Batman Begins (2005)

It's been quite some time since I've seen this one.  Tyler (that's New Boyfriend, if you're not keeping track) had never seen it at all.  You know I had to fix that.  We're eventually going to watch the whole Nolan trilogy, and I'm debating whether or not to subject him to Bats vs Supes.  I know it's cruel, but I think it might be the only way to really underscore just how good Nolan is.  Originally posted 16 Jul 2012.    I can't believe I haven't done a post for Batman Begins.  The Dark Knight Rises is opening this weekend and Rob, Christy, and I will be seeing it, even though it will probably be sold out everywhere.  On a side note, posts for next weekend might be a little light because Rob and I are driving down to Alabama to visit my parents.  I will try to get some stuff up here for you guys but bear with me.

Bruce Wayne (Christian Bale) is orphaned at a tender age and grows up filled with misplaced anger at the jittery addict who killed his parents.  Home from college, he attends the parole hearing for the jittery addict with the express intent of murdering him.  But, an enforcer for mob boss Carmine Falcone (Tom Wilkinson) beats Bruce to the punch.  So he does the only logical thing and confronts the mob boss who basically tells him to get bent because he's a spoiled rich kid who'd have to go a thousand miles to find someone who didn't know his name.  Which isn't true, because he really could have just gone to a different state.  Outside of Gotham City, nobody would know who the hell he was.  But, because he's the literal type, he spends the next decade or so wandering through the Asian underworld until he gets thrown in a Tibetan prison.  Ducard (Liam Neeson) offers Bruce a chance to make a real difference by joining the League of Shadows and trains him on how to be a ninja.  Bruce balks at the idea of becoming an executioner, however, and burns the hideout to the ground, narrowly rescuing Ducard in the process.  Then he calls Alfred (Michael Caine), his loyal butler, to come pick him up and that he's reinventing himself as Batman.  Alfred tells him he's been legally declared dead so the Board of Directors could take his company public.  Bruce noses around a bit and comes across the Applied Research department run by Lucius Fox (Morgan Freeman).  This is where he gets all of his nifty toys.  And he's going to need them because Falcone is working with Arkham Asylum psychiatrist Dr. Crane (Cillian Murphy) to ship in concentrated fear toxin and put it in the water mains.  Batman picks the one honest cop left, Jim Gordon (Gary Oldman), and gets him behind the idea of bringing down all the bad guys.

I hadn't seen this one in a while and I had forgotten just how good it really is.  It totally makes me excited about the third one and I desperately hope the three of us can get in since there's only one theater in my hometown and I have no idea if they even sell advanced tickets.

Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets (2017)

  I was really hoping this movie would be good.  New Boyfriend and I took our friend Hollie and her husband out to see it for her birthday.  It was a trash fire and I felt so bad, but she got a nap during it so I guess it worked out.

Intergalactic agents Valerian (Dane Dehaaan) and Lauraline (Cara Delevigne) are called to Alpha, the city of a thousand planets in order to investigate a mysterious, growing dead spot in the center of the floating conglomerate.  Meanwhile, Valerian has visions of a mysterious alien race that is supposed to have never existed.

If it weren't for the visuals, this movie wouldn't even be worth typing about.

The leads are terrible together.  When they are on screen separately, they're merely bad but every time they spoke to each other I wanted to take a cheese grater to my ears.  We're supposed to believe that a) these two have worked together for some time, b) that Valerian is some kind of womanizing playboy, and c) that their romance is somehow desirable and/or inevitable.  None of those things comes across.  Dehaan is not in the least suave or good-looking enough to pull off the reformed-rake archetype and neither lead seems like they have ever met before stepping on set together.

The plot is tissue-paper thin.  Sometimes that can be fun (see my upcoming review of Atomic Blonde) but in this case it's just boring.

And the side characters!  What the fuck is Clive Owen doing at this stage of his career?!  Ethan Hawke can be forgiven; he's obviously just there to have a good time, but goddammit, Clive.  You were an Oscar nominee!  Rihanna was the best part of the film and that alone should tell you something.

Honestly, this is a really pretty film but don't waste your money.  If you must see it, give it a couple of months and it'll be available for free on some movie channel or in that $5 bin at Wal-Mart.

Elle (2016)

  I can't believe this got nominated for a fucking Oscar.  It's a horrible movie.

