Top Ten of 2022

 This was not my best year for posting movies but I did get more than in 2020, 2018, and 2010.  Out of 165 total, I saw 11 from 2022, which is convenient because that's one more than you need for a top ten list!  So let's review my picks.

10.  Top Gun: Maverick - Did we strictly need a sequel?  No.  (I snuck this in literally on the 30th so the full review is forthcoming.)  It is definitely a Top Gun movie, though, and worth a watch, just for the nostalgia factor.

9.  Bullet Train - This was fun but Brad Pitt needs to let go of being an action hero.  Man is 60 years old.

8.  Uncharted - A surprise, but a welcome one.  I liked the buddy aspect between Holland and Wahlberg.

7.  Black Adam - Oh, DC.  You keep trying!

6.  Black Panther: Wakanda Forever - This ended up being lower than I thought it was going to be because it made me sad every time I thought of it.

5.  Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness - Zombies!  Bruce Campbell!  Sam Raimi sneaking in horror!

4.  Glass Onion: A Knives Out Mystery - This is kind of a cheat, but I did see it over Christmas.  Full review is coming (probably on Monday) but here's a teaser:  it's excellent and you should definitely watch it.  

3.  Weird:  The Al Yankovic Story - I love Al Yankovic and this was a hysterical "true" story that perfectly encapsulated why I love Weird Al.

2.  Prey - Just a great Predator movie.  Solid in every sense.  

1.  The Gray Man - This is particular to me because I am a sucker for assassin movies and I loved the interplay between Chris Evans and Ryan Gosling.  I would watch this a billion times.  

As always, this is completely subjective.  These are just the movies I loved (or at least, saw) this year.  Next year has some gems coming up as well.

M3GAN - killer dolls are always a good time

Shotgun Wedding - This is probably going to be stupid but it may be fun stupid.  Like a cross between the first half hour of The Punisher and Monster-in-Law.

Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey - Let's get real, this is going to be horrible.  It's a horror take on Winnie the Pooh because the character went into the public domain.  Like next year is going to be wall-to-wall Sherlock Holmes stories because it is also going to go into public domain.

Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania - I'm going to watch it.  Marvel has been very low-key in Phase 4 and I can't tell yet if it's just diminishing returns or if they're respecting the ebb and flow of story hype.

Cocaine Bear - Again, probably going to be stupid but high chance of it being funny stupid.

Creed 3 - Michael B. Jordan is going to direct and star.  Could be good, could be mid-tier.

Shazam!: Fury of the Gods - I am definitely going to have to watch Shazam again to remember what the hell happened but I'll probably watch the sequel.

John Wick: Chapter 4 - yeah.  Already has my money.

Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves - Chris Pine singing?  Dungeons & Dragons?  Yes.

Renfield - I haven't heard a lot about this but it's Nicholas Hoult and Nicolas Cage so I'm down.

Evil Dead Rise - Even if this is just a blasphemous reimagining, that's still pretty on brand.

Guardians of the Galaxy vol. 3 - Again, I am on the Marvel ship until the inevitable iceberg.

The Little Mermaid - On the fence.  On the one hand, I am anti-Disney making ham-handed live-action remakes to retain copyright, but on the other, I love racist tears, so bring it on.

Spider-Man Across the Spider-Verse - YES.

Elemental  - Eh.  It's the new Pixar but the concept just isn't wowing me.

Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny - Maybe this will be good.  I do not have high hopes.

Mission: Impossible - Dead Reckoning Part One - Tom Cruise (also 60) is just going to keep making these until a stunt kills him.  

Oppenheimer - the next Christopher Nolan.  

Barbie - I wasn't going to see it, but the 2001 parody trailer kind of sold me on it.

The Marvels - More Kamala Khan!

The Last Voyage of the Demeter - Holy shit, this has been in development almost as long as I have been blogging.

Blue Beetle - new superheroes!

