This was the British answer to Agent Cody Banks. Which isn't fair, since Britain already had good spy movies and there's no reason for them to also take the "shitty spy movies starring teens" genre as well. Alex Rider (Alex Pettyfur) is an average teen boy until his uncle (Ewan McGregor) disappears and Alex learns that his uncle was not a mild-mannered banker, but in fact an elite spy who had been grooming Alex to join the family business since he was small. While initially reluctant, Alex finally agrees to become a spy in order to investigate a billionaire (Mickey Rourke) who may have had Alex's uncle killed.
Honestly, I watched this much earlier in the week and I had this whole idea about how I was going to link the shitty plot of this 2006 nonentity with the current refugee crisis, but you'll just have to trust me when I say it was totally clever and mind blowing because I'm too tired (and slightly drunk) to bother remembering what I was going to say.
This is a terrible movie.
It doesn't deserve anything witty being said about it. It's dumb, derivative, and wholly lacking in personality, despite having a Grade-A cast of Brits and Alicia Silverstone. Parts of the fight choreography were done by Donnie Yen but there's so much boring crap to slog through, it's not worth it. Not when there are actual Donnie Yen movies you could be seeing.
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