Oops! All Horror - Day 23 - The Mummy (1933)

  Content warning:  animal death (dog (off-screen)), blackface

My friend Lauren is kind enough to let me walk her through the Universal horror classics.  We've seen Dracula, Frankenstein, Bride of Frankenstein and now Boris Karloff's Mummy.  I will admit, I'd never sat down and actually watched it before.

A terrible discovery during an archeological dig sends one man mad (Bramwell Fletcher) and another into retirement.  Ten years later,  Frank Whemple (David Manners) comes to Egypt to continue his father's work.  An enigmatic local named Ardeth Bey (Boris Karloff) leads him to the tomb of Princess Ankh-es-en-Amon.  At a party in celebration of the find, Helen Grosvenor (Zita Johann) falls into a trance and attempts to break into the museum where the remains of the princess have been taken.  Frank and Helen's psychiatrist/occultist, Dr. Muller (Edward Van Sloan), theorize that Helen is the reincarnation of Ankh-es-en-Amon.  Dr. Muller is immediately suspicious of Ardeth Bey, believing him to be the resurrected mummy Imhotep from the first disastrous expedition.

I was a little surprised at how much overlap there was between this and the 1999 The Mummy.  The Fraser/Weisz version is vastly superior but I love it even more now, knowing how they incorporated the original story.  Even the white cat!

The makeup work is phenomenal but the performances are only so-so.  It's barely over an hour long but it dragged in places.  Stick to the remake, but if you're curious, be prepared to shell out some money because this isn't available for streaming except to rent or buy.  

Oops! All Horror - Day 22 - Buzzkill (2026)

  Content warning:  blood, vomit, alcohol use

Nora (Siena Agudong) witnessed the murder of her sorority president, Sarah (Frances Sholto-Douglas), but was black-out drunk and doesn't remember who did it.  So she keeps getting black-out drunk every night, trying to piece together what happened, writing clues on herself with Sharpie that she then has to decipher the next day.  Her fellow sorority sisters are sick of her antics and hit her with an ultimatum:  stay sober or get kicked out.  But on the night of the annual Greek House Pub Crawl, Nora is sure she can solve the murder if she can just get her hands on some Jell-O shots.

This is obviously meant to be funny but it comes off as promoting irresponsible and unhealthy drinking habits.  The whole "drunk me did this for sober me" joke was played out like a decade ago on Tumblr.  Otherwise, it's a fairly decent sorority slasher that avoids most of the really gross/exploitative tropes.  There are some nods to Black Christmas and Slumber Party Massacre which show that the filmmakers did their homework; they just have questionable taste in humor.  The cast is game, though I don't know if anyone here is destined for the A-list.  I could be wrong.  All in all, not bad if you had a group of friends watching.

It is streaming on Tubi.

Oops! All Horror - Day 21 - Ravenous (1996)

  Content warning: blood, cannibalism, some gore, animal death (horses)

Captain Boyd (Guy Pearce) is a reluctant Spanish-American war hero who is exiled to Fort Spencer, California, a decrepit bastion holding one of the Sierra Nevada passes.  On a snowy night, a stranger stumbles into the fort bearing a tale of desperation.  Father Calqhoun (Robert Carlyle) was traveling with a wagon train when they were led astray and forced to winter in a cave.  Hunger beset them and they turned to murder and cannibalism.  Colqhoun tearfully recounts his flight, certain that he would have been the next victim.  The fort commander, Colonel Hart (Jeffrey Jones), immediately puts together a rescue party but the local guide, George (Joshua Running Fox), warns Boyd of the legend of the Wendigo, a man with an insatiable desire for human flesh.

This is one of those movies that is just so fun to watch it makes up for any flaws.  Pearce and Carlyle have incredible chemistry together, although Carlyle alone could carry this movie.  The soundtrack is so bouncy and jovial, you'll forget you're watching people flee for their lives.  If the tone doesn't work for you, I get it.  I love horror comedies and it's by far the funniest cannibalism movie I've ever seen.  The folklore elements are pretty spot-on and it actually casts Native actors in Native roles, which is better than a lot of its 90s peers.  

I saw this a long time ago, about a year after it premiered, and I've kept my copy ever since then.  It's absolutely worth the money, but if you just want to stream it, it's also available on Amazon Prime.

