Blue Valentine (2010)

  Nominated for:  Best Actress (Michelle Williams)

If you are a regular reader of my blog, you may have figured by now that I am not a terribly emotional person.  Netflix has also discovered this and, when I added Blue Valentine to my queue back in 2011, it told me I wouldn't like it.  But you can't know a person completely through math.  Sometimes a movie that seems completely wrong can be relatable. 

This is the best depiction of the implosion of a relationship I have ever seen.  Its tragedy lies in its honesty.

Cindy (Michelle Williams) and Dean (Ryan Gosling) have been together for a while, raising their daughter Frankie (Faith Wladyka), but lately Cindy has felt more and more trapped.  Dean is a house painter with no ambition other than to be a husband and father.  Cindy has a good job as a nurse but is feeling the bite of her own thwarted plans.  We are shown in flashbacks their infatuated beginning, the rush of destiny they each felt when they met.  Obstacles like Cindy's asshole ex (Mike Vogel) and even their unexpected pregnancy were considered minor setbacks at most, easily overcome by their love.  But as the bloom fades on the rose, so does Cindy's interest in this marriage and instead of being a shelter, Dean's love has become a prison.  Compounding this are Cindy's inability to share her feelings and Dean's oblivion.

Anybody who has been in a long-term relationship knows love isn't enough to keep it going.  It has to be there, but so does a foundation of respect and mutual goals.  There is no fairy tale ending when you get married.  It's more like auditioning for a job.  A job that comes with constantly changing objectives and sometimes uncooperative team members.  It's exhausting and there are really no hopes of promotion.  Occasionally, there are bonuses and rewards from being able to share your work with another person but you can't demand them, any more than you can go into your boss' office and demand  a raise.  You have to sacrifice a part of your individuality and be subsumed by the relationship.  There is no more I, there is only We.  But you cannot do so in totality or risk losing yourself.  It's a fine line to walk.