Can I just say... James Franco should be dismembered, baked into a pie Sweeney Todd-style, and fed to whichever idiots decided he should host. Not even Anne Hathaway's six wardrobe changes could distract from that lackluster performance. God, no wonder 127 Hours got shut out for almost everything.
Granted, hosting the Oscars is a big deal and I'm sure it's stressful but you seriously couldn't tell whether or not Franco even cared. You might as well have let Charlie Sheen and Joaquin Phoenix host it from an opium den. Scientists should find a way to bring back Zombie Bob Hope and let him host again.
Speaking of zombies, I can't believe they dragged Kirk Douglas and Eli Wallach out just to parade them around like arthritic show ponies in a desperate attempt to recall the halcyon days of cinema past. I will say, even after a stroke, Kirk Douglas was still more entertaining than James Franco.
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| "How about I give you 127 Hours worth of ass-kicking, punk?" |
I won't run down a complete list of winners, since you can find them all here. I will say that I was not surprised at most of the big awards with the exception of Best Director. Tom Hooper over Darren Aronofsky or David Fincher? Are you kidding me?
I was a bit surprised that Alice in Wonderland got two Awards (Costume and Art Direction) considering how it's basically been ignored in the 'who's it going to be' frenzy. I would have thought Black Swan would have had the latter in the bag. I was a little disappointed that my favorite movie of the year only scored one Oscar but what can I do? They won't let me vote.
So another year has past and another Oscar ceremony is behind us. What have we got to look forward to now?
Paul opening 18 Mar. It's a Simon Pegg/Nick Frost alien movie that should be fairly hilarious if Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fuzz are anything to go by.
Sucker Punch opening 25 Mar. I've been waiting for this one to come out since last summer. It looks so epic.
Rubber opening 01 Apr. This is the one about the sentient killer tire. I have no idea if it'll be any good but come on. A sentient. Evil. Tire. Totally worth admission price.
Atlas Shrugged opening 15 Apr. Finally, I will know what the hell people are talking about when they reference this without having to read the book.
Thor opening 06 May. This will probably suck but I have to see it anyway. Comics, man.
The Beaver opening 06 May. Talk about a dicey proposition. Mel "Crazypants" Gibson is given a therapy puppet in order to work out his issues. And it's a beaver.
Priest opening 13 May. I sincerely hope this will be a better Paul Bettany film than Legion. I'm going to see it anyway, I just hope it's better.
Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides opening 20 May. I have a feeling this will not be as good as the previous three but I love Johnny Depp and fuck it. Pirates.
Kung Fu Panda 2, X-Men First Class, and The Green Lantern are probably all going to be half rate. I'm on the fence on those three.
Captain America: The First Avenger opening 22 Jun. Same thing as with Thor. It already has my money. For better or for worse.
Cowboys and Aliens opening 29 Jun. This is another I am actually excited to see. Mmm, Daniel Craig...
The Conan the Barbarian remake is coming out in August. It makes my eye twitch to think about but I haven't seen or heard anything else about it so I'm reserving judgment. For now. Ditto the Fright Night remake.
Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots, I'm sorry, Real Steel opens 07 Oct.
A wave of more remakes also hits around that time with Footloose, The Three Musketeers, and The Thing. Honestly, The Thing shouldn't be remade since it was damn near perfect, Footloose wasn't that great to begin with, and what other possible story can you wring from The Three Musketeers?
Sherlock Holmes 2 comes out just before Christmas. I liked the first one. I'm not sure where they're going to go with it but I'll watch Jude Law and RDJ run around any time.
The Americanized version of Girl with the Dragon Tattoo also hits near the end of the year. I haven't seen the original yet. It's in my queue (currently at #367, right after Centurion).
That seems like enough Definitely's and Maybe's to keep me (and all of you) occupied. There might be a few lean months but that's what Netflix is for. As always, I am open to suggestions. Comment away if you think there's something that I should see.
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