Oops! All Horror - Day 20 - Stranger Things season 5 (2025)

  Content warning:  blood, child endangerment, some gore, eldritch monstrosities, mangled limbs

The town of Hawkins, Indiana is under martial law, quarantined after the confrontation with Vecna/Henry Creel (Jamie Campbell Bower) split the town into four sections.  A resistance network has formed, with Hopper (David Harbour) and the boys leading crawls into the tunnel network under the town, connecting with the Upside Down in an attempt to locate Henry, while Eleven/Jane (Millie Bobby Brown) trains her psychic powers for a final confrontation.

We are ending a lot of things this year.  I didn't get into the fandom around this show but I enjoyed it for what it was.  I know the finale got a lot of flack from people but I think any ending is going to be divisive.  It went pretty much the way I expected.  A two-hour run time is crazy, though.  

There are probably easier ways to get kids to play Dungeons & Dragons, but it's streaming on Netflix.

Oops! All Horror - Day 19 - Buffet Infinity (2026)

  Content Warning:  mild gore

Buffet Infinity has opened in the town of Westbridge, Alberta, Canada.  It's got everything.  Just ignore the sinkhole out back.  And the weird, pervasive noise.  And the lack of staff.  And the constant expansion.  

The entire movie is a series of local commercials and news alerts that somehow tells a coherent narrative.  It's possibly the most original film I've ever seen and certainly the most original this year.  And I feel like it'll come and go and no one will have ever heard of this outside film festivals and gorehounds like me.  It is 100% not for everyone.  If someone channel-surfing sets your teeth on edge, for example.  If you've never been up late and flipped through all the infomercials in a kind of mindless haze, best to skip this.  But if you have a weird nostalgia for the shitty used cars ads that were kind of like mini-serials, or the box collections of CDs for people you've never heard on a radio, please watch this.  Please reward this kind of ingenuity.  I promise you it's worth it.

It's streaming on Shudder/AMC+.  It's got the sauce.

Oops! All Horror - Day 18 - I Walked With a Zombie (1943)

  Content warning:  dead animal (sheep), passive racism, suicide (drowning)

Betsy Connell (Frances Dee) is a young Canadian nurse who accepts a position in the West Indies to care for the wife of a sugar plantation owner.  Jessica (Christine Gordon) had a severe fever that left her mind impaired.  She can eat and walk unaided, and follow simple commands, but cannot talk or have any real agency.  Betsy finds herself drawn to Paul (Tom Conway), Jessica's sullen husband but is warned off by his half-brother, Wesley (James Ellison), who claims Paul drove Jessica mad before her illness.  Desperate to restore Jessica's mind, Betsy turns to a houngan, a Vodou priest, for a cure.

Why, yes, it is a more racist Jane Eyre.  Apparently by design.  It was based on a magazine article about Haitian plantation workers' drug use destroying their minds but obviously, that wasn't sexy enough for RKO.  Creative liberties aside, the movie is beautifully shot.  It is also edited down to the bones, clocking in at a speedy 68 minutes.

Gordon is a vacant-eyed doll but dressed impeccably.  Even her voodoo doll looked great.  The men kind of suck but I typically don't care about men's fashion.  Women looked great though.  Conway is the only one in the cast with an English accent which I would probably not have cared about if the movie hadn't tried to explain it as "uh, he and his brother went to different boarding schools."  

If you're looking for vibes without gore or jump scares, here's one for you but you're going to have to whip out the VPN or pay real money to rent or buy.  

Oops! All Horror - Day 17 - Misery (1990)

  Content warning:  some blood, mild body horror

Novelist Paul Sheldon (James Caan) is excited to start a new era.  He has finally killed off his previous bestselling character, Misery Chastain, and is starting a brand new series.  He is on his way to deliver his manuscript to his editor (Lauren Bacall) when his car goes off the road during a blizzard.  Fortunately, Paul is rescued by a nurse, Annie Wilkes (Kathy Bates), who just so happens to be a fan.  His number one fan, you could say.  As Paul begins to recover, Annie gets more demanding, more controlling.  The only way to pacify her is to write a new Misery Chastain novel.

There's something being said in the film about the parasocial demands of fandom that feels very prescient, given the well-publicized outcries about popular media, like the series finale of Stranger Things or the recent-ish Disney Star Wars sequels.  Apparently, the kid who plays Percy Jackson in the Disney+ show had to ask fans online to stop sending death-threats to his potential prom dates.  So there's a lot of angry, entitled people out there who only want to consume very specific things and when they don't get them, they take it personally.  

