Blade: Trinity (2004)

  If you're wondering about the preponderance of my personal collection movies here over this weekend, it's because I'm trying to catch up on some TV.  I'm halfway through season 3 of Criminal Minds from Netflix, I binge-watched the first season of Downton Abbey, and I'm about to spend Labor Day with season 2 of Breaking Bad on streaming.  I know, I'm like four years behind.  It takes me a while.  Also, Rob's server is down so I'm not getting as much variety as usual.  You'll just have to bear with me.  

If we're continuing the Star Wars metaphor like I did with Blade II, this is definitely Return of the Jedi.  Completely uneven in tone and filled with useless, if entertaining, characters.  Yes, in this scenario, Ryan Reynolds is an Ewok.  A ripped Ewok who says "dick" a lot, but still an Ewok. 

Blade (Wesley Snipes) incurs the wrath of the FBI when he is caught on film killing a human familiar.  In the course of the law enforcement raid of his hideout, Whistler (Kris Kristofferson) is killed.  For real, this time.  And Blade is taken to interrogation.  He is promptly rescued by the Night Stalkers, a vampire hunting team led by Abigail Whistler (Jessica Biel), the illegitimate daughter of the crusty limping mechanic we knew and loved.  The cabal of vampires in this movie have managed to locate and awaken the progenitor of their species, the O.G. himself, Dracula (Dominic Purcell).  They feel he is the only one powerful enough to take out Blade. 

David S. Goyer is a fantastic screenwriter who has credit for many, many blockbusters including Christopher Nolan's Batman trilogy, Dark City, and Man of Steel, plus the other two Blade movies.  This was the first one he directed and, I'm sorry to say, it shows.  It's a good skeleton of a story but there's no character development to flesh it out and very little continuity. 

For instance, **SPOILERS IN WHITE.  Highlight to see**  when Dracula kills all the Night Stalker team members.  It has been previously stated that to turn into a vampire, you simply have to be bitten by one.  We already know there's a cure for being turned that will make you human again.  Why, then, does everyone act like there's no saving these people?  Dracula bit all of them.  Wait until they turn, let them heal themselves, and then cure them.  Instant team.  If you want to argue and say that maybe he just ripped their throats out, fine, they're dead except for Summerfield (Natasha Lyonne).  She was definitely bitten and could, therefore, be saved.  Instead, they are written out and no mention is made of them ever again.  **END SPOILERS**  It's just dumb. 

If you're looking for light entertainment, and I do stress light, then Ryan Reynolds' one-liners and Parker Posey's hair should be enough to make this watchable.  I didn't hate Dominic Purcell in this as much as I did the first time I saw him, although I still think he's a mushmouth.