Law Abiding Citizen (2009)

  This was very nearly a great movie.  It was so close.  If they had just doubled-down on making Gerard Butler the protagonist instead of trying to split the difference between him and Jamie Foxx, I would have driven out immediately and bought a copy.  But they didn't, so this is only an okay movie.

Clyde Shelton (Gerard Butler) is a victim of a home invasion in which his wife and daughter were murdered.  The prosecutor, Nick Rice (Jamie Foxx), cuts a deal for a reduced sentence for one of the men in exchange for testimony about the other.  Clyde does not consider this to be justice but Nick points out that they have to work within the confines of an imperfect system.  Clyde decides that no, no he doesn't, and works to enact his own brand of justice, spiraling out to include the lawyers, the judge and the prison system as well as the perpetrator of the original crime.

So.  Close.  This came out the year after Taken, so they have zero excuse.  My only thought is that they were trying to make this a vehicle for Jamie Foxx instead, in which case they should have made him a more sympathetic character.  I was totally okay with him suffering and he did not demonstrate enough growth to warrant me changing that opinion by the time the credits rolled.  Now, the only way I would buy this film is if it were included in a combo pack of two other movies I'd want to own.

Fast Five (2011)

  This installment of the franchise picks up almost immediately after the end of the fourth one so there might be some spoilers from here out.  You have been warned.

After breaking Dom (Vin Diesel) out of prison transport, Brian (Paul Walker) and Mia (Jordana Brewster) head down to Rio to escape the long arm of the law.  They realize they are going to need money if they're going to keep running and pull in all their friends on a huge heist targeting the local drug kingpin (Joaquim de Almeida).  Badass international agent Luke Hobbs (Dwayne Johnson) is on the case, however, recruiting junior Brazilian police officer Elena (Elsa Pataky) to help him through the notoriously corrupt city.  

I will say that each movie has been exponentially better than the one before.  It was a great idea to ret-con Tokyo Drift to be the sixth chronologically and they have been fantastic about bringing back fan-favorite characters from all the previous films to tie everything together.  It really does feel like you're watching a family the way that the actors interact with one another.  This is still not quite at the level of quality it needs to be as a stand-alone film but it is definitely moving in the right direction.

The Last Detail (1973)

  This isn't a particularly good movie, but it's one of the few Jack Nicholson films I hadn't seen, so now that's crossed off.  I'm pretty sure the only reason Rob downloaded it was because it was about the Navy, in which he had a professional interest.  Nicholson and co-star Randy Quaid both received Oscar nominations for this, which in Quaid's case I completely understand but not in Nicholson's.  I think at that point the Academy was just nominating him for everything.

A young sailor named Meadows (Randy Quaid) is being sent to the brig (that's Navy jail) for an eight-year sentence over a trivial offense.  Two senior non-commissioned officers (Jack Nicholson and Otis Young) are given the detail of escorting Meadows to prison.  Along the way, they decide to give the kid a final hurrah so that he has some fond memories to hold him over for the next eight years.  They proceed to drink, smoke and fuck their way up the East Coast, growing more and more sympathetic to the kid's plight along the journey.

Carol Kane is in this and holy shit, she is a tiny elfin sprite of a woman.  According to some math I just did, she was 21-years-old when she did this film and could probably have passed for fifteen.  Her character's name is Young Whore and she's topless, if you're interested, which you shouldn't be.  It might be the first time I've ever heard her real voice without an exaggerated accent.  70's comedienne Gilda Radnor is in this as well, but in a non-speaking kind of background role.  Like I said, this isn't a great film but it's interesting as an artifact.

Point Blank (1967)

  This movie wasn't exactly what I expected it to be.  I was thinking Payback, but in the 60's, because they are both based on the same source material.  They do have the same beats but different melodies.

Walker (Lee Marvin) is a thief and a damn good one.  Unfortunately, he also has a soft spot when it comes to his old army buddy, Mal (John Vernon).  So when Mal comes to him begging to do one last job at Alcatraz, he agrees.  Then Mal shoots him in the back and steals his wife (Sharon Acker).  Walker takes some time to heal up, then goes looking for revenge.  Mal has used the money they took to get back in with a crime syndicate and Walker's wife has become a junkie.  Walker reaches out to her sister, Chris (Angie Dickinson), for help in taking down Mal, but soon decides to take on the entire syndicate.