But also, there's something very ick about the villain in this movie being a woman who physically dominates a man.  It's infuriating because the way Paul walks on eggshells around Annie is just daily life for a lot of women in abusive relationships.  So is this an entry in Women's Horror, my pet category of Only Horror Because It's Happening to a Man?  I'm going to say no.  I think it's just garden-variety misogyny that the scariest thing a man can imagine is a woman having power over him and treating him the way he would treat her if their roles were reversed.  

Obligatory feminist rant out of the way, this is a very well-done film.  Caan and Bates are performing their asses off, and the banter between the sheriff (Richard Farnsworth) and his wife (Frances Sternhagen) feels very vintage William Goldman/Rob Reiner.  Barry Sonnenfeld was the Director of Photography and I had forgotten how good he was at capturing movement without feeling like you were going to hurl.  And no shaky-cam!  All in all, you could do much worse if this is your favorite horror movie.  It's a solid thriller that holds up even 35 years later.  It's streaming on HBO Max but only until the end of the month.

Oops! All Horror - Day 16 - In the Tall Grass (2019)

  Content warning:  blood, mild gore, animal death (crow, dog)

Becky (Laysla De Oliveira) and her brother, Cal (Avery Whitted), are on a cross-country trip to San Diego.  They stop by a field of tall grass so pregnant Becky can throw up and hear a boy (Will Blue, Jr.) calling for help inside.  Cal rushes in and Becky reluctantly follows.  The siblings soon discover that the field is seemingly endless, able to shift distances and sound, even time itself.

A good chunk of this movie is characters yelling each others' names, which very quickly got boring, but then Patrick Wilson showed up and improved it immensely.  It's kind of like Children of the Corn, if there wasn't even anything to eat.  Like, sure, you have a murderous cult but at least you weren't going to starve.  Wilson is obviously the standout here.  I love him in everything, but he is never better than when he is unhinged.  Fans of the show Lioness will recognize De Oliveira but the film doesn't really give her a lot to do other than be pregnant and yell.

It's fine.  There's some decent horror imagery, some straight out of a Renaissance triptych.  Vicenzo Natali is a solid director.  I just think the material is a little weak and relies too heavily on religious symbolism.  But it checks the box for Environmental Horror and it's streaming on Netflix, so at least it's convenient.  

Oops! All Horror - Day 15 - The Transfiguration (2017)

  Content warning:  blood, animal death (cow)

Teenaged Milo (Eric Ruffin) goes to school, tries to avoid the bullies and the gangbangers, and then goes out on the full moon to hunt strangers and drink their blood.  And then throws up, because he's not actually a vampire, just a serial killer.  But when Sophie (Chloe Levine) moves into his building, Milo begins to realize that there might be more to life than undeath.

I have...complicated...feelings about this movie.  I love vampires so I am disappointed this is not actually a vampire movie.  It is definitely horror, though.  The ending feels slightly too hopeful (?) and yet also correct.  Like, I approve, but I also find it a bit of an unrealistic note.  But I'm not an expert on serial killers, so what do I know.  

This is one of those movies that critics liked and audiences didn't and I get it.  If you're just trying to enjoy a horror movie, this is slow, too sad, and too much like real life.  If you're trying to critique a horror movie, this is "deliberately paced," "emotional," and a gritty, realistic take on vampire lore.  So bear that in mind when you're making your choices this spooky season.  It's currently streaming on Tubi with ads.

Oops! All Horror - Day 14 - Nope (2022)

  Content warning: blood, animal death (chimp, horses (off-screen))

After the death of their father (Keith David), siblings O.J. (Daniel Kaluuya) and Emerald (Keke Palmer) are struggling to keep up their family business of horse wrangling for Hollywood productions.  O.J. has even resorted to selling off stock to the rodeo/amusement park next door, run by former child actor, Jupe Park (Steven Yuen).  Jupe has been touting a new attraction, only available in the evenings, and O.J. realizes that Jupe has been courting a predatory force hiding in the clouds, luring it in with the horses.  He and Emerald decide to film the creature, hoping for fame and fortune.

This is the weakest film I've seen from Jordan Peele, but it's still not bad.  It's a little unfocused for my tastes, but it's at least an original sci-fi horror story with an impeccable cast, including the late Michael Wincott, who was one of my favorite character actors.  

