Spider-Man: No Way Home (2021)

Hope everyone who celebrates had a great Christmas.  I didn't watch a single thing except this movie and the last two episodes of Hawkeye the entire week and a half I was gone.  I'm going to do my best to post a spoiler-free review.  

After having been outed as Spider-Man by Mysterio, Peter Parker (Tom Holland) finds himself the most famous person in the world.  Legally, he's covered, but public opinion is divided and it affects not just Peter's future but MJ's (Zendaya) and Ned's (Jacob Batalon) when the three of them are rejected from MIT.  In desperation, Peter turns to Doctor Strange (Benedict Cumberbatch) for a spell that will make everyone forget that he is Spider-Man.  As you may have guessed, this is a terrible idea and immediately backfires, pulling everyone who knows Peter Parker is Spider-Man from all across the multiverse.  

Okay, so this movie does a lot of things and does them well.  This is good and bad.  Good because who doesn't want a great Spider-Man movie that successfully combines fan service and new lore?  Bad because now everyone is going to want to try it, and very few are going to get it right.

If you've finished Hawkeye, this won't be a spoiler, but if you haven't, it might be so I'm going to put it in white and you can highlight it to see.  The Netflix MCU shows are canon now.  Daredevil is Peter's lawyer and I'm so fucking excited to see all of them show up in the next Avengers movie.  Honestly, if you've spent a lot of time online, you'll have seen the breathless speculation about this movie, so the three Spider-Men might even feel old hat, but theres'a huge difference between fans guessing wildly and actually seeing all of them on screen.  

I've never been that big a fan of Spider-Man as a character but this is a ridiculously fun movie that works even better when you allow it to just happen to you instead of aggressively predicting everything about it. There is a mid-credits sequence that ties in a Sony character, and then a post-credit which is basically just a trailer for Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness.  

Sony and Disney are reluctant bedfellows here so don't expect to see this on Disney+ any time soon, if you're still hesitant about going to the theater (valid).  Sony has an agreement with Starz so it'll hit there first for streaming after the theatrical window closes.  Disney will pick up sloppy seconds after that.

Two Week Hiatus

 Hey, everyone.  There won't be any posts this weekend.  I've had a death in the family and I'm taking this time to be at home, supporting my family.  And next weekend is Christmas, so don't look for any posts then, either.  It's been a bleak couple of years and we are going to celebrate harder than usual to try and beat back the darkness.

I will be back for the new year with a top ten countdown and a review for Spider-Man: No Way Home.  Stay safe, be well, and watch movies.

27th Critics' Choice Nominations (2022)

 Okay, so I wasn't sure if I was going to post this. 

There was a big thing earlier this year about how the Hollywood Foreign Press Association (HFPA), the group that determines the Golden Globe nominees and winners, wasn't diverse, actively fought against adding new members, and potentially used kickbacks and bribes in its selection.  NBC dropped its coverage of the ceremony, a bunch of stars are protesting, as well as major studios like Warner Brothers and HBO.  Now, I've posted the Golden Globes nominees for years here and it sucks that they are like this, but I really can't (even with my small-ass platform) condone corruption on this level.  

The HFPA has stated that they are taking steps to improve, hiring more members, hiring a diversity consultant, implementing new rules for receiving gifts for members over the next 18 months.  So maybe I will resume coverage in 2023.  But for now, I'm going to instead give you the Critics Choice nominations for movies and TV.  They probably have equal weight as far as Oscar predictions and they're not as morally ambiguous (yet.  Don't forget that we are in the Worst Timeline.)

So here we go.

Best Picture
Belfast
CODA

Don't Look Up

Dune

King Richard

Licorice Pizza

Nightmare Alley

The Power of the Dog

tick, tick...Boom!

West Side Story

Best Actor

Nicolas Cage - Pig

Benedict Cumberbatch - The Power of the Dog

Peter Dinklage - Cyrano

Andrew Garfield - tick, tick...Boom!