The Equalizer 3 - It's hypocritical but I don't mind Denzel Washington as aging action hero.  

The Nun 2 - The Nun was not great but neither was Annabelle and its sequel was amazing.  Maybe the same magic here.

The Expendables 4 -  Geriatric action heroes strike again!

Kraven the Hunter - Aaron Taylor-Johnson is going to re-invent himself in the Marvel universe from Quicksilver to Kraven.

Dune Part 2 - Space drugs!  Imperialism!  Worms!

The Hunger Games: Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes -  Nobody asked for a Hunger Games prequel and yet here we are.

Trolls 3 - I fucking love the Trolls movie.  I still haven't seen the sequel but I am already committed.

The Color Purple -  This is a movie version of the musical of the original stage play, which was already a movie.

Aquaman: The Lost Kingdom - this was supposed to come out this year but got pushed.  Maybe they'll fix some of the CGI issues.

So that's next year's upcoming slate.  There will probably be new additions as things get titles and release dates so it's by no means exhaustive.  Happy 2023.

The Spectacular Now (2013)

Happy Boxing Day!  Here's an unrelated movie!  This is in no way perfect, I don't care what that blurb says.  Content warning: alcoholism, drunk driving

Sutter (Miles Teller) is a high school alcoholic.  His girlfriend, Cassidy (Brie Larson), dumps him so while he's waiting for her to come back, he takes up with Aimee (Shailene Woodley), a shy, bookish girl who just needs to live a little.  

This felt like a story I had heard 1000 times before.  Sutter isn't particularly unique, or likable, or sympathetic.  Aimee is a cardboard cutout of a character, with no sense of independent existence outside of Sutter's influence.  Teller and Woodley are fine performers, they're just not given any material to really work with in this instance.  It's a dime-a-dozen melodrama, saved only from being a Hallmark Channel original by centering on Sutter.  That, and the incredible supporting cast of Kyle Chandler, Jennifer Jason Lee, Bob Odenkirk, and Mary Elizabeth Winstead.

We all know that character dramas are not my favorite.  Maybe they're yours.  Maybe you enjoy the tragedy of wasted potential.  If so, The Spectacular Now is streaming on HBO Max.  Go for it.

Next weekend is my end of year list (along with everyone else's) where we look forward to watching new stuff!  Let's see what fresh horrors 2023 holds!

The Disaster Artist (2017)

 Merry Christmas to one and all (except James Franco.  And probably Tommy Wiseau.  But definitely Franco.)    It took me three years to watch this movie.  I should have just given up after I quit the second time, but I remembered that the fast forward button existed.

Greg (Dave Franco) is trying to break into acting.  He's going to all the classes, reading all the materials, but it's just not clicking.  He wants to be a free-spirit like Tommy (James Franco).  Tommy is seemingly independently wealthy, intentionally ambiguous about his past, and whole-heartedly believes that he will be the next James Dean.  Tommy needs Greg, as a foil, as a confidant, as a toady.  Greg needs Tommy, as a breadwinner, as a cheerleader, as a mentor.  So when Tommy just up and moves to LA and offers Greg a place to live while they both reach for their dreams, why not?  And when LA doesn't immediately offer them fame and fortune, why not write their own movie?  And star in it.  And produce it.

By now, everyone who is the least interested in movies has heard of The Room.  It is a legendarily bad movie that crossed the Rubicon to become a cult classic.  No, I haven't seen it.  Such things must be done with friends in the right mood and the stars have never aligned in its favor for me.  Similarly, I've never seen Plan 9 from Outer Space or any Roger Corman that wasn't through the lens of Mystery Science Theater 3000.  I have limits to what I will endure for the sake of art.

The Disaster Artist tests those limits to the breaking point.  Even though it is merely a reflection of the behind-the-scenes and not the thing itself, it is excruciating in its cruelty.  

