Nine (2009)

One of my very first blog posts was about this movie.  I decided to give it another shot instead of just deleting it off-hand from the server.  I was hoping my tolerance had improved now that I had over six years to think about it.

It has not.  I still enjoyed the musical numbers and it still fell flat in every other aspect.  I just couldn't connect with it at all.  Originally posted on 27 Dec 2009.    Yesterday, I bestirred myself from my warm cave to brave the crowds of after-Christmas movie goers and saw Nine. I wanted to love it.

I know the story through its history on the Great White Way. It began as a musical based on Fredrico Fellini's seminal classic of Cinema Italiano 8 1/2. It premiered in 1982 starring Raul Julia as Guido Contini. Antonio Banderas won a Tony for the revival. The soundtrack is amazing, full of rich performances.

Initially, I was super-excited because the rumor mill had cast Javier Bardem as the lead. I approved. Then, I was told No, they're getting Daniel Day-Lewis to play Guido.

...

That's when I became worried. It didn't so much bother me that they cast an Irishman to play an Italian. Hell, Sean Connery has played just about every nationality there is. I'm sure Day-Lewis is a great actor. Everyone's told me so. Just because I've never liked a single movie he's ever been in doesn't mean I won't like something he might do in the future. My question was could he sing? It's a musical, after all.

I didn't worry so much about the various women. Throw enough satin lingerie at the screen and nobody is going to notice that Penelope Cruz sounds like a rusty muffler. (She doesn't, btw. She sounds perfectly fine.) My point is that women are an easy fix. Hell, Britney Spears has sold millions of albums.

So I was apprehensive sitting down in the theater for this film. I wanted to love it, I really did. I wanted it to be the flash of Chicago with the gritty heart of ... something with heart. I'm not really a girly-girl so I kind of blank on anything to do with romance. Oooh! I thought of one! Last of the Mohicans. Yeah. Cause everybody died in that movie.

Anyway, it was much more flash than grit. The story was still there but it lacked all the subtlety of the musical. Take for example: "A Phone Call from the Vatican"

Musical: Guido Contini is shooting a movie while his life is basically falling apart. He takes a sexy phone call from his mistress, Carla, while in the same room with his wife. When the wife, Luisa, asks who's on the phone, he lies and says it's a priest from the Vatican calling about the movie.

Movie: Guido Contini is shooting a movie while his life is basically falling apart. He takes a sexy phone call from his mistress, Carla, while in the same room as a nameless doctor treating him for anxiety. When the doctor asks who's on the phone, he lies and says it's a priest from the Vatican calling about the movie.

See the difference? There is a VAST disparity between lying to a stranger about having phone sex and having phone sex with your spouse sitting ten feet from you. One of these two characters is a man whose life is unraveling, and the other is just an asshole who likes lying.

The musical performances were all beautiful, fantastical showpieces. One stand-out that I'd like to recognize is Kate Hudson. She ended up having a smoky, caramel-like quality to her singing that was just husky enough to be flattering but didn't lose that bright youthful quality that makes her accessible. Day-Lewis didn't sink the ship but he wasn't terribly memorable as a singer.

Overall, I give it a solid "Meh." 3 out of 5 stars.