Sunday, June 6, 2010

Untamed Heart (1993)



This concludes "The Christy Experiment". Ugh. Untamed Heart. Jesus. This was definitely the worst of the three. It's about this one slutty chick who works as a waitress. One night as she's walking home alone and unarmed, two assholes jump her in a park. Enter the creepy silent busboy from work. He kicks the dudes' asses and takes her home.

God, I can't begin to describe how many fucked up things were in this movie. It was a total trainwreck from beginning to end, everything you DON'T DO in a relationship. Here's a tip, ladies: if someone breaks into your house and decorates a Christmas tree in your bedroom while you sleep, you don't seek them out. It's not romantic, it's a felony. Call the cops and have him arrested. When he tells you that he believes a baboon king gifted him with a heart, that's not wistfully sweet. It's dangerously delusional and will cause him to leave a hospital against medical advice.

When Rosie Perez is the most reasonable person you know, it may be time to re-evaluate your choices.

I want to scrub this movie off of me like the toxic waste it is.

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