Will Smith - King Richard

Denzel Washington - The Tragedy of Macbeth

Best Actress

Jessica Chastain - The Eyes of Tammy Faye

Olivia Colman - The Lost Daughter

Lady Gaga - House of Gucci

Alana Haim - Licorice Pizza

Nicole Kidman - Being the Ricardos

Kristen Stewart - Spencer

Best Supporting Actor

Jamie Dornan - Belfast

Ciaran Hinds - Belfast

Troy Kotsur - CODA

Jared Leto - House of Gucci

J.K. Simmons - Being the Ricardos

Kodi Smit-McPhee - The Power of the Dog

Best Supporting Actress

Caitriona Balfe - Belfast

Ariana DeBose - West Side Story

Ann Dowd - Mass

Kirsten Dunst - The Power of the Dog

Aunjanue Ellis - King Richard

Rita Moreno - West Side Story

Best Young Actor/Actress

Jude Hill - Belfast

Cooper Hoffman - Licorice Pizza

Woody Norman - C'mon C'mon

Saniyya Sidney - King Richard

Rachel Zegler - West Side Story

Best Acting Ensemble

Belfast

Don't Look Up

The Harder They Fall

Licorice Pizza

The Power of the Dog

West Side Story

Best Director

Paul Thomas Anderson - Licorice Pizza

Kenneth Branagh - Belfast

Jane Campion - The Power of the Dog

Guillermo del Toro - Nightmare Alley

Steven Spielberg - West Side Story

Denis Villeneuve - Dune

Best Original Screenplay

Licorice Pizza - Paul Thomas Anderson

King Richard - Zach Baylin

Belfast - Kenneth Branagh

Don't Look Up - Adam McKay, David Sirota

Being the Ricardos - Aaron Sorkin

Best Adapted Screenplay

The Power of the Dog - Jane Campion

The Lost Daughter - Maggie Gyllenhaal

CODA - Sian Heder

West Side Story - Tony Kushner

Dune - Jon Spaihts, Denis Villeneuve, Eric Roth

Best Cinematography

The Tragedy of Macbeth - Bruno Delbonnel

Dune - Grieg Fraser

West Side Story - Janusz Kaminiski

Nightmare Alley - Dan Lausten

The Power of the Dog - Ari Wegner

Belfast - Haris Zambarloukos

Best Production Design

Belfast

Nightmare Alley

The French Dispatch

West Side Story

Dune

Best Film Editing

West Side Story

Belfast

Licorice Pizza

The Power of the Dog

Dune

Best Costume Design

Cruella

Nightmare Alley

West Side Story

Dune

House of Gucci

Best Hair and Makeup

Cruella

Dune

The Eyes of Tammy Faye

House of Gucci

Nightmare Alley

Best Visual Effects

Dune

The Matrix Resurrections

Nightmare Alley

No Time to Die

Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings

Best Comedy

Barb and Star Go to Vista Del Mar

Don't Look Up

Free Guy

The French Dispatch

Licorice Pizza

Best Animated Feature

Encanto

Flee

Luca

The Mitchells vs the Machines

Raya and the Last Dragon

Best Foreign Language Film

A Hero

Drive My Car

Flee

The Hand of God

The Worst Person in the World

Best Song

"Be Alive" - King Richard

"Dos Oruguitas" - Encanto

"Guns Go Bang" - The Harder They Fall

"Just Look Up" - Don't Look Up

"No Time to Die" - No Time to Die

Best Score

Don't Look Up - Nicholas Britell

The Power of the Dog - Johnny Greenwood

Spencer - Johnny Greenwood

Nightmare Alley - Nathan Johnson

Dune - Hanz Zimmer

Best Drama Series

Evil

For All Mankind

The Good Fight

Pose

Squid Game

Succession

This is Us

Yellowjackets

Best Actor in a Drama Series

Sterling K. Brown - This is Us

Mike Colter - Evil

Brian Cox - Succession

Lee Jung-jae - Squid Game

Billy Porter - Pose

Jeremy Strong - Succession

Best Actress in a Drama Series

Uzo Aduba  - In Treatment

Chiara Aurelia - Cruel Summer

Christine Baranski - The Good Fight

Katja Herbers - Evil

Melanie Lynskey - Yellowjackets

MJ Rodriguez - Pose

Best Supporting Actor in a Drama Series

Nicholas Braun - Succession

Billy Crudup - The Morning Show

Kieran Culkin - Succession

Justin Hartley - This is Us

Matthew Macfadyen - Succession

Mandy Patinkin - The Good Fight

Best Supporting Actress in a Drama Series

Andrea Martin - Evil

Audra McDonald - The Good Fight

Christine Lahti - Evil

J. Smith-Cameron - Succession

Sarah Snook - Succession

Susan Kelechi Watson - This is Us

Best Comedy Series

The Great

Hacks

Insecure

Only Murders in the Building

The Other Two

Reservation Dogs

Ted Lasso

What We Do in the Shadows

Best Actor in a Comedy Series

Iain Armitage - Young Sheldon

Nicholas Hoult - The Great

Steve Martin - Only Murders in the Building

Kayvan Novak - What We Do in the Shadows

Martin Short - Only Murders in the Building

Jason Sudeikis - Ted Lasso

Best Actress in a Comedy Series

Elle Fanning - The Great

Renee Elise Goldsberry - Girls5eva

Selena Gomez - Only Murders in the Building

Sandra Oh - The Chair

Issa Rae - Insecure

Jean Smart - Hacks

Best Supporting Actor in a Comedy Series

Ncuti Gatwa - Sex Education

Brett Goldstein - Ted Lasso

Harvey Guillen - What We Do in the Shadows

Brandon Scott Jones - Ghosts

Ray Romano - Made for Love

Bowen Yang - Saturday Night Live

Best Supporting Actress in a Comedy Series

Hannah Einbinder - Hacks

Kristen Chenoweth - Schmigadoon!

Molly Shannon - The Other Two

Cecily Strong - Saturday Night Live

Josie Totah - Saved by the Bell

Hannah Waddingham - Ted Lasso

Best Limited Series

Dopesick

Dr. Death

It's a Sin

Maid

Mare of Easttown

Midnight Mass

The Underground Railroad

WandaVision

Best Movie Made for Television

Come From Away

List of a Lifetime

The Map of Tiny Perfect Things

Robin Roberts Presents: Mahalia

Oslo

Zoey's Extraordinary Christmas

Best Actor in a Limited Series or Movie Made for Television

Olly Alexander - It's a Sin

Paul Bettany - WandaVision

William Jackson Harper - Love Life

Joshua Jackson - Dr. Death

Michael Keaton - Dopesick

Hamish Linklater - Midnight Mass

Best Actress in a Limited Series or Movie Made for Television

Danielle Brooks - Robin Roberts Presents: Mahalia

Cynthia Erivo - Genius: Aretha

Thuso Mbedu - The Underground Railroad

Elizabeth Olsen - WandaVision

Margaret Qualley - Maid

Kate Winslet - Mare of Easttown

Best Supporting Actor in a Limited Series or Movie Made for Television

Murray Bartlett - The White Lotus

Zach Gilford - Midnight Mass

William Jackson Harper - The Underground Railroad

Evan Peters - Mare of Easttown

Christian Slater - Dr. Death

Courtney B. Vance - Genius: Aretha

Best Supporting Actress in a Limited Series or Movie Made for Television

Jennifer Coolidge - The White Lotus

Kaitlyn Dever - Dopesick

Kathryn Hahn - WandaVision

Melissa McCarthy - Nine Perfect Strangers

Julianne Nicholson - Mare of Easttown

Jean Smart - Mare of Easttown

Best Foreign Language Series

Acapulco

Call My Agent!

Lupin

Money Heist

Narcos: Mexico

Squid Game

Best Animated Series

Big Mouth

Bluey

Bob's Burgers

The Great North

Q-Force

What If...?

Best Talk Show

The Amber Ruffin Show

Desus & Mero

The Kelly Clarkson Show

Last Week Tonight with John Oliver

Late Night with Seth Meyers

Watch What Happens Live with Andy Cohen

Best Comedy Special

Bo Burnham: Inside

Good Timing with Jo Firestone

James Acaster: Cold Lasagne Hate Myself 1999

Joyelle Nicole Johnson: Love Joy

Nate Bargatze: The Greatest Average American

Trixie Mattel: One Night Only

I did look over the Golden Globes nominations (which also came out today) and there's a lot of overlap in who is up for what.  I have no idea if the Critics Choice show is as fun as the drunken shenanigans of the Golden Globes but I guess we'll find out January 9th.

NCIS: Westeros

 Okay, no, but can you imagine a police procedural in Game of Thrones?  Madness.

Anyway, my quest to watch ancient TV continues through season six of the aforementioned, widely considered to be the Last Good Season before the abrupt drop in quality.  I have to say, I found it kind of a slog to get through.  Daenerys (Emilia Clarke) is up and down in Mereen, Tyrion (Peter Dinklage) is offered a new Hand, somebody finally kills Ramsey Bolton (Iwan Rheon), and Arya (Maisie Williams) sheds faces like she's wanted for tax evasion.  A lot of stuff happens but I found it really hard to care about any of it.  This will not stop me from watching the rest of it eventually.  Save your breath warning me off.  I know the last two seasons suck.  I'm going to watch them anyway.  Game of Thrones is streaming on HBO Max.

I have also just finished watching season three of NCIS, a piece of copaganda now running into its 19th year.  I'm just praying the quality goes up at some point in its near two decades worth of episodes.  This season introduces Ziva David (Cote de Pablo), an Israeli operative working as a liaison officer.  She is replacing Kate Todd (Sasha Alexander), a move that might have meant more if anybody had bothered fleshing out either one of their characters beyond "brunette says flirty banter".  Yeesh.  

The only reason I even started watching this show was because my brother thinks Ziva reminds him of me.  Which is not the worst thing I've ever heard.  But it does make me wish her character gets some improvement in the next season.  She's on the show for 194 episodes so maybe?  Somewhere in there?  A third dimension?  NCIS is streaming on Paramount+.

Next up is season three (?) of Supergirl, so don't get your hopes up I'll watch anything more recent than 2017 for a while.

St. Trinian's 2: the Legend of Fritton's Gold (2009)

  The rare sequel that matches its original.  

The girls of St. Trinian's are back to spread some much needed anarchy.  Our plucky heroine Annabelle (Tallulah Riley) has been promoted to Head Girl, difficult enough with a student body that worships chaos, but compounded when Celia (Juno Temple) admits a stranger offered her 20,000 pounds to steal a ring from the school archives.  The ring is half of a treasure map left by infamous Pirate Fritton (Rupert Everett), an ancestor to the school's headmistress (Rupert Everett), who stole a huge sum of gold from would-be revolutionary Lord Pomfrey (David Tennant).  Pomfrey's descendant (David Tennant) will stop at nothing to recover that treasure.  With a little help from an old love interest (Colin Firth) and an alumnus (Gemma Arterton), the St. Trinian's girls head off to find buried treasure.

