Burlesque (2010)

I liked this movie so much, I actually bought it twice.  I got it on DVD right when it first came out, then ended up upgrading to blu-ray and giving the DVD to Christy.  (Ed. note:  Christy informs me that I did not give her the DVD, since she was still living in Alabama and bought it herself.  Now I can't remember who I gave it to, but I did give it to someone.  Maybe my neighbor, Kim?  This is going to bug me now.)  The blu-ray is great because you can skip straight to your favorite performances, there are extended performances, including a bonus one from Alan Cumming (I knew there would be).      This was the movie I wanted Tangled to be.  Wait...I'm sure I can phrase that better.  This is the soundtrack I wanted Tangled to have.  Much better.  I walked out of the theater and immediately bought the soundtrack.  Love love love love.

Of course, this movie couldn't have been more tailor-made for me if they had handed out Godiva truffles and free kittens at the door.  Hot girls wearing nothing but sequins?  Check.  Bright lights?  Check.  Suspiciously made-up men?  Check.  Outstandingly high-quality musical numbers?  Motherfuckin' check.  Seriously, when I saw a preview that had Cher and Christina Aguilera as burlesque singers and Stanley Tucci as a snarky backstage maven I went ahead and took $9 and put it aside.  Those became dedicated funds.

Of course, this movie owes everything it is to Caberet.  There's a particular scene where the choreography was straight-up ripped from Liza Minnelli's hands.  Because I loved the movie, I'm going to call it an homage to Fosse, but those less inclined to be generous might confuse it with plagiarism.  Hell, Alan Cumming even has a small role in the same vein as the Emcee he played in the Broadway revival.  (I will tell you right now, I can hardly wait for the DVD special features because they had to have had, had to, a longer scene with him on stage if not a full-blown musical number.  Please God.)

Anyway, the story is pretty predictable.  Girl from nowhere moves to LA to make it big, realizes that it's much harder than she thought, and stumbles across the Greatest Job in the World.  She works hard, gets her big break, and then finds that people may try and woo her for the wrong reasons.  Like any woman over the age of 13 hasn't figured that one out.  Especially if they look like Christina Aguilera.

"Someone might only be interested in my looks and not my life story?  You don't say."

But let's get real, here.  You're not going for the plot.  You're going for the costumes, the music, the dialogue, and the Cher.  Oh, yes, the Cher.

I don't care how much more plastic than human she is at this point.  It's Cher.  She's a legend and the minute she starts to sing on that stage, you believe it.

So call me a gay man trapped in a woman's body all you want.  I love me some Cher and I loved this movie.