Conan the Destroyer (1984)

  We have finally come full circle, as I have now reached the sequel to my very first movie post.  It only took five years and 1075 movies to get here.

Conan (Arnold Schwarzenegger) is still mourning the loss of his love, Valeria, so when a neighboring queen and sorceress named Taranis (Sarah Douglas) offers to bring her back in exchange for a little favor, he jumps at the chance.  And the favor doesn't seem so bad.  Just take the queen's niece, Princess Jehnna (Olivia d'Abo), to retrieve some mystical whatsit that only she can touch and bring her back in one piece.  Sure, she's kind of bratty and her bodyguard, Bombaata (Wilt Chamberlain), isn't exactly Mr. Sunshine, but there's still plenty of adventure to be had and new friends to make on the way.  Like Zula (Grace Jones), a warrior woman who pledges her life in service to Conan, and our old pal Akiro (Mako), along to handle all the weird magic shit.

Arnold's accent isn't quite as impenetrable in this film and he's able to show more humor.  The princess really is annoying and the little thief there for comic relief made me want to strangle myself. Overall, it's a decent sequel and I'm a little sad they didn't make like six of these.  There's a huge amount of story with this character that we're probably never going to get to see.  Yes, I could go and read the comic books but that's not really what this blog is about.

Con Air (1997)

  I really have been on a 90's kick lately. 

When this movie first came out, I hated it.  Cage's accent was stupid and insulting, and the whole idea was just dumb.  But it was everywhere.  I couldn't avoid seeing it on TV or with friends.  And then a funny thing happened.  I started to love this stupid, stupid movie.  It's so quotable!  And I love John Cusack, and John Malkovich, and Steve Buscemi.  Now I can't think about this movie without smiling.

Cameron Poe (Nicholas Cage) is a former Army Ranger convicted of manslaughter and sent to prison.  He pays his debt to society and is granted parole.  All he has to do is take a flight back to Alabama.  This same flight will also populate the newest supermax prison, built to hold the worst criminals in America.  Criminals like Cyrus the Virus (John Malkovich), Diamond Dog (Ving Rhames), and Garland Greene (Steve Buscemi).  U.S. Marshal Vince Larkin (John Cusack) is supervising the transfer from the ground, but is notified of a last minute change of plans.  The DEA is putting an undercover officer (Jose Zuniga) on the plane in one last attempt to get a confession from Francisco Cindino (Jesse Borrega -- who just played Zoe Saldana's dad in Colombiana), a high-ranking member of a drug cartel.

But Francisco has already made a deal with Cyrus, and the convicts almost immediately take over the plane.  Poe tries to harry and eat away from the inside while Larkin and DEA agent Duncan Malloy (Colm Meaney) scramble to recover from this upset.  There are explosions and shootouts and extremely quotable lines.  You really can't ask for more.

In TV news, I finally (finally) got around to watching season six of Doctor Who.  I am not a rabid Whovian (clearly, or I would be caught up by now) but I do enjoy the show.  Matt Smith's eyebrows bother me because they make his face look weird and if they fixed that, I think it would improve his looks dramatically.  This is the season they wrap up the River Song storyline and thank God for that.  Not that I didn't love Alex Kingston, but it was starting to get irritating.

Colombiana (2011)

In honor of the opening weekend for Luc Besson's new movie, Lucy, which I haven't gotten to see yet, I decided to go back and re-watch Colombiana.  I enjoyed it a lot more the second time around, especially the final fight between Zoe Saldana and Jordi Molla.  I don't know why I didn't pay attention to it the first time, but it is a really well constructed fight scene.  No shaky cam, no irritating jump cuts, just fast choreography and good use of props.  Also, this time I noticed the parkour chase at the beginning of the film for what it was, and discovered that it was choreographed by none other than David Belle from the Besson-produced District B-13.  I love it when people stay in touch.

I also watched one of the special features called "Assassins" which didn't really have much of a point, but did have a decent interview with Zoe Saldana about the preparations she made to do this film.  She has never shied away from physicality in any of her roles and you can see the commitment she brings to each character.  She talks about what it takes to carry a film and that is exactly what she is doing here.  All the other characters exist just to give her something at which to aim.     12/11/2011

Luc Besson loves him some warrior women.  This one is more of what I was hoping La Femme Nikita would be, although I could have stood even less of the emotional vulnerability.  Is it really too much to ask to have a badass female assassin who doesn't cry every half hour?  I'm just sayin'.