This is not a portrait of a tortured-in-his-own-mind, hilariously-inept filmmaker.  But it is also not a lampoon of a raging egomaniac getting his just desserts.  Tommy isn't the villain, even though he does come off as a misogynistic, racist tool.  He's just pathetic.  But not pathetic enough to garner sympathy.  The movie saves all that for Greg, as Tommy ruins both their careers.  I think it's going for a warts-and-all approach but the guy is all wart, no frog.  And yet it still feels like punching down whenever they make fun of him because he genuinely doesn't get it.  This movie is a mean-spirited tragedy with a laugh track.

It's currently streaming on Kanopy (with a library card) and Paramount+ (with a subscription).  Avoid.

Bullet Train (2022)

  Merry Christmas Eve!  Here's a completely unrelated movie!

Ladybug (Brad Pitt) is filling in on a snatch-and-grab in Tokyo.  His instructions were simple:  get on a bullet train, retrieve a briefcase with a train sticker on the handle, and get off at the next stop.  Easy peasy lemon squeezy.  But the train is filled with assassins, kidnappers, the vengeance-obsesessed, and an extremely venomous snake.  Now Ladybug is stressed depressed lemon zest.  And just when his therapy was going so well.

This is another John Wick/Gunpowder Milkshake clone from director David Leitch.  It's fine.  The action sequences are good.  The trailer made it seem like it was going to be funnier, but it's funny enough.  The psychotherapy-New Age-babble gets a little old but just press mute and all will be better.  Brian Tyree Henry is fantastic, the stand-out performance for me, and Joey King has a very bright future ahead.  The final reveal of the Big Bad was a little anticlimactic and took me right out of my suspension of disbelief, but I don't regret the watch.  It's a decent enough action comedy.  

Bullet Train is currently streaming on Netflix.

Micki and Maude (1984)

  This movie is gross.  It should absolutely be consigned to the trash heap of history.

Reporter Rob Salinger (Dudley Moore) wants a baby in the worst way but his high-powered wife, Micki (Ann Reinking), just got an appointment to the state Superior Court as a judge and doesn't want to put her career on hold.  So Rob begins an affair with a cellist, Maude (Amy Irving), who becomes pregnant.  Rob tells her he'll leave his wife, but then finds out Micki is also pregnant.  So he lies to both women, marries Maude in a bigamist union, and attempts to be husband to both.  

This is the kind of lazy, reductionist crap that was probably supposed to appear progressive.  Like, "look, this man wants to be a caregiver!  Wacky!"  It does not hold up to modern scrutiny, obviously, but it doesn't really even hold up by the standards of its time.  This was not a new or original concept in 1984.  Hell, it wasn't even new in the 1940s.  Look at His Girl Friday.  Almost anything with Cary Grant, really.

The only way you could remake this as a comedy today is if you made it clear that Rob was the villain, a bumblefuck of a man trying to scam two women.  But this movie doesn't deserve a redemption arc. It does feature the American film debut of André the Giant (he was Dagoth the fish god in Conan the Destroyer but was not credited as such) but that's not enough of a reason to watch it.  Just watch The Princess Bride for the 1000th time instead.  Micki and Maude is streaming on Tubi.

Chungking Express (1994)

  This was tied for 88th place with The Shining on Sight and Sound's Best Movie poll, released a couple of weeks ago.  Not sure how that sort of thing gets tabulated as those are two wildly different animals, but that's film nerds for you.

Chunking Express links two separate vignettes of lonely, heart-broken cops (and the deeply problematic women they're in love with) by vibes only.  He (Takeshi Kaneshiro), was dumped by a woman just before his birthday, so he drowns his sorrows in 30 cans of pineapple chunks, and then with alcohol, promising himself that he will fall in love with the next woman to walk through the door.  A blonde-wigged criminal (Brigitte Lin) walks in and He attaches himself to her, desperate for any connection.  Meanwhile, Cop 663 (Tony Leung) is slowly moving on after being dumped by a stewardess, but not fast enough for Faye (Faye Wong), who works at the sandwich shop 663 stops by every night of his shift.  She reads his Dear John letter, pockets the key, and begins letting herself into his apartment when he is out.

