Jeff (Tommy Noonan) is a nerdy screenwriter on a cruise with his wife, Sandy (Jayne Mansfield). Sandy really wants a baby and Jeff appeals to the cruise doctor (Fritz Feld) for help. The doctor gives him an aspirin and tells him it's a miracle cure, writing Jeff off as an anxious wreck with performance problems. The pill doesn't work but Jeff tells Sandy she's pregnant (yep, brace for it. It gets worse) and confesses to the doctor that he knows he's infertile because of a childhood reaction to mumps. (Vaccines are important!) The doctor tells Jeff he's just not trying hard enough and gives him two more aspirin, one for himself and one for Sandy, to be put in her drink (because she's still drinking) without her knowledge. (Yes, they are harmless but Jeff doesn't know that. And he's totally okay with roofie-ing his wife.) Except their cabin neighbors interrupt and the neighbor's husband, King (Mickey Hargitay), drinks Jeff's drink. Jeff knocks himself out trying to intervene and the neighbor's wife, Claire (Marie McDonald), takes him to the sickbay, where she gives him an aspirin and takes one for herself. Then Sandy and Claire both end up actually pregnant. So who is the father? Is it Jeff? Is it King? Is it both?
If your answer is "Oh my God, who caaaaares? These people are awful!" Congratulations! You have passed the test.
Everything about this is the worst distillation of the 60s. There's not a POC in the entire cast, stereotypes run wild, and the characters are unsympathetic assholes, except for Sandy and King, who are portrayed as literally too dumb to be hateful.
Mansfield and Hargitay were actually married in real life (you may be familiar with their daughter, Mariska from SVU) and this was probably the last thing they were in together before their divorce. By this point, Mansfield's career was in decline and the poster you see indicates the level at which she was regarded. According to Wikipedia, Noonan, the film's star, producer, and writer, convinced her to appear topless, which also makes him gross in real life.
Mansfield was one of the leading sex symbols of the 50s and considered a successor to Marilyn Monroe. As with Monroe, she suffered with substance abuse issues and died young. This is not a great swansong. If you're going to watch anything, stick to pre-1958.
Promises! Promises! is currently streaming on Amazon Prime. Don't watch it.
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