Lee Marvin is so cool.  He manages to be stoically impassive and emotionally expressive at the same time.  I could have done without the weird flashbacks and dream sequences, but I realize that it was a style of the 60's.  It does give it a kind of acid-jazz vibe.  Obviously, the clothes, the cars and even the dialogue date this film but not to an unwatchable point.  If you're in the mood for a swinging vengeance story but don't want the grime of the 70's, you could do worse.

Fast and Furious (2009)

Happy Memorial Day!  Here's a totally unrelated movie!    Get ready to see a lot less of the Christy tag here pretty soon.  My cousin is moving and taking her collection of (mostly awful) movies with her.  But don't fret, I'm sure we'll re-institute the monthly exchange after she gets settled.

In the meantime, she recently upgraded her Fast & Furious collection to the collector's edition that includes movies 1-6 and gifted me with her previous copies of 1, 4 and 5.  Yay(?)  This one definitely picks up from the nosedive of Tokyo Drift by pretending the former hasn't happened yet.

Dominic Toretto (Vin Diesel) is a fugitive from justice, hiding out and pulling heists with his girlfriend, Letty (Michelle Rodriguez), and his friend, Han (Sung Kang), but he knows it's only a matter of time until his past catches up with him and everyone he loves.  He decides to leave Letty and disappear so that she can start fresh.  Of course that doesn't work and Letty is murdered.  Dom returns to L.A. to find out who killed her and discovers that she had taken a deal with the FBI to act as an undercover informant on a drug cartel.  Her handler was Dom's one-time friend turned rival Brian O'Connor (Paul Walker).  Brian is still trying to get out of the shadow of suspicion from his fellow FBI agents over letting Dom go and can't afford to be involved with him any further, no matter that he still has feelings for the man's sister, Mia (Jordana Brewster).  Meanwhile, both men try to infiltrate the cartel that killed Letty by engaging in ridiculous stunts with cars.

This was definitely a step in the right direction for this franchise.  They brought back all the characters people actually cared about and developed their relationships, which is really what this series is about.  It's not the cars or the action, it's seeing these characters come together and demonstrate that they are family.  That is the glue holding these paper-thin plots from completely falling apart.

The Last Boy Scout (1991)

  I feel like this is a very underrated movie.  You just don't hear people talk about it.  It's a Tony Scott action film starring Bruce Willis with Damon Wayans and a very young Halle Berry.  That's worth talking about.  Yes, it is very 90's and some of the material just doesn't land the same way but I think this should be a hit, not a miss.

Joe Hollenbeck (Bruce Willis) is a private investigator who is a hair's breadth from hitting rock bottom when his partner calls him with a case.  An exotic dancer (Halle Berry) feels like she is being followed and wants protection.  Joe agrees but soon runs into the dancer's boyfriend, a disgraced NFL player named Jimmy Dix (Damon Wayans).  Joe and Jimmy soon find themselves at the center of a plot concerning the NFL, gambling, and a corrupt senator.

Obviously, I'm not a "sports" person.  I've been to sporting events but I can't say I ever actually really knew what was happening.  Mostly, I just cheered when everyone else did and drank the rest of the time.  Even though this is technically about football, it's much more of an old-fashioned detective story.  It has too many explosions to be considered noir, but more explosions are hardly ever a bad thing.  I think it's also the only time I've ever seen a reasoned and calm Damon Wayans performance. If you've never seen this movie, you should give it a shot.  You might be missing out.

Fantastic Mr. Fox (2009)

  I must have seen this right before I started doing my blog because I could have sworn I had written about it already.  Turns out I hadn't. This was the first Wes Anderson film that I actually liked.

Mr. Fox (George Clooney) promised Mrs. Fox (Meryl Streep) that he would give up his chicken thieving ways when she announced her pregnancy.  Unfortunately, the urge to take down the three meanest farmers in the region proves to be too strong.  When the farmers come to take revenge, Mr. Fox has to get help from the entire animal population to save his family.