Michele (Isabelle Huppert) is attacked in her home and raped.  Instead of calling the cops, she calmly removes all evidence and starts looking for her attacker on her own.  At first she thinks it could be a disgruntled co-worker at her video game development studio, angry at her for being such a hard-nosed bitch in the office, or a random stranger, angry at her for being the daughter of a famous spree killer.  When the assailant starts sending her messages, breaking into her house, and generally terrorizing her, Michele still refuses to go to the police, preferring instead to lure him out so she can confront him herself.

Okay, I can't even begin to discuss the ways in which that is a bad idea.  They are legion.  Also, so much of this movie is about Michele's various work, family, and friend relationships and they're all uniformly awful.  I mean, this woman is a total bitch.  And then, to top it all off, this movie tries to turn an actual sexual assault into some sort of fucked up romance.  That is beyond bad.  It is insulting and downright dangerous.

Avoid this at all costs.

Ghostbusters: Answer the Call (2016)

  It's been a pretty shitty week for me.  I know you guys are probably tired of hearing me say that I am totally swamped with school but I am.  I also had to put my dog to sleep on Thursday, so as you can imagine, I haven't been able to watch anything.  Christy (of the Experiment) came into town today, however, so I managed to make the time to sit down and hang out with her and watch a movie neither of us had seen before.

Dr. Erin Gilbert (Kristen Wiig) is on track for tenure at Columbia University when a book on the paranormal she had co-authored years ago resurfaces.  In an effort to get Dr. Abby Yates (Melissa McCarthy) to take the book down from Amazon, she agrees to introduce Abby and her assistant, Jillian Holtzmann (Kate McKinnon), to a man who claims a historic New York City house is haunted.  This leads to an actual ghost sighting and the realization that all the paranormal crap Erin had dismissed was real.  She, Abby, and Holtzmann band together to investigate other instances, meeting Patty (Leslie Jones), a subway worker who had seen a ghost in the tunnels, and more importantly, a man (Neil Casey) leaving a device nearby shortly before the sighting.  Erin and Abby realize that the device is intended to supercharge the ghosts and draw more of them out, leading to an apocalyptic event in the middle of New York City.

I have a lot of love for the original and I did my fair share of eye rolling when this remake/homage was announced.  Honestly, I don't approve of this new trend of remaking movies with an all female cast and pretending that it's anything other than pandering.  It's not equality.  Equality would be making a movie and casting whoever (male or female) was best suited for the character.  Also paying them equally, but that's a separate issue.

All that aside, this was pretty cute.  I don't particularly care for Wiig, but McCarthy has grown on me and McKinnon and Jones made this movie.  There are a number of cute cameos from the original stars (except Rick Moranis) and Chris Hemsworth is really adorable as the himbo receptionist.  It's nice to see him do something that's totally comedic and not attached to his Thor characterization.  If you're dead set against this film because you just can't stand that people made another Ghostbusters, fine.  I can respect that.  If you're just mad that it's all women, go fuck yourself.  This movie had a fair share of problems (weak plot, painfully unfunny recurring jokes, Kristen Wiig) but that was not one of them.

Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)

  Last night I introduced my work wife and my house husband to each other.  I think it went well.  We're all pretty nerdy so we get the same kind of references and the same kind of humor.  So of course we had to see the new Spider-Man.  I did not have high hopes, considering that I have never been a huge fan of the character and it seems like there have been 800 movies about him recently, but this was totally worthy of being part of the MCU.

Peter Parker (Tom Holland) is trying desperately to live up to Tony Stark's (Robert Downey, Jr.) expectation of him as an Avenger while also trying to balance being in high school and keeping his Aunt May (Marisa Tomei) from worrying.  It grows increasingly difficult when he runs afoul of Adrian Toomes (Micheal Keaton), who sells weapons powered by illegal salvaged Chitauri materials left over from the Battle of New York.  Toomes is just trying to provide a life for his family and has no time for a pipsqueak in red tights but when Spider-Man starts cutting into his business, all bets are off.

I laughed so hard through almost this entire movie.  It was freakin' hilarious.  Most of that comes from being exceptionally well-cast.  I was really unsure about Tom Holland living up to expectations but he was excellent.  Keaton is always amazing and he seemed really relaxed in this role.  It just fit him so well.  The supporting cast of Jacob Batalan as Peter's best friend, Ned, and Tony Revelori as his high school nemesis, Flash, were fantastic.  People made a big deal out of Zendaya appearing in the film but her role is really just to foreshadow future films so I wasn't blown away by her.  There is, however, a phenomenal cameo by Chris Evans as Captain America doing PSAs for the Presidential Physical Fitness Test that makes me laugh every time I think about it.

There are two post-credit sequences, one of which is interesting and the other hilarious.  You should go check it out.

