Stand Up Guys (2012)

  I flat out hated this movie.  It's a poorly written, lazy, reductive insult to anyone who manages to sit through it and wastes a spectacular cast.  Unforgivable.

Val (Oscar winner Al Pacino) is out of prison after 28 years and wants to go out an celebrate with his best friend, Doc (Oscar winner Christopher Walken).  What he doesn't know is that Doc has been told to kill Val by morning as vengeance for killing mobster Claphands' (Emmy nominee Mark Margolis) only son.  So after hitting up the local bordello, breaking into a pharmacy to steal Viagra, a subsequent trip to the ER, and a random encounter with a nurse (Golden Globe winner Julianna Margulies) who happens to be the daughter of one of their old comrades, Val and Doc decide to steal a car belonging to rival gangsters, and liberate their friend Hirsch (Oscar winner Alan Arkin) from the retirement home. 

Does this sound like a rambling, nonsensical review?  That's because the movie also has no sense of purpose.  It tries to play like a greatest hits reel for these septuagenarian mobsters but ends up meandering sadly all over the place.  The action is tepid, the dialogue is weak, and the entire concept is mired in irrelevancy.  Why would anyone watch Pacino and Walken stumble around whining about their hypertension and deflated boners when movies like The Godfather and Suicide Kings exist?  Surely neither one of them needs money this badly.