Stop-motion animation has the potential to be incredibly creepy and this intentionally walks a fine line.  You might find it off-putting.  I thought it was well done.  Roald Dahl and Wes Anderson actually go hand-in-hand better than you'd think.  It manages to find the right amount of "quirk" without being annoyingly twee.  Plus, the soundtrack is really good.

Knight and Day (2010)

It occurs to me that I didn't actually describe anything about this movie, only my reaction to it.  I re-watched this recently and enough time has passed that I feel like I could be much more objective.  Don't get me wrong, this is still mediocre in every sense.  I just don't hate it as hard as I first did.  Partly because I don't feel the same disappointment seeing it at home as I did in the theaters and partly because this is a strange piece of nostalgia for me.

June (Cameron Diaz) is just your average Boston girl, trying to get home after picking up car parts in Wichita, Kansas.  She bumps into a guy in the airport and ends up on the same flight.  Unfortunately, the guy, Roy (Tom Cruise), turns out to be a secret agent on the run after stealing a very valuable piece of new tech.  Roy claims it's a frame-up, naturally, but June just wants to get home in time for her sister's (Maggie Grace) wedding.  Instead, she finds herself knocked out pretty frequently and transported to various beautiful places around the globe.

I kinda see what they were trying to do here.  It's a spy comedy but with the unwitting sidekick as the main character instead of the spy.  It almost worked.  There just wasn't enough there to really carry the story.  It's cute enough that you could probably give it a pass and it's forgettable enough that you could watch it again.  I know that's one of the reasons I did.  I couldn't remember a damn thing about this movie other than I was disappointed by it in the theaters.  Keep your expectations really low and you might enjoy it.  Originally posted 6/29/2010.    Man this was a mediocre movie. I wasn't expecting much. Just a cute, fun action-comedy with some witty one-liners and decent special effects. Sadly, the best parts of this movie are in the previews.

I am well aware of the current trend of producers sifting through deleted scenes and cutting room scrap to scrounge together trailers that may or may not eventually end up in the finished product. Sometimes those choices are baffling, sometimes they are disappointing, but I would take a million of them over the movies that only have enough plot to fill out a two minute teaser. You know the ones, they're usually horror or romantic types that give you the lead-in (girl meets boy/ghost), climax (girl chases boy/ghost), and denouement (girl gets boy/gets rid of ghost) all before some announcer says "Coming soon to a theater near you". Granted, these movies are all essentially predictable but that doesn't mean I need to know how the conflict is resolved before I pay for my ticket.

The whole point of a teaser is that it's a tease. Tantalize me with hints of how great your movie is! Lead me on with sly glances and titillating visuals!

But you'd better have something to back up all that talk, because otherwise you're Knight and Day. And nobody likes that kind of tease.

Killers (2010)

  This was in no way a good movie.  The studio was trying its damnedest to make Katherine Heigl a star and it was just not going to happen for them.  If this had gone to Elizabeth Banks, it might have been a whole different story.  She has the ability to play dumbfounded without looking dumb, and concerned without being shrill.  Katherine Heigl is not "zany" or "quirky" or "fun".  She needs roles where she can be ice-cold and a ball-buster.  I hate saying this, but Ashton Kutcher was the best part of this movie and he's terrible.

Jen (Katherine Heigl) is on vacation in France with her parents after a break-up when she meets Spencer (Ashton Kutcher).  After a whirlwind romance, they marry and move back to the States.  She has no idea that her husband used to be a secret agent for the government until one of their neighbors (a woefully misused Rob Riggle) reveals himself to be a hit man intent on killing them.  Jen and Spence must avoid assassins while they try to determine who is pulling the strings.

As far as assassin comedies go, there are so many better ones out there.  Don't waste your time on this one.

Predestination (2014)

I went to a friend's house this past weekend to see her new puppy and drink wine.  She had rented two movies, Predestination and John Wick.  Since I had already seen John Wick, we watched Predestination.

It was the wrong decision.

I knew nothing about this film.  I had never heard of it, didn't remember any marketing, and went in as blind as a person could get.

Do not see this movie.  It is one long (so long, so boring) masturbation joke.  If that is your bag, there are better ways to get a fix than this.  Imagine Looper but with no style, no world-building and a lot of winking and nudging.  Doesn't that sound annoying?  That is Predestination.