Cataleya (Zoe Saldana) is a young girl when her parents are murdered by the leader of a drug cartel.  She moves to Chicago to live with her uncle (Cliff Curtis) and becomes an assassin for hire.  She has a no-strings (on her part) relationship with an artist (Michael Vartan) and spends her free time killing off members of the cartel in various ways.  She signs each kill with the drawing of an orchid on their chest.  Naturally, the FBI takes a very dim view of these killings and puts two agents on the trail of the "man" that did it.  Almost despite themselves, they come very close to discovering her real identity, forcing her to outwit them and the cartel.

It's very violent, fairly bloody, and solidly entertaining overall.  Rob didn't like it as much as I thought he would, considering that he's usually easier to please.  He was very willing to speak up about perceived inaccuracies, which is usually my job.  Maybe I just have a blind spot for revenge films, but I liked it.  I'm even throwing it onto my Christmas blu-ray wish list.

Collateral (2004)

  I had heard really good things about this movie when it came out but I never got around to seeing it until this past week.  I have to say, this is one of the better roles I've seen Tom Cruise do in a long time.

Max (Jamie Foxx) is an L.A. cab driver with dreams of starting his own limo company.  After dropping off a cute prosecutor (Jada Pinkett-Smith), he picks up a businessman named Vincent (Tom Cruise).  Vincent is only in town for one night to do a series of jobs so he talks Max into being his personal driver.  Unfortunately, their first stop involves a man falling from a window right onto Max's cab.  That's when he learns that Vincent is actually a contract killer there to clean up loose ends for a drug kingpin named Felix (Javier Bardem).  Now Max must navigate his way through L.A.'s nightlife with a sociopath in his backseat, the cops on his tail, and Felix's goons lurking in the shadows.

It took me damn near half the movie to recognize Mark Ruffalo as the main detective.  I placed the voice but he looked so different I thought I must be wrong.  It was shocking how good the supporting cast was in this movie.  You'll recognize almost everyone in it from something else.

In other news, I've been catching up on some TV shows via Netflix.  I watched the first season of Hemlock Grove, which was not great.  It started off pretty entertaining, but lost any sense of humor around episode 5 or 6.  Plus, it never felt like it quite knew what tone it wanted to take.  Most of the cast is supposed to be teenaged but that just makes the sex scenes creepy and weird.  There's horror, sure, but it tries so hard to be horrific that it seems almost like someone emptied a shelf of horror DVDs in a blender and slapped on some title cards.  Towards the end, I found myself skimming the episodes to get the gist and then moving on, just to get through it faster.  The second season has just been released but I will not be watching it.

Clueless (1995)

  Like, ohmigod, you guys.  I can't believe I didn't own Clueless.  Fortunately, Christy was there to get my back and bought me a copy for Christmas. 

This movie really is a classic, one of the few 90's movies that can claim that.  It still holds up remarkably well, since all the issues it tackles are universal, and it is relentlessly quotable.

Valley teenager Cher (Alicia Silverstone) seems to live a perfect life:  she's popular, rich, and blonde. She mostly uses her powers for good, like setting up two of her teachers together in order to raise her grades.  When her step-brother by marriage, Josh (Paul Rudd), points out that she might be the teensiest bit shallow, she is determined to prove him wrong by selflessly molding the newest student, Tai (Brittany Murphy), into her own image.  But when Tai's popularity eclipses her own, and all her matchmaking plans go awry, Cher must face some unpleasant realities.

Based on Jane Austen's Emma, this updated tale from Amy Heckerling manages to express the idealism and general cluelessness of youth without the angst and broodiness that goes along with it.  Cher is always positive, even when things are down, and she tries to do the right thing, even if she doesn't quite understand the ramifications, like donating her skis to disaster relief victims.  Even though she's popular, she never uses it to tear others down.  She's a snob, but not a bitch.  This is actually a better role model than you'd think for teenaged girls.