I really wish the opening credits and the poster listed at least one woman, considering the film is about women.  They could have easily listed Tallulah Riley instead of Colin Firth, who is a supporting character.  It just kind of undercuts the whole "Girl Power" message when your protagonist doesn't get an above-the-fold mention.  But that's really my only complaint.

Tennant is absolutely wonderful in this as the snide, pretentious villain Pomfrey.  He just went for it like a goddamn professional.  Excellent.  

St. Trinian's 2 is currently streaming on Tubi (and this is important) under the name The Legend of Fritton's Gold.  If you look up Trinian's, it won't come up.  Dumb, but there you are.  Don't miss out.

Defendor (2009)

  This is one of those "superheroes without powers" films like Super or Kick-Ass.  They all came out within a year of each other so it's not really fair to say that they were influenced by one or another, although Defendor did get to the box office first.  It's kind of a shame that it's been eclipsed by not having as famous a director and not launching the careers of a dozen new stars.

Arthur Poppington (Woody Harrelson) is a mild-mannered, somewhat slow construction worker by day, but at night, he dons the costume of Defendor, a vigilante, and prowls the streets looking for his nemesis, Captain Industry.  He finds Kat (Kat Dennings), a plucky prostitute, being harassed by corrupt cop Dooney (Elias Koteas) and a friendship is forged.  Kat tells Arthur that Captain Industry may be local mob boss Radovan Kristic (A. C. Peterson), who is running girls, guns, and drugs with impunity.  Armed with marbles, wasps, and an ironclad sense of justice, Defendor sweeps in to save the day.

This is much less violent than either Super or Kick-Ass and it lacks the gleeful cynicism of the former, and the sophomoric sense of the latter.  It's not a bad movie in any sense, and it may hit the sweet spot for you if you were turned off by either of the other ones for the aforementioned reasons.  The cast is great, the script never feels like it's pandering, and it has a brisk hour and 41 minute runtime that doesn't overstay its welcome.  Plus, Sandra Oh and a brief appearance from Tatiana Maslany.  Defendor is currently streaming on Amazon Prime.

8-Bit Christmas (2021)

  I saw a state trooper dressed as Santa Claus pull somebody over on I-95 today so the Christmas season has officially started.

Jake's (Neil Patrick Harris) daughter, Annie (Sophia Reid-Gantzert), really wants a cell phone for Christmas.  In an effort to distract her, he begins telling her the story of how 11-year-old Jake (Winslow Fegley) was desperate to acquire the most valuable of toys in the late 80's: a Nintendo Entertainment System and the lengths he and his friends would go to get one.

This is cute, like an updated version of A Christmas Story where "you'll shoot your eye out" becomes "video games cause violence".  The words change but the song remains the same...  The nostalgia is strong here, with helpful explanations for those born three decades later.  Maybe it will resonate for you, maybe it won't.  It's only an hour and 37 minutes so give it a shot.  It's currently streaming on HBO Max.

Last Days in Vietnam (2014)

  Hey, you know that adage about history and dooming to repeat it?  We still haven't fixed that but we have started filming what it looks like!

In 1975, a peace treaty was signed between North and South Vietnam.  President Nixon promised South Vietnam that if the North reneged, American forces would step in and re-arm.  U.S. troops began leaving he country.

In 1976, Richard Nixon resigned.  In the grand tradition of quitting before you can be fired, he left his successor, Gerald Ford, an enormous mess to clean up.  The North Vietnamese army broke the Paris Treaty and began rolling south, prompting a series of cluster fucks and a huge humanitarian crisis.  

This documentary, produced by PBS, stitches together first-hand accounts and news footage to examine the men (not a single woman was interviewed) who risked their careers and their lives to bring as many South Vietnamese people out of the country as they could, using both authorized and unauthorized means.

A U.S. president ordered the removal of troops from a volatile country where their involvement had lost whatever popular appeal it might have once had, then leaves office, and the actual extraction is left to his replacement.  Meanwhile, people on the ground are desperately trying to do right by the native translators, workers, and support staff that will absolutely suffer if left behind for the oncoming enemy by cramming as many refugees onto transport as they can while the eyes of the world are upon them.  Sound fucking familiar?

Last Days in Vietnam is currently streaming on Kanopy.   Can't wait to see the sequel, Last Days in Afghanistan, in about ten years.

The Fountain (2006)

  I love Aronofsky, even when he's being weird.  

In the present, Tom (Hugh Jackman) works on an experimental cure for his wife, Izzi (Rachel Weisz), using a rare tree from Central America.  In the past, a Spanish conquistador searches for the Tree of Life in the New World for his queen.  In the future, transcended from time, a man searches for answers as to who he was and who he will be.

This movie is a love letter to death, to letting go, and the joy of looking into the unknown.  It's not going to be accessible to everyone and that's okay.  It's still really pretty to look at.  Visually, Aronofsky's movies are always a treat.  It helps that I really like death in all its permutations.  I love his fascination with Christianity, and he's the only director I can think of that truly uses it for mythology.  The Fountain is currently streaming on Tubi but probably won't be for long, so see it while you can.

Trainwreck (2015)

  So apparently if I don't schedule a post for Monday, I don't remember to do a post for Monday.  My bad.  Happy Thanksgiving weekend!

Amy (Amy Schumer) has always run from anything resembling a real relationship but when she is assigned to write an article on sports doctor Aaron Conners (Bill Hader), she decides to give it a shot.  

That's basically it.  Standard rom-com.  Your mileage will vary depending on how much you enjoy Schumer's brand of humor and/or Judd Apatow comedies.  Personally, I found it crude and boring.  Tilda Swinton is phenomenal as Amy's horrible boss and there are supporting turns from Brie Larson, Colin Quinn, John Cena, Dave Atell, Randall Park, John Glaser, Ezra Miller, Marisa Tomei, and Daniel Radcliffe, as well as sports people like LeBron James and Amar'e Stoudemire.  People made a big deal about LeBron James' acting in this but I found him stilted.  

It's currently streaming on Peacock but you can do better.

Gentleman's Agreement (1947)

  Content warning: anti-Semitism, racial slurs, anti-Semitic slurs

Yeah, this was not a fun watch.  And made more depressing by how little things have changed in seventy years.

Phil Green (Gregory Peck) has been assigned to write a magazine article on anti-Semitism but finds it slow going until he hits on the idea of going undercover.  Capitalizing on his newness in New York, he lets a rumor begin that he is Jewish.  Only his editor (Albert Dekker) and his editor's niece, Kathy (Dorothy McGuire), know the truth.  Phil soon discovers that bigotry is everywhere and even most insidiously in the people who hate anti-Semitism but allow it to go unchallenged.  

Gregory Peck and Jimmy Stewart pretty much had morals locked down in the 40s and 50s.  They loved those idealized crusader for justice characters, the kind of men Superman would aspire to be.  

You can't really say this movie is ahead of its time, because it's still happening.  Anti-Semitism is on the rise, as well as racism and homophobia.  It has something to say about the way good, upright citizens are complicit in allowing bigotry to flourish because it makes them uncomfortable to confront it, internalized anti-Semitism and self-hatred, and even the concept of White Lady Tears, though they don't call it that.  As a morality play, top notch, no notes.  I have a strong quibble about the love interest at the end of the movie because it feels like pandering, but I get why.  