On a side note, I will probably not be able to post next weekend as I will be outside the contiguous United States.  I will try but no promises.

Killer Elite (2011)

I didn't remember a lot of this movie.  That's the only reason I re-watched it on the server.  I have to say, I enjoyed it a bit more the second time around than the first.  I guess because my expectations were drastically lowered.  I know this is based on a true story, but I would really like to see the origin movie for Hunter and Danny's friendship.  I think that would be super-entertaining.  Originally posted 9/26/11.    The trailer for this movie is seriously misleading.  It makes you think that Clive Owen is the one who kidnaps Robert De Niro.  Not the case.

After a job in Mexico goes horribly awry, Danny Bryce (Jason Statham) retires from the life of killing people for money to live in Middle-of-Nowhere Australia.  His retirement is interrupted when he learns that his mentor/friend Hunter (De Niro) is being held for ransom in Oman.  A dying sheik (Rodney Afif) is offering a $6M payout on the SAS members responsible for killing his first three sons.  Hunter took the money and ran, hence his incarceration.  Now Danny must step in and locate these men, videotape a confession, and kill them with the help of his team (Dominic Purcell and Aden Young).  Thing is, the British powers-that-be really don't want their involvement in the Omani civil war to be big news so they get ex-SAS soldier Spike (Clive Owen) to hunt the hunters, as it were.

Call me an insulated American but I didn't even know Oman had a civil war, much less that the British sent in some special ops guys all hush-hush.  Now I'm interested so I'll probably end up getting the source book, The Feathermen by Ranulph Fiennes.  We'll see how much stranger truth is from fiction.

As an action movie, this is strictly middle-of-the-road.  No real surprises, no stand-out moments, but a solid film.  It dragged a bit, especially with the requisite love interest scenes.  Seriously, what is the point of having a smokin' hot chick like Yvonne Strahovski in your film if you're going to make her a wet blanket with terrible fashion sense?
  Why would you hide that?

Anyway, it was nice to hear her real accent for once but other than that, her character served no purpose.

Dominic Purcell really surprised me.  I would have laid money that he couldn't act his way out of a wet paper bag but he did a pretty good job.

I won't be owning this one but it would be a decent rental for a rainy day.

The Family (2013)

  This was not as bad as I thought it was going to be, based on the reviews.  Christy had gotten it on blu-ray and given me the DVD copy that was included, so it's not like I invested anything, but I still enjoyed it.

Gio Manzoni (Robert DeNiro) and his family are in witness protection after Gio becomes an informant.  He is finding it difficult to adjust to a lifetime free from extortion, murder, and racketeering.  His handler (Tommy Lee Jones) warns him that this move to Normandy will be the last if he can't get his act together.  Meanwhile, the mob boss Gio sent away has put out a hit on his whole family for the betrayal.

This was directed by Luc Besson, which explains the odd setting choice.  I have no idea if witness protection includes international destinations but it doesn't seem right.  It does have that fish-out-of-water feel, which is good, and the humor works for the majority of the film.  The hiccups are from an overworked main plot line (really?  We needed another mob movie?) and the sub-plot about the daughter (Dianna Agron) and her math tutor (Oisin Stack) which feels tacked on and unnecessary.  It's worth a rental or you can wait a little bit and pick it up in one of the bargain bins.

Failure to Launch (2006)

This is another of Christy's massive collection of romantic comedies.  It's not the worst of the lot, but it's not something I would ever repeat watching.

Thirty-something Tripp (Matthew McConaughey) has a great life.  He loves his job, has two close friends, and dates beautiful women.  The best part is that when he gets tired of these ladies, all he has to do to send them running is take them to his house...where he lives with his parents.  Fed up with their son's slacker lifestyle, Sue (Kathy Bates) and Al (Terry Bradshaw) hire professional "launcher" Paula (Sarah Jessica Parker) to motivate Tripp into moving out.

Since this is a romantic comedy, you can pretty much guess exactly what happens, in what order, and how it ends.  Supporting players include fellow Oscar nominee Bradley Cooper, Zooey Deschanel, and Justin Bartha.  While the movie does have several cute moments, it is so paint-by-the-numbers that you could sleep through 90% of it and not feel like you missed a thing.

