31 Days of 2024 Horror - Day 31 - Cuckoo (2024)

  Happy Halloween!  Hope everyone enjoys their trick-or-treating/parties/demonic rituals responsibly and is extra nice to their goth friends because at midnight, we begin our long slumber until Christmas.  Content warning: blood

Gretchen (Hunter Schafer) reluctantly travels with her father (Márton Csókás), step-mother (Jessica Henwick), and mute step-sister (Mila Lieu) to a resort in the Bavarian Alps.  Gretchen hates it and wants to go back to the U.S. so when the creepy resort owner (Dan Stevens) offers her a job at the front desk, she seizes the opportunity to earn some cash.  Weird shit starts happening immediately.  Guests keep puking in the lobby, a blonde woman chases Gretchen down the road, she keeps losing bits of time, and a cop (Jan Bluthardt) wants her help tracking a serial killer.

I love cryptids!  Especially niche ones.  The only similar type I've seen is a character from Seanan McGuire's InCryptid series also described as a cuckoo, but that was based on wasps.  Monster design was good, story was a little basic but elevated by great performances from Schafer, Stevens, and Lieu.  Stevens in particular shines when he gets to play Weird Little Guys.  He gets to be a total Freak in this and we are all the better for it.  The Moonraker outfits, the weird flute playing, the German accent!  Like the anti-David Attenborough.  

Also, love a multi-layered meaning in a title!  Cuckoo as slang for crazy, as referring to the actual bird, a brood parasite, and also the phrase cuckoo child, how Gretchen feels alienated in her father's new family.  It's thoughtful and well put together from writer/director Tilman Singer.  It's currently only available to rent but it's definitely worth a watch.

31 Days of 2024 Horror - Day 30 - Longlegs (2024)

  It's Halloween Eve!  Content warning:  blood, dolls, child endangerment

An FBI rookie (Maika Malone) discovers she has a personal connection to a serial killer called Longlegs (Nicolas Cage) but the more she pursues, the weirder it gets.

This was almost great.  Very strong start, good effects, coherent storyline, main character is a little bland but clearly going for that Clarice Starling wounded deer thing.  Pacing could have been stronger for my taste but at least I wasn't bored.  Honestly, my problem* with this movie, the thing that keeps me from recommending it with my whole chest, is Nic Cage.  He is great in this!  Giving an outstandingly unhinged performance that still seems somehow restrained.  But he is always Nic Cage.  At no point, even under a pile of prosthetics (which looked great, btw), did he disappear into the character.  I always knew I was watching Nicolas Cage.  And that may just be me.  If your suspension of disbelief is stronger, please enjoy this well-crafted horror movie.  

It's somehow not streaming yet, which is annoying, but it is available for rent.  Might be worth it to you.  

*Okay, I lied.  I have two problems but the second one is very specific to me.  I am so bored with movies just saying "the Devil" or "Satan".  Lame.  Reeks of the 80s.  Name your demon.  Give me personalized lore.  There are literally thousands of them!  Pick a name!

31 Days of 2024 Horror - Day 29 - The Substance (2024)

  Might have to just face facts here and admit that I am not on the same wavelength as professional critics.  Almost all of their super-hyped horror films of this year have made me shrug.  Content warning: body horror, medical horror, moderate gore, blood

Elisabeth Sparkle (Demi Moore) has had a long career as an actress and fitness guru but discovers that her boss (Dennis Quaid) wants to replace her with a younger, hotter model.  Desperate to continue to feel relevant, Elisabeth agrees to an extremely off-the-books medical procedure/lifestyle called The Substance, that promises her a newer, better version of herself.  Literally.  Elisabeth takes one injection and her Other Self, Sue (Margaret Qualley), emerges from her spine, fully-formed and ready for auditions.  But as Sue's career takes off, the idea of switching back into Elisabeth becomes more and more odious, while Elisabeth grows more frustrated by the ravages Sue's "borrowing time" does to her body.  

There's a lot happening in this movie, very little of it good or nuanced or original.  "Women are obsessed with youth and beauty and That's Bad" is so tired as a concept.  Do we really need to re-hash second-wave feminism?  This also feels like a dig at motherhood.  Elisabeth literally births a younger version of herself and then feels robbed of said youth when Sue makes her own choices independent of Elisabeth.  It could have had something to say about the idea of making bad decisions in your youth leading to consequences as you age, but again that's not really new.  And yet, this movie won Best Screenplay at Cannes this year...

Conceptual problems aside, this was an incredible performance from Demi Moore who I have never seen be as snarlingly feral as here.  And of course the Academy salivates over beautiful women "uglying up" to play characters so I wouldn't be surprised if this nets her a nomination in a couple of months.  You can probably still catch it in theaters, but it's also on VOD now.  I'm not going to say don't watch it, because Moore and Qualley deserve recognition but you could get the exact same message from Death Becomes Her, which is streaming for free on Tubi.