Like I said, Deeply Problematic.  Kaneshiro and Leung are incredibly charismatic actors, and probably the only reasons this film works at all.  They both manage a deep vulnerability without seeming weak.  Lin is enigmatic, world-weary, femme fatale all the way, but Wong is a prize away from full Cracker Jacks no matter how Manic Pixie she is.  I kept yelling "RUN, MAN, SAVE YOURSELF" at my TV.

No, I don't think this is equal to or better than The Shining.  And I don't even like The Shining; I think it's overrated as hell.  Wong Kar-Wai is a master auteur but this film used an extremely annoying camera motion where everything looked like it had been dragged through an oil slick.  If you're prone to seasickness, maybe give this a pass.  Otherwise, it's currently streaming on the Criterion Channel.

Flight of the Phoenix (2004)

  Another from the Christy files.  It's a remake of the 1965 film of the same name, which I have not seen, and it is a quintessential 90s movie... made about a decade too late.

Captain Frank Townes (Dennis Quaid) was hired to pick up an oil crew from a site that was shutting down in the Gobi Desert.  The disgruntled engineers, led by Kelly (Miranda Otto), their corporate shill (Hugh Laurie), and a random hitchhiker (Giovanni Ribisi) load up, but the plane is over its weight and Frank unwisely attempts to fly through a sandstorm.  Stranded miles off course with very little food or water, the survivors must decide whether to sit in place and hope to be rescued or follow the random hitchhiker, who claims to be an aeronautical engineer, and cobble together a smaller plane out of their wrecked big one.

You know how I know Mad Max: Fury Road is a phenomenal movie?  It was so iconic that I recognized the desert in Flight of the Phoenix as Namibia.  Probably because the actual Gobi has a lot of scrubland and vegetation which doesn't film so well when you're going for an "abandoned" aesthetic, or maybe for budget reasons.  Doesn't matter.  They didn't shoot on location and that's one of the very few times I've been extremely aware of that.

This isn't a terrible movie.  It's not great, but not terrible.  There's a lot of yelling, a lot of fake philosophizing, some truly random deaths, and a lot of shirtless dudes.  I will give this bonus points for having a woman in a speaking role, not sexually objectifying her, and having people of color, none of the which the original can boast.  I think they leaned too hard on making Ribisi's character "weird" so you would question his motives, instead of allowing the story beats to happen organically.  Like they really wanted a human villain instead of Nature as villain.  It just felt overplayed to me.

The 2004 version is currently streaming through Starz and the 1965 original is playing on Paramount+ so there's multiple chances for you to see sweaty men yelling in a desert.

Tootsie (1982)

  The international poster is much classier than the American versions, which are variants on Man in Dress!  But Still Straight so OK!

After being blackballed for his shitty pretentious attitude, theater actor Michael Dorsey (Dustin Hoffman) throws on a sensible skirt and auditions for the role of Emily Kimberly, no-nonsense hospital administrator on a long-running soap opera.  Wacky Hi-jinks Ensue as he struggles to deal with rampant sexism, incompetent male leads, his burgeoning crush on a co-worker (Jessica Lange), and the sudden fame of "Dorothy Michaels" far eclipsing that of "Michael Dorsey".  

It is shocking how poorly this holds up.  I was expecting a comedy classic, not this wet fart of an essentialism argument.  Setting aside the stench of homophobia permeating every frame, it is insulting that the audience is meant to believe Dorsey can slap on a wig and some eye shadow and instantly pass as femme in public spaces, much less around other actors.  That's all it takes, gents!  Then you too can easily and instantly command respect in your workplace by behaving exactly the way you used to, but this time in heels!