I'm not mad at it; I just didn't love it.  It's currently streaming on Netflix.

Oops! All Horror - Day 13 - Interview with the Vampire season 1 (2022)

  Normally, it's way too hard to watch an entire season of a horror TV show, but I've been watching this the past few weeks with my neighbor and we finished in time for this list, so it's getting included.  Content warning:  racism, gore, blood, dead animals (rats), injured animals (pigeons), suicide

Twenty years after publishing a best-seller featuring an interview with a real vampire, journalist Daniel Malloy (Eric Bogosian) is flown out to Dubai to have the record set straight.  Louis de Pointe du Lac (Jacob Anderson) regrets some of the editorial choices made in his previous recollections and is willing to grant unprecedented access to his home and his memories, no matter how painful.

The show makes some departures from the book, moving up the timeline to the 1920s and adding new characters.  Purists will no doubt have an issue with this, but I think these are improvements.  Anderson has so much more agency with this new backstory and made Louis so much more entertaining for me, because you know how much a self-hating vampire irritates me.  I still can't watch the 1994 film because Brad Pitt's version was such a whiner.  Also, Sam Reid is electrifying as Lestat.  A truly excellent portrayal.  

It's available on both AMC+ and Netflix but the AMC+ version has behind-the-scenes commentary where there would be commercial breaks.  Fine if you're doing a rewatch but I wouldn't recommend it for first-time viewing.  The Netflix version is just the show.  

Oops! All Horror - Day 12 - D(e)ad (2025)

Happy Indigenous Peoples Day.  Here's an unrelated horror movie.    This was the Movie Club pick from the 3rd but I had a bunch of stuff watched before then.

Tillie (Isabella Rowland) cut off contact with her alcoholic, emotionally manipulative dad (Craig Bierko) years ago.  Even on his deathbed, she couldn't bring herself to see him.  So it gets really ironic that after death, he haunts every single person in her family through the mirrors, except for her.

I know we're all tired of horror movies as an allegory for grief, so good news:  this is just a comedy with ghosts.  Rowland is one of the recurring members of the Internet sketch show Dropout and if you're familiar with it, you will likely recognize a lot of the supporting characters.  Fortunately, you don't have to have any prior knowledge to enjoy the movie on its own merits.  It is incredibly funny but also a very good examination of what it means to love someone who kind of sucks.  

Unfortunately, it's not streaming anywhere except to rent or buy so you're going to have to break out that VPN to watch it.  Or have a seance.  Your choice.

Oops! All Horror - Day 11 - Hannibal season 3 (2015)

  Content warning: blood, gore, dismemberment, cannibalism, dead animal (elk, birds, pig), hanging, disembowelment, medical horror, body horror, amputation 

Will Graham (Hugh Dancy) has recovered from being attacked by Hannibal Lector (Mads Mikkelson), physically, at least.  Mentally, that's a whole different story.  He pursues the cannibalistic gourmand to Florence, Italy, where the good doctor has taken a new identity.  The cat-and-mouse game between them is complicated by the multiple people also seeking revenge against Hannibal.

I love this show so much.  Aesthetically, I think it's perfect.  The cast is flawless and the writing is that style of pompous overdramatism that soothes my corroded little soul.  Gorgeous art direction and production design!  However, I will say that season three feels a bit rushed since they had to cram in the entirety of Red Dragon in the last half because they knew they were getting cancelled.  I would have loved for this show to run another three seasons, but alas, we can't have nice things.

It is almost never on streaming but the whole series is currently on Netflix.  Watch it now before it's gone again.

Oops! All Horror - Day 10 - The Gingerdead Man (2005)

  Content warning:  blood, some gore

Millard Findlemeyer (Gary Busey) murdered Sarah's (Robin Sydney) father and brother while robbing a diner, so she testified and sent him to the electric chair but she's never been able to escape the trauma of that day.  Her family bakery is under pressure from a greedy developer (Larry Cedar), her mom (Margaret Blye) is drinking too much, and oh yeah, Millard is back in the form of an evil, possessed gingerbread man.  What's a girl to do?

This is the epitome of So Bad It's Good.  It is a terrible movie that somehow has three sequels.  Insane.  And yet, somehow, it's fully watchable.  The special effects aren't great and the performances scream "student film that Gary Busey wandered into" but it manages to be kind of charming instead of grating.  Also, it's not a Christmas horror movie.  I think it actually takes place during the summer but it's set in Texas so I can't really tell.  I can't explain the alchemy and I don't think I could bring myself to watch the sequels, but all of them are on Tubi if you want to give it a shot.  Try not to think at all during the film and it'll go much more smoothly for you.