31 Days of 2024 Horror - Day 28 - New Life (2023)

  Content warning: medical horror, some gore

Elsa (Sonya Walger) is hired to track down a young woman named Jessica (Hayley Erin) before she crosses the Canadian border.  She is hampered by a lack of information from her boss (Tony Amendola) and also by the recent diagnosis of ALS.  The closer she gets to Jessica, the more she realizes this is not a simple retrieval, but rather a matter of life and catastrophic death.

So this is basically "what if Plague Dogs but human woman" and I don't know how I feel about it.  Is this even horror?  Considering that most people are pretending so hard that Covid was a temporary inconvenience, it seems hallucinatory to suggest that we would spend any kind of time or money, much less a trained team, on contact tracing.  

This movie was assuredly not for me.  I kept getting annoyed by Jessica's "innocence" around her pursuit.  Like, girl, you woke up in a secure facility to see someone in hazmat gear.  Nobody puts that on because you're accused of a crime.  This is like the people who kept whining about "muh freedoms!" because they couldn't go to Applebee's for a couple of weeks while literal truckloads of bodies were overwhelming hospital resources.  Fuck that selfish shit.

This is only available for rent, currently, but you shouldn't watch it anyway.  Watch Outbreak or Contagion instead.

31 Days of 2024 Horror - Day 27 - Strange Darling (2024)

  If you want to talk about swinging for the fences, this sophomore effort by JT Mollner should be part of that conversation.  Content warning: blood, sexual violence, drug use

A kinky one-night stand between two strangers (Willa Fitzgerald and Kyle Gallner) leads to a bloody chase through the woods as part of a serial killer's murder spree.

It's non-linear storytelling in a throwback 70s style where each chapter (there are 6) upends what was learned in the previous one.  It challenges assumptions at every turn and maintains an absolutely breakneck pace for about 77 of its 97 minute runtime.  It's a shame the last 20 minutes are an unnecessary retread.

Mollner is obviously a rising talent but the name that surprised me the most in the credits was Giovanni Ribisi as Director of Photography.  Even more impressive, it's his feature debut.  Ribisi has had a 40-year career as an actor so presumably he's picked up a thing or two about cinematography along the way.  Still, a beautiful work and I really hope he continues with it.

It's not available on streaming but it is for rent.  It would have been a must-buy except for those last 20 minutes.  Maybe time will soften that blow.

31 Days of 2024 Horror - Day 26 - In Flames (2023)

  Another entry for Women's Horror where the horror is you're a woman and you live in Pakistan.  Content warning: intimate partner violence, some blood, constant threat of sexual assault

Mariam (Ramesha Newal) is trying to finish medical school but things are not going well at home.  Her mother (Bakhtawar Mazhar) has been suckered into signing away all of their finances and property to an Uncle (Adnan Shah) who is now evicting them and their lawyer (Naveed Kamal) doesn't think much of their chances because the law frowns on women inheriting.  To top it all off, Mariam is being haunted by her dead boyfriend (Omar Javid) because she can't admit that she snuck off to the beach on a date and got into a fatal motorcycle accident.

There are a couple of ghosts in this but the real spectre is o p p r e s s i o n.  It makes for a very depressing watch if you're a woman, and a very boring one if you're not.  Actually, kind of boring for women too, because it's not like any of this is news.  Men Being Shitty is a default setting in a lot of places.  

It's not out on streaming anywhere but you can rent it if you feel so inclined.  

31 Days of 2024 Horror - Day 25 - Lisa Frankenstein (2024)

  I had been waiting to see this one because I'm one of the rare people that actually liked Jennifer's Body when it came out and think it's only improved with time.  The reviews were not encouraging but see previous statement.  Content warning: blood, dismemberment, worms

Lisa (Kathryn Newton) doesn't fit in.  Not in her new school and not in her new blended family, despite the cheerful attempts of her step-sister, Taffy (Liza Soberano).  Lisa would rather spend time in an abandoned graveyard for bachelors than hang out at the mall.  A stray wish and a lightning storm sees one of the eligible dead brought back to life.  The Creature (Cole Sprouse) can't speak but he and Lisa don't need words to express themselves:  they have murder.  And a slightly dodgy tanning bed.  With every zap, The Creature comes back a little more.  But is it enough to find love?

Diablo Cody excels at writing witty one-liners that believably sound like teen slang.  Plot-wise, this is underdeveloped but seeing as it's parodying 80s teen comedies, that could be intentional.  Something tells me it's not, though.  Regardless, Cody has a gift for dialogue.  This is also the directorial debut of Zelda Williams and it is a solid first outing.  Could she have taken more risks?  Probably.  But it's her first feature with an original IP and that's pretty risky anyway.  

