Revolver (2005)

  This movie was complete garbage. I don't know what the hell Guy Ritchie was thinking when he came up with this but I'm going to blame Madonna. It's her fault for getting him all spun up in Kabbalah. Religion and directors do not mix. I give you Battlefield Earth.

The plot is so ridiculous and pretentious, it's infuriating. I'm going to go ahead and save you from having to watch it by spoiling the "big reveal". It's all bullshit. The whole thing is like an opium dream of psychobabble. Here's the surface plot:

Jake Green went to prison for seven years. We don't know what he did but it was Ray Liotta's fault. His solitary confinement cell was between a chess master and a master con man. We don't know what they did either. They passed messages to each other through books, which were intercepted by Jake Green. Using them, he discovers the magical "Formula" which can be used to win any game.

I'm going to pause so my eye can stop twitching.

Ok, so his buddies to either side escape and he gets out 2 years later to find out that they're assholes. Duh. They were in prison. They cleaned him out of money so he uses the "Formula" to win a bunch more from casinos so he can get back at Ray Liotta. That would have probably been entertaining to watch, so it's not in the film. Someone just throws out the line that he's now richer than God. Ray Liotta is not pleased and starts hiring goons to kill Jake. Mysteriously, he's saved by two mysterious dudes who are total assholes. One of them smokes cigars and the other plays chess. Foreshadowing! They tell him they are loan sharks and they will help him get back at Ray Liotta but they will have to clean him out of money to do it. FORESHADOWING! Jake agrees because he thinks he's going to die, but he's not really because he hadn't gotten the script for Crank yet. Shit happens that has nothing to do with the revenge part of the film. Ray Liotta gets progressively more angry and more tan. He ends up having a shoot-out with an Asian gang over drugs and money that were stolen by Jake Green's two mysterious asshole loan sharks.

/deep breath

The end of the movie is when Jake goes to Ray Liotta's bedroom in the middle of the night, wakes him up, and apologizes for having caused all the misfortune. The two loan shark assholes reveal that they are the two prison assholes and the three of them ride off into the sunset. THE END.

Here's the actual plot: Jake Green struggles with the manifestation of his ego and the manipulations therein while dealing with a series of Jungian archetypes. His "formula" is to subsume the ego, accept responsibility for it, and thereby win at life.

Total and complete BULLSHIT.