis, a cop named Dando (Eram Naim) whose brother has gone missing after deserting from the Army.  That's when I shut it off so I have no idea what happens after that.

It felt almost like a documentary following a bunch of people around as they make bad choices.  I don't know if that was on purpose or just a by-product of the subject.  It is bleak and unrelieved by any levity whatsoever.  I can't stress enough how depressing this is to watch.  Do yourself a favor and go play with puppies instead of watching this.

Blazing Saddles (1974)

I just upgraded this one to blu-ray and holy cow does it look amazing.  I know this is a repeat post but it's been over a year since I'd seen it and I figured you guys could stand to hear about it again.  Also, I am traveling today to Alabama and probably won't have another opportunity to post today.  Wish me luck!    Can you believe Christy had never seen this movie?  I mean honestly, sometimes I think she's adopted.  From another planet.

Just kidding, her parentage is clear.  Still, never seen Blazing Saddles.  You know I had to remedy that.

The town of Rock Ridge is sitting on top of some extremely valuable land now that the railroad plans to cut through it and Procurer Hedley Lamarr (Harvey Korman) wants it all.  The only thing standing in his way is that the town is already owned by other people.  After their sheriff is killed, the townsfolk write to Governor Le Petomane (Mel Brooks) for another one.  Lamarr sees it as his big break and sends former railroad worker Bart (Cleavon Little) to be the new sheriff.  As you may have guessed, Bart (being black) is not the townsfolk's first choice.  After a cool reception, Bart is determined to make good.  He has a friend in local drunk and former gunslinger Jim (Gene Wilder), the Waco Kid, and the pair use their skills to try and foil Lamarr's gang of henchmen.  But, Hedley has an ace up his sleeve in the curvaceous form of Lili von Shtup (Madeline Kahn).  Will Bart be able to resist the Bavarian Bombshell's wiles?

It was nice to see (from Christy's expressions) that the movie was just as shocking now in 2012 as it was in 1974.  Well, okay, maybe not as shocking but still salacious nonetheless.  Some of the jokes are a little obscure now --for instance, Hedley Lamarr is a play on famous 40's actress Hedy Lamarr and Le Petomane is a throwback to a French performance artist --but the majority of the movie is timeless.  This is a must see for Mel Brooks fans and is one of the best films of his career.

(Originally published 8/12/12.)

Blades of Glory (2007)

It's the rare Tuesday post!  Rejoice!

The server is still down.  Rob says he won't know if it's really broken until Wednesday when he has a day off.  Until then, we will merrily continue tromping through the B's.

Rival figure skaters Jimmy MacElroy (Jon Heder) and Chazz Michael Michaels (Will Ferrell) find themselves banned for life in their division after an on-podium brawl.  Jimmy's stalker, Hector (Nick Swardson), discovers that they are still able to compete in the pairs division with no penalties.  Reigning champions Stranz (Will Arnett) and Fairchild von Waldenburg (Amy Poehler) are furious at the development and send their browbeaten sister Katie (Jenna Fischer) to spy on the unlikely duo.  Katie and Jimmy promptly fall for one another.  Fairchild uses this to set Jimmy and Chazz at odds, breaking up their partnership on the eve of the championship.

I didn't hate this movie as much as I was expecting I would.  Probably because this is the one sport I have ever enjoyed on its own merit.  I watch the figure skating events at the Olympics religiously and I recognize how ripe for comedy they are.  The costumes, the rules, the terminology are begging for parody.

Even though the story is as original as a prefab house, it was nice to see the cameos of actual figure skaters.  Dorothy Hamill, Brian Boitano, and Nancy Kerrigan all make appearances, as some of the most famous.

I know it would defeat the purpose of a Will Ferrell movie, but I really wish they had cast someone else as Chazz.  Ferrell's portrayal of a dim-bulb sex addict who pulled himself up by his laces to overcome a lifetime of poverty would have seemed more natural on a younger actor, one closer in age to Heder.  I know that it's supposed to be funny that, instead, you have this clearly middle-aged schlubby guy but that's not comedy to me.  That's just bad casting. 

I'm sure it's one of those films that other people find hysterical and can quote endlessly, like most of Ferrell's filmography.  I found some of the more subtle gags aimed at the sport amusing but I can't say that I liked the film overall.  The best I can do is "I didn't actively hate it."

Oh, and just to warn you guys, the next couple of weekends might be a little light on content.  I'm driving home to Alabama to visit family this Saturday (the 7th).  I'll do my best but it might not be possible to get stuff posted.  Bear with me.

Pixar Short Films Collection vol. 1 (2007)

  This is a collection of Pixar shorts from their earliest years as part of Lucasarts all the way up to 2006.  Most of these have been included with the home video releases of the corresponding feature films so if you have a good Pixar library already, you'll have seen many of them.  It is fascinating to see them all at one time, as a progression of technology and skill.  It's also way easier to see all the Easter eggs the developers and artists use. 

Happy Labor Day everyone!

Blade: Trinity (2004)

  If you're wondering about the preponderance of my personal collection movies here over this weekend, it's because I'm trying to catch up on some TV.  I'm halfway through season 3 of Criminal Minds from Netflix, I binge-watched the first season of Downton Abbey, and I'm about to spend Labor Day with season 2 of Breaking Bad on streaming.  I know, I'm like four years behind.  It takes me a while.  Also, Rob's server is down so I'm not getting as much variety as usual.  You'll just have to bear with me.  

If we're continuing the Star Wars metaphor like I did with Blade II, this is definitely Return of the Jedi.  Completely uneven in tone and filled with useless, if entertaining, characters.  Yes, in this scenario, Ryan Reynolds is an Ewok.  A ripped Ewok who says "dick" a lot, but still an Ewok. 