The Avengers: Age of Ultron (2015)

  Ok, it's been a couple of days.  I'm hoping everyone (yes, world.  Everyone.) has seen Age of Ultron by now.  If not, what are you waiting for?  Are you scared of disappointment?  Well, I can tell you that it is not the same level as The Avengers.  How could it be?  Even the director, Joss Whedon, said that they struggled with comparisons themselves.  That's why there's no post-credit sequence on this one.  They couldn't top the shwarma scene from the first one and they didn't want to make people sit through ten minutes of credits just to be disappointed.  I'm sure there were people who sat through the credits anyway, but there's just no helping sometimes.

After a couple of years, The Avengers have finally gotten a lead on the location of Loki's staff.  It's being used by Baron Strucker (Thomas Kretschmann) to change people and give them powers.  His two success stories are a pair of twins, Wanda (Elizabeth Olsen) and Pietro (Aaron Taylor-Johnson), who have their own agenda to pursue.  Wanda plants a suggestion in Tony Stark's (Robert Downey, Jr.) mind, playing on his residual fears of alien invasion.  He sweet-talks Bruce Banner (Mark Ruffalo) into helping him use the staff to create a genuine artificial intelligence called Ultron (James Spader).  Unfortunately, beta testing with AI is notoriously difficult as Ultron immediately decides that the best way to keep the planet safe is to annihilate it.  The team, already beginning to show stress fractures after Tony's foray off the reservation, tries to pin down the elusive creature only to be set back time and again by Wanda's mental manipulations.  Except for Hawkeye (Jeremy Renner) who noped the fuck out of mind control after being Loki's bitch.

Joss Whedon sets the bar so high for ensemble movies.  He manages to give everyone in the cast a big enough role to appeal to each one's fanbase without sacrificing plot or pacing.  Even the downbeats, like when the Avengers retreat to a safe house to lick their wounds, manage to pack in enough character development that it never feels like a step back.  Plus, he also set up Black Panther, Captain America:  Civil War, Thor:  Ragnarok and The Avengers:  Infinity War.  That's damn impressive.

Ugh, I feel like I could talk about this movie forever.  I could do a whole post on how awesome James Spader is as Ultron, on the adorable yet improbable Black Widow love story, and on the totally underrated Hawkeye finally getting a chance to shine.  But I'm going to restrain myself and let you all make your own opinions.  So just go see it already.

The Expendables 3 (2014)

  Closing out the trilogy with a moderate bang.  This installment suffers a bit from sequelitis, and trying to cram ever more actors into the mix but still retains the humor and spectacle viewers have come to expect.

The Expendables are used to pulling off incredibly dangerous jobs, but when Barney (Sylvester Stallone) discovers that they are up against his former partner, Conrad Stonebanks (Mel Gibson), he decides that he can't risk his friends.  So he fires them all and goes to his talent manager (Kelsey Grammer) for some new blood.  The new team is younger and certainly better looking but their inexperience costs them dearly and they all get captured by Stonebanks.  Barney has to swallow his pride and ask his friends for help.

For this, they brought out Harrison Ford to replace Bruce Willis, then added in Wesley Snipes, Antonio Banderas, Kelsey Grammer, Kellan Lutz, Glen Powell, Victor Ortiz, and finally a much needed dose of estrogen with Ronda Rousey.  Powell and Ortiz are complete unknowns to me and they didn't really show me anything special here.  Ronda Rousey is certainly a real-life badass and is beautiful, which doesn't hurt, but her line delivery is terrible.  Kellan Lutz is trying to erase the stench of Twilight off his career and is probably the most developed of the 2.0 team.  He definitely looks a lot more fuckable, as well.  Snipes and Grammer were brought on for name recognition and do a good job in their middling roles.  If you'll remember, this was Snipes' big outing after being released from prison.  But for my money, Antonio Banderas stole this show coming and going.  I thought he was hysterical as the non-stop chatterbox Galgo, but your mileage for that schtick may vary.

I haven't heard any movement on making a fourth film or on the possible women-only version but that doesn't mean it's not going to happen.  If either does, I'll see it, especially if they get the R-rating back.