Demolition Man (1993)

  I think I kept getting this one confused with Judge Dredd since they're both set in futuristic worlds, both have Rob Schneider, both predominated by the color grey and both star Stallone.  It's been so long since I'd seen either one of them that it all kept blurring together.

In 1992, psychopath Simon Phoenix (Wesley Snipes) and his arch-nemesis LAPD Officer John Spartan (Sylvester Stallone) both go into cryogenic freeze as part of a new rehabilitation program for criminals.  Nearly forty years later, Simon is thawed out for a parole board and finds himself imprinted with all the information he needs to escape from prison.  The police force have not had to deal with a criminal of Simon's caliber in a generation and are woefully unprepared.  The Chief of Police (Bob Gunton) authorizes excitable Lieutenant Lenina Huxley (Sandra Bullock) to un-freeze Spartan and reinstate him.  Spartan finds himself practically an alien in a city that has become unrecognizable and must quickly adapt in order to track down Phoenix.

This movie is definitely the better of the two Stallone vehicles.  The villain is more memorable and the humor holds up better.  Not perfectly, you understand, but better.  Plus, there's a young Benjamin Bratt and who couldn't use more of that in their lives?  Also, Denis Leary.  You're going to have to forgive a lot about the story, however.  Everything about cryogenics, for a start, and the forty year timeline is ridiculous.  Most 90's movies suffer from flaws like this.  It was a simpler time, a time when we valued big explosions and witty quips over plots.  We liked our action heroes big and dumb with the moral center of a feral cat.  As long as you're okay with that, you'll like this movie.

Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs 2 (2013)

  I loved the original Cloudy and I was really looking forward to watching the sequel, even though most critical reviews said it wasn't as good.  They were right, but I still enjoyed watching it.

The island of Swallow Falls is evacuated after the FLDSMDFR is deactivated in order to facilitate cleaning up all the random giant food.  Flint Lockwood (Bill Hader) is offered a job by his idol, inventions guru Chester V (Will Forte), at Live Corp, but finds it frustratingly difficult to get his new mentor's approval.  Then, Chester informs him that Live Corp's scientists on Swallow Falls have all disappeared while searching for Flint's machine.  He volunteers to go back and find it, bringing Sam Sparks (Anna Faris), Manny the Cameraman (Benjamin Bratt), Earl (Terry Crews), Brent (Andy Samburg), his dad (James Caan), and Steve the Monkey (Neil Patrick Harris) with him.  They discover that the food has evolved into hybrid animals, but there are other dangers lying in wait, as well.

The food puns start to get a little old after about thirty minutes but there's no denying the visual beauty of the film, and the inventiveness of the animation.  Some of the foodimals look good enough to eat, although since this is a children's movie nobody actually eats anything.  The replay value here won't be for the story or even the humor, but for the sheer amount of things to look at once they get to the island.

And Barry.  I'd watch it again just for that little guy.  He looks adorable and I bet he would smell amazing while being cuddled.

And now I feel like a monster for the sliced strawberries in my fridge.  Dammit.

Closer (2004)

  I hated this movie.  I think it showcased the absolute worst in people.  If that was its intention, then great, but I don't know why you would make it.  If it wasn't, then this is a terrible movie.

It starts with a meet-cute between Dan (Jude Law), an obituary writer and spoiled man-child who is so obsessed with not missing out that he can't see what's under his own nose, and Alice (Natalie Portman), a stripper newly moved to London.  They have a relationship and Dan writes a book.  We know this because the characters tell us so, not because we see them.  The movie decides that we don't actually need to see anything about these people interacting beyond the first day they met and instead jumps us a year into the future.  Dan is having his photograph taken for his book jacket by Anna (Julia Roberts), to whom he feels attracted.  Anna, a previously abused weak-willed woman, rebuffs his advances because she knows about his girlfriend.  Dan, upset that he can't have Anna, pretends to be her in a sex chatroom with Larry (Clive Owen), a verbally abusive borderline sadistic dermatologist, arranging for them to meet where he knows Anna will be.  Anna and Larry hit it off and get married but she just can't seem to quit seeing Dan.  There are further jumps about a year apart, as best as I can tell, but honestly, I was so bored by these characters and their inane self-inflicted bullshit that it was hard to pay attention.

