A narcissist (Oscar Isaac) tells a polar explorer (Lars Mikkelsen) his tale of woe about being a shitty father to the creature (Jacob Elordi) he made from the parts of dead men he got from a war profiteer (Christoph Waltz).
Are you one of those people that wish you had read the classics but can't seem to find your way out of the Paranormal Romance section of Barnes & Noble? Good news! Del Toro won't let you down, monster-fuckers! This isn't a super faithful adaptation of the book, but most versions aren't. This is, however, a very faithful Guillermo del Toro movie. It is filled with hot men being sad and a beautifully dressed, distant, possibly slightly concussed woman who gently berates them and then dies (twice!). There's a war happening somewhere in the background of which the Monster is completely innocent, because he is a gentle child-like soul that's treated as both asexual and extremely fuckable. (The rare gender-swapped Born Sexy Yesterday trope.)
Isaac and Waltz are always good. They're constant as the stars. This was my first Elordi performance, I believe, and he was phenomenal. I don't know if Mia Goth can act. Presumably, yes, but she's basically wallpaper in this. The movie fleshes out the character of Elizabeth more than the book does, but that means almost nothing. The Arctic captain has more emotional range and he's just in the framing device. Visually, it's stunning. The costumes, the sets, the production design. Flawless. I understand the CGI animals and I approve in theory, but they look very fake still and it did take me out a little.
I liked it. Did I like it enough to buy it? I don't know yet. It will depend on how I feel as I recall it. I don't know if it will hold up to a rewatch. Most of GDT's movies do, so we'll see. It's streaming on Netflix and it might still be in theaters.
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