Newsies (1992)

  I don't own Newsies and I'm not really sure why.  Maybe I'm just not as obsessive about Disney's live-action films as I am about their animated ones.  For whatever reason, it's like I sometimes forget this movie even exists, then I'll remember and have to watch it again.

In 1899 New York, times are hard.  Groups of children -some orphans, some trying to help out their families- sell newspapers on the street.  These newsies have a hard enough time getting enough money to feed themselves, so when publishing magnate Joseph Pulitzer (Robert Duvall) raises their buying price in an ongoing war against his rival William Randolph Hearst, the newsies are incensed.  Young firebrand Jack Kelly (Christian Bale) becomes their voice, urging them to form a union and go on strike.

This is actually based on a true story.  I'm guessing the real child laborers of 1899 probably did not spend as much time learning complicated group choreography and rousing anthems as the movie children did.  This was the directorial debut of Kenny Ortega, a choreographer of some renown, and the attention paid to the dance numbers is painstaking.  The whole thing is acted so earnestly that it strays into melodrama but that would only be apparent to adults.  As a kid, I remember thinking that it seemed perfectly natural or at least it never stuck out to me as being unnatural, which is essentially the same thing when you're ten.

The Misfits (1961)

  This is the last entry in my Forever Marilyn series.  It is easily the most dramatic work in the series but felt the least like a performance from Monroe.

Roslyn (Marilyn Monroe) is in Reno getting a divorce when she meets Guido (Eli Wallach), a car repairman.  Through him, she meets an aging cowboy named Gay (Clark Gable) and agrees to stay on with him.  The two men have a plan to round up some of the last remaining Nevada mustangs and recruit young rodeo regular Perce (Montgomery Clift) to help.  Roslyn is on board until she discovers that the horses will be turned into dog food.  She begs Gay to change his mind but he feels this is his only way of reclaiming a lifestyle that has been steadily encroached upon by progress.

This film is notorious for being Gable and Monroe's last completed work.  Clift and Monroe were both very dependent on alcohol and prescription pain medications at this point, Monroe was going through a divorce with screenwriter Arthur Miller, and director John Huston drank and gambled non-stop during filming.  Honestly, reading the issues surrounding this production makes me wonder how it even got completed in the first place.  The whole thing sounds like a nightmare.

And yet, it resulted in one of the most emotionally resonant films I've ever seen.  Monroe is clearly psychologically vulnerable, seesawing between desperate joy to a total nervous breakdown.  Clift is like a wounded dog, all big sad eyes and mournful bewildered voice.  Gable handles his character's aging so gracefully and deftly, showing more range and nuance than any other role I've seen him in.  Those are all big names, huge stars at the time, but I really feel like Eli Wallach stood toe-to-toe with them and did not get enough credit for his work.  This isn't a film I could revisit very often but I am glad that I saw it.

Mortdecai (2015)

This is my 1300th post!

  Since Christy no longer lives with me, I am no longer beholden to her wretched taste in movies, except for once a month where I am forced from my ivory tower of snobbery.  I present to you the resurgence of the Christy Experiment!

Charlie Mortdecai (Johnny Depp) is an English lord with a fondness for art and a severe cash flow problem.  Martland (Ewan McGregor) works for her Majesty's government and loathes Mortdecai, having lost out to him over the affections of beautiful Johanna (Gwyneth Paltrow), but needs the reprobate's help in locating a stolen painting.  The piece is believed to have the Swiss bank account number of an infamous Nazi written on the back and is sought after by an American collector (Jeff Goldblum), an international terrorist (Jonny Pasvolsky), and a Russian mobster (Ulrich Thomsen).

The January release date is the first clue that this is going to be a terrible movie.  Johnny Depp's ridiculous costume should be the second one.  Honestly, I don't know what is going on with him but it looks like a mid-life crisis.  This film is completely devoid of originality, wit or fun and it desperately needed all three.  Mortdecai is a bumbling half-wit aided by a long-suffering servant in the vein of Jeeves and Wooster but without the knowing wink of the latter.  The plot shambles along like a drunken frat boy at a wedding, practically begging the audience to enjoy its repetitive mustache jokes under the mistaken impression that if something is said in a British accent, it is automatically funny.  It was almost physically painful to watch a once-respected actor reduced to over-reliance on props.  And yet...there was a sense that something buried in the material was worth filming.  Maybe the source novels would be worth picking up, to see if it was just a misfire rather than a deliberate affront.  

