Avatar (2009)

***WARNING: SPOILERS BELOW***

So if you want to be surprised by the ending like you were with Titanic just stop reading now.

I love sci-fi. I love special effects. I love grand, sweeping vistas and proud, noble races of aliens. I did not love Avatar.

I am not a huge James Cameron fan (the last movie of his that I loved was True Lies) but I don't necessarily hate him behind a camera either. His work on Titanic was a monumental undertaking that I recognize as an artistic achievement. Likewise, the world of Pandora is breath-takingly vivid so that you can practically feel the mist of the waterfalls off the floating mountains.

I don't hate CGI. Sure, I think it can be overused but I've seen enough anime to not be bothered by it when it's integral to the story. And it's pretty integral when half your cast is 8 ft tall, blue kitty people who ride dragons. Dragons! I was so excited to see those damn things because all I could think was "We now have the technology and the know-how to do a Dragonriders of Pern movie." How badass would that be? Hell, Avatar is practically there already. If they had only made the Na'vi (blue kitty people) turn out to be humans that got stuck there and evolved to adapt to their environment.

I digress.

I didn't even hate the story. Sure it's a trite Pocahontas love story that hasn't improved with age, and yes, the whole thing is an allegory for white people's guilt over colonization but I can get over both of those things.

What I hated, and I mean hated, about this movie was the ending.

***AGAIN, SPOILERS AHEAD***You should really stop now***

The ending sucked.

Don't get me wrong. I like a sappy, underdog wins the day kind of movie just as much as the next guy... Okay, that's an overstatement. I understand the need for a sappy, underdog wins the day kind of movie every once in a while. Before my cousin jumps in with a "That's because you have no soul!" comment, let me explain:

I have read hundreds of books, seen thousands of movies. So have you. I know the archetypes, the tropes, the cliches. So do you. There have been entire movies dedicated to making fun of these oh-so-common story elements (Scream, Murder by Death, Last Action Hero). The themes and characters are universal which, in some cases, are good. They allow people to identify with what they see on screen.

However, Avatar reaches all the way back to Greek theater for a Deus Ex Machina, the Hail Mary of the cinema world. What's that? Haven't read your Oedipus Rex lately? Back in the day, when a playwright wanted to make an uplifting tale to warm the cockles of the public heart but accidentally painted his main character into the corner of Certain Death, he would employ a Deus Ex Machina ending. Literally, the hand of whatever god was setting appropriate would reach down and spare the lucky mortal. You could get away with this in Ancient Greece where Cynics were just a minor sect.

Here's what should have happened: The Na'vi are grossly outnumbered and outgunned. Though initially successful with their brave last stand to defend their holy shrine, they are simply outmatched. They die by the hundreds, cut down by swaths of bullets. The industrialists watching the firefight through video feeds are disgusted with themselves for causing this genocide and call everything off. The Marines in their mech-suits tromp back to the ship and everyone goes back to Earth feeling like they'll never get their souls clean again.

Instead, this is what happened: The tree goddess turns every last living thing on the planet against the Marines, providing support for the Na'vi to turn the battle around and force the outworlders off their homeland.

Nuff said.