When I hear the name John Malkovich, I don't necessarily leap to rom-com immediately after. I think of Being John Malkovich, Dangerous Liaisons, hell, even Con Air. But a farcical romance about a PR shill who falls in love with an android?
Yet this movie exists. I found it the other day while I was channel-surfing through all the movie networks. I don't know from what bowels of celluloid this particular nugget was unearthed but I can only hope it is returned there posthaste.
It's bad. Like trainwreck bad. I missed the first half hour, which is generally crucial for setting up the plot, but as an 80's romantic comedy, it was pretty easy to pick up. Aforementioned PR shill is supposed to give an approachable air to an android designed to man a 7 year space mission. She takes him out into the real world, hijinks ensue, and he charms her with his naivety. Fairly standard robot plot that I could pick on further but what's the point? It was an 80's film. That's like kicking a retarded puppy.
And it's sooooo 80's. If you cut it, it would bleed Aquanet and silver lamé. For video proof, click HERE.
Okay, so the first John Malkovich, the one that seems normal, that's the misanthropic scientist who created the android. The actual bizarro John Malkovich shows up a couple of minutes later.
You have a choice here, blog readers. You can do nothing or, and this is the correct choice if you're wondering, you can rise up and kill this awful abomination. After all, there can be only one. Is it going to be:
Or is it going to be
"Put the bunny back in the box."
Choose wisely, reader. Choose. Wisely.
...I feel as though I deserve an apology...I followed the link to the clip of this aweful film, and subsiquently, I now have to bleach my cornea and pray that a curse will take my memory from me...thanks Lucyano...thank you so very much...
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