The Thomas Crown Affair (1999)

  This is probably the only instance where the remake is actually better than the original.  Or at least it's the only one coming to mind right now.

Thomas Crown (Pierce Brosnan) is bored and rich.  Bored enough to turn to art theft and rich enough to not be considered a suspect, until insurance investigator Catherine Banning (Rene Russo) comes to town.  A very valuable Monet has been stolen and Detective Micheal McCann (Denis Leary) is out of his blue-collar depths.  Banning immediately seizes on Crown as the mastermind and plots to bring him down.

There were some significant changes to the original story and they are all for the better here.  John McTiernan is very capable with flashy action films and the remake has much better pacing.  It's downright snappy without feeling rushed.  There's a lot more chemistry between the leads as well.  I deleted the original off my server but this version I think I'll keep.  It's not the greatest heist movie I've ever seen but it's fun enough.

The LEGO Batman Movie (2017)

  I don't normally post outside my stated days (Saturday, Sunday, and Monday) but there was a lot going on this weekend and I missed two out of the three.  That sucks and I'm sorry.  On Sunday, I went to AwesomeCon in D.C. and spent way too much money and had way too much fun.  Then I went to my friend's house and watched The LEGO Batman Movie, forced them to watch the first episode of Preacher and then we all watched the finale of American Gods.  Monday I slept for 12 hours.

I loved THE FUCK out of LEGO Batman.  Oh my holy minifig Jesus, I loved that movie.

Batman (Will Arnett) seems to have the perfect life, but is struggling with loneliness and isolation.  His faithful butler, Alfred (Ralph Fiennes), wants him to connect with people again and face his greatest fear:  (no, not snake-clowns) losing the ones he cares about.  Meanwhile, the Joker (Zach Galifinakis), angry that Batman doesn't value their antagonistic relationship, hatches a plan to get sent to the Phantom Zone and release all the worst villains, including Voldemort (Eddie Izzard), King Kong (Seth Green), and Sauron (Jemaine Clement).  Batman must team up with Robin (Michael Cera) and Batgirl (Rosario Dawson) if he hopes to have a chance to save Gotham City.

Most spin-off movies are trash fire abominations but this was stupid adorable.  There were so many references to all previous Batman lore, including the entire back catalog of villains (Condiment King!), as well as tons of other random LEGO characters.  Because you really need something like 60 years of historical knowledge to fully appreciate the jokes, this was less kid-friendly than adult-.  Not that there's anything inappropriate, just obscure.

I absolutely 100% recommend this movie to anyone with even a passing interest in Batman.  It is amazing and you will love it.

Hell or High Water (2016)

  This took me six days to watch.  Not because it's bad but because I just didn't have the time.  It's a pretty good Western.  I would probably double-feature it with The Accountant.

Toby Howard (Chris Pine) has a problem.  His mother took out a reverse mortgage on their family ranch before dying and if he doesn't come up with the money to pay it off, the bank will foreclose.  So he reaches out to his older brother, Tanner (Ben Foster), and the two men hatch a plan to pay the bank with money stolen from its branches and laundered through the local casino.  Texas Ranger Marcus Hamilton (Jeff Bridges) and his partner (Gil Birmingham) are assigned the case.  Marcus is only a few months from retirement and is eager to feel the rush of the chase once more.  With the net closing in, Toby must avoid the law as well as keep his wildcard brother on track to meet their goal.

I don't know what it is about Chris Pine.  I kind of forget about him (probably because there are so many hot Chris's in Hollywood right now) and then he'll be in stuff and I'll remember "Oh, right, I'm in love with you."  He is fantastic in this movie and it is such a different turn from other characters he's played.  Ben Foster is always good.  He is a phenomenal character actor.  Bridges feels like he's phoning it in a little bit.  Or trying too hard to channel Tommy Lee Jones in No Country for Old Men.  So if you're in the mood for a dark Robin Hood-type Western, you could do a lot worse than Hell or High Water.

Canadian Double Feature

This weekend, I took a little time away from freaking out about managing my work schedule and my course load to do a double feature honoring the Great White North with my friend Hollie, her husband, and her friend, Tyler.  They had not seen Logan and I had not seen Strange Brew.  My review for Logan is at the link.  Keep reading for Strange Brew.

  Brothers Bob (Rick Moranis) and Doug MacKenzie (Dave Thomas) have no further ambitions in life than to get free beer, so they go to a local brewery with a mouse in a bottle.  What they don't know is that the brewery owner has recently died and left everything to his only daughter, Pam (Lynne Griffin).  Pam is inexplicably charmed by the two bumblers and gets them jobs in quality assurance.  The two then accidentally uncover a plot by the brewmaster (Max von Sydow) to add a mind-controlling substance to the final product that will render consumers into mindless drones.  You know, alcohol.