As a bonus, Gentleman's Agreement features an 11-year-old Dean Stockwell, who just recently died.  He won a Golden Globe for his performance here and by God he earned it.  It's currently streaming on the Criterion Channel.

King Arthur (2004)

  I took an Arthurian Legend class in college and I will never forget it because the professor was adamant that all Arthurian stories were fan fiction.  And she was right.  When you think about it in that context, you can get away with literally any time period, any silly tropes, anything you can imagine.

Artorius (Clive Owen) is a Roman legionnaire in charge of an elite band of Samarkandian warriors in indentured servitude to Rome.  They are about to receive their discharge papers when they are tasked with One More Mission to retrieve a Roman family above Hadrian's wall before the invading Saxons kill them. Arthur and his knights must reconsider an alliance with the pagan Merlin (Stephen Dillane) to defend their adopted homeland.

This is a dumb movie by any metric.  The characterizations are poor, the dialogue is boring, and the script makes zero sense.  But who cares?  It's fan fiction!  Fuck it, Arthur is half Italian now.  The knights of the round table are Russian.  Guinevere is an archer.  Everyone is hot somehow, even though they look like they've never bathed.  Mads Mikkelsen has a hawk.  Your arguments are invalid.  This is not my favorite Arthur retelling but I'm not judging if it's yours.  You're allowed to like what you like.  It's currently streaming on Hulu.

Earthsea (2004)

 I tried to watch this earlier in the pandemic and gave up after about half an hour.  Should have listened to those instincts.

Ged (Shawn Ashmore) yearns for a more exciting life than just being village blacksmith.  When the soldiers of King Tygath (Sebastian Roché) invade his island, Ged gets his chance.  He uses magic to confuse the soldiers and send them off a cliff.  A master mage, Ogion (Danny Glover), pulls Ged back from the brink of death and sets out to train the boy.  There is a prophecy that a mage could rid the world of the Nameless Ones, an ancient evil locked away beneath a temple and guarded by an order of priestesses.  King Tygath wants the release the Nameless Ones to grant him immortality and has corrupted one of the priestesses (Jennifer Calvert), hoping that she will become the successor to High Priestess Thar (Isabella Rossellini), and thus learn the invocation to open their prison.  Thar instead chooses Tenar (Kristin Kruek), who has a mysterious link with Ged, even though they are on opposite sides of the world.

This two-part Sci-Fi Channel original miniseries is so bad, it is shocking.  The video quality is fuzzy and looks like a bad VHS transfer, despite being digital, the CGI is a travesty, and the acting is atrocious considering the quality of performers.  It is dreck.  Skip it and read the book series by Ursula K. LeGuin instead.  Or, you know, don't, because I didn't like that either.  Earthsea is streaming on Amazon Prime's IMDb TV, which means it also has ads.  Just the worst, all around.

Omar (2013)

  No more introspection and grief!  Now it's time to solve the Palestinian-Israeli crisis!  

Just kidding.  There's no future here, just neverending conflict.  

Omar (Adam Bakri) can only visit the girl he likes, Nadia (Leem Lubany), by scaling the walls of the West Bank.  Nadia's brother, Tarek (Eyad Hourani), Omar, and Nadia's other suitor, Amjad (Samer Bisharat), are one of many liberation cells tasked with guerrilla operations.  Amjad shoots an Israeli soldier as part of a mission, but Omar is caught.  Faced with the choices of life in prison or becoming an informant, he walks a very dangerous line between the two sides, but it's nothing compared to the personal betrayals he experiences.

The last act was a little messy for me, personally.  It felt overwrought and tacked on.  I think there was enough drama without it but your mileage may vary.  Anyway, this was super depressing but it's streaming on Netflix, if depressing is your thing.

Wild (2014)

  I forget how good an actress Reese Witherspoon is.  Even when she's in crap films, she's extremely watchable.  She didn't quite "ugly up" here (or at least not enough to get an Oscar) but this is the most stripped down I've ever seen her.

Cheryl Strayed (Reese Witherspoon) has decided to hike the 1000 miles of Pacific Crest Trail with no training or experience in order to regain some control of her life, which has spiraled into addiction and misery after the death of her mother (Laura Dern).  She sets out on her three-month journey weighed down by guilt and a mammoth pack of supplies, hoping to lighten both burdens by the end.

I couldn't relate to anything in this story.  I found all of her responses to stimuli completely incomprehensible, which oddly, made it worth watching.  I had no idea what was coming next at any point in this film.  

Really, the only thing I got out of it was that a woman could literally walk a thousand miles into the wilderness and still not escape creepy-ass dudes.  What the fuck is that about?  Wild is currently unavailable for streaming except to rent.  I got it through Netflix by disc.

Amelie (2001)

I know I've watched this more recently than 2013 because I showed it to Bethany, but I don't remember when that was.  So I watched it again.  Well, had it on in the background, anyway.  It remains completely charming and sweet.  It's currently unavailable on streaming, but you should own a copy anyway.  Originally posted 4/6/13.    I love this movie.  It's such a sugar rush, a complete confection of a film.  This is one of those great bridges that you can use to get the more reluctant people in your life interested in foreign cinema.  It's so easily accessible.

Amelie (Audrey Tautou) is a young waitress living in Paris.  Having grown up with emotionally distant parents, Amelie is quiet and reserved but with an active imagination.  After a chance incident dislodges a bathroom tile and reveals a long-forgotten box of childhood memories for a former tenant, Amelie decides to return it to him.  The experience inspires her to become a regular do-gooder, interfering in the lives of her co-workers in order to improve or, in one case, punish the deserving.  It's funny, it's sweet, and it's instantly rewatchable.

The fantastically mobile-faced Dominique Pinon supports, as the obsessed-with-his-ex Joseph and he is great but Tautou really anchors this movie.  She is utterly luminous as the feisty but vulnerable Amelie. Really, if you've never seen this, you've done yourself a disservice.  I got it on blu-ray and the color transfer is phenomenal.

Rat Race (2001)

  This is a relentlessly dumb movie but it's not nearly as depressing as the previous three.

Six strangers win a special coin in various slot machines and are told by the casino owner, Donald Sinclair (John Cleese), that it enters them into a chance to win $2 million.  All they have to do is be the first to open a train locker in Silver City, New Mexico.  What they don't know is that the whole race is just for the amusement of Sinclair's jaded high rollers, who placed bets on which sad sack is going to win.  

This is a very slapstick movie with a lot of physical humor, which I have never cared for.  The cast is astounding with more cameos than I have the patience to type but it wasn't enough to make this enjoyable.  However, if you liked Rowan Atkinson as Mr. Bean, or Cuba Gooding, Jr. in Boat Trip, or Jon Lovitz in... anything, you might like this movie.  It's currently streaming on HBO Max.

God Loves Uganda (2013)

  Okay, seriously, this is like the third one in a row that's depressing AF, though this one comes with a bonus of Fury.

This documentary explores the connections between the Conservative Evangelical movement in America and the influx of money and missionaries to Uganda, leading to a rise in homophobic hate crimes and a bill introduced in parliament that would make some homosexual acts punishable by the death penalty.

