The Tragedy of Romeo and Juliet (1982)

  I have always hated this play.  Yeah, I said it.  I've actually liked very few of Mr. Shakespeare's oeuvre but this is definitely one of my least favorites.  Did I pick it just so I could talk shit about one of the most highly regarded plays in the history of theater?  Maybe.

Romeo (Alex Hyde-White) is upset over having been rejected by the girl he thought he loved so his cousin (Fredric Lehne) sneaks him into a costume party held by a rival family.  There he meets Juliet (Blanche Baker), the only daughter of the house, attending the party so she could meet her prospective fiancé.  Instead, she meets Romeo, they hit it off, and before you know it, it's white doves and rice and the blessings of both their-- oh, wait, no.  They are emo teens who swear a suicide pact with each other while the city dissolves in chaos as this long-running feud is brought to a head.  Cool.

This isn't actually a terrible adaptation.  It's very straightforward, no ad-libs, no trying to "punch up" the material, acted on a real stage with only minor adjustments to being filmed.  The performers are professionals and every one of them is up for giving the material its due.  I have some complaints, though.  The cinematography is complete garbage.  It looks like the whole thing is out of focus and not even a 4K TV can fix it.  Given that it is clearly a filmed version of a theatrical performance, I suppose I shouldn't be mad that the actors are in no way close to the actual characters' ages.  They are both clearly in their mid- to late-20's playing people a decade younger.  But I am.

Look, these being stupid, spoiled, rich kids is the only thing that makes the story work.  They have to be young enough to think that no one has ever felt like they do, old enough to hate authority and refuse to seek advice, spoiled enough to think that the only option is suicide when they hit any kind of obstacle, and sheltered enough to go through with it.  That is a very narrow range, people, and seeing people with mortgages and heath insurance payments act it out just kind of ruins it.

There is literally a version of Romeo and Juliet being filmed every year.  Go to IMDb.  You will find entries from 1908 to present.  Is this the best version?  No.  Do I want to sift through 111 different adaptations to find a version I like?  Also no.  This one is from the year I was born.  Maybe pick a version from the year you were born.  Make a game out of it.  God knows there's plenty of them out there.