I'm not going to lie.  I totally drifted off during the middle parts of the movie.  There was some kind of arcade game that detailed the murder of the owner, chess with hockey players, secret tunnels, and a riot at an insane asylum.  I was warm, filled with steak and booze, and up past my bedtime.

It was cute enough during the parts that I saw, but I obviously wasn't riveted by the characters.  We probably should have watched that one first, but Logan is so goddamn depressing that I suggested we do the comedy as a chaser.  And then I fell asleep.  Which is bizarre on several levels.  I never fall asleep during movies.  Ever.  Usually, if a movie is on, I can't fall asleep even if I wanted to.  And I fell asleep in front of someone I didn't know.  Also, totally out of character for me.  That's how bad school has messed me up.  So I'd like to officially apologize to Hollie et al. for falling asleep and not paying attention to the movie they picked.  I will be more awake next time.

The Thomas Crown Affair (1968)

  I told my mom I was watching this movie and she told me to watch the Pearce Brosnan remake instead because the original is terrible.  She wasn't wrong.  This is not a good movie.

Thomas Crown (Steve McQueen) is multi-millionaire who plans a bank robbery to relieve his crushing ennui.  The bank's insurance company brings in a specialist, Vicky Anderson (Faye Dunaway), to help the police solve what seems like a perfect crime.  Vicky soon narrows in on Crown and the two begin a cat-and-mouse game of attraction.

Let's just skip past the questionable ethics and discuss how a heist movie could be so boring.  I have watched several Steve McQueen films and frankly I just don't get the man's appeal.  He's like a second-rate Paul Newman.  He's just not charismatic and this character desperately needed to be, considering that the plot was wafer-thin.  Everything in this film was about style but you have to have substance underneath or the whole thing just falls apart.

Wonder Woman (2017)

  Normally I would wait longer before posting this, since I just saw it last night, but I don't have anything else in the tank.  Last weekend I went to New Orleans (surprise!) so I didn't watch or post anything, and this summer semester plus a new job has kept me from even turning on my television for over a week.  But, hey, Wonder Woman.

Diana (Gal Gadot) has been raised on the island of the Amazons, trained by her aunt Antiope (Robin Wright), the greatest warrior of the previous age, to fight one day against Ares, god of war.  Then pilot Steve Trevor (Chris Pine) accidentally breaches the shield that keeps the island from being discovered by the outside world while fleeing from the Germans.  Diana saves him from drowning and he tells the Amazons that there is a war to end all wars going on outside.  He wants to get back to London to turn over a book he stole from the German's top chemist, Doctor Isabella Maru (Elena Anaya), detailing a new more deadly poison gas to be released at the front lines.  Diana sees Ares' hand behind all this and leaves with him, over the protests of her mother, Hippolyta (Connie Nielsen).

This is the first DC film that is more good than bad.  There's more that I would have liked to have seen in terms of character building, especially from the villains who are very one-dimensional, and I found it to be pretty predictable, but it was by far the most entertaining film to come out of Warner Bros. in years.  A lot of that is due to Chris Pine, who has always had great comic timing and brings a surprising amount of empathy and heart to the character.  Diana comes across as a little more robotic and at times falls dangerously close to the "Born Sexy Yesterday" trope.  I still think Justice League is probably going to suck, but I'm less pessimistic about Aquaman now.

Psycho II (1983)

  I read somewhere that this was an underrated horror classic.  Whoever said that was a liar.  This is a terrible movie.  Anthony Perkins deserved so much better than this.

Norman Bates (Anthony Perkins) is released from the mental institution after twenty years.  His release is protested strongly by Lila Loomis (Vera Miles), sister to murder victim Marion Crane.  Bates moves back to his house but gets a job as a dishwasher in town, leaving the running of the motel to a manager (Dennis Franz).  When Bates finds out the manager has been using the motel for prostitution and drugs, however, he fires the man.  He also strikes up a friendship with a young woman, Mary (Meg Tilly).  Things seem to be looking up.  And then the murders start again, along with a series of phone calls from his dead mother.

I'm so mad about this.  The original Psycho is one of my favorite movies ever made and this just spits in the face of its legacy.  I'm sure the filmmakers thought they were doing something clever but it's like watching toddlers finger paint over a Van Gogh.  The special effects are terrible and cheesy, the plot is stupid, and certain scenes are lifted directly from the original.  I'm sure it's supposed to be an homage but it's plagiarism.  The whole thing is derivative and awful.  I'm sorry I ever heard of it.