The one bright spot in all this is Paul Bettany, who not only escapes unscathed from this trainwreck but manages to lift the interactions in which he's involved.  He is the only performer worth watching and has somehow managed to get progressively hotter in each role he has taken.  Now that's a superpower worthy of The Vision.

Some Like It Hot (1959)

  This was a film that had to grow on me.  I tried watching it once before and gave up about halfway, but this time I made it to the end.

Joe (Tony Curtis) and Jerry (Jack Lemmon) are two musicians struggling to make ends meet in 1929 Chicago.  After witnessing a mob hit, the two decide it is prudent to get out of town for a while but the only gig available is Sweet Sue's Society Syncopators, an all-female band headed for Miami, Florida.  "Josephine" and "Daphne" join the train out at the last minute and quickly get on with all the other girls.  Sugar (Marilyn Monroe) is especially fascinating to Daphne, but Josephine has a more ingenious plan.  Once in Miami, Joe ditches his feminine disguise for a suit and becomes "Junior", a prickly but eligible millionaire.  Meanwhile, unbeknownst to the two hapless musicians, the gangsters have followed them down to Florida.

Tony Curtis was amazing in this movie.  He made a better woman than Lemmon and switched between Joe, Josephine and Junior with ease.  Monroe is stuck playing another dumb blonde, this time one with a drinking problem, trying to land a rich husband.  The script is well-written and funny but Jack Lemmon's laugh got on my nerves like nothing else.  It's still one of the best films in the whole collection but that has more to do with Billy Wilder's direction than Monroe's involvement.

Inside Out (2015)

Nominated for Best Original Screenplay and Best Animated Film    I know I'm way behind the curve on this but it's been a crazy busy weekend in a crazy busy month.

Riley (Kaitlyn Dias) is a pretty typical 11-year-old girl.  Inside her head live her major emotions, responsible for shaping her personality islands and creating memories.  Joy (Amy Poehler) was created first, followed almost immediately by Sadness (Phyllis Smith).  When Riley is uprooted from her home in Minnesota and moved to San Francisco, Joy is feeling positive about the situation.  But a disastrous first day at school leads to a new sad core memory being created.  In an attempt to prevent the memory from taking root, Joy and Sadness accidentally get sucked out of Riley's control center and transferred to her long term memory, leaving Fear (Bill Hader), Disgust (Mindy Kaling) and Anger (Lewis Black) to do what they can to keep Riley on an even keel.  Joy is desperate to get back and looks to Riley's old imaginary friend Bing Bong (Richard Kind) to help her out, over Sadness' misgivings.

This movie has a lot to say in a short time.  I think it might be the most subtle Pixar film yet.  I'm pretty sure this is meant to be analyzed over multiple viewings to really capture all the nuances.  That's good and bad.  Good because it means that if you loved it, you'll most likely find even more things to love every time you see it.  Bad because if you didn't immediately love it, you may never give it another chance.  It is not as engaging as many other Pixar films and could be written off as middling.  Many of the story beats on display feel familiar because they've been used before in movies and TV.  There's something special here but it is in danger of obscurity behind the deft Pixar glibness that coats each frame.

There is also a stand-out short at the beginning called Lava, about a volcano who never gives up dreaming about love.  It's so sweet it'll make your teeth ache.

Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome (1985)

  It's been a long time since I've seen this movie all the way through.  The first half is still the best half but it's much more cohesive than I remember it being.

Max (Mel Gibson) gets jacked in the desert and goes to Bartertown in order to find the thief.  Bartertown, as the name implies, is all about trade and without any goods to his name, Max finds himself turned away at the door.  Fortunately, he has a particular set of skills that are valuable to the right party.  Aunty (Tina Turner) is the figurative head of Bartertown but finds her power undermined by Master (Angelo Rossitto) and Blaster (Paul Larsson), who provide the fuel on which Bartertown runs.  She wants Max to kill Blaster in the Thunderdome but his principles intervene, causing him to be exiled into the desert.  He is rescued by a group of children abandoned since the apocalypse.  They believe Max is their savior, come to reunite them with the rest of their group.  He, of course, knows better but finds himself stuck trying to secure them a better future.