Sprouse is the standout performer here.  He is basically in pantomime the entire film, filling the Gen Z Edward Scissorhands/Benny & Joon silent heartthrob role without the problematic binge drinking.  (I hope.  Please, God, don't let Cole Sprouse secretly be a complete fuck-up.)  Newton is fine, she is a pro, but I personally thought she did a better job playing younger in Abigail than here.

Your enjoyment of this film will vary, depending on your tolerance for Cody specifically, teen girls generally, and slightly gross, juvenile humor.  I'll end up buying it because I think it'll age well but for now, it's streaming on Amazon Prime.

31 Days of 2024 Horror - Day 24 - Sting (2023)

  More spiders!  Well, just one but it's a really big one.  Content warning:  spiders, dead animal (parrot, cat, rabbit), some gore

Charlotte (Alyla Brown) is elated to discover a curiously intelligent spider in her grandmother's (Noni Hazelhurst) apartment.  On a steady diet of cockroaches, Sting grows and grows.  Charlotte even shows her off to the upstairs neighbor, Erik (Danny Kim), some kind of biologist.  Unfortunately, his specialty is in the Mad sub-category and he decides to see just how big Sting can get.  Antics ensue.

Remember how the last spider movie we watched was secretly about the pandemic?  This one is not!  It's about teenaged girls' feelings!  Big, scary feelings of loss and resentment and helplessness that get under your skin and turn all your organs into liquid-- okay, perhaps the metaphor breaks down there, but still.  

This is an Australian film set in Brooklyn, New York, presumably because no one in their right mind in Australia would take an unidentified spider as a pet.  It could have been set anywhere, really, there are barely any exterior shots and none that establish place other than Urban Center.

Your enjoyment of this will be based largely on two factors: 1) your tolerance for spiders that mimic noises and 2) how much you loved Little Shop of Horrors.  Sadly, not a musical but we can't have everything.  

The special effects are by WETA so no complaints there.  Performances are good, especially by child actress Brown, who probably has a long career ahead of her.  As an American, it was a little weird to see an "American" movie from somewhere else.  Everything was just subtly off, rang slightly out of tune, but not in a way I can really point out.  It was interesting in a kind of embarrassing this-is-what-it's-like-for-other-countries sort of way.  It's currently streaming on Hulu.

31 Days of 2024 Horror - Day 23 - Departing Seniors (2023)

  Another fun slasher!  Content warning:  homophobia, some blood, staged suicide

Javier (Ignacio Diaz- Silverio) is spending his senior year of high school hanging with is best friend, Bianca (Ireon Roach), crushing on a cute boy (Ryan Foreman), and trying to avoid the clique of bullies led by Ginny (Maisie Merlock).  A near-death accident caused by those same bullies gives Javier the ability to see glimpses of the future and past from objects or people via touch.  Now, he and Bianca must figure out who is killing seniors and masking them as a rash of teen suicides.

This is a fun, modern slasher that's not going to offer any real scares or surprises.  It's funny and witty with decent performances from the young leads.  The more emotional moments fell a little flatter than I would have liked, but it's completely fine for a group watch with your friends.  The only place I could find it was the Roku Channel, which means annoying ad breaks, but it might be worth it for you.

31 Days of 2024 Horror - Day 22 - Immaculate (2024)

  Boy, there sure are a lot of horror movies this year about forcing people into unwanted pregnancies.  I WONDER WHY THAT IS.  Content warning:  suicide, torture, dead animal (chicken)

Cecilia (Sydney Sweeney) knew that God had a plan for her after a childhood miracle resuscitation after drowning.  She plans to take her formal vows as a nun in the Order of Our Lady of Sorrows outside Rome, which is now a retirement home for old nuns.  But it turns out Cecilia figures into the plans of earthly figures too, as a virgin vessel for the Second Coming.

Of the two pregnant nun movies I've watched this month, I think Immaculate is the more successful story.  I hesitate to call it original but it is not shackled to an existing IP and **SPOILERS FOLLOW** at least has the guts to claim she's actually birthing Jesus 2.0, not the Antichrist.  **END SPOILERS**  I'm not familiar with Sweeney's body of work; the only other thing I've seen her in was Madame Web, but she seems to be nailing the wide-eyed innocent role.  

Like I said, the story is really derivative and you've likely seen everything in it somewhere else but if you just want background noise for a Halloween party, it's not terrible.  It's streaming on Hulu.

31 Days of 2024 Horror - Day 21 - Night Shift (2023)

  Content warning:  some gore

Gwen (Phoebe Tonkin) takes a last-minute under-the-table cash job pulling the night shift at a motel but soon finds that outdated appliances and weird décor aren't the only features.

This was cliche-ridden, derivative drivel and you can do better.  Tonkin gives it her all but she can't save the movie.  The twist isn't twisty, the ghost design is boring, and there's no tension.  It is as generic as its title and I don't feel like wasting any more words on it.  

