Sunday, December 31, 2023

End of Year 2023 Top Ten

I managed slightly better than last year with 13 entries.  I kind of miss when the Oscars were held in January because it forced me to watch an assload of films from the current year in December.  Now that nominations don't come out until February, a lot of would-be favorites end up not being counted.  Like The Menu and M3GAN would definitely have been on my top 10 for last year if I had watched them in time.  And before you ask, I thought about making it just whatever I saw in a year, but with roughly 180 entries, that feels scattershot.  Anyway, the most obvious solution is for me to just get off my ass and watch more movies.

10.  Matilda: The Musical - I didn't like this when I watched it.  The nicest thing I can say about it is that I forgot pretty much everything.  That's what puts it on the list over Quantumania, which I initially liked but has soured the more I think about how much of a missed opportunity it was.

9.  Totally Killer - The only new horror I watched this year.  Were there better ones?  Almost certainly.  But this was cute.  Mild enough that Tyler watched it and he hates horror movies.

8.  Asteroid City - Quirky Wes Anderson.  Again, fine.  Like soaking your brain in chamomile tea.

7.  Sisu - This will probably get better on subsequent watches but I really expected more.  Still, always a good time to kill Nazis.

6.  Spider-Man Across the Spider-Verse - This lost some points because it does feel like half a story but it is a masterpiece nonetheless.  I expect the third installment to be way higher next year.

5.  Guardians of the Galaxy 3 - This series went out on a high note, which just gave it the edge over entry #6.

4.  Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves - A goddamned delight. Even if you had no interest in the game it's based on, it was a fun watch.

3.  John Wick Chapter Four - Is there a law of diminishing returns?  Sure.  But I will hang on until they stop making them or it falls out of the top ten.

2.  Polite Society - A total surprise and a welcome breath of fresh air.  In fact, this would have been #1 if not for the complete juggernaut that is...

1. Barbie - You can't fight it.  Everyone I know who saw it, loved it.  Tyler wanted an "I Am Kenough" shirt for Christmas.  Amazing.

Next year is not looking great for upcoming releases.  Lot of sequels and remakes.  I'm hoping a lot more titles get released as the year begins.

Night Swim - a haunted swimming pool.  This is in the great tradition of inanimate objects that somehow manage to kill people.  It's coming out in January so you already know it's going to be crap.  But entertaining crap?  Remains to be seen.

 The Book of Clarence - a religious comedy with LaKeith Stanfield as a forgotten disciple.  Could be the American answer to Life of Brian.

Mean Girls - Ah, the classic movie-adaptation-of-a-musical-adaptation-of-a-movie.  I have the Broadway soundtrack and it's really good.  Not sure how much of an audience it's going to find but maybe.

Argylle - a spy comedy centered on a cat.  Sounds dumb but it's got Sam Rockwell and I love him.

Lisa Frankenstein - written by Diablo Cody and Zelda Williams.  Looks cute.

Madame Web - Sony's next attempt at a Spider-Man movie without Spider-Man.  

Dune: Part Two - the spice must floooooooow.

Kung Fu Panda 4 - I mean, the trilogy ended pretty much perfectly so I don't know why you'd risk that, but I'm not in charge.

Imaginary - Blumhouse horror about what if your imaginary friend was evil.  I feel like that's just demonic possession with extra steps but sure.

Road House - a remake of the legendary Patrick Swayze film.  No reason for it to exist at all.

Mickey 17 - Bong Joon-ho's new film which makes it a must-watch.

Civil War - Get ready for this to make all your right-wing relatives froth at the mouth.

The Fall Guy - Ryan Gosling plays a stunt man who moonlights as a bounty hunter.  Probably going to be hilarious.

IF - a comedy about what if your imaginary friend had a union.

Furiosa: A Mad Max Saga - a prequel to an incredible movie

The Garfield Movie - who keeps asking for these?  Do children today even know who Garfield is?  

Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes - another fourth entry to a perfect trilogy.  Did no one learn anything from Kingdom of the Crystal Skull?

Ballerina - spin-off of John Wick 3 starring Ana de Armas.

Inside Out 2 - et tu, Pixar?

Despicable Me 4 - do I even need to say it?

Deadpool 3 - we'll see if it retains it's foul-mouthed charm under Disney's yoke.

Borderlands - another day, another attempt at a video game movie.

Alien: Romulus - Fede Alvarez is trying his hand at a sequel.

Kraven the Hunter - Another attempt at a Spider-Man villain standalone.

Beetlejuice 2 - milking the nostalgia machine until it's dry

Joker: Folié a Deux - I didn't like Joker but the sequel is a musical with Lady Gaga as Harley Quinn.  That should be hilarious.

Gladiator 2 - /sigh

Wicked: Part One - another Broadway adaptation.  Not entirely sure why it needed to be split into two films.  The book isn't that large and the musical is like 90 minutes.

Nosferatu - Robert Eggers is going the remake route but I love vampires so I will check it out.

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