This is certainly the biggest budget of the three original films.  The sets are bigger, costumes more elaborate, and cinematography more impressive.  Tina Turner is surprisingly good in this.  She's incredibly charismatic and believable as the crafty queen of this struggling city.  The group of kids is where this all falls apart.  They are exceptionally annoying and whiny.

I didn't remember the action looping back around to Bartertown from the exile, nor did I recall the train sequence.  The latter is surprising, since it is a great third act climax.  Overall, this is a worthy sequel but it pales in comparison to its predecessor.

Raging Phoenix (2009)

  Somebody at work asked me how I even found a lot of the foreign movies I have reviewed on this blog.  Mostly, they found me.  It's like a rabbit hole, I guess.  You look at one and then there's another one behind it and that leads you to a different one.  I never really considered whether or not they would be "obscure" because they all seemed pretty easily available.  If any of you guys have any other questions, hit me up and I will do my best to answer them satisfactorily.

Deu (Jija Yanin) is not having a great day.  Her boyfriend cheats on her, she gets kicked out of her band, and then gets kidnapped off the street by a gang.  She is rescued by a mysterious martial artist named Sanim (Patrick Tang) and his friends, Dog (Sompong Leartvimolkasame) and Pig (Nui Saendaeng).  The three men go around breaking up the gang's organization piece by piece in the hopes of rescuing their loved ones.  Deu wants in but Sanim has serious reservations about whether or not she can be part of a team.

That description makes it sound super serious and parts of it are but the rest of it is kind of hilarious and filled with insane action scenes.  If you liked Chocolate, and wanted to see more from that actress as an adult, you should check this one out.  I take that back.  (The "as an adult" part, not the "you should see this" part.)  Turns out, she was 24 when she played in Chocolate.  That is kind of blowing my mind right now.

The Seven-Year Itch (1955)

  I don't know what people are talking about when they call this a classic.  I thought it was awful.

Richard Sherman (Tom Ewell) is an average businessman with an average life that he spices up with an overactive imagination.  Every summer, he sends his wife (Evelyn Keyes) and son up to the country on vacation, like every other Manhattan husband.  Most men view this as an opportunity to indulge in affairs but Sherman is above such petty nonsense.  At least, he thought he was until he met his upstairs neighbor (Marilyn Monroe).  Sherman is filled with grand ideas of seduction but is mostly inept while The Girl --she doesn't even get a name, for Christ's sake-- is really only interested in Sherman's air conditioning.

Let's be clear, here.  This movie's comedy comes from watching a sad sack with delusions of grandeur fail at having an extramarital affair with a woman so far out of his league she's not even in the same sport.  What the fuck, 1955?  Monroe is totally wasted here.  She might as well have been a cardboard cut-out, as flat as this character was written.  It exists purely as a fantasy tempered by schadenfreude.  That has never been funny to me.

Mad Max (1979)

It's been just over three years since I watched the original.  That's about when I can watch a movie again without being bored.  I also found a spiffy new poster.

I stand by all of my original comments.  I think the sound issues might just be because it's a copy from the server.  I'm planning to get a box set of all of them when Fury Road is released, (because you know they'll have one) and I'll see if the sound transfer is any better.  I will say that I finally recognized a very deliberate casting decision for the most recent sequel.  Immortan Joe is played by the same guy who played Toecutter in this, the 1979 original.  You can't tell because he had a crapload of stuff on his face in Fury Road, but I saw his name in the credits and had one of those lightbulb moments.  Originally posted:  02 Jul 12.    This is the movie Rob and I were watching when the power went out.  It was apropos, apparently, considering the number of people who conveniently forgot that a non-functional traffic light = a four-way stop sign the next day.  It made me wish I had a flamethrower mounted to my hood.

We were watching this (or attempting to) because Rob had never seen it.  I know, What a Shock.  He's only ever seen Beyond Thunderdome.  I hadn't seen the original in about fifteen years but it's ingrained in me as a classic film.  This is the one that launched Mel Gibson into 20 years of A-list status. 

You know what's funny about that?  This movie is terrible.  You want to talk about a shoestring budget.  Holy Jeebus.  Now don't get me wrong:  A+ for concept.  Just a big fat C- for execution.

