Dogtooth (2009)

Nominated for:  Best Foreign Film
  Jesus, what a godawful film.  This better not win an Oscar.  It'd be on par with seeing The Human Centipede win for Best Art Direction.  Seriously, I don't even know what to say about it.

I couldn't tell if it was meant to be funny or tragic or some deep political satire about the overreach of government fomenting rebellion.  The whole thing was just too fucking weird.  And that's coming from me, Queen of All Things Strange.

The whole movie revolves around a couple who have decided that their children never need to know about the outside world.  This works out about as well as it did in The Village.  We don't ever know the reasons why these parents have decided to sequester their children away and I suppose it doesn't really matter since it wouldn't justify the level of violence they use to maintain their fiction.

The kids are all horribly messed up and borderline psychotic.  Their idea of fun games are to see who can hold their hand under boiling water the longest or who will stay passed out longer from breathing ether.  The son is mostly docile, probably because Daddy brings him a prostitute every week or so.  But that has to end because the hooker loans the oldest daughter copies of Jaws and Flashdance and Daddy has to beat her severely with a VCR.

But somebody has to take care of Brother's needs and that duty falls on...his sister.  But at least he gets to pick which one, Older or Younger, so there's that I guess.

WTF, Greece?  I know you've been going through a tough time recently but that's no reason to pork your sister.  I mean, come on!

The title of the movie comes from the parents' mandate that no child can leave the house until one of their dogteeth (incisor) falls out.  We're not talking baby teeth here.  Oh, and they can't learn to drive until their dogteeth are replaced.  So never is what that works out to.

This movie is like the worst advertisement for home-schooling ever.

At least I'm not the only one who was confused.