The Babadook (2014)

This was the second part of my Australian double feature.  Hollie opted out since she's not much for horror in general and things to do with children in danger in particular.  To each their own.  Tyler, the new boyfriend, was gratifyingly creeped out and I really couldn't have asked for more.  Originally posted 20 Jun 15.    I think Christy feels bad about leaving because she actually volunteered to watch this with me.  She even broke one of her cardinal rules and watched it after dark.  She did play on her phone the entire time, however, but baby steps.

Amelia (Essie Davis) is a single mother of imaginative six-year-old, Samuel (Noah Wiseman).  His seventh birthday is fast approaching but Amelia finds it hard to cope because that was also the day her husband died.  To compound matters, Samuel has begun harboring a fear of monsters and fashioning various homemade weapons to defend himself and his mother.  This leads to several incidents resulting in a lot of embarrassment for Amelia.  When a creepy children's book shows up at their house, it sends Samuel into paranoia overdrive.  Amelia tries to reason with him until weird things start to happen around her as well.

As a movie, it is not terribly frightening.  You merely get a suggestion of the monster here and there and some sound effects.  As a metaphor for a parent's fear of deliberately hurting their child, you can't do much better.  So much of the terror is conveyed through Amelia's desperation, the same desperation felt by anyone who's ever tried to reason with an unreasonable child, where you love them more than anything but you still want to choke the life out of them.  I don't know a single parent who hasn't admitted feeling homicidal towards their kids at least once and to feeling incredibly guilty afterwards.

Calling this a simple horror movie is insulting.  It treats grief and anger and fear as musical instruments, weaving them together to make an effective chamber piece of feeling.  Pretty to the ear of the untrained, yet holding so much depth to a connoisseur.  I highly recommend it.

Mad Max: Fury Road (2015)

I took this over to my friend Hollie's last night because neither she nor the new boyfriend had ever seen it.  We watched it as part of an Australian double feature, but Hollie skipped the second film, which I will be posting about shortly.  Both are ones I had previously see so I'm sorry they're all reposts but hey, at least I'm watching stuff, right?

It's still one of the most gorgeous movies I've ever seen but what struck me the most this viewing was how logical the progression of events was.  Nothing seemed out of place in the choreography or plot.  It seems like such a "duh" thing but how many times have you been sitting in a big action-heavy movie and thought "wait, what?" at something on screen?  I didn't have that even once.

Originally posted 07 Jun 15.  
Nominated for Best Picture, Best Director, Best Cinematography, Best Film Editing, Best Production Design, Best Costume Design, Best Hair and Makeup, Best Sound Mixing, Best Sound Editing and Best Visual Effects

This movie was completely, totally, absolutely bugnuts insane.  I have to own it.  That's just all there is.  When it was first announced, I was on the fence.  I didn't know if it could hold a candle to the previous films, yes, even Beyond Thunderdome, and a paltry effort would have diminished the series in entirety.  Happily, I can say that this is very much a Mad Max film and easily stands toe-to-toe with the Mel Gibson ones.

Max (Tom Hardy) is an aimless drifter, haunted by the memories of those he could not save, when he is captured by the creepy pale minions of Immortan Joe (Hugh Keays-Byrne).  He is designated a universal blood donor and would have probably spent the majority of the movie slowly being drained dry if Joe's most celebrated driver, Imperator Furiosa (Charlize Theron), hadn't chosen that time to make a break for freedom with Joe's carefully selected harem of wives.  Max's blood is fueling a sick minion named Nux (Nicholas Hoult) when the word goes out.  Not wanting to be left behind, Nux takes his blood bag with him, which eventually affords Max the opportunity to escape.  He teams up with Furiosa out of necessity when Immortan Joe calls out all his reinforcements to capture and return the wives.

This isn't necessarily a criticism, but an observation based on my experience and what I overheard from other theater patrons.  The movie uses its own brand of slang, which is not the most accessible.  It didn't matter so much to me, because I plan to buy it anyway so I can just turn on the captions, but it might be off-putting to you.

Honestly, it wouldn't have mattered to me if no one spoke at all.  This movie was so gorgeously shot that I didn't need anything else.  If John Seale doesn't get a nomination for cinematography at the Oscars next year, I will be seriously pissed.  Every frame was breathtaking.  Apparently, George Miller, the director, has already said that the blu-ray will feature an alternate version of the movie shot only in black and white with a stripped-down score.  As if I needed another reason to buy it.  The hard part will be waiting until it's released, which will probably be around Christmas.