It's the Australia of the future.  A future that looks a lot like the Australia of 1979 but with a ton less people and more junked up cars.  The roads have become arenas for Wild West-type showdowns between lawless criminals with names like Night Rider and Toecutter and the few bronze-badged police of the MFP.  Max (Mel Gibson) is one of the best the MFP has to offer but quickly becomes completely burned out by the incessant violence.  But after a hit is put out on him, he realizes that sometimes the only defense against the insane is to out-crazy them.

Seriously, the sound design guy had to have been paid in Cheetos because you can barely hear the dialogue over the score or all of the background incidental noises (like people clomping up and down stairs).  Do not watch this movie (if you've never seen it before) expecting to hear any important plot points.  Think of it more like a pantomime.  A bitchin' pantomime with car chases.  So many car chases.

Xanadu (1980)

  This movie was some shit.  Way worse than I was expecting.

Kira (Olivia Newton-John) is one of the nine Muses.  She has been assigned to inspire artist Sonny (Michael Beck), who finds himself bored with his job of painting promotional art for a record company.  Kira leads him to retired musician and club owner Danny (Gene Kelly) and the two men collaborate to create Xanadu, a roller skate rink/dance club.  But when Kira develops feelings for Sonny, she knows her time with him has to end.

Seriously, I expected very little from this film and it couldn't even meet my low bar.  Gene Kelly is still wonderful, even in his 70's, but oh how this film has aged.  The script is rambling and nonsensical, the musical numbers are hideously dated, and the entire thing together is a lead balloon.  Avoid at all costs.

There's No Business Like Show Business (1954)

  This is the story of the Five Donahues, a vaudeville family troupe, and their ups and downs from the heyday all the way to the second World War.  Headliners Molly (Ethel Merman) and Terry (Dan Dailey) Donahue struggle to raise their three kids in the theater.  Steven (Johnnie Ray) has a talent for singing, Katie (Mitzi Gaynor) loves to dance and Tim (Donald O'Connor) drinks and womanizes.  Things come to a head when Tim falls for ambitious Vicky Parker (Marilyn Monroe) but allows his jealously to get the best of him, jeopardizing both his and his sister's career.

Monroe has only a small supporting role here and the movie is better for it.  Most of the spotlight is on Merman, O'Connor and Gaynor.  I had never heard of Johnnie Ray before this.  Apparently, he was a popular singer back in the 50's.  Frankly, I don't see the appeal.  I hated every number he had.  By contrast, Dan Dailey (also unknown to me) was a wonderful surprise.  I would absolutely watch other films of his.

This is one of those absolute classic musicals and should be seen at least once by everyone.

Leaves of Grass (2009)

  Hey, everyone.  I know that I usually have something posted much earlier in the day but I had a hair appointment, then I went to a Bikram yoga class up in Baltimore so I'm just now getting home.

I've never been interested in drug culture so stoner comedies really aren't my thing.  What drew me here was the fact that Edward Norton is playing identical twins and that Tim Blake Nelson wrote and directed it.  If you're not familiar with the name, that's understandable.  He is mostly known as a character actor.

Bill (Edward Norton) is a philosophy professor on the fast track to a position at Harvard when he gets the call that his twin brother, Brady (Edward Norton), has died in a freak crossbow accident.  He drops everything and flies back to Oklahoma only to discover that Brady is very much alive and conned his brother in order to give himself an alibi in case anything happens during his business meeting.  See, Brady is also a genius but his field is hydroponics.  He is very happy selectively breeding only the choicest marijuana plants but, facing marriage and a baby on the way, has chosen to get out of the game.  The local crime boss, Pug Rothbaum (Richard Dreyfuss), does not want to let him go, so Brady concocted this scheme of being in two places at once, just in case.  Bill wants nothing to do with his brother's problems but finds a reason to stay in Janet (Keri Russell), a local poet who challenges his rigid views of himself.

This could have been totally stupid as a concept but is saved by an incredibly smart script and great performances all around.  I would definitely recommend it to anyone who is looking for an off-the-beaten-path light comedy.