31 Days of 2024 Horror - Day 20 - Hell Hole (2024)

  This movie is just okay until about the one hour mark where it suddenly morphs into pure hilarity.  Content warning: heavy gore, dead animal (horse), attempted suicide (gun)

An American fracking company in Serbia has been frustrated by both inclement weather washing out the road so they can't get their equipment to the site and by bureaucracy in the form of a pair of scientists making sure they don't disturb an endangered species.  They are finally given the okay to drill and immediately discover something organic beneath the soil, something that has been lying in wait since the previous century.

The CGI is janky, the dialogue isn't great, and the performances are pretty mid for about two-thirds of the movie.  I completely understand if that is too much time to spend before it gets good.  At no point is it unwatchable, but it is definitely C-list material until the third act. 

Readers, I laughed so hard I threw my back out.  Wild, shrieking, uncontrollable, bog-witch-in-the-night howls of laughter.  I encourage you to go in blind, like I did, but if you need more convincing, **SPOILERS FOLLOW** it's basically "what if unwanted pregnancy, but a man?" and post-Roe, it is very funny to see men react to the arguments women have heard for years.  **END SPOILERS**  It will definitely not be for everyone but if you like your horror monsters on the foam rubber side, gratuitous splatter gore, and an explicit reason why you never go ass-to-mouth, give Hell Hole a shot.  It's currently streaming on Shudder.

31 Days of 2024 Horror - Day 19 - Here for Blood (2022)

  Content warning:  heavy gore, blood

A demonic cult is after Grace (Maya Misaljevic) but first they have to go through her new babysitter (Shawn Roberts).

I don't watch pro wrestling.  It's just not a genre I find appealing.  It has started the film careers of a number of actors, though.  Too soon to tell if Shawn Roberts will be the next John Cena (complimentary) or the next Steve Austin (derogatory).  

This is more the style of slasher/splatter film I like.  I don't know if I'd go so far as to call Roberts' character a himbo but it's himbo-adjacent.  He's a big, maybe-not-the-smartest guy who is trying really hard to deal with a situation that started outside his comfort zone and progressively spirals from there.  

A lot of big, tough guys do action movies opposite adorable children and a lot of actors get their start in horror movies.  This is like if you combined Mandy and The Pacifier.  If you're in the mood for it, you'll have a pretty good time.  If you're not, it'll probably look like a dumpster filled with cheese set on fire.  Today, I was feeling it.  Your mileage may vary.  It's streaming on Tubi, which is about right for setting expectations.

31 Days of 2024 Horror - Day 18 - Lovely, Dark, and Deep (2023)

  Content warning: mild gore, cannibalism

People keep going missing in the Arvores National Park.  A fact that Ranger Lennon (Georgina Campbell) is all too aware of, given that her sister, Jenny (Letícia Assunção), was one of them.  Jenny's disappearance has haunted Lennon for years and now, she plans to use her first season in the back-country to search for answers.

I wish I could be nicer to this movie but it just didn't do anything for me.  I'm sure there are a bunch of people for whom the unknown is terrifying and if so, this is probably a great movie for them.  I needed clarity and I wasn't getting it.  Also, I don't camp so I don't really care what happens in the woods.  You go out there, that's on you.

If bugs and sleeping on rocks are your thing, give this a shot.  It's currently streaming on Kanopy with a library card and Tubi for free with ads.

31 Days of 2024 Horror - Day 17 - Somewhere Quiet (2024)

  Content warning:  abuse, discussion of torture, dead animal (dog)

Meg (Jennifer Kim) was kidnapped but escaped.  Reunited with her husband, Scott (Kentucker Audley), she agrees to spend some time with him at his family's summer house on a secluded Cape Cod beach.  It's the off-season so it should be a quiet place for Meg to work through some of the trauma she experienced.  Except Scott is clingy and pushy and his annoying cousin, Madelin (Marin Ireland), shows up and won't take a hint and Meg's nightmares are getting worse and all she wants to do is talk to Scott about it but he keeps telling her to write it in her journal and the goddamned dog won't stop barking and it feels like she can't take a single breath.  

This year's Get Out comes with a side order of gaslighting.  It's a little shaky and doesn't quite stick the landing as much as I'd like but for a debut full-length feature by writer/director Olivia West Lloyd, it's very promising.  Kim is a standout in the lead and it's nice to see the evolution of her character.  Of course this is another example of Women's Horror where the horror is you are a woman and no one listens to you.

If you like true crime podcasts, this is probably the movie for you.  It's currently streaming on Hulu.

31 Days of 2024 Horror - Day 16 - Exhuma (2024)

  This is a really good year for ghost stories!  Content warning:  dead animals, blood, some gore, infant in distress

A wealthy Korean ex-pat (Kim Jae-cheol) believes his family line is cursed so he hires a shaman (Kim Go-eun) and her team to cremate his grandfather's remains.  The team geomancer (Choi Min-sik) is deeply disturbed by the gravesite, which is nameless and alone atop a mountain, and the more the team digs into both the literal and metaphorical dirt surrounding the family, the more danger they find.