These are four caricatures of people.  They have no real depth and the emotional intelligence of box turtles.  The two males are slightly worse off since no effort is made to even make them likable, leaving the audience to wonder how exactly they landed such beautiful but damaged women.  Alice in particular seems just this shy of perfect, but that could also be because she is almost never on screen unless it's to show Dan's callous disregard or Larry's aggressiveness.

Also, for a movie about sex, it shows an astonishing lack of it.  You don't see any of the couples actually in bed together.  They talk about it constantly, sometimes with amazing crudity, but you see nothing.  Now that I think about it, that sums up the movie entirely:  all talk, no action.

Hysteria (2011)

  This frothy little confection is the perfect antidote to a long, stressful week.  It has good performances but never strays too far into dramatic territory.

Dr. Mortimer Granville (Hugh Dancy) has adopted all of the most modern medical theories but finds his compatriots in 1880s London to be woefully behind the times.  He is fired subsequently from every major hospital and eventually apprentices with Dr. Robert Dalrymple (Jonathan Pryce), one of the leading physicians in the field of female hysteria.  This quaint little notion encompasses every possible feeling a woman can have and chalks it up to "not enough orgasms".  Depressed?  Angry?  Sad?  Nothing some dick can't cure.  Being medical professionals, Drs. Dalrymple and Granville use manual stimulation to bring the upper class ladies of London some relief from their mental ills.  After finding himself unable to work through a legendary case of carpal tunnel, Granville turns to his schoolyard friend, Sir Edmund St. John-Smythe (Rupert Everett), for some help.  Edmund is fascinated by electricity in all its many uses and is working on an electric feather duster.  Granville recognizes that this is the answer to his prayers and, lo, the vibrator is born.

Now, ostensibly, that is what this movie is about.  However, it chooses to spend the majority of the time focusing on the "I-hate-you-I-love-you" relationship between Granville and Dalrymple's oldest daughter, Charlotte (Maggie Gyllenhaal), who is portrayed as a wild virago of a woman with a fierce temper who refuses to meekly submit to the staid life set out for her by her father.   Either one of these stories would have made a decent movie, but trying to combine them is like sewing the torso of one doll onto the legs of another.  You lose the sense of cohesion.

Still, it's cute and funny, and sometimes that's all you want.

On an unrelated note, this will be the final use of the Rob tag.  He and I have gone our separate ways and he has taken his server with him.  Eventually, I will have replacements for everything but until then it will just be mine and Christy's movies.

Two Mules for Sister Sara (1970)

    Last one of the Clint Eastwood collection!

Hogan (Clint Eastwood) is a mercenary hired by the Mexicans to take out a French outpost.  Along the way, he rescues a woman from being raped by three men, then learns that the woman is a nun, and that she's part of the Mexican intelligence network.  Sister Sara (Shirley MacLaine) and Hogan come from two different worlds but soon find that their goals are the same, even if their methods are completely at odds.

This is now my second time seeing this film and it is just as adorable as the first.  I can't believe it took me so long to be aware of this movie.  I think I watched it the first time in 2007.  Shirley MacLaine is too cute for words and Eastwood gives another wryly humorous role, even if he does mug a bit much for the cameras.  Of course, him having any expression other than an angry squint is practically overacting.

How to Lose Friends and Alienate People (2008)

    Sidney (Simon Pegg) is a London celebrity journalist desperately trying to get into the In Crowd.  After a disastrous attempt at infiltrating one of the hottest A-list parties, Sidney is contacted by publishing guru Clayton Sharpe (Jeff Bridges), with a job offer.  Sidney moves to New York City but soon finds that, instead of skewering pompous celebrities and their toadies, Sharpe's magazine panders to them, fawning over every self-important hack the PR Queen of New York, Eleanor Johnson (Gillian Anderson), sends their way.  Sidney thinks he is above such nonsense until he meets ingenue Sophie Maes (Megan Fox), and loses her to his slick co-worker Lawrence (Danny Huston).

This is a mostly cute little comedy with an appropriate amount of star power.  Keep an eye peeled for cameos and later-famous people like Chris O'Dowd, Max Minghella, Thandie Newton, and Daniel Craig.