This is not a knock on the makeup and costuming team, which did a phenomenal job.  Hoffman is a great actor and probably spent a large amount of time studying and prepping before taking this role.  There are still some jokes that land, enough for me to see why this would have been a hit 40 years ago, but not enough to make it bearable in this cursed year of 2022.

Actually, this would make a fascinating double feature with The Danish Girl.  Both are flawed but you can see the progression of ideals as they blunder along.

I will say this was a showcase for George Gaynes, an underrated character actor.  His delivery of the line "Does Jeff know?" was perfect comedic timing and inflection.  Tootsie is currently streaming on the Criterion Channel and Hulu, if you must.

The Hundred-Foot Journey (2014)

  My mom recommended this one ages ago and I tried to watch it last year but I got to the part where Madame Mallory incites a hate crime and had to turn it off.  I finally went back to it yesterday and finished.

The Kadam family move to a quiet village in France as political refugees and potential restauranteurs.  They set up their traditional Indian cuisine across from the other restaurant in town, a Michelin-starred establishment run under the gimlet eye of Madame Mallory (Helen Mirren).  Hassan (Manish Dayal) tries to win over their prickly neighbor (and her pretty sous-chef (Charlotte Le Bon)) by mastering French cooking while his father (Om Puri) is happy to fight fire with fire.  Can food build a bridge after it's been burned?

Despite the fact that it took me a year to finish, this is a very sweet movie about overcoming bias and prejudice, sure to be a hit with older relatives in case you're looking for something non-threatening and safe to watch over the holidays.  

It's currently streaming on Amazon Prime and Hulu.

Ant-Man (2015)

I think I've seen this now at least four times.  It remains one of the most fun entries in the MCU.  Quantumania is coming out in a couple of months and re-watching the original has renewed my interest in this series.  

The de-aging still blows me away,  but what really stood out to me this time was Cory Stoll as Yellowjacket.  He took a very formulaic villain and made him stand out.  Darren Cross was written as a soulless corporate megalomaniac and it would have been easy to just let the character be flat, but Stoll really added a layer of twisted joy and I think it made all the difference.

10/29/17  This is the first time I've rewatched this film and I still think it works well as a standalone.  I didn't really like Evangeline Lilly's character the first time I watched it but she has grown on me.  Especially since I've seen some of the behind-the-scenes shots of her getting ready for Ant-Man and the Wasp, which should be coming out next year, I believe.  I'm really excited about that one.  Best of all, it should be coming out after I graduate, so I might actually have the time and strength to go see it.  Originally posted 25 Jul 2015.    I actually saw this the Friday it was released.  Christy and her mom came up for her commencement ceremony and we went out the night before.  I had really mixed feelings going in.  This was a difficult production to get off the ground and the internet buzz surrounding the months leading up to its premiere was worrisome.  But initial reviews were glowing with praise so I decided to give it a chance.  It's not the best film Marvel has produced but it stands on its own.

Scott Lang (Paul Rudd) is a convicted thief.  Recently released, he struggles to find a stable enough job that will allow him to get back on his feet and convince his ex (Judy Greer) to give him visitation rights to his daughter (Abby Ryder Fortson).  His former cell mate, Luis (Michael Pena), has a line on a safe just begging to be cracked and Scott reluctantly agrees, only to find a weird suit inside.  This introduces him to the suit's creator, Dr. Henry Pym (Michael Douglas), who wants Scott to help him keep the technology out of the hands of his dangerously unstable protegee, Darren Cross (Cory Stoll).  Scott must learn to master the suit's powers in time to stop Cross selling the Pym particles to HYDRA.

As a heist movie, it's only okay.  As a comedy, it's hilarious.  Michael Pena steals every scene he is in and rapper T.I. is surprisingly charismatic.  Paul Rudd has the same sense of humor he has had since Clueless, which is not a bad thing.  It is a known quantity.