I love seeing the intersection of folklore and funerary rites.  I think it's fascinating.  So this movie felt tailor-made for me and I cannot be reasonable in my enjoyment of it.  Also, it's always great to see Choi Min-sik in stuff.  

There is a lot of Korean history wrapped up in this that may or may not send you down a rabbit hole of research, depending on your familiarity.  I have a very shallow background in Asian history but I didn't find it hard to follow.  It just made me want to learn more and isn't that all you can ask for from your horror movies?

Anyway, it's so so good and I highly recommend checking it out.  It's streaming exclusively on Shudder but I'm planning on buying this one.

31 Days of 2024 Horror - Day 15 - Double Blind (2023)

  Another Irish horror, notwithstanding this international poster.  Content warning:  animal death (mouse), needles, blood, some gore, allusions to child abuse

Seven twentysomthings join a stage-one drug trial.  Amir (Akshay Kumar), a med student hoping for an internship, becomes increasingly concerned about the side effects, especially after it seems that all participants in the study have received the experimental drug with no control group.  Oh, and they've gone over 100 hours without sleep.  Stuck in a facility-wide lockdown, the seven strangers must stay awake for a further 24-hours until help arrives or their brains will basically boil inside their skulls.  

The movie actually follows Claire (Millie Brady) but she doesn't really do anything to move the plot.  It just kind of happens around her.

Sound design was critical in this film, even more than the visuals, for creating an atmosphere of unreality.  Visuals are good, nothing ground-breaking but executed well.  For me, the standout is the dialogue.  It nails that feeling of having been awake too long but still expected to perform at top capacity.  I did find that I deducted some points for Claire being a weak protagonist but your mileage may vary.  Maybe you find her sympathetic and relatable.  It's currently streaming on Kanopy with a library card or on Tubi with ads.  About half of my ads were for prescription drugs, which I found very funny.

31 Days of 2024 Horror - Day 14 - Handling the Undead (2024)

  Here's your obligatory zombie movie.  Wish it was a better one.  Content warning:  dead child, animal killed on-screen (rabbit), suicide attempt

A strange power surge in Oslo causes the dead to re-animate, throwing three families into chaos as they try to cope with the return of a loved one that's not quite right.

This is based on a novel by the same guy who wrote Let the Right One In and there are moments that have the same feel, but overall this is a very weak film.  It doesn't say or do anything new with the genre and the overall message of letting go of grief is facile and frankly, condescending.

Can't even give it props for performances.  Everybody acts like they're on anti-depressants already and I don't know if that's just because they're Norwegian or what.  It's boring, it's sad, and it's insulting.  It's streaming on Hulu.

31 Days of 2024 Horror - Day 13 - Blackout (2023)

  Halloween checklist:  vampires?  Check.  Demons?  Check, check.  Werewolves?  Check!   Content warning:  gore, drunk driving

Charley (Alex Hurt) has a problem.  Three nights a month, he goes on a bender and can't remember anything the next day.  Also, his late father might have been involved in shady shit with the local developer (Marshall Bell) to poison the town, his relationship with said developer's daughter (Addison Timlin) is on the rocks, and to top it all off, all the nights he can't remember are correlated with a series of brutal murders.  

This movie understands that all werewolf stories* are ultimately sad.  They have been sad since 1941.  At their heart, they are about loss of control and humanity, guilt and personal and societal responsibility.  

There are a number of references to the original Wolf Man.  The town is called Talbot Falls, the practical werewolf prosthetics are updated versions of the original look, and there are a couple of references to Lon Chaney, Jr.  It also stars a famous actor's son.  Alex Hurt looks so much like his father it is unreal.  Kid's mom's genes never stood a chance.  Horror legend Barbara Crampton appears briefly as the lawyer, Kate.  

I'm going to stress again that this is not a movie you put on for a good time.  But it is a good movie.  And it's streaming for free on Tubi.

*This does not include book werewolves, whose defining characteristic is horny.  They can also be sad, but mostly just very horny.

31 Days of 2024 Horror - Day 12 - Arcadian (2024)

  Content warning:  mild gore

Paul (Nicolas Cage) survived the apocalypse and managed to get his infant twins to their teens.  They live in a farmhouse and abide strictly by rules about lockdown, making sure the house is securely fashioned by dusk.  It works, until Thomas (Maxwell Jenkins) falls for the girl next door (Sadie Soverall) and begins to push the boundaries in an effort to spend every waking minute with her.  Meanwhile, Joseph (Jaeden Martell) believes there is a pattern to the nightly attacks and that the monsters might be smarter than previously realized.