I know I probably should have mentioned Kirsten Dunst in there somewhere, because she's part of the movie, but honestly, I really didn't care for her in this role.  Ever since The Cat's Meow, I've had a really hard time trying to connect with her as an actress.  I don't know what it is about her but it seems like she's just grown more shrill and irritating as she's aged.  I feel like she's actually lost depth, like a puddle drying out in the sun.  I blame Sam Raimi's Spiderman.  I think that was the pivotal point in her career and that's when things started to fall apart for her.

Om Shanti Om (2007)

  This is my second foray into Bollywood and it pretty much mashes together every genre possible.  There's comedy, drama, action, romance, and even horror.  Plus, a music video pretty much every fifteen minutes. 

Om (Shah Rukh Khan) is a junior artiste, basically a paid extra, who dreams of being a superstar.  Then he'd get to date the hottest heroine, Shanti (Deepika Padukone).  One day Om follows her to a new set and discovers that she has been secretly married to her producer, Mukesh (Arjun Rampal), for two years.  She wants to go public with their relationship but Mukesh thinks it'll sink both their careers.  Who wants a married heroine, after all?  Rather than risk Shanti ruining all his hard work, Mukesh traps her in a building and sets it on fire.  Om breaks in to try and rescue her but they both die.

Hang on.  Bollywood, remember?

As Om is dying in the emergency room, famous movie star Rajesh Kapoor's (Javed Sheikh) wife goes into labor.  Om is reincarnated as a prince of the cinema, thanks to his new dad, and remembers nothing of his old life until an accidental trip to the burned out set.  Memories start to come back along with a desire to get justice for Shanti, since Mukesh has spent the last thirty years making millions as a producer in America.  Om decides to restage Mukesh's failed picture in an effort to scare the man into confessing.  But will he find his Shanti in time?

This movie was damn near three hours long, which makes sense because it's essentially one guy living two consecutive lives.  The humor is very accessible and, again, there are at least a dozen musical numbers, with multiple costume changes apiece, so there's really not room to get bored.  I felt like Devdas was extremely melodramatic and I was afraid Om Shanti Om would be similar, since it has at least three of the same main people, but I was really won over by the humor.  You can tell that it really is a love letter to older, I'm guessing classic, Bollywood movies but it's not afraid to poke fun at some of the more ridiculous tropes.

I would actually consider owning this movie.  And not just because dude looks like this in it:
  Although it doesn't hurt.

High Plains Drifter (1973)

  I don't think Clint Eastwood has ever done an overt horror movie but he does like skirting the supernatural.

This and Pale Rider are my two favorite Eastwood westerns.  I'm a big fan of avenging badasses. 

A mysterious stranger (Clint Eastwood) rides into the tiny mining town of Lago, upsetting the locals who don't take kindly to newcomers.  It seems like their collective luck has taken a down turn after a U.S. Marshal was whipped to death one night.  The stranger just wants a bath and a drink, but after he kills three of the town's muscle, the sheriff (Walter Barnes) is sent around to talk to him.  Not to arrest him, but to hire him.  The three men who killed the Marshal are due out of jail in a few days and the whole town is worried.  So they offer the stranger carte blanche if he will train them on how to set up an ambush. 

This is one of those movies that just gets better every time you watch it.  I don't think I ever paid attention to the town's big secret before or maybe I just forgot.  It's kind of a throwaway, really, since all the action surrounds the stranger and the three convicts, but it's an extra layer that I just noticed this last time.

In other news, I watched the first season of How I Met Your Mother.  I know I completely missed the boat on this being culturally relevant since the first season is now almost a decade old, but it's not like TV goes bad.  The show itself is pretty good, but it seems like one of those where you hate the main character for being a whiny bitch and only watch for the supporting cast and guest stars. 

Gia (1998)

  Ah, the young Angelina Jolie days, when she was an up-and-coming starlet who would still take her clothes off for a role.  It's fun to go back and watch earlier movies and see when now-stars valued rent money over dignity.

This is the made-for-HBO film about the life of Gia Carangi, a Philly girl who became a model in the late 70's, shot to international fame for her sultry vitality, picked up a crippling drug addiction along the way, and died at age 26 from AIDS. 