Oops! All Horror - Day 9 - Content (2026)

I started watching The Salamander but it became very apparent that despite being labeled horror, it is a political thriller and does not count.  So I will come back to it in November.  Content warning:  blood

Nia (Hailey Kilgore) has built a successful podcast searching for missing Black and indigenous women.  While taking a break from her latest case, a fashion influencer named Tamika Shaw who went missing in Albuquerque, New Mexico, Nia is threatened by a masked man outside her AirBnB, possibly the same man who took Tamika.

This is the second home invasion movie I've seen this week where it wasn't the person's actual home.  Weird.  Probably says something about the state of the economy that you can't even be menaced in a home you own.  Anyway, the script is a little generic and underbaked.  The villain is exactly who you think it is. But the horror still works because the world remains unsafe for women.  

It's streaming on Tubi.

Oops! All Horror -Day 8 - Blind Sun (2018)

  Content warning:  dead animal (cat)

Ashraf (Ziad Bakri) has been hired to guard a rich family's empty vacation home in Greece.  There's a drought and widespread unrest among the locals, while the house is owned by a private water bottling company executive.  Ashraf is just trying to make enough money to survive but soon suspects that he's not alone.

Remember how I was talking about how fun Dolly Dearest was for not having Meaningful Subtext?  This movie is all Meaningful Subtext.  The horror comes from the creeping dread of isolation, the feeling that Ashraf is in danger but can't call out for help.  He is harassed by the local cops for not belonging, because he is foreign and poor.  The wealthy family is out of the country, completely indifferent to his well-being as long as the property is okay, and he has no friends or family.

The heat is its own character here, merciless and seething, leaching the goodwill from people and leaving only desperation and rage.  You could consider it environmental horror in addition to home invasion.  If you're not quite ready to let summer go yet and/or need the coals of class war stoked, Blind Sun is streaming on Amazon Prime.

Oops! All Horror - Day 7 - The Vault of Horror (1973)

Content warning: blood, dismemberment 

Five men find themselves on the sub-basement floor of a building with no way to call the elevator back.  To pass the time, they each share a recurring nightmare they have.

This anthology is based on stories that mostly appeared in the Tales from the Crypt magazine, in case they feel familiar.  It is also absolutely packed to the rafters with British talent, with Tom Baker, Denholm Elliott, Glynis Johns, and Terry-Thomas.  Normally, these kinds of movies have one, maybe two decent segments but all of these are pretty on par with each other, if not particularly outstanding.  It works more as a curiosity piece at this point.  Fortunately, the whole thing is streaming on YouTube.  My personal favorite is **SPOILERS FOLLOW** the guy who was just so annoying that he was condemned to relive his own murder for all eternity.  Like, everyone else was out for money or revenge and this guy was just a pedantic shit.  **END SPOILER**  Give it a shot for some vintage thrills.

Oops! All Horror - Day 6 - Dolly Dearest (1991)

 Content warning: blood, dismemberment, dolls

The Wade family has sold all their things, left L.A., and taken possession of a doll factory in Mexico so Elliot (Sam Bottoms) can pursue his dream of creating handmade dolls.  Except the real estate agent neglected to mention the hazardous, outdated equipment or the open archeological dig site next door.  Soon, daughter Jessica (Candy Hutson) begins acting strangely towards the Catholic housekeeper (Lupe Ontiveros) and grows increasingly inseparable from Dolly, one of the factory's leftover dolls.  Dr. Karl Resnick (Rip Torn) is at the dig site investigating a Mayan splinter cult called the Sanzia, who worshiped a Devil Child, but the myths couldn't possibly be true.  Could they???

This is some old-school, classic killer doll shit and it was downright refreshing.  No meta-anything, no social commentary, just some passive racial bias, and an inanimate item that is trying to kill your whole family.  Yes, it's very clearly a Child's Play rip-off but who cares?  It's super fun and dumb!  There's a 10-year-old who dresses like a middle-aged accountant!  Fake cult lore!  Surprisingly good emotive doll faces! Clueless parents!  Denise Crosby looking gorgeous!  Explosions!  

The whole thing is available on YouTube for free.  Throw it on and have a blast.