This isn't bad for creature design, although when you finally see the whole thing it's a little goofy.  It reminded me of the descriptions of boogeymen in Terry Pratchett's Discworld novels.  There is more shaky cam than I would like, but it's not constant at least.  Performances were good.  Cage is damn near  demure and as the movie focuses on the sons, he kind of fades to the background.  Martell (née Lieberher) and Jenkins are both seasoned pros, despite their tender years and I look forward to following their careers with interest.

Arcadian is basically a better version of A Quiet Place and a much better allegory for fatherhood.  It's currently streaming on Shudder.

31 Days of 2024 Horror - Day 11 - In a Violent Nature (2024)

  Content warning:  gore

Six twentysomethiings find a gold locket in an abandoned fire tower in the woods and take it, unknowingly waking a revenant.  "Johnny" (Ry Barrett) was murdered 70 years ago but it didn't take and only his mother's amulet keeps him from wandering around, hacking people to bits.  

This movie was made by people who fundamentally misunderstood what a slasher movie is.  Where is the joy?  Where is the creativity?  Where is the madcap manic glee??  Nowhere to be found!  

There was a lot of potential here for a Hatchet or Tucker and Dale style hillbilly slasher.  The camera stays with the killer nearly all of the run-time which would have been really cool if he had been at all interesting.  Same thing for the conversations that don't happen on-screen.  You can't build any sympathy for the victims because you don't see them for much of the film and I personally found it harder to place voices with faces so I didn't even know who was getting murdered half the time.  

The dialogue itself was so stilted and unnatural.  Like somebody browsed Reddit and just wrote down "how young people talk" as a direction.  And the last 15-minutes of the film are taken up by a boring, long-ass story about a bear attack that had nothing to do with anything else.  

It's like a student film trying to use the slasher genre to make a point about human impact on nature that is completely obtuse and again, misses the entire point of slashers in an effort to "elevate" horror.  D-

It's currently streaming on Shudder.

31 Days of 2024 Horror - Day 10 - Oddity (2024)

  This was such a good movie!  Content warning:  gore

While renovating her new house, Dani (Carolyn Bracken) is violently murdered.  A year later, her blind twin sister, Darcy (Carolyn Bracken), shows up at the house determined to punish Dani's killer by any means necessary.  Dani's widower, Ted (Gwilym Lee), thinks Darcy is harmless if kind of a crackpot but soon can't explain the things she seems to know.

There are jump scares but no surprises.  The villain is exactly who you think it is and that could have made for a really boring movie but it's saved by being stunningly well-executed.  I think there's a particular dread? in the anticipation of something bad.  You see something, you think "that's about to do something bad," and then it does, and your thoughts and feelings are validated and reinforced.  Oddity has a cascading series of those moments, which feels vindicating especially if you've ever been told something is just your imagination playing tricks on you.

The characters have normal reactions to what's going on and that's always nice to see.  Performances are great across the board, but special shout-out to Tadhg Murphy as Ollin Boole.  I'll probably end up buying this one at some point.  It feels like the kind of movie that I will enjoy making other people watch and feeding on their reactions.

Currently streaming on Shudder.

31 Days of 2024 Horror - Day 9 - You'll Never Find Me (2023)

  Oh, Australia, never change!  

A woman (Jordan Cowan) seeks shelter from a storm at a trailer owned by a loner/pariah (Brendan Rock).  As the wind howls outside, a different, quieter storm is gathering inside.  Both of them are lying about who they are.  What they are.  

I loved fully 7/8ths of this movie.  I don't know if I liked the ending.  I have to sit with it a little longer to decide.  There's no gore, very little violence really, just violin-string tension the whole way through.  Everything is carried in the performances and dialogue.  The characters are trapped by the excruciating politeness of social convention more than locks and that is like catnip to me, specifically.  

I don't want to spoil it, even though I wouldn't necessarily call it a twist.  I think it's better to go in knowing less.  It's currently streaming on Shudder.

31 Days of 2024 Horror - Day 8 - The First Omen (2024)

  Content warning:  pregnancy horror, sexual assault (off-screen), suicide, moderate gore, spiders

Margaret (Nell Tiger Free) has come to Rome to take her vows as a nun.  Until then, she works as a teacher in an all-girls orphanage, where she quickly grows attached to Carlita (Nichole Sorace), a troubled girl who has the same kinds of issues Margaret had when she was young.  But Father Brennan (Ralph Ineson) believes that Carlita is in danger, that there is a splinter group within the Church that is trying to bring forth the Antichrist.

This is meant to be a prequel to The Omen, a classic Evil Child movie, but comes off much more like a remake of Rosemary's Baby with nuns.  It's fine.  It's just not original in any way.  It's big and loud and the third act "twist" is obvious from the first 15 minutes of the movie.  However, the performances are good!  Nell Tiger Free has changed a lot since she played Myrcella on Game of Thrones.  Veterans like Bill Nighy, Sonia Braga, and Charles Dance show up to lend some gravitas to the whole affair, and Maria Caballero steals scenes as Luz, a fellow novitiate.  Horror visuals are standard but well-executed.