The movie is shot in a pseudo-documentary style, with "interviews" from Gia's (Angelina Jolie) photographers, lovers, and family interspersed with scenes acted in real time.  It focuses most on Gia's pursuit and eventual relationship with makeup artist Linda (Elizabeth Mitchell), her tumultuous relationship with her mother (Mercedes Ruehl) and the mentoring she received from legendary talent manager Wilhelmina Cooper (Faye Dunaway). It also spends a good chunk of time covering the lurid results of Gia's drug addiction, showing her sores and track marks, her stints in rehab, and her decline from AIDS-related pneumonia. 

Angelina Jolie won a Golden Globe and a SAG award for this film, which was only fair.  If this had been released to theaters, she might have won an Oscar for it, instead of Gwyneth Paltrow.  But it's ok, because Angie has gone on to become a producer and director, as well as a Goodwill Ambassador for the UN.  But, if you want to see her naked and making out with Juliet from Lost, pick up a copy of Gia. 

Joe Kidd (1972)

  Did we suddenly skip to J, you're wondering.  No, my friends, I got a Clint Eastwood triple feature set.  It includes Joe Kidd, which I had never seen, High Plains Drifter, which I already owned, and Two Mules for Sister Sara, which I have seen but didn't own.  I figured that was a pretty good deal.

Joe Kidd (Clint Eastwood) is in jail for being a general pain in the ass.  His court hearing is disrupted by armed Mexicans, led by Luis Chama (John Saxon), who want people to stop trespassing on their land.  The local government has conveniently lost all their claims in a fire so Chama is rousing the people to action.  This does not sit well with rancher Frank Harlan (Robert Duvall).  He hires Kidd to track down Chama.  Kidd, believing that Chama's men are responsible for an attack on his ranch, agrees.  However, once out on the trail, Kidd starts to wonder if he has chosen the wrong side to back, especially when Harlan and his goons threaten the safety of an entire town.

This is a fairly mild Western but it does allow Eastwood to show a lot of charm, almost a Cool Hand Luke kind of vibe.  The only thing that was slightly weird to me was casting Roper from Enter the Dragon as a Mexican.  Even though his real name (thanks, IMDb!) is Carmine Orrico, not John Saxon, he still doesn't look Mexican.  Robert Duvall is pretty straitforwardly evil but I haven't seen him in anything in a while so it was still refreshing.

The Hunting Party (2007)

  Did you know that Richard Gere, Terrence Howard, and Jesse Eisenberg made a movie about Bosnian war criminals together?  Me neither!

Duck (Terrence Howard) has seen some shit during his time as cameraman for war correspondent Simon Hunt (Richard Gere).  But after Hunt has a meltdown on live TV in Bosnia, Duck is transferred to a cushy job in Manhattan and thinks those days are behind him.  Ten years later, Duck is back in Bosnia to film a puff piece on the reunification for anchorman Franklin Harris (James Brolin).  Tagging along is Benjamin Strauss (Jesse Eisenberg), a baby journalist whose father happens to be the network Vice President.  Strauss is there to get some much needed field experience, but when Hunt shows up with a story too good to be true, he gets much more than he bargained for.  See, Hunt actually has a lead on the location of war criminal The Fox (Ljubomir Kerekes), something the UN, the CIA, and the Bosnian government have failed to find in a decade. 

If you liked the absurd truth behind The Men Who Stare at Goats, you'll probably enjoy this movie, especially the end credits, since it is also based on a true story.  This has a little more of a serious bent, since these journalists legitimately risked their lives in pursuit of this story and war criminals of any nationality are nothing to fuck with.  I've never found Richard Gere to be all that handsome but he can be incredibly charming, as he is here.  Terrence Howard is very strong and I'm really quite shocked that he doesn't take more roles like this.  Eisenberg is, well, Eisenberg, but if you need a skinny kid to act nervous and be all mouth, he's your guy.  Diane Kruger even has an itty-bitty part. 

I enjoyed the movie, probably because it flew completely under my radar.  I don't remember any publicity about it; I don't even know if it was widely released to theaters.  I'm not going to rush to own it, but it was definitely worth seeing.