It's not a fun watch but in this, the year of our apocalypse 2021, it's important.  This was filmed almost a decade ago and it's still incredibly relevant.  If anything, it was a bellwether for the continued swell of the Religious Right, for whom science is a filthy word and God only exists to protect rich white people.

You're going to want to watch something fun after this.  God Loves Uganda is streaming on Paramount+ but so is Reno 911 so just keep that in mind.

Ironweed (1987)

  This is turning into a depressing ass weekend.  Content warning:  homelessness, death of a child (described, not shown)

Francis Phelan (Jack Nicholson) left his family to become a hobo after accidentally dropping his son and killing him.  After 22 years, he finally returns to Albany, New York, but doesn't know if he can face his particular demons.  

This is kind of a Halloween movie, in that it's set on Halloween and features ghosts.  But it's much more of a Great Depression, grappling with guilt, and the Choices We Make kind of film.  It's a good movie if you are interested in any of those things but it does feel like you've been dragged for miles behind a slow-moving car.

Meryl Streep and Tom Waits support, and this is the feature debut (they'd done TV work previously) of Nathan Lane and Frank Whaley, playing a ghost and young Francis, respectively.  There are some other faces you'd probably recognize, depending on how my movies from the 80s and 90s you've seen.  Not in a hurry to revisit this one, but it's currently streaming on Kanopy, if you want to give it a shot.

The Wind Rises (2013)

  This is the most depressing animated movie I've seen in a while.  Definitely the most depressing Ghibli.

Jiro (Hideaki Anno) has always wanted his life to revolve around airplanes.  Bad vision keeps him from being a pilot, so he sets out to design them instead, taking inspiration from leaders in the field as well as nature.  He gets a job with Mitsubishi working on prototype fighter planes for the Imperial Navy.  Rumors of war circulate amidst economic hardships but life and love go on as he meets Nahoko (Miori Takimoto), a beautiful but fragile young woman, at a vacation resort.  

This is based on the life of Jiro Horikoshi, designer of the A6M "Zero" fighter plane.  If you are not familiar with the aircraft, fret not!  I Wikipedia'd it for you.  It started out as an engineering marvel, a spectacular dogfighter that gave an early advantage, but was rendered mostly ineffective as the Allied planes caught up and then surpassed it, so it was repurposed into a kamikaze vehicle.  

Yep.  This dude's lifelong ambition to create a beautiful piece of engineering and expand his country's aviation capability was co-opted into a death machine.  Ain't that a motherfucker?    

As an American, it is especially awkward finding Jiro sympathetic since, you know, wrong side and everything, but it's important to know these stories, because otherwise all you get is propaganda from the winners.  The film is beautiful, naturally, and the English dub (*spit*) has an incredible voice cast.  The Japanese sub is the preferred version and HBO Max has both, but the sub is unavailable on mobile.    

Draft Day (2014)

  My mom recommended this to me three or four years ago even though neither one of us gives a shit about football.  Liking the sport probably adds to the experience, but it's really not necessary.  The movie stands on its own.

Sonny Weaver, Jr. (Kevin Costner) is under a lot of pressure.  He is still grieving the death of his father, a beloved coach for the Cleveland Browns, where Sonny is General Manager.  His girlfriend (Jennifer Garner) has revealed she is pregnant, the Browns owner (Frank Langella) is pressuring Sonny to "make a splash" and he has just been pushed by the Seattle Seahawks into taking their number one draft pick in exchange for the Browns' next three first-rounds.  The entire future of the team is riding on Sonny's decisions and he is not making them in a vacuum.  As the clock counts down to the televised draft, he must decide whether or not to draft a promising quarterback (Josh Pence), a legacy running back (Arian Foster), or a middle linebacker from nowhere (Chadwick Boseman).  You can't please everyone and everything has consequences.

It's a little more heartwarming than Any Given Sunday but I'd put it on the same level.  Maybe more like Moneyball.  Anyway, you don't have to know anything about football because the football is not the point.  The point is about the choices we make and how you can't always see the endgame; you just have to make the best decisions you can in the moment.  A movie like this is pretty much made for cable reruns.  It's great for putting on when it's a cold, rainy Sunday or like Thanksgiving after you've stuffed yourself.  You don't have to debate whether or not it's worth looking for the remote to change the channel, you can just let it play and have a nice evening.  It's currently streaming on Peacock.

CBGB (2012)

  If nothing else, get the soundtrack for this movie. 

Hilly Kristal (Alan Rickman) hasn't let failure stop him before and he's not going to let it now, on his third attempt to create a thriving bar in the Bowery.  Originally envisioned as a Country, Bluegrass, and Blues bar, Hilly soon gives in to a local punk band, Television, looking for exposure.  A musical revolution is born.  But bad accountancy, a loose regard for health and welfare, and a changing New York landscape sees CBGB on the cusp of ruin.

There are a ton of biopics about musicians. Dozens of documentaries about musical trends.  But this is primarily the story of a musical patron, that rare creature that just...lets artists do what they want.  CBGB gave fledgling bands a place to experiment, to be themselves, and to find their voices.  Blondie, Talking Heads, Velvet Underground, Patti Smyth, and countless others got their start on the disgusting, not up-to-code stage.

This is a fun movie, regardless of how you feel about punk music, and it's always nice to see Alan Rickman.  There are a ton of cameos by people you'll recognize and the end credits are cute too.  It's currently streaming on Tubi, Vudu, and the Roku Channel.

Dune Part One (2021)

  I've never read Dune, I have no interest in reading Dune, and I liked the David Lynch movie.  Now that that's out of the way...

Paul (Timothee Chalamet) is the heir to the House of Atreides, a rising star in the empire.  His family has just been given control of the planet Arrakis, home to a psychedelic dust that coincidentally is the most valuable substance in the galaxy.  Paul's father (Oscar Isaacs) understands that this is not a gift; this is a test from an insecure emperor looking to hobble one, perhaps two, dynasties by pitting House Atreides and House Harkonnen against each other.  You can tell Harkonnen are the bad guys because they have no eyebrows.  Paul is excited to go to Arrakis because he has been having dreams about being a space messiah but is a little worried about seeing everyone he loves die in an ultimately pointless battle over money and resources.

Okay, so this is a completely beautiful film.  The space scenes are gorgeous, the actors are gorgeous, and every attention has been paid to making this seem as real as possible.  As a movie, it's fine.  I think it cuts off a little abruptly, like it's a two and a half hour prologue, but it doesn't feel like 150 minutes when you're watching it.  I find Chalamet to be a little stiff as an actor but that seems to fit this character.  Isaacs and Rebecca Ferguson absolutely walk away with this film, all respect to Josh Brolin.  

The real question is, do we need another giant multi-movie adaptation of a White Savior narrative?  There's already Discourse online about how frustrated Middle Eastern, North African, and Southwest Asian people are about the cultural appropriation embedded in this film.  And right on cue, there are a bunch of white people arguing about how it's a sci-fi classic and a product of its time.  Personally, I'd love to see a Dune retelling a la Wide Sargasso Sea about the actual Arrakian hero and the white guy who takes all the credit, if someone wants to write that book.

It's currently streaming on HBO Max until 24 Nov.

Scare-a-Thon 2021 Day 31: Criminal Minds s5 (2009)

  We did it!  We made it to Halloween!  Now it's just a fast, dark slide into winter.  

