Legion (2010)

So, I saw Legion on Sunday. It was good. Not The Prophecy good, but what is, really? It's not fair to judge this movie by the Christopher Walken/Viggo Mortensen standard.

It's a good movie. The possessed are creepy looking, the action scenes are cool, and let's face it: angels wings + tattoos = HOT.

You know who didn't enjoy the movie? The five-year-old sitting next to me. Denizens of the internet, hear my words and take them to heart: DON'T TAKE YOUR TODDLER TO SEE THIS MOVIE.

Let me emphasize that for the hard of thinking.

DON'T TAKE YOUR TODDLER TO SEE THIS RATED R MOVIE.

Are we all clear now? On the same page? Okay.

I'm sure everybody out there who has been to a movie sometime in their life has had the experience ruined by some irresponsible parent dragging their screaming crotchfruit someplace they had no business being. And it goes the other way, too. Don't complain about the little brats parroting every line back to the screen if you go see a film geared toward them, like The Incredibles or A Series of Unfortunate Events. You have entered their world, and God have mercy on your soul.

But a Rated R movie shown after 5 p.m. shouldn't have a single stroller in it. I don't care how "brilliant" little Mackenzie is, or how many Baby Genius tapes little Bailey has chewed on, they will not understand what is going on and, depending on age, will be terrified by what is being shown on screen. At one point, the kid next to me had his head buried in his dad's lap and was whimpering. That kid is probably going to wet himself if he ever hears the ice cream truck again.

No matter how "progressive" a parent you like to think yourself to be, it is not a good idea to expose your progeny to fanged demon-grannies who drop the c-bomb in public. You probably wouldn't let your actual grandmother around your child if she talked like that, not to mention spider-crawled up the ceiling and terrorized a diner.

Bottom line: If you take a child under 14 to see Legion, you are a bad parent. Everyone else, you'll probably like it. It's a good movie.