Hobo with a Shotgun (2011)

  Of course I was going to see this movie.  Hello, have we met?  I was even hoping this would be secretly awesome.  Sadly, it's not.

Our main character doesn't have a name, he's just one of the many faceless homeless in Hope Town.  We shall call him Hobo (Rutger Hauer).  All he wants is to save up $50 so he can buy a lawn mower and maybe get off the street.  Unfortunately, Hope Town is run by a sleazy gangster named Drake (Brian Downey) and his two psychopath sons.  They have undermined every authority and thrive on murder and mayhem.  When Hobo stops one of the sons from abducting local prostitute Abby (Molly Dunsworth), he earns their enmity but instead of running, he uses his precious $50 to buy a shotgun and starts turning the town around.

Is Nova Scotia the Detroit of Canada?  Because that's kind of how it's portrayed here.  I've never been anywhere in Canada except for Niagara Falls, so someone will have to let me know.  Anyway, this movie was Canada's attempt to get in on the grindhouse fad by being as over-the-top, ludicrously violent as possible.   It doesn't make a whole lot of sense and the dialogue is godawful, but I'm pretty sure that's on purpose.  I don't know how they got Rutger Hauer to be in this, but he's done weird shit before.  This is like his Snakes on a Plane. 

So, we've established that the movie is not great.  As a commentary on crime and the ability of most people to turn a blind eye on those less fortunate, it's extremely obvious and not saying anything new.  However, there is a great scene about halfway through the movie where the smarter of Drake's two sons, Slick (Gregory Smith), calls his dad because he's dying.  It's actually really touching and you get the sense that even though Drake is a mass murdering son-of-a-bitch, he really cares about his boy and wants to do the best he can for him.  It's random and weird but it's the closest this movie comes to genuine pathos.  

Clash of the Titans (1981)

  This is the original, not that shitty 2010 remake. 

Perseus (Harry Hamlin) grows up completely unaware of his parentage, after he and his mother were cast into the sea by his grandfather.  Zeus (Lawrence Olivier) subsequently destroyed his grandfather's city over the insult because, surprise, he's Perseus' father.  He decides to take an active interest in the boy's life and, when he reaches manhood, magically moves him to the city of Joppa so he can get some adventuring done.  Perseus makes friends with an old actor named Ammon (Burgess Meredith, who has never been young) and decides to explore the city.  Joppa is having some hard times, however, as their princess, Andromeda (Judi Bowker), has been cursed by their patron goddess Thetis (Maggie Smith) for not marrying Thetis' son Calibos (Neil McCarthy), even though he's hideously deformed.  Perseus decides to jump in there and see what he can do to win the hand of the princess, setting off a huge chain of events culminating in a battle with the Kraken.

Say what you will about modern special effects but Ray Harryhausen was a man far beyond his time.  His claymation skills, plus some clever editing, bring this story to full glorious Technicolor life.  I love this movie; it never gets old for me no matter how many times I see it.  You can't ask for more than that.

The Hunter (2011)

  This was a damn good movie.  I had heard of it before, because I read a lot of movie blogs where people cover film festivals and things, but I hadn't seen it and it wasn't high on my list to see.  But it was on the server and I thought I would give it a shot.

I love Willem Dafoe.  He is so good at everything he does.  I don't know why, but sometimes I forget that and then I'm surprised all over again.

Martin Davis (Willem Dafoe) is a hunter hired by a corporation called Red Leaf to travel to Tasmania.  Red Leaf believes that there is a living Tasmanian tiger somewhere on the island and they want Davis to find it, kill it, and take samples of it.  He goes to Tasmania posing as a university researcher interested in studying Tasmanian devils in the wild, but soon finds himself caught in a far larger web.  The logging concerns hate the environmentalists for shutting down their work, the greenies are very specific about what they consider proper procedures, and the family that Davis is staying with has their own secrets.  The dad disappeared into the woods searching for the tiger and was never found.  The mom (Frances O'Connor) retreated into a depressive spiral and left the two kids in the care of laconic neighbor, Jack (Sam Neill).

If I had to compare to another film as far as tone and general mood, I would have to go with either The Grey or The Ghost and the Darkness.  Both films capitalize on the savage beauty of nature and the equal savagery of mankind.