River of No Return (1954)

   Matthew (Robert Mitchum) is a man with a past but he wants to just move on and start a farm.  As soon as he's able, he sends East for his son, Mark (Tommy Rettig), but the man he entrusted to bring the kid out disappears as soon as he hits town.  Mark gets in with saloon singer, Kay (Marilyn Monroe), in order to stay out of trouble until his dad can pick him up.  Matthew has very dim views on Kay and the lifestyle she promotes.  These are reinforced when she and her card sharp boyfriend (Rory Calhoun) have to be rescued from the river outside of Matt's property.  The boyfriend needs to get to the nearest real city in order to file a gold claim he won in a poker hand and doesn't have time for niceties.  He steals Matt's gun and horse, leaving them defenseless against the dangers of the wild West, and takes off.  Kay stays behind in protest against this callousness.  Father, son, and showgirl are forced to take to the river when Indians attack, hoping to survive long enough to reach the town themselves.

In this intrepid adventure, we get to see our heroine battling the great outdoors.  So far, I think this the most activity I've seen from Marilyn and the only role that hasn't required her to be a dumb blonde.  She's naive but not stupid, and that's a big step up.

Machete (2010)

This is my first re-watch since the sequel came out.  I kept meaning to buy it but I never got around to it.  Luckily, I have a copy on the server.  There really isn't a lot more I can add to my original review, except that it holds up surprisingly well to a second watch.  As of three months ago, the third film, Machete Kills in Space, was still on track for production.  I have no idea if it's actually going to happen but I hope it does.  You know I'll be there to see it.  Originally posted 26 Sep 2010:     So I went out on a date last night with a new guy. He suggested we see Machete which automatically earned him mad props.

You may remember this movie as one of the fake trailers from the Planet Terror/Death Proof Grindhouse double feature. Robert Rodriguez took the idea and just ran with it, God bless him. The aesthetic is pure exploitation-film, with lots of bare boobs, hasty cuts, and growled one-liners. And of course, massive amounts of violence.

The message is extremely heavy-handed politically so, if you are on the other side of the immigration debate, you may find yourself irritated or downright offended. The trick is to just brush that aside and let the movie wash over you like seafoam. Otherwise you will miss gems like: Don Johnson as an armed vigilante.

Cheech Marin as an armed priest.

Michelle Rodriguez as an armed taco truck driver.

Jeff Fahey as an armed mullet-wearing lawyer.

and Robert DeNiro as a heavily armed state senator.

Lindsey Lohan makes her triumphant return to the screen as a drugged-out famewhore. What can I say, she's a method actor. There was some minor debate between my date and I about whether she actually got topless for the waterfall threesome scene or if it was a bait-and-switch with a body double. I maintain that I never saw her face and boobs in the same shot. He's willing to give her the benefit of the doubt.

I'm not sure how much longer it's going to be in theaters. Readers with sharp eyes, this is your mission: Go. See Machete. And then come back and tell me yes or no on the Lohan boobs.

8 Women (2002)

  What is it with French films and surprise lesbian subtext?  That's not a set up to a Seinfeld-esque joke; I really want to know.  This is the second film in a completely unrelated genre to use the "ta-da! Lesbians!" routine that I have seen lately.  I just don't get the fascination.  They're lesbians, not aliens.

Young Suzon (Virginie Ledoyen) is home for Christmas vacation to visit her family but discovers that her father (Dominique Lemure) has been murdered and the perpetrator must have been someone still in the house.  Each of the eight women has secrets and a possible motive for wanting the patriarch dead, but all are adamant that they didn't kill him.

There is a lot going on with this film.  First of all, it's a musical murder-mystery so there are a lot of tonal shifts.  One second it's a comedy, then it's a catfight.  It's a lot like cooping over half a dozen women in the same house for a couple of days, actually.  Because it's so all over the place, it's hard to pin down whether I liked it or not.  Certainly, I liked parts of it.  I'm just not sure how I feel about it overall.

How to Marry a Millionaire (1953)

  If you've been following along at home, you should know that right now I am working my way through the F's in my collection.  So you may be wondering why I have suddenly jumped to H.  Well, kiddies, this is part of the Forever Marilyn collection that I picked up some time last year.  I had already seen Gentlemen Prefer Blondes so I started with the second out of seven.  I was never a huge Monroe fan but these are some absolutely classic movies and I would be remiss if I didn't see them just because she was in them.

Three models rent a cushy Manhattan apartment in order to find millionaire husbands.  Of course, if it were that easy everyone would do it.