The Behavioral Analysis Unit of the FBI is busy chasing serial killers in this fifth season.  The Big Bad for about half of it is George Foyet, AKA The Reaper (C. Thomas Howell), a character introduced in season 4 as a nemesis to Agent Aaron Hotchner (Thomas Gibson).  This season also introduced a backdoor pilot for a spinoff series, Criminal Minds: Suspect Behavior, starring Forrest Whitaker that only lasted one season.  My girl Penelope Garcia (Kirsten Vangsness) takes a larger role and gets a spiffy red dye job, while Agent Derek Morgan (Shemar Moore) takes control of the team for a little bit.  

Notable guest stars include Gavin Rossdale, Sean Patrick Flanery, William Sadler, Beth Grant, Jonathan Frakes, John Pyper Ferguson, and Tim Curry.  

This is a comfort show for me in a lot of ways.  The Monster of the Week format is predictable, therefore soothing, the gore and violence are mostly implied (it's a network TV show, so there's a lot of shit they just can't show but they toe that line as much as possible), and the characters are familiar.  It did take me about a week to watch all 23 episodes but I made it in time, and that's all that counts.  It's currently streaming on Paramount+, Netflix, and Hulu.

Well, that wraps up my month-long journey into horror.  Adding TV was somewhat more stressful, just because it takes a lot longer to watch, but I would probably do it again.  Tomorrow we go back to our regularly scheduled nonsense and postings on Saturday, Sunday, and Monday (when I can, sometimes I forget).

Scare-a-Thon 2021 Day 30: Don't Look Now (1973)

  I don't know that I'd call this a horror movie.  It's definitely not a "shattering psychic thriller".  Content warning:  dead child.

After the death of their daughter, John (Donald Sutherland) and Laura (Julie Christie) move from England to Venice, Italy, so John can restore a crumbling church.  Laura meets an elderly pair of English sisters, one of whom, Heather (Hilary Mason), is blind but gifted with second sight.  She tells Laura that their daughter is happy and moved on but has a message for John.  John doesn't want to hear any of this and thinks Laura is unnecessarily influenced by these two old biddies.  Laura, finally able to come to terms with her grief, sees the sisters again.  Heather warns that John is in danger and needs to leave Venice.

I can't believe how well-regarded this movie is when absolutely nothing happens in it.  It's just Donald Sutherland yelling at people in Italian (which Criterion does not translate) and Julie Christie looking frail and vulnerable while a 60-year-old British lady has a vision that looks suspiciously like an orgasm.  I fast forwarded through a lot of it.  

Somehow this is considered a classic and is currently streaming on Criterion, Kanopy, and PlutoTV.

 

Scare-a-Thon 2021 Day 29: Borgman (2013)

  Holy shit, this movie was weird.  What is going on in the Netherlands?  You guys okay?

A homeless man (Jan Bijvoet) knocks on the door of an affluent family and asks to use their shower.  The husband (Jeroen Perceval) beats the shit out of him and sends him packing.  The wife (Hadewych Minis) feels guilty and lets the bum into their guest house.  He slowly begins taking over their entire lives, leading them further and further away from each other.  

This is a comedy like Dogtooth is a comedy.  It is surreal and feels random yet completely expected at the same time.  He doesn't really even do anything (well, okay, he poisons a handful of people), he just lets the simmering resentment and anger of this yuppie couple do all the work (again, aside from the people he murders) for him.  Might be supernatural, might just be these people eating themselves.  It is bonkers.  There's one fast scene of gore and everything else is purely psychological.  It is worth watching, especially if you want to question everything you see from the corner of your eye for the next few days.

It's currently streaming on Hulu and Kanopy.

Scare-a-Thon 2021 Day 28: Secret Window (2004)

  Stephen King adaptations are so hit or miss.  Content Warning:  dead pet, domestic violence.

Permanently disheveled author Mort Rainey (Johnny Depp) is not having a good year.  He is in the middle of an acrimonious divorce from his wife (Maria Bello) who has moved on with her new lover (Timothy Hutton), his new novel has stalled, and some weird stranger named John Shooter (John Turturro) is accusing him of plagiarizing a story from seven years ago.  What starts as an annoyance escalates to stalking, arson, and murder.

Mort is a completely unsympathetic character, which is why I think this movie fails.  He is a petty, petulant coward and at no point are you rooting for him.  That's why the third act twist falls apart.  If you don't have any goodwill towards him, you can't be betrayed because you never believed him in the first place.  I'm not going to spoil the twist, if you want to know it's a quick Google search, but the film pretty much hammers you with it anyway.  

I did not enjoy this movie.  Like I said, the narrative structure is weak and the ending is frankly a ripoff of King's better story, Thinner.  If you must, it's streaming on Amazon Prime.

Scare-a-Thon 2021 Day 27: Suspiria (2018)

  The remake makes marginally more sense than the original, which may or may not influence your enjoyment of it.

Susie Bannion (Dakota Johnson) is accepted to an elite dance studio in 1977 Berlin, during the middle of the flight 181 hostage crisis.  She is told that a previous student (Chloe Moretz) had run away, possibly because of her political leanings, and there is an undercurrent of unrest among the other dancers stemming from a schism of leadership.  Madame Blanc (Tilda Swinton) takes a personal interest in Susie, believing her to be a good candidate for strengthening their coven.  Meanwhile, an investigator (Tilda Swinton) looks into the missing girl, uncovering something far more sinister than he anticipated.

I don't really like films that are Just Vibes so I appreciated the addition of structure to Argento's framework.  The focus is very much on the troupe (and shows actual dancing) with a background of actual historical events, known as the German Autumn.  There is a lot of subtext and it's worth reading the Wikipedia articles about the Red Army Faction, German Autumn, and the Baader-Meinhof Phenomenon.  That last one you've probably heard of.  It's where you become aware of a thing and then suddenly notice it everywhere.  Like when you buy a certain color of car and then see it all the time.  

Same thing here.  There have always been witches in the dance troupe.  You just never noticed them before.  But now that you have, you can't see anything else.

There's also the obliqueness of Things We Don't Talk About.  Susie's past, Madame Blanc's attempted coup, the lack of prosecution for high-ranking Nazis in the years after the war leading to a far-left terrorist group conducting assassinations and bombings.  Things like that.  No one likes to be reminded of unpleasantness, but you have to clean out a wound before it festers and rots you from the inside.

So if Argento's Suspiria was Spooky Feels, No Thought, Guadagnino's Suspiria is You Come Back Here and Think About What You've Done.

It's currently streaming on Amazon Prime.

Scare-a-Thon 2021 Day 26: Red Eye (2006)

  This is directed by Wes Craven, but it is more properly a thriller rather than a horror movie.  Still fun, though.

Lisa (Rachel McAdams) is a manager at an upscale Miami hotel.  She is calm, poised, and unflappable, even with the most irate guest; traits that serve her well dealing with a delayed red eye from Texas.  They are also very useful when her seat mate (Cillian Murphy) announces that he is planning to assassinate the Director of Homeland Security (Jack Scalia) and if Lisa doesn't help him, he will kill her dad (Brian Cox).  Lisa has until the plane lands to foil his plans.

No tricks, no twists, just straightforward Good Guy vs Bad Guy at 35,000 feet.  McAdams and Murphy always understand the assignment, the script is juuuuust plausible enough for suspension of disbelief, and there's not a single wasted shot.  You love to see it.  Unfortunately, you can't see it on streaming but you can get it on disc from Netflix.  (It might be on Plex?)