Peter Pan (2003)

  People told me this adaptation was awful but I didn't think it was that bad.  Sure, the kid playing Peter Pan annoyed me, but pretty much anyone who's played that character has annoyed me.  I'm not a fan of boys who won't grow up.

Wendy Darling (Rachel Hurd-Wood) is right on the cusp of adulthood but would rather tell stories to her two younger brothers than have to worry about growing up.  One night, a strange boy named Peter Pan (Jeremy Sumpter) appears and asks her if she wants to come live in Never Land with him and his lost boys to tell stories forever and never grow up.  This sounds like a pretty decent deal so Wendy, Michael (Freddie Popplewell), and John (Harry Newell) get a sprinkling of fairy dust from Tinkerbell (Ludivine Sagnier) and off they go.  Never Land lives up to all their expectations, having mermaids, Indians, fairies, and of course, a constant villain in Captain Hook (Jason Isaacs).

Generally, Captain Hook is the more interesting of the main characters, depending on how he's played.  This iteration seems to be trying to bridge the gap between the goofy malice of the 1953 Disney animated classic and the more psychological evil of Dustin Hoffman in Hook.  Jason Isaacs' Captain Hook doesn't just want to kill Peter Pan.  He wants to destroy him.  The fact that Isaacs also plays Wendy's father, Mr. Darling, adds an interesting layer of Freudian symbolism as well.  If they had put Wendy on horseback at any point, I would have said the entire film was about her repressed sexuality.  But they didn't, so I think they were just trying to save money on casting.

The City of Lost Children (1995)

  This is one of my all-time favorite movies, French or otherwise.  It's just so intensely weird.

Children are disappearing all over the city.  Tough street kid Miette (Judith Vittet) is determined not to be one of them, but when she meets strongman One (Ron Perlman), searching for his Little Brother (Joseph Lucien), she finds herself caught up in a strange conspiracy involving a mad scientist who can't dream (Daniel Emilfork), a brain in a box (Jean-Louis Trintignant), and a bunch of clones (Dominique Pinon).

The City of Lost Children is a strange fever dream of a movie.  It is definitely not for everyone.  However, if you can just kind of let go and be swept away by it, I think you'll find it's a movie you'll want to keep revisiting.  I've seen it enough times now that I don't really need the subtitles anymore and I still love it.

Hot Tub Time Machine (2010)

Happy 4th of July, Americans!  Everyone else, enjoy this bonus post courtesy of our Independence Day.   

Childhood friends Adam (John Cusack), Nick (Craig Robinson) and Lou (Rob Corddry) have grown apart as adults, but decide to take a trip to their favorite ski resort, Klondike Valley, for old time's sake.  Adam brings his millenial nephew, Jacob (Clark Duke) along to show him how great the outside world is but the quartet find the resort has practically fallen apart.  The only thing that still works as they remember is the hot tub in their suite.  Unfortunately, Lou spills his illegal Russian energy drink on the controls and accidentally sends them all back in time to 1986.  The three originals find themselves back in their younger bodies, while Jacob remains the same.  Now they must navigate through that fateful weekend without drastically altering their future, while a cryptic repairman (Chevy Chase) works on the hot tub.

This was way better than I thought it was going to be.  I was afraid it was going to try and directly parody every 80's movie ever made but it sticks with allusions instead, showing us characters bringing pop culture to life in a way that feels much more natural while still being a solid trope.  So, of course, there is a small-minded bully named Blaine (Sebastian Stan) who is the leader of the "cool" group, who hates the protagonists on sight.  But instead of making him a direct parody of Roy Stalin from Better Off Dead or that Cobra Kai asshole from Karate Kid, Blaine is just a guy who has seen Karate Kid and Red Dawn a bunch of times.  We all know somebody like that.  Although, I will say it was weird to see the Winter Soldier himself talking about invading Russians.

I am not a physical comedy person but John Cusack and Clark Duke carried this movie for me.  Supporting ladies Lyndsy Fonseca and Lizzy Caplan aren't given a lot to do but I can forgive that.  I don't think this is the be-all-end-all of comedies but it wasn't something I have to drink to forget, so there's that.