Blade (Wesley Snipes) incurs the wrath of the FBI when he is caught on film killing a human familiar.  In the course of the law enforcement raid of his hideout, Whistler (Kris Kristofferson) is killed.  For real, this time.  And Blade is taken to interrogation.  He is promptly rescued by the Night Stalkers, a vampire hunting team led by Abigail Whistler (Jessica Biel), the illegitimate daughter of the crusty limping mechanic we knew and loved.  The cabal of vampires in this movie have managed to locate and awaken the progenitor of their species, the O.G. himself, Dracula (Dominic Purcell).  They feel he is the only one powerful enough to take out Blade. 

David S. Goyer is a fantastic screenwriter who has credit for many, many blockbusters including Christopher Nolan's Batman trilogy, Dark City, and Man of Steel, plus the other two Blade movies.  This was the first one he directed and, I'm sorry to say, it shows.  It's a good skeleton of a story but there's no character development to flesh it out and very little continuity. 

For instance, **SPOILERS IN WHITE.  Highlight to see**  when Dracula kills all the Night Stalker team members.  It has been previously stated that to turn into a vampire, you simply have to be bitten by one.  We already know there's a cure for being turned that will make you human again.  Why, then, does everyone act like there's no saving these people?  Dracula bit all of them.  Wait until they turn, let them heal themselves, and then cure them.  Instant team.  If you want to argue and say that maybe he just ripped their throats out, fine, they're dead except for Summerfield (Natasha Lyonne).  She was definitely bitten and could, therefore, be saved.  Instead, they are written out and no mention is made of them ever again.  **END SPOILERS**  It's just dumb. 

If you're looking for light entertainment, and I do stress light, then Ryan Reynolds' one-liners and Parker Posey's hair should be enough to make this watchable.  I didn't hate Dominic Purcell in this as much as I did the first time I saw him, although I still think he's a mushmouth.

Blade II (2002)

  Initially, I wasn't a fan of this sequel.  I had never heard of Guillermo del Toro and I didn't like the creature feature changes made to the vampires.  It's funny how your tastes can change over time.  Now, of course, I can see all the little signature del Toro touches from the predominant yellow lenses to the black catsuits and goggles.  

Blade (Wesley Snipes) and his new helper Scud (Norman Reedus) are on the hunt for Whistler (Kris Kristofferson) who did not die after the events of the last film.  The bullet he attempted to eat came too late to keep him from turning.  Fortunately, Blade has a cure for those who have been turned.  With Whistler back to normal, they can go back to vampire hunting.  Then they receive a delegation from a pair of high-ranking vampires requesting a truce.  It seems the vampire virus has mutated into a super-hungry face-leech type carried by Nomak (Luke Goss).  His new "crackhead" vamps feed on humans and fellow bloodsuckers alike and feed often.  The ruling vampires have put together a team called the Blood Pack to work with Blade in order to destroy this new menace, led by pure-blood Nyssa (Leonor Varela).  Blade finds his preconceptions challenged by the lovely lady.

It's not really fair to make the comparison but, after a repeat viewing, this is the Empire Strikes Back of this trilogy, the rare second chapter that improves upon the first.  Blade manages to go through an entire character arc without sacrificing any of the ass-kicking.  It's not space opera but it's a damn sight better than most comic book sequels. 

The Gatekeepers (2012)

Nominated for:  Best Documentary Feature    Rob has been after me to watch this with him for a while now, but between our work schedules, the timing hadn't worked out until last night.  It's a fascinating documentary but you should probably brush up on your Israeli politics before you watch.  The film-makers spend absolutely zero time on biographies or tangential information and it's easy to get lost trying to remember in what order Israeli Prime Ministers came.

From the establishment of Israel as a state, the Shin Bet has provided intelligence-gathering and anti-terrorism responses.  The six interviewed former heads are incredibly open about the circumstances they found themselves in, their responses, the Prime Ministers they reported to, and their personal philosophies.  They discuss the peace process with Palestinians, the resulting upswing in terrorist attacks, changing focus to keep up with new threats, and the deep disappointment they felt when they realized that terrorism can also come from within.

I have worked in military intelligence for nearly all of my career so I can empathize highly with these men.  They face very difficult decisions in a world that is not cut and dry, knowing that they can and will be left in the cold should a decision prove to be politically detrimental.  I found this film to be tinged with sadness as a result.  Call it the burden of knowledge.

Blade (1998)

  Welcome back to 1998!  I don't know what you were doing or if you were even born yet, but at this point I was starting to really get into movies in general and action movies in particular.  I was a sophomore in high school so I don't remember if I got to see this in theaters but I bought it on DVD as soon as it was available and I'm pretty sure it's the same disc I've had since then.


Vampires are all around us, either as "pure-blood" born vampires or humans who have been turned.  One of the latter, a vicious specimen named Deacon Frost (Stephen Dorff) wants to overturn the conservative hierarchy and rule humans outright.  Frost hopes to find a way to do this by translating an ancient vampire prophecy of the Blood God.  Meanwhile, Blade the Daywalker (Wesley Snipes), a half-vampire, and his friend Whistler (Kris Kristofferson) are on a mission to destroy all the vampires.  He saves the life of a bitten hematologist, Karen (N'Bushe Wright), who then applies her research skills into developing a cure. 

This is one of the earliest examples (that I can think of without doing any research whatsoever) of a successful comic book movie.  Mostly (again, without research) because nobody treated it like a comic book movie.  I don't remember hearing the kind of nerdrage you'd get today over casting or plot.  I guess we'll see what kind of reception the inevitable reboot gets, now that Marvel has the character rights once more.

I'm calling it now:  Brandon T. Jackson for Blade 2020!