These have to be the three worst gold diggers in history.  Now, look, I'm not here to say that marrying for money is despicable or whatever.  People get married for all sorts of reasons.  But, if you're going to marry someone for their fortune, for God's sake, do your research.  Real gold diggers put every moment into scoping out their prey.  It's a full time job.  They don't just half-ass it, or go by appearances only.  These characters wouldn't stand a chance against real money grubbing predators.

Honestly, they were so inept that I felt bad for them.  That threatened to ruin my good time but fortunately, William Powell was there to lend his inestimable charm to the situation.  It is still a cute movie but come on, girls!  Do your homework!

The Ice Pirates (1984)

  This movie was completely insane.  I wasn't always sure that it was intended to be quite so goofy but I really can't see any other explanation.  It is Spaceballs-level jokiness but without the clear sense of parody.

A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, an intergalactic war has left water the most valuable resource imaginable.  The only source is controlled by Space Templars but intrepid pirates risk their lives to rob the Templars' ships.  Two pirates,  Jason (Robert Urich) and Roscoe (Michael D. Roberts), are captured after attempting such a robbery and sold as slaves to Princess Karina (Mary Crosby).  She wants them to help her find her father who went missing while trying to find a mysterious planet made entirely of water.

This might be the most 80's film that was ever made.  You should see it immediately, if not for the gonzo plot and loads of innuendo, then for the chance to see Anjelica Huston as a goth punk sword master and Ron Perlman as the comic relief.

For a Few Dollars More (1965)

    I don't know if there's anything left to say about any of the entries in Sergio Leone's Man With No Name trilogy.  At this point, you either love them or hate them.  If you've never seen them, you obviously didn't grow up in a loving home.  Rectify that, immediately.

Two rival bounty hunters (Lee Van Cleef and Clint Eastwood) team up to collect on a gang of bank-robbing outlaws.  Neither of them trusts the other, especially not with so much money on the line.

That's pretty much the entire plot.  This is the middle entry and the first to feature Lee Van Cleef as the Man in Black.  It's not my favorite of the trilogy but it does let Eastwood show a little bit more personality than A Fistful of Dollars.

Galapagos (2007)

  This is actually a three-part documentary series that aired on the BBC.  I didn't know that when I added it to my queue; I thought it was just a feature.

The Galapagos Islands are famous because of giant tortoises and Charles Darwin but there is a lot more stuff going on there.  There are volcanos and salt-snorting lizards and sea lions and weird eels that pop up from the seabed like stalks of grass.  The documentary tried to cram as much stuff in as possible but there was so much to talk about that it still felt a bit rushed.  They could have made an entire season of a program about it.

It is fascinating stuff and it's beautifully shot, so it was a joy to watch.  If you're at all interested in nature or in the Galapagos in particular, I would say give this a look.  I know some people who have visiting it on their bucket lists but I'm concerned about the damage tourism is doing to their ecosystem, which is super fragile, so this is as close as I'll probably ever get.

Focus (2015)

Happy 4th of July, everyone!  Here's a totally unrelated movie!  It doesn't bring anything original to the genre, but this is a really fun movie.

Nicky (Will Smith) is an established con man.  He runs a crew of pickpockets around various cities.  Jess (Margot Robbie) is a very junior con woman.  She tries to make a mark out of Nicky and gets caught.  He sees her potential, however, and takes her under his wing as his crew works the time leading up to the Superbowl in New Orleans.  Then Jess starts to develop feelings for Nicky, so he cuts her loose.  Three years later, they meet again in Buenos Aires only this time Jess is the girlfriend of Nicky's mark, racing magnate Garriga (Rodrigo Santoro), and Nicky is finding it very hard to keep his mind on the job.  Garriga's head of security, Owens (Gerald McRaney), smells a rat but isn't quite sure which one is going to cause more damage.

Focus is certainly entertaining and it's nice to see Will Smith out being charming once more.  He has good chemistry with Robbie, the locations and costumes are gorgeous, and the supporting cast is solid.  Farhad (Adrian Martinez) in particular is my new spirit animal.  The only one that threw me off is Santoro, and that's due to nothing he did, it was just weird not seeing him covered in gold body paint.  This is one of the last films that Christy got before she moved out, so she gave me the DVD copy from her combo pack.  If you can get it for free, obviously, do so, but it's worth a rental at least or picking up a copy on sale.