I would have liked this to swing a little harder for the fences.  It feels very safe.  It's currently streaming on Hulu.

31 Days of 2024 Horror - Day 7 - Out of Darkness (2022)

  I say again, the past sucks.  1750?  Shitty year.  43,000 BCE?  Worse.  Content warning:  some gore, cannibalism

Adem (Chuku Modu) leads a splinter of his tribe across the sea to a new land in search of better prospects.    Instead, they find a wasteland and something snatches Adem's son, Heron (Luna Mwezi), in the dark.  The elder (Arno Lüning) thinks they have angered a demon that must be appeased.  Adem believes it's a beast that can be tracked and killed.  

The neatest thing about this movie is that every line of dialogue is in a made-up language created for the film.  It adds an otherness where it's almost something you could recognize (based on Arabic and Basque, according to the director) but isn't.  Otherwise, this isn't really a novel take on survival horror.  There are long stretches where the camera just pans over each character in a way that's meant to increase tension but just ends up being boring.  

The cinematography is great when it's gliding over the Scottish highlands but it devolves into shaky cam during action and you know I hate that.  (I'm pretty sure I recognized the same ridge from Braveheart but I could be wrong.)  The "twist" at the end isn't particularly well done and the message isn't as clever as it thinks.  It is based in actual historical evidence, however, so that's nice.  All in all, not super worth your attention.  It's streaming on Paramount+ with the Showtime option.  Which I think is just included now?  Whatever.  Paramount+.

If you're wondering, it was released in festivals in 2022 but didn't get a wide release, i.e. to the States, until 2024 so it counts as being from this year.

31 Days of 2024 Horror - Day 6 - The Devil's Bath (2024)

  This is a genre I like to call Women's Horror because it presents life just being a woman and voila!  Horror.  Content warning:  infanticide, suicide, open wounds, rotting flesh, maggots, decapitation, dead animals (goat, fish)

Agnes (Anja Plaschg) was looking forward to being married and having a house and family of her own.  But her husband (David Scheid) doesn't touch her, her mother-in-law (Maria Hofstätter) is overbearing, and the chores expected of her are drudging misery.  What's an emotionally sensitive girl to do when the most attractive option means you won't get into heaven?  She looks for a loophole.

Love that the premise is "what if you were a peasant in 1750" and that's it.  The past fucking sucks.  The movie does a good job showing that no one is really at fault here.  Agnes' husband does love her but it is heavily implied that he prefers men, so he can't give her what she wants --a baby-- but he also can't really tell her why.  And there's no divorce.  So Agnes is left shouldering the burden of being childless, trying to learn a lifetime's worth of skilled labor in a couple of weeks, feeling judged and found wanting at every turn.  In modern times, she would probably be vegan but that's also not an option, so she feels guilty and surrounded by death with every meal she makes.  And up until around 1970, that was the reality for literally millions of women.  

There's a super depressing end title card detailing the court statistics that inform this movie, just in case you thought it was me being a rabid feminist again.  But if you like rural folk horror like Hagazussa, this might be one for you.  It's currently streaming on Shudder.

31 Days of 2024 Horror - Day 5 - Abigail (2024)

  I love vampire movies!  Content warning:  heavy gore

Six strangers are recruited to kidnap a billionaire's 12-year-old daughter, Abigail (Alisha Weir).  The plan is to hole up in an isolated manor house and wait for the ransom demand to be paid.  But Abigail has some bad news for them.  Her father runs an underground crime empire and he's not about to pay to see her returned.  Also, she's not locked in with them; they are locked in with her.

This movie was such a fun time but I really wish the marketing hadn't spoiled Abigail's identity.  It would be so much more fun to anticipate, rather than know.  That being said, Weir is a tiny powerhouse in this role.  Also, shout out to Kevin Durand as the heavy.  He was hilarious.  

The idea of a bloodthirsty ballerina is such a Cabin in the Woods roulette wheel choice and I loved that.  I also enjoyed that nobody is afraid to say the word "vampire."  I hate when franchises use euphemisms like no one has ever heard of this kind of monster before.  

There is a lot of fake blood in this so if you are squeamish maybe give it a pass.  Otherwise, grab some friends, put on your sparkliest tutu, and settle in to enjoy some pint-sized ass-kicking.  It's not currently on streaming services unless you rent.  It was on Peacock for a while.  I bought it in anticipation of this month, so that's also an option.

31 Days of 2024 Horror - Day 4 - Stopmotion (2024)

  I wish this movie lived up to its visuals.  Content warning:  some body horror, dead animal (fox)

Ellie (Aisling Franciosi) loves making stop motion animation but struggles coming out of the shadow of her famous mother (Stella Gonet).  Especially when her creations seem to have a mind of their own.

