Death Trance (2005)

This movie made not a goddamn bit of sense and plays like a bad dream you can't wake up from with a soundtrack of German death metal.  It was produced by a company called Fever Dreams, which is the most appropriate thing I can think of.

I don't know what the hell was going on here.  There's a guy and he's dragging a coffin covered in chains around with a creepy little girl following him.  A monk is trying to get the coffin back because the Goddess of Destruction is inside and opening it is the end of the world.  There's a guy who looks like Sid Vicious and a random badass chick who just goes around telling everyone how unsuited for everything they are.  There are spider people in the woods, tiny CGI dolls that dance around, and a dude in fetish leather wielding the world's largest kitchen knife.

Remember when I reviewed a random movie called Versus?  No?  Click the link.  I'll wait.

Ok, so this was made by the same director and stars the same guy so I thought it was going to be as good.  Nope.  This was just weird.  It was like they were trying to make a fantasy movie with katanas but just couldn't quite get everything to work.  With a little more character development, I think this could have been spectacular, but there's no fixing it now.  The sad part is that I have actually had this disc since 2007 and never opened it until a few days ago.  Not only did I spend money on this piece of crap, the case is cracked so I can't even sell it back.