Oops! All Horror - Day 5 - Bloody Tennis (2026)

 I'm not having particularly good luck trying to find stuff on my TBW list.  I'm trying to knock out older entries but twice now I have started a movie and realized it wasn't the right one, just named the same.  Tried to watch Thy Kingdom Come from 2008 but found Thy Kingdom Come from 2018 instead.  Which is only a horror movie if you're afraid of poverty.  It was at least short, clocking in at 42 minutes of Javier Bardem dressed as a priest and interviewing trailer park residents in Missouri.  Unfocused, documentary-style misery porn that feels very sleazy because of the fake priest angle.  Almost like they shot a bunch of interviews that were meant to be part of a larger narrative around the priest as a character, then ran out of money and just presented what they had.

So then I was looking for Stage Fright (2018) and clicked on Stage Fright (2017) because sometimes release dates vary.  Nope.  The 2017 version is a Lifetime Movie Network Original and it's basically a retread of The Phantom of the Opera.  I made it about 20 minutes and quit, thinking that it had to be the worst movie I'd ever seen.

People, I was wrong.  The worst movie I've ever seen was the one I picked after that, when I was just desperate to watch anything I could finish.  It's called Tropical Parasite (2026) and it is The Room levels of bad.  We're talking pasty-skinned writer/director/"star" clearly using filmmaking as an excuse to write off his vacation in the Philippines while coercing young, local women to take their tops off "for the movie."  There's almost no actual dialogue, just a voiceover that wants to be noir but lands firmly in the fedora-tipping "m'lady" cesspit.  The plot is nonsense and hinges on an AI-generated naked "sea nymph" that can only be freed from a (topless) sea witch's curse by a "true gentleman" and that sound you just heard was every woman in the world's vagina making the Windows shutdown noise.  You're probably thinking, "wow, Lucy, I'm so glad you watched this whole thing so I wouldn't have to," and no.  I made it TWENTY MINUTES and I will never recover from this.

Anyway, here's a review for Bloody Tennis.    Content warning: blood, animal death (cat), leeches

Sophie (Sandra Guldberg Kampp) wins a spot at an exclusive tennis camp but soon discovers that competition has deadly consequences.

This is Suspiria meets Raw with sports.  The performances from a host of ingenues are solid, especially Lily Taieb and Tracy Gotoas.  Hope those ladies get a career boost.  The script is pretty sparse and there's no great surprises but it's still a decent enough gorefest for those who like a little competition to work up an appetite.  

It's currently streaming on Shudder.  

Oops! All Horror - Day 4 - The Witches (2020)

  Content warning:  mice/rats

A young boy (Jahzir Bruno) is taken in by his grandmother (Octavia Spencer) after his parents are killed in a car accident.  In the grocery store, a strange woman (Josette Simon) offers him candy but he is frightened and runs back to his Grandma.  Grandma tells him that there are evil creatures called witches that want to destroy children and once you are targeted, they will keep trying.  Realizing this means they are in danger, she takes the boy to a fancy hotel to hide out, not realizing that the Grand High Witch (Anne Hathaway) is holding a convention there to disseminate a new potion that will turn children into mice so they will be exterminated.  The boy and Grandma must find a way to stop this evil plot before it's too late.

There was a lot of backlash about this when it came out and it flopped pretty hard, but it's not that bad.  Spencer is always solid and Hathaway seems like she's having a ball as the villain.  The costumes are fantastic and the soundtrack is good, if not revelatory.  The CGI is a little dodgy but good enough for a kids' movie.  Really, my only complaint is that they filed every conceivable edge off this story.  It's so sanitized, not only is there no sense that the children are ever actually in danger, the boy (who is never named in this adaptation) makes a comment about how as a mouse, he'll live just as long as his grandmother so they can die together and he'll never have to experience loss again.  The 1990 version by contrast seems shockingly harsh and much, much darker.  

This is probably another of Warner Bros. trying to cut their losses, but it is nowhere to be found on streaming channels.  If you have small children and you want something more silly than scary, you're going to have to find an alternate source, yar, matey.  

Oops! All Horror -Day 3- Primal Darkness (2026)

  Content warning:  blood, dead animal (elk), dismemberment

An online outdoorsman (Dillon Brown) is looking for content to finish out the second season of his show by hunting a possible maneater mountain lion in the Nevada back-country.  He finds a cell phone belonging to one of a missing pair of anthropologists and switches focus from hunting to search-and-rescue, but finds more than he expected.