 

Scare-a-Thon 2021 Day 25: Better Watch Out (2017)

  You know that meme or Shower Thought that circulates the internet every year about "what if Kevin from Home Alone was the villain"?  Well, they made it into a movie.  And it is misogynistic trash.

Obsessed with his hot babysitter (Olivia DeJonge), twelve-year-old Luke (Levi Miller) sets up a fake home invasion with his best friend, Garrett (Ed Oxenbould), so he can "rescue" her.  But when she doesn't respond favorably, he moves on to more murderous plans.

Honestly, this movie was gross.  I fast-forwarded through a lot of it because hearing a pre-teen talk about sexually assaulting a teenaged girl was disgusting and I frankly don't need to listen to that.  There's zero reason to watch this, especially considering how many Christmas horror movies there are that have to be better, but if you must it's streaming exclusively on Shudder.

Scare-a-Thon 2021 Day 24: Byzantium (2012)

  Mmm, feminism and vampires.

Eleanor Webb (Saoirse Ronan) has been sixteen for 200 years and she is tired of constantly hiding.  She obsessively writes her story, as much of it as she knows, again and again only to destroy the pages when she's finished.  Her mother, Clara (Gemma Arterton), is adamant about the need for secrecy.  She has never told Eleanor that they are hunted as abominations.  A chance encounter with a boy (Caleb Landry Jones) sees Eleanor's story turned in as a work of creative writing, prompting a health and welfare check by a concerned professor (Tom Hollander).  More deaths means more chances the vampire brotherhood will find them.

In the wrong hands, this could have been a disaster.  It's a story about an oppressive patriarchy, motherhood, coming-of-age, sex, and death.  Clara was forced into prostitution and gave Eleanor to an orphanage/convent to be raised, leading to a huge disparity in their values.  They both have to kill to survive, but their codes are different.  Eleanor only takes the old and the sick, preferring to think of it as easing their passing.  Clara attacks the powerful and the abusive.  Eleanor chafes at her restrictions.  Clara sees it as protecting her young.  Both think the other needs to grow up.  

Arterton and Ronan are perfectly cast, Arterton especially.  The production design is lush even through its grime.  It's a great vampire movie that is unfortunately not streaming anywhere.  I got it on disc from Netflix but it's completely worth buying a copy.

Scare-a-Thon 2021 Day 23: The Eye (2002)

  I tried to watch this ages ago on YouTube but the video quality was so bad I gave up.  I finally got it on disc from Netflix.

Mun (Angelica Lee) has been blind since she was two-years-old.  A cornea transplant gives her another chance to be sighted but the costs are a little higher than she anticipated.  First, she gets fired from the orchestra she plays in because it's for the blind and she no longer meets that category, and second, there's all the ghosts.  Mun convinces her therapist (Edmund Chen) to find out about the cornea donor and uncovers a series of tragedies.

This is a lot like The Ring in that it's really about uncovering the sins of the past.  The Eye is a bit more hopeful and with less eldritch terrors from the deep.  It's a solid ghost story, no real gore or violence, more atmospheric.  Unfortunately, it is not streaming anywhere so you have to be vigilant and/or track it down on physical media.

Scare-a-Thon Day 22: Santa Clarita Diet season 2 (2018)

  I love this show.  Unlike some other zombie shows I could name, Santa Clarita is bright, fun, and colorful.  

Sheila (Drew Barrymore) and Joel (Timothy Olyphant) have weathered Sheila's turn to the undead and managed to create the serum that stops her from deteriorating.  All is not roses, however, as the string of murders Sheila is forced into for sustenance are bringing the cops closer and closer to their trail, a pair of professional rivals (Joel McHale and Maggie Lawson) threaten to take their realty listings, and their daughter Abby (Liv Hewson) roasts them constantly.  Oh, and Sheila's not the only zombie game in town. Can Sheila and Joel discover what's behind the zombie outbreak, stop those bitches Chris and Christa from getting their development deal, and be good parents/people?  After all, killing Nazis is practically community service, right?

This is a super quick watch, only ten episodes at a half hour each.  It's funny, bloody, heartwarming (and eating!) with one of the most perfect casts in television.  It's streaming through Netflix.

Scare-a-Thon 2021 Day 21: Hex season 1 (2004)

  I only made it through three episodes.  

Cassie (Christina Cole) finds a voodoo artifact at her plush boarding school which unlocks previously unknown magical abilities but also de facto promises her soul to Azazeal (Michael Fassbender).  She has to uncover the secrets of the previous owner, Rachel McBain (Jessica Oyelowo), before Azazeal kills all of her classmates.

Witchy shows are hard for me.  I get really judge-y about them.  Worse, Hex is just kind of boring.  You only have six episodes in your season, why are you wasting Michael Fassbender by making him just stare broodingly from across a field while your idiot protagonist plays high school popularity games?  Some of the dialogue is funny and I loved Thelma's fashion sense, even if I hated her eyebrows, but it was not enough to keep me interested.  Plus, it was weirdly skeevy about her sexuality.  The good news is that it's not streaming anywhere and is only available by disc from Netflix.  I watched it on the server, which I burned from Christy's DVDs.

Scare-a-Thon 2021 Day 20: The Walking Dead season 4 (2013)

  Ah, The Walking Dead.  The show that bravely continues to ask "what if the worst people you know were the only survivors of an apocalypse?"  I actually started watching this between Maggie and It Follows and I had all sorts of jokes about zombies ganging up on you but it took so long to get through the season, I had to stop for a bit and watch movies instead.

Rick Grimes (Andrew Lincoln) has made a home for himself and a thriving community for people in the prison of season 3 and hopes to basically retire from leadership so he can focus on raising crops and attaining a small measure of peace.  A virulent strain of flu and the return of an old enemy put paid to that idea and soon the full cast is split into twos and threes, each group trying to make their way to a mysterious beacon called Terminus.

The first half of the season was fine but as soon as they brought back The Governor (David Morrissey) I lost all interest.  The second half I just started fast forwarding through anything I found boring.  There are a lot of speeches in this show and a lot of people staring meaningfully at each other.  I just find it harder and harder to care about any of the characters.  If I want to see a bunch of depressed, traumatized people wracked with survivor's guilt, I could just go to the VFW.  

It's currently streaming on Netflix.

Scare-a-Thon 2021 Day 19: Tigers Are Not Afraid (2018)

  This was a beautiful ghost story.  I can see why it made a bunch of top ten lists when it came out.  Director Issa Lopez is one to watch.

Estrella (Paola Lara) is gifted three wishes by a teacher, mostly to calm her while the cartel shoots up their school.  She returns home only to find her mother disappeared by the same cartel.  A wish to bring her back is granted, but in the worst possible way.  Now haunted by her mother's ghost, Estrella joins El Shine (Juan Ramón López) and his child gang.  The five children are in possession of a cell phone with incriminating evidence on it and the cartel will stop at nothing to get it back.  Estrella has two wishes left, but will they do more harm than good?

Ugh, I cannot get over what a great movie this is.  It's very reminiscent of Guillermo Del Toro's dark fairy tales.  There's a little Pan's Labyrinth, a little Devil's Backbone, with a layer of Peter Pan to it as well.  Just excellent on all levels.  The child actors are great, the effects work is good, and the pacing is extremely lean at 84 minutes.  If you are sensitive to children in danger, maybe take it easy here, but otherwise the gore is pretty minimal.  It's streaming on Shudder and it is absolutely worth your time.  