I'm so disappointed.  This movie had nothing to say except the same old cliches about creation as birth, destruction of the artist, and even inner child creativity.  Just lame, navel-gazing pretension masquerading as horror.  

And the visuals were so good!  Weird little things made of mortician's wax and roadkill!  Ventriloquist dolls!  A little girl singing creepy songs in a stairwell!  Just let down by a script aspiring to mediocrity and coming up short.

It's streaming on Shudder.

31 Days of 2024 Horror - Day 3 - Infested (2023)

  Content warning:  spiders, bugs, dead animal (dog), mild gore

Kaleb (Théo Christine) fends off despair over his mother's recent death, his antagonistic relationship with his sister, Manon (Lisa Nyarko), and the low-grade but constant grind of poverty, by buying rare and exotic invertebrates with the dream to open his own vivarium someday.  One of these purchases, a venomous spider with no provenance, escapes into Kaleb's run-down apartment building, filled with mainly immigrants.  It's not long until the spiders take over.

This is a decent creature feature, especially if you have fond memories of watching Arachnophobia in the 90s.  There are spiders everywhere and it looks like a lot of them are real with a mix of CGI for some behaviors and size.  There are some jump scares, mostly of the "small thing that suddenly moves FASTER THAN EXPECTED towards you" variety.  If you've ever been surprised by a spider in the shower, you know the feeling.

But this isn't really a movie about spiders.  It's very much a movie about reacting to the pandemic, especially if you are poor and non-white.  After the first death, masked officials order all the residents to lock themselves inside their apartments and quarantine the building, blocking the exits and refusing to allow anyone to leave containment.  Which is not what you do with an infestation, but is 100% what you do with a pathogen.  

So if you liked District B-13 but wished there were spiders doing parkour instead of people, Infested is currently streaming on Shudder, which I get as an add-on with Amazon Prime.

31 Days of 2024 Horror - Day 2 - Late Night with the Devil (2024)

  I was very excited to get to watch this and it does not disappoint!  Content warning:  cancer, some gore

Late night host Jack Delroy (David Dastmalchian) has been riding Johnny Carson's coattails in the ratings for years.  Now, in 1977, with Night Owls on the brink of cancellation, Jack plans a desperate live Halloween episode featuring a renowned psychic (Fayssal Bazzi), a professional skeptic (Ian Bliss), and a parapsychologist (Laura Gordon) who claims to have rescued a patient (Ingrid Torelli) from a Satanic cult.

I had such a good time watching this!  Dastmalchian has become one of my favorite Weird Little Guy actors and it was so good to watch him play against type as Normal and Charismatic.  Plus, I am a total sucker for a good possession story.  

The film stays simple; doesn't try to get too flashy or bogged down in any more exposition than is necessary to set up.  Other than Dastmalchian*, the cast are professional character actors and their performances are great.  

*I actually have no idea if he counts as famous yet.  He's been in a bunch of really high-profile stuff but I don't know if regular people who don't watch 300 movies a year know who he is.

It's currently streaming on Shudder, which is available as part of AMC+ now?  I have it as an add-on to Amazon Prime but it doesn't matter.  Totally worth watching.

31 Days of 2024 Horror - Day 1 - Beetlejuice Beetlejuice (2024)

  Happy Spooky Season!  We're going to do things a little differently this year.  Instead of watching whatever horror happened to be up next on my To Be Watched Queue, we're going to highlight 31 films from this year.  Starting with this one!

Astrid Deetz (Jenna Ortega) has grown up in the shadow of her famous mother Lydia's (Winona Ryder) paranormal TV show and she hates it.  For her part, Lydia is sick and tired of seeing dead people everywhere but her smarmy producer boyfriend (Justin Theroux) keeps pushing her to milk that cash cow.  A family tragedy brings them all back to Winter River and Astrid accidentally gets trapped in the spirit world.  Lydia has to broker a deal with her nemesis, Beetlejuice (Michael Keaton), to get her daughter back.  The Ghost with the Most demands Lydia marry him, both to fulfill his decades-long fantasy and to stop his vengeful ex-wife (Monica Belluci) from destroying his undead life.

Belluci, of course, filling the Barely Disguised Director's Fetish role previously occupied in Burton's films by his wives.

Look, no one needed this film to be made.  It is shameless nostalgia-bait for people born in the 80s who are now having a mid-life crisis.  That being said, it's not terrible.  It's a comforting level of predictable plot, returning stars, and campy fun.  Catherine O'Hara steals every scene she's in while newcomer (to me, at least) Arthur Conti was a fun surprise talent.  

It's family friendly popcorn entertainment that is specifically designed to appeal to the most people.  And it does.  I went to the theater as part of a group and everybody (teenagers included) had a good time, whether or not they were familiar with the original.  It's probably going to be on (sigh) Max and possibly Disney+ sometime this month.  Keep an eye out.