This is going to be spoiler-y by nature so stop now if you have any interest in seeing this movie, which you shouldn't because it sucks, stop now.  It's filled with shaky cam, boring pointless rambling, stilted dialogue, and flashing lights.  Also, I am actually begging writer/director/"star" Dillon Brown to learn the difference between a red light filter, which is used to preserve night vision in low-light, and infrared, which can't be seen by the naked eye.  

I was actually searching for a movie called The Burning Moon and couldn't find it so I just picked the first movie from the horror category on LookMovie.to.  I was going to veto based on the poster (a different one than the one here) because it looked vaguely racist, but then I read the synopsis and thought "oh, it's a Bigfoot movie."  I haven't done one of those and I love a good cryptid story, but it's not a Bigfoot movie.  It's way dumber.  **SPOILERS FOLLOW**  It's a Neanderthal movie.  As in, somehow in 2026 an actual prehistoric man is killing and eating people in an abandoned mineshaft in Nevada.  Zero explanation given for how this came to be.  Is this like an Encino Man kind of situation where he was frozen or petrified and came back to life?  Or more old-school Land of the Lost?  Either way, extremely stupid.  And worse yet, I have reviewed Neanderthal horror so it's not even novel.  **END SPOILERS** 

Oops! All Horror 2026 - Day 2 - Teenage Sex and Death at Camp Miasma (2026)

  Content warning:  blood, dismemberment

Kris Williams (Hannah Einbinder) is an up-and-coming filmmaker hired to reboot an 80s slasher franchise called Camp Miasma.  She is granted an interview by the film's original Final Girl, Billy Presley (Gillian Anderson), now a recluse living in the same abandoned summer camp where the movie was filmed.  Ostensibly, Kris is there to discuss Billy returning for a cameo, but the longer she spends with Billy, the more infatuated she becomes.

This is a very sweet romance but ironically, it's too in its head to really succeed as a horror movie.  It wants to be meta and manages to be arch, instead.  There are some great themes to unpack and I think it's director Jane Schoenbrun's most accessible movie, but it didn't work as well for me as I Saw the TV Glow.  Still, this will be a lot of people's favorite movie this year and I'm thrilled by that.

Gillian Anderson is absolutely incredible.  I'm also watching the final season of Hannibal (which I'm hoping to finish in time to review for the month.  TV shows are hard.) and it's great to see the amount of range she has in these side-by-side projects.  I'm not familiar with Einbinder but her line delivery is excellent on the few spoken jokes.  (A lot of the humor is visual, playing with the slasher tropes.)  There are also cameos from Dylan Baker, Patrick Fischler, and Kevin McDonald.  Jack Haven plays the Camp Miasma killer, Little Death, although they are mostly hidden behind a boxy ceiling vent headpiece.

It wasn't for me, but if you get a chance track this one down.  It's finishing up a theater run and should be available VOD for rent or on your favorite VPN-friendly site, but I would encourage you to actually put money towards this as a rental when it's not $20.

Oops! All Horror 2026 - Day 1 - The Conjuring 4: Last Rites (2025)

  We're starting this month with an ending!  Content warning:  blood, suicide (hanging), vomit

In 1964, Ed (Orion Smith) and Lorraine Warren (Madison Lawlor) consult on a case where an antique store dealer is being haunted.  Lorraine traces the energy to a mirror but goes into labor before they can exorcise it.  The mirror changes hands, eventually ending up in West Pittson, Pennsylvania, where it is gifted to Heather Smurl (Kila Lord Cassidy) for her confirmation in 1986.  The Smurls begin experiencing paranormal events, which eventually come to the attention of Judy Warren (Mia Tomlinson).  Her parents (Vera Farmiga and Patrick Wilson) are retired from ghost hunting due to Ed's heart condition, but Judy convinces them to help the Smurls.

Honestly, I'm not here for the story, which is basically a retread of the original movie.  I'm here to close out the book on The Conjuring, a series I have followed through highs and lows.  If The Devil Made Me Do It was a love story, Last Rites is a passing of the torch.  

Production-wise, it maintains the quality level for effects that I've come to expect.  Farmiga and Wilson are great, if a little let down by the material.  There's a really sweet collection of cameos from the other installments at the end and the soundtrack is good.  It's streaming on HBO Max.