Scare-a-Thon 2021 Day 18: Society (1989)

  It's like Get Out if it was made in the late 80s/early 90s.  

Bill (Bill Warlock) has never felt comfortable around his parents and sister (Patrice Jennings).  He is plagued by thoughts that he is adopted, that they don't really care for him, that they are raising him for a sinister purpose but he can't get anyone to care.  Everyone is too focused on the next party and who's who on the social hierarchy to pay attention to Bill.  Until he hears a tape his sister's ex-boyfriend (Tim Bartell) illegally recorded of her debutante party/orgy, confirming all his nebulous suspicions.  But Bill has no idea exactly how far the elites will go to protect their hideous appetites.

It is extremely 90s Beverly Hills excess all the way.  Subtlety is a dirty word in this movie.  Everyone is rich and white with the most punchable faces ever gathered together on celluloid.  I don't think a single Black person has a spoken line in this.  That's a product of the time, certainly, but feels egregious in a movie based specifically on how the 1% exploit the lower classes for fun and profit.  Like, they're so exploited, they're invisible.  Even the maids are white and you never even see their faces.

For all of that, it still works as a commentary on the 1%.  Which is sad.  It has all the gratuitous nudity you expect from this time period and a Slither amount of gory creature effects that hold up okay.  All in all, worth a watch but with a caveat about inclusivity.  It's currently streaming on Shudder, which I get through Amazon.

Scare-a-Thon 2021 Day 17: Ringu (1998)

  Ah yes, the movie that launched a thousand memes.  I'd never actually seen the original and while I knew it was massively popular and had at least two sequels and an American remake, I had no idea exactly how popular.  According to Wikipedia, there are eight Japanese films, three English remakes, a Korean remake, two video games, six novels, seven comics, and two TV series.  

Asakawa (Nanako Matsushima) is a reporter investigating the story of a viral videotape that supposedly kills the viewer in seven days.  Her niece, Tomoko (Yûko Takeuchi), and four of her friends died on the same day after a trip to a resort cabin.  Asakawa finds the tape, watches it, and immediately shows it to her ex-husband (Hiroyuki Sanada), a university professor.  These two proceed to investigate the shit out of this tape, following the breadcrumbs back to a superstitious island and a long-unsolved crime.  

It's a relatively simple story, which just goes to show that you don't need a lot of bells and whistles, just a grainy VHS and a really long wig.  Truly, Sadako is such a great villain because she's implacable.  There's no bargaining, no bribery, no protection.  It puts her up there with Jason Voorhees, Michael Meyers, and Freddy Krueger, all of whom have spawned their own franchises.  It's currently streaming on Kanopy (no ads) and Tubi (ads).  

Scare-a-Thon 2021 Day 16: Hatchet II (2010)

  Finally, some fun horror!  No philosophy, no analogies, just straight up gore.  You love to see it.

Final Girl Marybeth (Danielle Harris) escapes the clutch of Victor Crowley (Kane Hodder) and makes her way back to New Orleans to question Reverend Zombie (Tony Todd).  She learns that her late father and two friends were the ones who set fire to the Crowley cabin, indirectly resulting in the death of Victor.  Reverend Zombie has a hunch that if Crowley is able to take his revenge on the surviving perpetrators, he will be able to rest and Zombie can expand his swamp tours.  To that end, he puts together a hunting crew and persuades Marybeth to include her Uncle Bob (Tom Holland).  Of course Crowley tears through the cannon fodder in various inventive ways with an impressive variety of power tools.  

Turn off your brain.  Feel the calm emptiness that comes from having no critical thinking.  Ignorance is bliss.  Now watch Hatchet 2 streaming on Amazon Prime.  Isn't that nice?  Just an hour and a half break from having to make sense of the world.  Like a spa day but with chainsaws and rednecks.  

There's a perennial trend where we discuss Is Horror Art? and people go around and around.  See also genre fiction vs Literature.  It's all just gatekeeping bullshit by people who want to feel superior for their subjective taste.  Hatchet 2 is not art.  It is, however, fucking fun and I hope they keep making them.  Bonus!  This one includes a reference to Behind the Mask, one of my favorite horror movies of all time.

Scare-a-Thon 2021 Day 15: It Follows (2015)

  Well, we have a contender for Worst Horror of the year.  Yeesh.

Jay (Maika Monroe) has sex with a dude she thinks is her boyfriend, only for him to tie her up, tell her that she's now going to be haunted by some sort of specter that only she can see that will kill her if it touches her, and the only way to get rid of it is to pass it to (i.e. have sex with) someone else and hope that person doesn't die.  Then he bounces.  Jay now has to decide whether or not to burden someone else with the monster.

Some dude really said "What if The Ring but with genitals?" and got it made into an actual thing.  The audacity.

Jokes aside, this is just scaremongering about teens having sex.  It's dumb 80s propaganda and has no place in a civilized world.  Worse, it's a really boring movie.  There are long stretches where some girl reads Dostoyevsky and it's supposed to be profound.  So maybe if you're like 13, this is a mind-blowing film, but as an adult?  Hard pass.  It's currently streaming on Peacock for free with ads but I wouldn't recommend it.

Scare-a-Thon 2021 Day 14: Maggie (2015)

  More zombies!  This one is much more of a meditation on AIDS than previous entries.

Wade (Arnold Schwarzenegger) decides to bring his infected daughter, Maggie (Abigail Breslin), home instead of taking her to a government quarantine to live out her last days before becoming a zombie.  In this universe, the Necroambulism virus takes 6-8 weeks after initial infection to claim a victim.  It's only contagious through a bite so the infected are harmless until the final stage where they get all murder-y.  

Action icon Schwarzenegger, Academy Award nominee Breslin, and acting dynasty legacy Joely Richardson make this the most prestigious cast for a zombie movie you'll probably ever see.  Like I said, it's more of an extended AIDS metaphor than a horror movie.  If you're not really a big horror fan, this might be more your speed.  There's very little violence and not a lot of gore.  It's currently streaming on Kanopy.

Scare-a-Thon 2021 Day 13: REC (2007)

  Found footage is an abomination.  It adds nothing to realism.  It's just shaky, seizure-inducing garbage.

Local news reporter Angela (Manuela Velasco) and her cameraman (Pablo Rosso) are filming a puff piece on firefighters and are allowed to tag along on a routine distress call about an old woman who has fallen.  Things quickly turn to the weird as the old lady (Martha Carbonell) is pretty upright and spry when they find her.  Spry enough to take a chunk out of a cop's (Vicente Gil) neck anyway.   Then the health authorities seal the building with no explanation, trapping the reporters and the firefighters in with the building's residents as a mysterious disease begins to take hold of the recently dead.

This entry from Spain is pretty standard "fast zombie" right up until the last ten minutes of the movie, which add a little twist.  The story is fine, like I said, it's bog standard.  The effects are good, nice and gory, but everything (for me) is ruined by the shaky-cam footage.  It is nauseating.  There were times where I had to block the TV with my hand and just read the subtitles because it was giving me such a headache.  If you are one of those lucky souls who isn't bothered by a camera jiggling everywhere, REC is streaming on Plex.  I got it from Netflix, though.