The movie weaves into the Marvel universe but feels a little forced, especially since they telegraph Ant-Man's involvement in the upcoming Captain America sequel with all the subtlety of a neon sign. On a completely unrelated note, the digital mapping they did to make Michael Douglas look younger for a flashback to the 80's was un-fucking-believably good.  The man is 71-years-old and he looked on the young side of 40.  That's amazing.

The Danish Girl (2015)

  This is technically the book cover, but it functions just as well as a movie poster if you just ignore the bits at the bottom.  Content warning:  dysphoria, transphobia

Gerda Wegener (Alicia Vikander) is a portraitist in Copenhagen.  As a lark, she helps her husband (Eddie Redmayne) transform into an alter ego named Lili for a party.  Lili seizes the chance for freedom and begins pursuing surgical options to have her physical body changed to match her conception of herself.  Gerda is supportive but struggles to hold on as Lili distances herself from all aspects of her deadname.

I get that this was attempting to be sympathetic and sensitive.  But it ultimately relegates Lili into being a side character in her own story.  **SPOILER**  I don't know if it technically falls under the Kill Your Gays trope because Lili does get a version of happiness, but she does die in the film, so I can see how it would be triggering for people.  **END SPOILER**  The best parts of this movie are the costumes.  They are incredibly sumptuous.  The rest is gloomy and glacially paced.

This is based on a real person, Lili Elbe, whose journals were turned into a book in 1933.  Elbe was one of the very first people to receive gender confirming surgery, an extremely dangerous and experimental procedure at the time.  Her medical records were destroyed in the Allied bombing of Dresden, which is an unfortunate loss to history.  Other historical records of her contemporaries were destroyed by the Nazis.  

Trans men are men.  Trans women are women.  Full stop.  Let people be who they want to be.  There is a current rise in transphobia and stochastic terror directed at the LGBT+ community and a concurrent rise in fascism.  Don't be on the wrong side.  

Annie (1982)

  This is the version of Annie that I grew up with.  It's been remade several times since then but this is adaptation that sticks with me.

Annie (Aileen Quinn) is an orphan chosen at random to go live for a week with war profiteer and billionaire, Oliver Warbucks (Albert Finney).  Warbucks comes to care for the plucky youngster, but an unscrupulous con man (Tim Curry) hatches a plot with the orphanage owner, Miss Hannigan (Carol Burnett) to pose as Annie's parents and claim her for the reward money.

Ah, my favorite sub-genre of fiction:  billionaire suddenly stops viewing relationships as transactional, puts others above himself.  Always a classic.

More than other adaptations, this one feels like a cartoon from the 1920s, complete with ridiculous racist caricatures.  The music is the best part of it, with performances from Burnett, Curry, Ann Reinking, and Bernadette Peters.  It's campy, syrupy, and shallow in its declarations of hope but sometimes that's all you want.

The Mexican (2001)

  It's been a minute since we've had a Christy movie but this is definitely one.

Jerry (Brad Pitt) is a perennial fuckup and his girlfriend, Sam (Julia Roberts) has had it.  A chance accident led Jerry to be indebted to a mobster and as a final repayment, Jerry is told to go to Mexico to retrieve an antique pistol rumored to be cursed.  Every single thing that could go wrong, does and Jerry fumbles his way back and forth across the countryside.  Meanwhile, Sam is taken hostage by Leroy (James Gandolfini) as an incentive for Jerry to get his shit together.  

Gandolfini is the best part of this movie and he's not in it nearly enough.  Pitt and Roberts have zero chemistry together so the romance aspect falls a little flat for me.  Mr. and Mrs. Smith this ain't.  It's fine as a comedy of errors.  It kind of reminded me of Pure Luck with Martin Short and Daniel Glover in that respect.  It didn't blow me away and I felt like the first half dragged along interminably, but once it got going I was content enough.  It is streaming on Paramount+ if you're interested in a time capsule from the turn of the century.